i hope no one finds this

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

You’re such a fucking pussy. And I don’t feel bad at all for making him cry.

[breakitdowndance]

It seems reasonable that I should just keep writing my feelings here. It sounds stupid, but I forget that I’m here for myself? I don’t know what’s happening.. if things improve I’m willing to be with him. But it sucks that it’s either we live together or we’re not together. But it’s not fair though, I hate feeling like I don’t have a home when he technically has two. I do have a lot of anger issues. How old do I feel? I don’t know, I can’t remember when I was so angry..omg I’m mad at my parents for making me live that way. I remember being in second grade and I was mad I couldn’t go trick or treat with everyone one Halloween because my parents were arguing. But I’m in control of this situation? Why am I doing this? What the fuck am I doing. Just write a list of things you want to do everyday and do it. Give your life meaning. Stop trying to find it in other people.

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I hate my freaking heart. I don’t want it anymore. I’m so kind that I’ll still love someone who doesn’t treat me right. Love isn’t this complicated, but I keep giving myself to people who don’t deserve it 😞

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I don’t know if this is dumb of me.... But I think Augustine may cheat on me. Cause he’s been posting a lot. And I find that it’s odd for him to post so much out of nowhere and we’re having problems on top of that. 🙄 I guess if he does I get to be a bitch and we break up?

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I hate that you don’t support my videos. If it’s not the stupid music video you just don’t care

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I swear to god all he ever talks about is up and coming rappers. And I just do not care. And when I talk he doesn’t care. I just don’t think we’re a good fit

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

You suck with motivation, I’m figuring out a new editor and since I don’t want to show you “it must be bad then...” Do you ever think about how you affect other people?

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I can’t tell if I’m just annoyed by everything you say. Why ask me what I’m doing when I get home? Like you need to police everything that I’m doing. I already know you’re gonna plop you ass down all night and play games. And then you’re like “oh I wanna fuck that’s why I’m asking” there are so many ways to show someone that you want to be intimate and you only tell me verbally. 😞 my spirit hurts

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

It’s sad to find out that you get with a girl for the first time and eat her out. That happened with me too, but he did it for 10 seconds... I can count on one hand how many times he’s eaten me out. And then for him to make the comment that he likes his ass being eaten? Yeah right I won’t do that when you barely take care of me.

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I have this empty feeling in my heart, And I’m not sure what to fix it.

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I tried breaking up with my boyfriend and he just said No... Honey you don’t get to decide these things.

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

Omfg he just did it again and switched shifts to “hang” with me. I’m so fuckin triggered.

[breakitdowndance]

I think I’ve reached the point where my boyfriend feels more like my roommate than my lover. I know this now because everytime I think I get the house to myself when he’s supposed to be working late, he swaps shifts. He doesn’t have a plan for the night either. And he sure as hell doesn’t have money to go out on a date. I know that I do, but It grinds my gears after I pay for every date. My birthday? I’m paying. His birthday? I’m paying. Our anniversary? I’m paying. Anything for our house? I’m paying. I even pay a larger portion of the rent. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t feel as romantic towards him because I feel like his caregiver more than a lover. And I get it, a lot of his money is tied up in legal issues..but I shouldn’t have to pay for your mistakes! Get a better fucking job if you don’t want to ride the struggle bus! I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am now. And I don’t want to buy anything new to have him slap the label “it’s OURS” on it. I just want someone to love me like the spoiled bitch that I am. I’m not a fucking sugar mama. Plus don’t get me started on his gaming addiction.

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I wish Dariyn didn’t tell me that you knew you made a mistake. Cause now my conceited ass wants to talk to you. I want to feel loved.. I don’t think my boyfriend knows how to love someone. He claims he does but I feel more like his pet than anything

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

You know what’s weird is that I feel like I keep seeing you everywhere. I think I miss you

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I’m in a weird place where I feel like I’ve lost control and direction. I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m so depressed. It sucks watching time go by and have nothing feel significant. How do you get out of this mindset? I used to be so happy when I was naïve. We’re just giants stamps that get imprinted and it dents into our skin where all we do is bleed the sign. At what point will I become clean?

[thelastwordsonyourbreath]

I'm scared. Just because I feel all these feelings doesn't mean we can erase the past. Don't rely on me. I'm always a nice person and that always gets me in trouble. I'm scared that the past will come back, I know I'm not happy now but I don't know what to do. Why did everything have to become so complicated??