Oh honey no, you didnât disappoint me. You see my expectations of you Amity are rather low to begin with, possibly nonexistent actually.
You need to learn how to properly word things, because it came off as extremely pretentious. Thereâs bo need for you to try to prove anything, not to me anyway. Good luck finding your friend, I sure hope he shows up before you run into someone lessâŠ.forgiving.
She closed her eyes, letting the tears falls down her cheeks and touch his hands. âDo you mean that?â
Kat was completely naive towards the fact that he was only in it for himself. However, there was a part of her that wanted to believe him - that needed to believe him. She pressed her forehead to his as her lip trembled. That was the last thing she wanted Lucas to see was her crying.
He licked his lips, trying to make the words sound as truthful as possible instead of a broken promise. Even in the midst of the moment, he tried to drink it all in. Too bad all he could see were the lies spread all around.
"I... I do mean it." He tried to mean it, to will his himself to feel what Katrina felt for him now. But all he could do was think of Cooper, and his head was spinning all over again.
Perhaps all he could was lie to himself, and lie to Katrina. Maybe even lie long enough for everything to be true in his fabricated reality.
General Notes:Â Dominic bumps into Lucas a couple days after their time at the rave. He thinks they need to talk since things kind of ended a little rocky between them.
Side Notes:Â Dominic remembers that Lucas needed to figure some things out but he doesnât know if he should bring it up or not.
Lucas
Little prickles of guilt stuck at Lucas' heart when Dominic spoke, slapping the realization of how he was acting towards the Candor. This wasn't like him at all. It was likeÂ
"Dominic..." His eyes, once vacant and tired, were sincere with just the tiniest gleam in them. "I'm sorry. I've just been... My whole world has turned upside and I'm just trying to find answers, okay?" The words that left his lips were the truth, at least that much he could come clean about. After all, it wasn't lying, just withholding the truth.
He flicked his gaze to the left, mulling over each selection of books, trying to find the right one. Some were so tacked with dust he couldn't even read the title, let alone the author.
Lucas wasn't looking for anything in particular, just something that could help him understand his predicament.
Within a matter of seconds, Lucas scrolled a book that caught his attention. The Human Mind: Sexuality and What Pertains To You. Bingo.
With a quick snatch, he had the dusty thing in his hands, shooting a sorrowful look towards Dominic.
"I know you're probably had enough of me, so I'll just get out of your way." He wanted to walk away from the conversation, but something wasn't right about just leaving the Candor alone.
Until it dawned on him of what he forgot. Sorry. I forgot to say sorry.Â
His eyes stared into the hazel color of Dominic's. "I'm sorry about before. I wasn't myself then. I just... I'm going through a lot right now and it wasn't right to take it out on you. I'm not asking you to forgive me, just that you can try and understand."
The air grew stale and heavy with just the two of them standing there, the aisle of books to their sides like a prison. He needed to leave, he needed to get out of here.
"I... I'll get out of your hair now. Just... I'm sorry." He stepped to the side, not knowing if Dominic would stop him or not.Â
He didn't expect him to.
Dominic
Dominic was kind of taken aback at how Lucas was acting when just a couple days ago he was like a completely different person. Dominic knew that he wasnât talking loud at all and he knew that no one was going to hear them. So when Lucas asked if he would believe if he was just doing research he immediately knew that was a lie. Dominic was Candor, did Lucas seriously think that he could just lie to his face and not get caught? The Candor were trained to catch liars in the act of lying, people seriously needed to stop underestimating Dominic.
"I wasnât being loud, what are you so paranoid about? Something tells me that since you had to ask if I would believe that youâre just doing research that I shouldnât believe that is what youâre doing at all." Lucas was being way too paranoid and the way that his eyes were darting all over the place Dominic knew something was up. This time, however, he wasnât going to make the mistake of asking Lucas if something was wrong. Heâd just ignore it and pretend like it never happened, Lucas was obviously not the type to talk about his problems with anyone. From what Dominic could tell, Lucas was having a mental battle with himself and he was losing.
Thereâs more than one stupid old tree around, my god you all are pretentious. Worshipping a single tree like itâs your almighty ruler, thatâs justâŠwhatever. You wanted a safe yet fun idea and I gave you one. Iâm done offering suggestions. Why donât you go do some charity work, like you should.
You were being snippy, there was no need for you to insists Amity had more that others didnât. It wasnât a competition yet somehow you made it one. Iâm not a big fan of the Amity actually, and to be honest youâre not making your faction very appealing to me.
And I didn't mean to make it sound like that. I'm just saying we have a lot to offer. But, you're not interested. It's okay, and I'm sorry I came off as snippy.Â
General Notes:Â Lucas seemed to be feeling down and Julian offered an ear to listen.
Side Notes:Â Added this so the dash doesnât get cluttered! :)
Lucas
"It's not a what," Lucas began, heaving a low sigh from his lungs, "more like a who." Everything peeled across his mind like a tidal wave; thoughts, emotions, images and Cooper all sprawled forth, begging for some release. But Lucas kept shut about those thoughts, like a lock under key. He'd rather much destroy the key, but he knew that it was inevitable fate for everything to come to the surface.Â
He breathed a heavy sigh again, still looking towards the concrete floor, the two's silhouettes black outlines in the dark city night. It wasn't getting any easier for the Amity to lie as he was now, keeping the truth under lock and key; releasing little snippets of the truth. It was tearing him apart, to keep the secrets inside and to never tell anyone.
Lucas knew that eventually, through all the secrets and lies, it would all come out in an explosion. Maybe he would cry, maybe he would scream, and maybe it would be so much more worse than he imagined.Â
Still, he tried to get back to the matter at hand, trying to shove the guilt into the corners of his mind (where he would deal with it later).
"I... I feel a certain way about someone that I shouldn't, and... it makes me sick." His tongue twisted at the word sick, like it was something disgusting in his mouth and he just wanted to spit it out, almost like poison.
But he was used to being disgusted by himself, and this conversation about it was no different.Â
Julian
Julianâs eyes were firmly staring at the ground now, a bitter smirk turned on the edges of his lips and he dug his hands further into his pants pockets. If only Lucas knew what heâd been through; the kinds of things he himself went through to get to where he was now. Biting his lip, Julian sighed, nodding his head once. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about but, if Lucas was desperate for advice, Julian would try and help.
Turning his head to Lucas, Julian nodded again, as if to reassure even him of what he was going to say. âFor a long time, I never knew what I wanted. I was a kid who had everything and nothing at all. I never knew true love, and I did some bad things to some good people that I deeply regret.â Julian paused trying to collect his thoughts before moving on. âThat was when I realized, I couldnât be fixed. How can you fix something thatâs so badly broken in the first place? My first instinct was to drink so much youâd just forget it all, my next was you could try and murder and few bookcases - but that only ended in a very bruised shoulder and a lot of community service hours at the library I still have yet to payoff.â A small smile filled his lips at the thought.
He sighed, continuing. âThen one night I tagged along with a few Dauntless friends and went to this stupid party. It was at a strip club, no less. I was having a good time, when things started to get fuzzy. Then I remember waking up and all my so-called friends had left, leaving me only with Dominc at the party - and well, the rest is history.â Julian laughed lightly. âI guess it was only when I truly met him I learned that some things couldnât be fixed, they only need time to heal. You just have to find that right person who can be there to help put the band-aids on.â Julian didnât know if he answered Lucasâ question or not, or if he was simply speaking his mind. In truth, Dominic was still helping him heal, adding one more bandage every day. âSomehow, I think this âtalkâ is supposed to be more about you, rather than me though, so whatâs making you feel this way?â
I... I can't. The tree is a lot more to us than, well, just a tree. It represents us, how we're all connected, no matter how far we are apart; that we all share the same roots. It's nice, I guess. So... I'm sorry, but I can't climb it.
I'm not snippy! I was just saying, you know? We have a lot more things than tea. Maybe you should come find out sometime.
I promise it wonât be anything too terrifying. Maybe just climbing that really tall tree in your compound? You know, the big one that everyone and their mom has broken their arm falling out of.
Well that, and some of the factions donât have chocolate. Just like only Erudite has that soda stuff and you all have tea.
Sure it is. When you immerse yourself in something it overcomes you. You think about that thing so much, it because one of your most precious objects. I guess thatâs what I do with my work, I immerse myself into that world.Â
Thatâs alright, I could use a break. Itâs nice to chat now and again, some people think I have my nose in a book too much they think I need the human interaction just so that I remember how to speak.
-Lucas pauses, mulling over Ian's words, mumbling to himself-Â I never really thought about it that way... -His gaze returns to Ian, a light crimson coating his cheeks-Â Oh, um, sorry about that. You kind of just... helped me with something that's been on my mind for a few days.
There's nothing wrong with being alone, you know. We all need some time to our self.
Take out the actual danger and just keep a bit of risk to keep you on your toes. But nothing that would scare away an Amity like you. Besides, you look strong and capable.
no, I meantâŠYou wanted something different from doing charity work. Iâm Dauntless, I have the whole field of different covered. That is, if youâre not afraid of a little danger along the way.
Not to be a broken record, but Dauntless cake is the best food Chicago has to offer. If you havenât tried it you havenât lived.
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