thekevintomybacon

[thekevintomybacon]

wow. “and I need you more than want you”

[thekevintomybacon]

songs I like currently - 2/8/22

it’s so nice to get stoned - ted lucas 

song for a blue guitar - the red house painters 

fallin’ rain - link wray

crucify your mind - rodriguez

she needs him - her’s

if I am only my thoughts - loving 

coney island baby - lou reed 

she wanted to leave - ween

marooned - pink floyd 

[thekevintomybacon]

the truth- is that I don’t want to be with myself anymore. I don’t want to take care of myself and I don’t want to cope and I don’t know how to not be in this state 

I thought I was in love but everything was kinda wrong. I don’t honestly think I will ever be in love. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I feel like everything I do is wrong. I feel like the only right thing to do is be with people who have always been there for me and what I am doing now is everything contrary to that.

I don’t understand why I have left my family, and my friends, and I love life and I hate life because why did I leave the people I love and why can I not spend every waking hour with them and why does life go on this way? Why do these songs make me want to cry? Why can’t I control how much I eat? Why can’t I make friends? Why do I want nothing more than to be little again? I don’t want to grow up at all and I don’t want my parents or my brother to grow up and I honestly cannot take any of it and it all makes me want to sob and I don’t understand how everyone else is going about it like everything is fine because it really does not feel that way to me.

I think music is the only thing letting me do all right. Phone calls aren’t the same. The sound gets muffled and I miss a word and I get distracted and I drink diet coke to try to forget and I eat and I eat even though day after day I tell myself I want to lose weight and I don’t do it and I don’t even know why I picked the college I am at besides the fact that it is a good school and I am full of regret and sadness and numbness and nihilism and love and it’s too much and I am full of humor and fun and I have nowhere to put it and I am not so homesick to say that I want to go home but I am so confused. and I wake up every morning sad and frustrated and angry and I don’t know what to do about it.

[thekevintomybacon]

boy in red

I saw the boy in red, 

he’d never notice me 

he doesn’t now

this is how it is 

how it will always be, maybe 

and so I look towards the sun 

           (yellow, and greener than usual)

I can’t accept who I am 

                        can anyone?

but now the glass is reflecting 

             in minutes he’s back again 

things I don’t want to see

            a girl has been waiting for him 

god, don’t fill me with this heaviness

            and he smiles and he’s in love, probably 

such poisonous envy (such terrible loneliness)

             how can I be upset about that?

and so, boy in red

             oh, boy; oh, life; oh, dreams; oh, me 

you haven’t disappeared from my head 

maybe one day it won’t fill you with dread to look back

maybe i’ll stare at the sun 

but this time it’ll be blue 

maybe the day will be gone 

and maybe i won’t feel so alone 

maybe you’d notice then

the glass won’t be a mirror

nothing so selfish

you’d find a girl with searching eyes, 

hidden sadness, no sense of belonging 

and she’d do just about anything for you

oh, boy in red 

[thekevintomybacon]

the same way

I’d take another sip of my tea 

and 

with a smile on your face

you’d say some things never change 

and in that moment 

i’d finally be convinced 

in the way your eyes look at me 

       so brightly 

                     (and now I see)

        so longingly 

that you did love me all those years ago 

when I looked at you the same way 

[thekevintomybacon]

this is one of the most beautiful live performances ever

[thekevintomybacon]

"if you could write a book from the perspective of a ghost watching their lover fall in love with someone else"

I remembered the look in her eyes when she'd see me. It wasn't until I watched her eyes as she looked at him that I realized a piece of her heart had died along with me. I wanted so badly to erase myself from her memory, so that at least all the broken pieces would be with me and so maybe she could finally be happy.

[thekevintomybacon]

my goal in life is to be sally jackson:

- i want the domesticity; to make blue cookies and seven-layer dip

- i want to completely ignore labels and status and class (it does not matter who you are, I will treat you kindly)

- i want to be compassionate and strong and put my kids first (if I have them).

-I want to fall in love with someone who loves the ocean and is calm but strong-willed.

- I want to age gracefully and beautifully and never be greedy or ask for more than what I have been so grateful to have.

[thekevintomybacon]

when eric idle (in interview with judd apatow) said “to tolerate assholes is not a good idea - it only encourages them” and charlotte brontë (in jane eyre) said “if people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way; they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse.”

[yesterdaysprint]

The Leavenworth Post, Kansas, March 19, 1914

[thekevintomybacon]

I thought I was alone in this

[thekevintomybacon]

I watched pride and prejudice and I will never be the same

[thekevintomybacon]

songs I like currently -- as of nov 30, 2020

karma police - radiohead 

tobacco sunburst - the neighbourhood 

standing on the edge of the third world - tears for fears 

intersection - modern baseball 

[thekevintomybacon]

the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.

into the wild. 

[thekevintomybacon]

happiness only real when shared.

chris mccandless 

[thepercyfan]

I love/hate how we underestimate Percy. I don't mean his powers. I mean his personality. Over the years we read as Percy went through some weird shit, we read about him on national television for being in a gunfight, he ventured the Bermuda triangle, got turned in a guinea pig, he held the sky, he got lost in an endless maze, he fought the Titan Lord and lost oh so many friends. Then he lost 8 months of his life, got raised by wolves for a hot second, had amnesia, scared trained demigods with his unorthodox fighting, drank poison willingly, regained his memories, saw his girlfriend nearly die, then proceeded to fall into hell with said girlfriend, found out he has blood bending abilities, terrified Annabeth with those abilities, nearly killed the goddess of misery because 'let's see how much misery Misery can take', came back to the living world only to be greeted with Mother Nature trying to kill him and his friends, then lost a new friend and not to mention all the shit in between? Yet we all still think he's that carefree, laid back, adorable cool kid? He's a 17 year old with a LOT of trauma I'd seriously won't be surprised if he has PTSD. Remember when Meg straight up hid from him when he opened the door? Yeah. I'd like to see you tell me that Percy is not terrifying. Remember that he has a wolf stare and a brooding expression that scared off gangs? Yeah. That happened.

[official-pete]

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