here's a secret: whatever you're doing, you have to root for your peers with all your heart because it forces you to root for yourself too. I've seen people in various spheres of my life (workplaces, education, art, activism) fall into the trap of envy and resentment when they see others succeed while they struggle, and it always always goes hand in hand with them pulling back and giving up and stagnating.
when you let yourself get sour grapes about shit, you tacitly give up on yourself. when you sit around hoping other people will flop and fail so you can catch up to them, you stop trying. it's a fantasy of mediocrity, the vain wish that other people would walk so you could take the gold medal at a jog. wouldn't you rather come last place at 27mph?
I needed to see this as a reminder (for uni specifically) after the hard year/semester I had where I was questioning everything bc my classmates appear to be better than me at my degree of choice. In truth, I am envious of them bc they seem to be so much more passionate about our field of study and read so many articles abt it in all their free time it seems like?? Meanwhile I NEED to not think abt school in my free time 😭 anyways I both envy them and greatly respect them/am inspired by them.
But yeah basically uni sucks and every time I talk to some of the ppl I think are doing leagues better than me, they end up sounding just as confused as me lol so it's not always as it seems. BUT EVEN IF IT IS, this post is very true
➳ CW: no mention of y/n, not betaed (so potential for mistakes as always), friends to lovers (one of my favourites of all time), jealous Loki, Loki wanting to prove himself, Loki wanting to be better than the competition, smug Loki (isn't he always??), flirty Loki (same comment as previous), dirty talk (a staple here), petty Loki, pining.
➳ A/N: somewhat inspired by a request I got a (long) while back (so sorry).
Also, a belated thank you for over 500 followers <333 I never thought I'd get to this point <33333 thank you soso much, your kind words in comments, reblogs, tags, etc always mean the world to me <3 I vow to make more of an effort to message you guys so I can get to know you more :)
➳ (2.9k words)
➳ Link to my Loki masterlist
(gif by @sophiestrashcann !!) (this look is undefeated)
(tagging you @namelessanon bc you mentioned being interested in this :') i hope that's okay)
She had known him for what had felt like her whole life. She had come to Asgard when she’d been quite young, having received an offer from the All-Mother herself to be trained into a young, proper lady within the very walls of Asgard. An amazing, irresistible opportunity. Since then, she had followed Queen Frigga (and all of her ladies-in-waiting) much like an eager pup through every scheduled affair. Years of attending to tedious, and sometimes unwanted, (a sentiment sometimes shared by the All-Mother herself) royal duties.
Frigga had always been incredibly kind to you, thankfully. Forgiving when needed (you had always tried to make certain that it wouldn’t be), kind, and incredibly patient. That last one made a lot more sense to anyone who had ever shared a space with the rest of the royal family.
You allowed yourself the right to marvel at the All-Mother’s seemingly unending well of patience, with your credentials being years spent at Prince Loki’s side. Thor could be loud and brash, but you believed that to be nothing compared to Loki’s hushed scheming.
It hadn’t been your intention to grow close to either of the princes when you’d first joined Frigga’s ensemble. However, they’d both been incessantly curious about their mother’s new helper, likely due to the three of you being close in age. Your friendship with Thor had blossomed easily, with not much nurturing needed to help it grow. It had stayed rather surface-level, though. Amicable, which was enough for the both of you. Loki, however, had been content to seek you out through japes and stares, often lingering near enough to Frigga and all her ladies anyways, happy to stay close to his mother’s skirts and simply watch you, likely hoping to unnerve you. It had worked, for a time, until you’d unnerved him by approaching him with the goal of starting a conversation.
Thus, the first seeds of your friendship had blossomed. It happened to be a much more stubborn plant to tend to, a fact that had taken you very little time to learn. Although, as it now stood, years later, you’d both found your rhythm within its boundaries.
“Is this farce truly necessary?”
He’d asked this what felt like a hundred times since you’d first told him a few days ago. The miniscule amount of (shrinking) patience you’d been cultivating was eviscerated with his umpteenth repeat of the question.
“Loki, for Norns’ sake, I came to Asgard all those years ago to become a lady. It is customary for ladies to partake in these activities.”
“It is a farce. Everyone already knows you, there is no need for some ser or other to be introduced to you over tea.” He sneered, the arch of his brows sharp.
“I understand that this is usually the time of the day that we have tea together, Loki, but surely you can allow a discrepancy in our habits for one day?”
“I will think about it.” His words were as sour as his expression.
You knew him well enough to know that he would certainly be listening in on your tea hour today, eager to ridicule any of the nobles hoping to win your favour.
At this point in your lives, most people who visited the castle knew of your friendship with Loki. Although the royal family usually seemed to prefer keeping their affections for others more muted, a habit that the princes were especially privy to because they were both unwed and did not wish to be drowning in false rumours, Loki seemed intent on forgetting that lesson today. He had forgone his usual trick of remaining invisible in the shadows to watch, and was simply standing behind your chair, watching your conversations with the suitors of the hour. No one, despite how much you wished otherwise, could tell him anything either, considering his status as a prince of Asgard.
You were angry with him for this, and were refusing to give him your attention from the moment he had been announced into the solar by an Einherjar.
Some noble from Alfheim was currently talking your ear off about how beautiful a wedding in Alfheim would be, particularly in the warmer months.
"Your gown will shine beautifully in the warm sun rays, my gentle lady."
You remained steadfast in your decision not to look at Loki. Nonetheless, you could feel him behind you, fighting between repulsion and great amusement as the noble prattled on.
You tried your hardest to send your mirrored emotions towards him, willing yourself to steel your expression.
However, your disdain at the noble having apparently dreamed up your wedding enough times to have already settled on your dress for your imagined wedding to him must have shown plainly on your face, because the nobleman suddenly dropped from his chair and onto his knees.
"My lady, forgive me for my lapse in judgement. How could I be this foolish when attempting to obtain the hand of the prettiest creature to ever take a breath on these Nine Realms?" He bowed his head, reaching for your hand, the one closest to him, so he could hold it in both of his. You could feel Loki stiffen behind you, looming over you as he craned his neck to watch over your chair. "If you prefer rubies to be embroidered into your gown, it shall be done. Of course it will! Or any other gem. Anything."
Although his dedication to pleasing you could be considered charming for someone else, you personally felt indifferent to it. You did not want such expressions of affection from him.
You thanked him for his kindness and watched, somewhat detached, as he began to kiss your hand, stroking the side of it with one of his thumbs, likely believing your affections for him to be far greater than they actually are.
You were thankful that he was the last suitor you'd been set to meet. Your patience for passionate declarations had gone done all while they'd grown in intensity, both happening exponentially.
Finally, after what had felt like far too long a moment for a man to be on his knees and kissing your hand, your duty was done. Loki, on your behalf, had grown tired of the display and had wasted no time in asking everyone to leave the solar, leaving the two of you alone. You were relieved, and thankful, but you were stubborn above all.
He sighed as he sat down across from you, his eyes burning into your face.
“Will you look at me now?”
“You are ridiculous.” You riposted.
“No, what is ridiculous is that man thinking you could ever be charmed by such idiotic displays.”
"How would you know? Perhaps I have always wanted such a wedding."
"If that is true, then he would not be the one to give that to you." Loki was being stubborn again.
"He seemed quite willing." You reminded him, one brow raised.
"He could not give you all that you deserve."
You rolled your eyes and made the mistake of briefly flicking your eyes towards him during. He immediately looked victorious, a spark in his eyes that you'd learned long ago signaled danger.
"And how would you presume to know that?"
He went quiet at your question, suddenly pensive, the shine dulling into something you couldn't pinpoint.
When he began to speak again, the beats of silence that had passed between you had softened his voice, like water degrading stone.
"You received many proposals today. Is it always thus?"
You were furious with him all over again, suspecting he'd asked the sudden question just to surprise you enough so you'd look at him. Why else would he care to ask something like that?
Still, you'd already broken your own rule and looked at him. It couldn't be helped. What's more, Loki did not even seem thrilled by your lapse in judgement, his eyes set on yours as he waited for an answer.
"... I suppose. It has become more common as of late."
"You are well liked." He added onto your analysis, as if that would explain it all. "And well wanted."
Again, his words had your brows raising. He was acting odd. His words hadn't even been paired with a smarmy grin like words of this kind usually were, meant to aggravate you. He seemed resigned to what he was saying, utterly serious, as if delivering a sentence.
"Have you thought of it much? Marriage? Of accepting one of those fools' pleas?"
You began to laugh, the reaction startling both of you. You could not help it, realization having just dawned on you.
"Is the All-Mother having you ask these questions so that she might know about my possible future prospects?"
The grave, unamused look he stared you down with sobered you up, your heart going heavy with confusion again.
His curiosity usually never stirred in the direction of marriage or love. He preferred schemes and ploys.
"No, I have not much considered accepting someone's pleas." You answered his earlier question, not wanting to deal with his souring disposition. "I also hadn't considered that marriage would be this important to you."
"It is not." He replied easily, as if shooing away a most unlucky insect. "I only know how much importance is placed on it when it involves beautiful ladies, and I wish to know what the one closest to me thinks of her fate being so indisputable."
"It is something that will likely happen to me, yes." You agreed slowly, switching the crossing of your legs, lost in thought. "But I do not linger on the thought much."
"That is how the inevitability of your future will sneak up on you. Just as that dress adorned with rubies seemed ready to just slip onto you."
You noticed the grating quality of his words. Looked at his face and saw the pinched turn of his lips. Now, you well and truly felt realization dawning on you, another well of amusement filling up your insides.
"Loki... are you jealous?"
He scoffed immediately, scooting back in his seat suddenly enough for his chair to nearly go toppling backwards.
"Jealous? Over what, exactly? My words are more colourful than that fool could ever dream to paint his. My clothing is superior. My hair is more delightful to look at. My face... do I truly need to mention the stark difference there?"
"You are acting childish, which is how I know you are jealous. This is how you used to act when one of your mother's ladies would get most of her attention."
"And most of the time that happened to be you." He pointed a long index at you, accusing.
"I was the youngest one! I needed the most instructing."
"Mm. I knew all of the rules already and we were the same age." His proud words only seemed to encourage his light smirk.
"You ruined one of my dresses before a duty I had to attend with the queen once out of your spite for me. Dirtied it and had the gall to act innocent but laugh behind the All-Mother's skirts all the while."
Loki chuckled low and soft as the memory came back to you both.
"I've not touched your gowns since! What's more, that one was quite ugly. If I hadn't dirtied it, you wouldn't have been offered a nicer one."
"You seemed pretty intent on ruining my freshly offered wedding gown, though." You pointed out, the jab meant to be a jest more than anything.
Loki waved his hand casually.
"You would suit emeralds better than rubies or any other gem."
The both of you seemed to realize the extent of what he'd said at around the same time, pausing to look at each other, him more resolute than you.
"Do not marry some buffoon simply because he offers you a pretty gown or a large celebration."
"I was not planning on it."
"I could give you more than they could, no matter their riches. I know you. I know your true desires, what colours suit yours, what foods you tolerate and which ones you truly love, the jests that amuse you..."
Any trace of amusement had left you the moment you'd heard how serious he was, how genuine and tender his words were. And seeing as you knew him, you were certain this was not a trick born of his silvered tongue.
He stood from his chair and moved to stand in front of you, pushing your comfortable chair back from the small table housing the essentials you'd needed for your tea hour and crouching down in front of you.
"I know nearly everything about you. We have grown up alongside each other. You have graced me with your presence throughout every single one of my hardships, even when I did not deserve it." He looked down at your hands, currently in your lap, curled together, unsure like the rest of you as to what to do. "I know nearly everything about you." He repeated, the words even softer now. "But I should dare to hope that I could know more. That I might one day know it all. Tell me... am I being a complete fool, here and now, for confessing these things to you? Here I stand, at your feet, more pathetic than all of those laughable displays we've just suffered through, gouging my heart out to give to you, finally, after years, because I was filled with jealousy at the thought of you with another. At the realization that you might not simply remain here, with me, forever. At the realization that your current proximity would not necessarily conclude in your soul merging with mine."
Despite all your instincts, Loki was not joking. You had never seen him like this before. His words had also never been this plain, this dedicated, this certain. All you had to do was calm your heart, accept that your affections were finally being returned, and tell him this.
Unfortunately, all you could manage was a shaky nod, your gaze locked in an embrace with his.
Luck, as much as history, seemed to be on your side, however, because Loki knew you. He had known you through it all. And your eyes, and the emotions welling up inside of them, seemed answer enough to him to the point where words became unnecessary.
He took your hands, more quiet than you'd seen him in decades, and loomed over half of your lap so he could kiss them. Fingers, knuckles, backs of hands, palms. Slowly, methodically, savoring this moment just as much as he was the sensations of you.
"I wish..." He nibbled your thumb's tip. "To know every bit of you."
"You've said that twice already." You replied, rendered far too starstruck to care, simply watching him get lost in you.
He hummed slow, uncaring. As if your comment was idiotic or nonsensical. As if he was right to be repeating that.
"To know how your mouth tastes... to know how your sweat would taste off your neck... to know the weight of your breasts in my hands... to know the taste of your breasts... of your skin..." He paused and looked up at you from his crouched position at your feet, his green eyes intense. "To know the taste of your cunt. To find out how wet you have been getting beneath your skirts whenever I have been near. To know what you look like as you fall apart, what my name would sound like from your lips as you cry for me."
Breathless, you both stared at one another. From years of knowing each other, competition was swelling between the both of you, both eager to hold out the longest. You liked to torture yourselves, it seemed.
"I would like to know the taste of your cock." You began, the desire to win overshadowing any possible bashfulness at the prospect of finally confessing these secret, lustful thoughts you'd been having of him. "The feel of it as I stroke it... as I give you pleasure."
His breath had hitched during your first sentence, and you could see him, feel him, currently fighting off pride, lust, yearning, all of it.
"The sounds you would make as you cum... the way you-"
"Enough, darling... enough, I beg of you. As much as I loathe to admit it, my self control is currently weakened, I cannot take much more of your clearly vivid imagination."
You frowned for show, proud to know you had evidently won the time it had mattered most thus far.
"You could not learn all these things about me before my next tea hour with a new slew of noblemen hoping to marry me."
You watched, gleeful, as Loki's lip curled in displeasure at the thought of your time, more precious to him than anything, being shared with more buffoons.
"There will be no more tea hours." He announced sternly, biting the tip of your index now, eyes dark again. "I shall eviscerate any mention of them from any one of your schedules."
"You are very thorough, Loki..."
"Oh..." He rumbled, placing a kiss to your covered knee which had your insides fizzing pleasantly. "You've no idea how thorough I can be when it comes to things that spike my curiosity, darling..."
With a shiver of anticipation, you felt his touch at your ankles, and then felt it move as it went beneath your skirts and further, your carefully selected gown going with it.
"However, you are about to find out, I rather think."
➳ CW: no mention of y/n, not betaed (so potential for mistakes as always), friends to lovers (one of my favourites of all time), jealous Loki, Loki wanting to prove himself, Loki wanting to be better than the competition, smug Loki (isn't he always??), flirty Loki (same comment as previous), dirty talk (a staple here), petty Loki, pining.
➳ A/N: somewhat inspired by a request I got a (long) while back (so sorry).
Also, a belated thank you for over 500 followers <333 I never thought I'd get to this point <33333 thank you soso much, your kind words in comments, reblogs, tags, etc always mean the world to me <3 I vow to make more of an effort to message you guys so I can get to know you more :)
➳ (2.9k words)
➳ Link to my Loki masterlist
(gif by @sophiestrashcann !!) (this look is undefeated)
(tagging you @namelessanon bc you mentioned being interested in this :') i hope that's okay)
She had known him for what had felt like her whole life. She had come to Asgard when she’d been quite young, having received an offer from the All-Mother herself to be trained into a young, proper lady within the very walls of Asgard. An amazing, irresistible opportunity. Since then, she had followed Queen Frigga (and all of her ladies-in-waiting) much like an eager pup through every scheduled affair. Years of attending to tedious, and sometimes unwanted, (a sentiment sometimes shared by the All-Mother herself) royal duties.
Frigga had always been incredibly kind to you, thankfully. Forgiving when needed (you had always tried to make certain that it wouldn’t be), kind, and incredibly patient. That last one made a lot more sense to anyone who had ever shared a space with the rest of the royal family.
You allowed yourself the right to marvel at the All-Mother’s seemingly unending well of patience, with your credentials being years spent at Prince Loki’s side. Thor could be loud and brash, but you believed that to be nothing compared to Loki’s hushed scheming.
It hadn’t been your intention to grow close to either of the princes when you’d first joined Frigga’s ensemble. However, they’d both been incessantly curious about their mother’s new helper, likely due to the three of you being close in age. Your friendship with Thor had blossomed easily, with not much nurturing needed to help it grow. It had stayed rather surface-level, though. Amicable, which was enough for the both of you. Loki, however, had been content to seek you out through japes and stares, often lingering near enough to Frigga and all her ladies anyways, happy to stay close to his mother’s skirts and simply watch you, likely hoping to unnerve you. It had worked, for a time, until you’d unnerved him by approaching him with the goal of starting a conversation.
Thus, the first seeds of your friendship had blossomed. It happened to be a much more stubborn plant to tend to, a fact that had taken you very little time to learn. Although, as it now stood, years later, you’d both found your rhythm within its boundaries.
“Is this farce truly necessary?”
He’d asked this what felt like a hundred times since you’d first told him a few days ago. The miniscule amount of (shrinking) patience you’d been cultivating was eviscerated with his umpteenth repeat of the question.
“Loki, for Norns’ sake, I came to Asgard all those years ago to become a lady. It is customary for ladies to partake in these activities.”
“It is a farce. Everyone already knows you, there is no need for some ser or other to be introduced to you over tea.” He sneered, the arch of his brows sharp.
“I understand that this is usually the time of the day that we have tea together, Loki, but surely you can allow a discrepancy in our habits for one day?”
“I will think about it.” His words were as sour as his expression.
You knew him well enough to know that he would certainly be listening in on your tea hour today, eager to ridicule any of the nobles hoping to win your favour.
At this point in your lives, most people who visited the castle knew of your friendship with Loki. Although the royal family usually seemed to prefer keeping their affections for others more muted, a habit that the princes were especially privy to because they were both unwed and did not wish to be drowning in false rumours, Loki seemed intent on forgetting that lesson today. He had forgone his usual trick of remaining invisible in the shadows to watch, and was simply standing behind your chair, watching your conversations with the suitors of the hour. No one, despite how much you wished otherwise, could tell him anything either, considering his status as a prince of Asgard.
You were angry with him for this, and were refusing to give him your attention from the moment he had been announced into the solar by an Einherjar.
Some noble from Alfheim was currently talking your ear off about how beautiful a wedding in Alfheim would be, particularly in the warmer months.
"Your gown will shine beautifully in the warm sun rays, my gentle lady."
You remained steadfast in your decision not to look at Loki. Nonetheless, you could feel him behind you, fighting between repulsion and great amusement as the noble prattled on.
You tried your hardest to send your mirrored emotions towards him, willing yourself to steel your expression.
However, your disdain at the noble having apparently dreamed up your wedding enough times to have already settled on your dress for your imagined wedding to him must have shown plainly on your face, because the nobleman suddenly dropped from his chair and onto his knees.
"My lady, forgive me for my lapse in judgement. How could I be this foolish when attempting to obtain the hand of the prettiest creature to ever take a breath on these Nine Realms?" He bowed his head, reaching for your hand, the one closest to him, so he could hold it in both of his. You could feel Loki stiffen behind you, looming over you as he craned his neck to watch over your chair. "If you prefer rubies to be embroidered into your gown, it shall be done. Of course it will! Or any other gem. Anything."
Although his dedication to pleasing you could be considered charming for someone else, you personally felt indifferent to it. You did not want such expressions of affection from him.
You thanked him for his kindness and watched, somewhat detached, as he began to kiss your hand, stroking the side of it with one of his thumbs, likely believing your affections for him to be far greater than they actually are.
You were thankful that he was the last suitor you'd been set to meet. Your patience for passionate declarations had gone done all while they'd grown in intensity, both happening exponentially.
Finally, after what had felt like far too long a moment for a man to be on his knees and kissing your hand, your duty was done. Loki, on your behalf, had grown tired of the display and had wasted no time in asking everyone to leave the solar, leaving the two of you alone. You were relieved, and thankful, but you were stubborn above all.
He sighed as he sat down across from you, his eyes burning into your face.
“Will you look at me now?”
“You are ridiculous.” You riposted.
“No, what is ridiculous is that man thinking you could ever be charmed by such idiotic displays.”
"How would you know? Perhaps I have always wanted such a wedding."
"If that is true, then he would not be the one to give that to you." Loki was being stubborn again.
"He seemed quite willing." You reminded him, one brow raised.
"He could not give you all that you deserve."
You rolled your eyes and made the mistake of briefly flicking your eyes towards him during. He immediately looked victorious, a spark in his eyes that you'd learned long ago signaled danger.
"And how would you presume to know that?"
He went quiet at your question, suddenly pensive, the shine dulling into something you couldn't pinpoint.
When he began to speak again, the beats of silence that had passed between you had softened his voice, like water degrading stone.
"You received many proposals today. Is it always thus?"
You were furious with him all over again, suspecting he'd asked the sudden question just to surprise you enough so you'd look at him. Why else would he care to ask something like that?
Still, you'd already broken your own rule and looked at him. It couldn't be helped. What's more, Loki did not even seem thrilled by your lapse in judgement, his eyes set on yours as he waited for an answer.
"... I suppose. It has become more common as of late."
"You are well liked." He added onto your analysis, as if that would explain it all. "And well wanted."
Again, his words had your brows raising. He was acting odd. His words hadn't even been paired with a smarmy grin like words of this kind usually were, meant to aggravate you. He seemed resigned to what he was saying, utterly serious, as if delivering a sentence.
"Have you thought of it much? Marriage? Of accepting one of those fools' pleas?"
You began to laugh, the reaction startling both of you. You could not help it, realization having just dawned on you.
"Is the All-Mother having you ask these questions so that she might know about my possible future prospects?"
The grave, unamused look he stared you down with sobered you up, your heart going heavy with confusion again.
His curiosity usually never stirred in the direction of marriage or love. He preferred schemes and ploys.
"No, I have not much considered accepting someone's pleas." You answered his earlier question, not wanting to deal with his souring disposition. "I also hadn't considered that marriage would be this important to you."
"It is not." He replied easily, as if shooing away a most unlucky insect. "I only know how much importance is placed on it when it involves beautiful ladies, and I wish to know what the one closest to me thinks of her fate being so indisputable."
"It is something that will likely happen to me, yes." You agreed slowly, switching the crossing of your legs, lost in thought. "But I do not linger on the thought much."
"That is how the inevitability of your future will sneak up on you. Just as that dress adorned with rubies seemed ready to just slip onto you."
You noticed the grating quality of his words. Looked at his face and saw the pinched turn of his lips. Now, you well and truly felt realization dawning on you, another well of amusement filling up your insides.
"Loki... are you jealous?"
He scoffed immediately, scooting back in his seat suddenly enough for his chair to nearly go toppling backwards.
"Jealous? Over what, exactly? My words are more colourful than that fool could ever dream to paint his. My clothing is superior. My hair is more delightful to look at. My face... do I truly need to mention the stark difference there?"
"You are acting childish, which is how I know you are jealous. This is how you used to act when one of your mother's ladies would get most of her attention."
"And most of the time that happened to be you." He pointed a long index at you, accusing.
"I was the youngest one! I needed the most instructing."
"Mm. I knew all of the rules already and we were the same age." His proud words only seemed to encourage his light smirk.
"You ruined one of my dresses before a duty I had to attend with the queen once out of your spite for me. Dirtied it and had the gall to act innocent but laugh behind the All-Mother's skirts all the while."
Loki chuckled low and soft as the memory came back to you both.
"I've not touched your gowns since! What's more, that one was quite ugly. If I hadn't dirtied it, you wouldn't have been offered a nicer one."
"You seemed pretty intent on ruining my freshly offered wedding gown, though." You pointed out, the jab meant to be a jest more than anything.
Loki waved his hand casually.
"You would suit emeralds better than rubies or any other gem."
The both of you seemed to realize the extent of what he'd said at around the same time, pausing to look at each other, him more resolute than you.
"Do not marry some buffoon simply because he offers you a pretty gown or a large celebration."
"I was not planning on it."
"I could give you more than they could, no matter their riches. I know you. I know your true desires, what colours suit yours, what foods you tolerate and which ones you truly love, the jests that amuse you..."
Any trace of amusement had left you the moment you'd heard how serious he was, how genuine and tender his words were. And seeing as you knew him, you were certain this was not a trick born of his silvered tongue.
He stood from his chair and moved to stand in front of you, pushing your comfortable chair back from the small table housing the essentials you'd needed for your tea hour and crouching down in front of you.
"I know nearly everything about you. We have grown up alongside each other. You have graced me with your presence throughout every single one of my hardships, even when I did not deserve it." He looked down at your hands, currently in your lap, curled together, unsure like the rest of you as to what to do. "I know nearly everything about you." He repeated, the words even softer now. "But I should dare to hope that I could know more. That I might one day know it all. Tell me... am I being a complete fool, here and now, for confessing these things to you? Here I stand, at your feet, more pathetic than all of those laughable displays we've just suffered through, gouging my heart out to give to you, finally, after years, because I was filled with jealousy at the thought of you with another. At the realization that you might not simply remain here, with me, forever. At the realization that your current proximity would not necessarily conclude in your soul merging with mine."
Despite all your instincts, Loki was not joking. You had never seen him like this before. His words had also never been this plain, this dedicated, this certain. All you had to do was calm your heart, accept that your affections were finally being returned, and tell him this.
Unfortunately, all you could manage was a shaky nod, your gaze locked in an embrace with his.
Luck, as much as history, seemed to be on your side, however, because Loki knew you. He had known you through it all. And your eyes, and the emotions welling up inside of them, seemed answer enough to him to the point where words became unnecessary.
He took your hands, more quiet than you'd seen him in decades, and loomed over half of your lap so he could kiss them. Fingers, knuckles, backs of hands, palms. Slowly, methodically, savoring this moment just as much as he was the sensations of you.
"I wish..." He nibbled your thumb's tip. "To know every bit of you."
"You've said that twice already." You replied, rendered far too starstruck to care, simply watching him get lost in you.
He hummed slow, uncaring. As if your comment was idiotic or nonsensical. As if he was right to be repeating that.
"To know how your mouth tastes... to know how your sweat would taste off your neck... to know the weight of your breasts in my hands... to know the taste of your breasts... of your skin..." He paused and looked up at you from his crouched position at your feet, his green eyes intense. "To know the taste of your cunt. To find out how wet you have been getting beneath your skirts whenever I have been near. To know what you look like as you fall apart, what my name would sound like from your lips as you cry for me."
Breathless, you both stared at one another. From years of knowing each other, competition was swelling between the both of you, both eager to hold out the longest. You liked to torture yourselves, it seemed.
"I would like to know the taste of your cock." You began, the desire to win overshadowing any possible bashfulness at the prospect of finally confessing these secret, lustful thoughts you'd been having of him. "The feel of it as I stroke it... as I give you pleasure."
His breath had hitched during your first sentence, and you could see him, feel him, currently fighting off pride, lust, yearning, all of it.
"The sounds you would make as you cum... the way you-"
"Enough, darling... enough, I beg of you. As much as I loathe to admit it, my self control is currently weakened, I cannot take much more of your clearly vivid imagination."
You frowned for show, proud to know you had evidently won the time it had mattered most thus far.
"You could not learn all these things about me before my next tea hour with a new slew of noblemen hoping to marry me."
You watched, gleeful, as Loki's lip curled in displeasure at the thought of your time, more precious to him than anything, being shared with more buffoons.
"There will be no more tea hours." He announced sternly, biting the tip of your index now, eyes dark again. "I shall eviscerate any mention of them from any one of your schedules."
"You are very thorough, Loki..."
"Oh..." He rumbled, placing a kiss to your covered knee which had your insides fizzing pleasantly. "You've no idea how thorough I can be when it comes to things that spike my curiosity, darling..."
With a shiver of anticipation, you felt his touch at your ankles, and then felt it move as it went beneath your skirts and further, your carefully selected gown going with it.
"However, you are about to find out, I rather think."
For the Record. A series of hospital romances featuring;
An annoying internist who keeps messing up prescriptions, a hot headed charge nurse who just wants the shift to be over, a tired hospital representative whose done with satoru's shit, a physical therapist who LOOKS like the reason you'd be in PT, a psychiatrist who probably should be a patient instead, and a paramedic who likes to show off in front of his favorite ER Nurse.
series masterlist
HI! I'm back at it again with a new fic series. I stopped posting fics because I had to LOCK IN and focus on getting into university and securing a scholarship. Luckily, things worked out and ya girl is now trying to bag a degree. I will be updating this fic from time to time, so stay tuned!! Here's a little sneak peek for the first installment
In which a certain doctor seems to be making erroneous prescriptions just to get a clarification call from his favorite pharmacist...
After taking one look at the paper the patient handed in, you immediately turn to the landline and dial in the number for the nth time. Not even bothering to look at the number at the bottom of the prescription anymore, letting muscle memory do the work.
The phone rings twice before the receiver finally picks up, and you are greeted with the same awfully chipper (and honestly agitating) voice on the other line.
— “do i really need to be shirtless for this?” hajime asks gruffly, sitting neatly on your dorm floor as you write on a piece of tape, godzilla t-shirt tossed unceremoniously on your bed.
your anatomy exam is coming up, and you’ve been studying like your career depends on it (spoiler alert: it does), but you’ve been going batshit crazy just staring at your notes. so what better way to get off the books than to hang out with your boyfriend?
“yes,” you reply, placing ‘pectoralis major’ on his chest. “it wouldn’t work the same if you had a shirt on. active recall, visual learning, and such.” “right,” he mutters, brow furrowed as he watches you. “so…?” “so, flex your deltoid,” you demand. “c’mon, haji. this is important.” he flexes his shoulder obediently, looking away as you stick another label on his body.
you’re kind of surprised hajime agreed to this in the first place; though honestly, you really didn’t give him much of an explanation, simply texting him, “come to my dorm @ 10pm,” with no further instructions. you laughed when he called at 9:42 saying he was at the building, having to hold it in as you led your bright-eyed boyfriend into your room.
“you will be to blame if i don’t pass this,” you tell him, revelling in the slight twitch of his body as you slide a finger over his skin to pat down the adhesive. “right. can’t have that,” he says under his breath. you snicker. despite his reluctance, he’s not angry. maybe just disappointed. you’re not worried, though. he’d get what he came for soon enough.
sneaking a glance at him, you quickly scribble ‘teres minor’ on another scrap of tape. hajime’s ears are bright red, but his bottom lip is pursed up and his jaw is tight. tell-tale signs of his enjoyment.
“i know you’re a little embarrassed, but i need you to lift your arm up for me,” you tell him sweetly, tape hanging from your fingertips. hajime lets out a flustered grumble in reply, dim light highlighting hard planes of muscle as he accedes.
“it’s kind of itchy,” he says, after a moment. “well, it’s tape,” you answer matter-of-factly, pasting ‘frontalis’ on his forehead, then look at him doubtfully. “also, you need to stop scowling. you look cute when you’re not scowling.” “‘m not scowling,” hajime says under his breath, but his eyebrows relax immediately. you bite the inside of your cheek. cute.
another couple minutes pass by as you continue to stick labels on him, humming a tune while you treat your poor boyfriend like a whiteboard.
“...how long will this take?” hajime asks, stiffly, two pieces of tape hanging off the hollows of his cheekbones. you stretch out, making a big show of checking the clock on the wall. it’s almost midnight. “i’m basically done,” you reply. “i’m not going over the accessory muscles.”
hajime tilts his head, narrowing his eyes knowingly at you. “yeah, just wanna know, so i’m not peeling gemellus inferior out of my butt tomorrow,” he remarks wryly. you mirror his expression, enthused. “hah. i forgot you know this already.”
hajime pinches your inner thigh playfully. it doesn’t hurt—he could never hurt you—but you yelp anyway, more tickled than anything. “hey, i’m pretty smart, you know,” he reminds you, smoothing over the subtle sting with a callused thumb.
you scoot over towards him, running your hand down the label reading ‘rectus femoris.’ “i know you’re pretty smart,” you say, gaze locked on his, “otherwise i wouldn’t allow you to be sitting shirtless on my floor.” you pull, and the screech of tape being taken off skin is the only sound in the room for a second.
the sudden dilation of his pupils makes you laugh through your nose. “oh, that’s all,” hajime says lightly, body hot under your touch. “because i’m smart.” “and muscular,” you add, leaning over him as he sits back on his forearms, watching you intently. “mm, that’s part of it?” he asks, voice just breathless enough to make your stomach tighten.
“yeah,” you murmur, hooking a fingernail under ‘external oblique.’ your eyes drop to his bare chest, then drag back up to his face as you smile. “do you take a makeout session as gratuity for your model work?”
hajime swallows, his jaw fluttering. a blush blooms over his cheeks and he rolls his eyes. “that’s what i thought you called me here for,” he mumbles, warm hand coming up to rest on the curve of your lower back as you giggle. “c’mere.”
he peppers your face with soft kisses, leaving wet marks. your laughter fills the small room when you feel something sticky on your cheek.
“haji, i can’t take you serious with that stuff on your face!” “take it off, then!”
hello. folks. birfday post 4 me and him cuz we junebugs like dat
very aware my loki masterlist hasn't been updated and is like 3-ish (i think) oneshots behind :'))
I will get this fixed eventually/soon (I hope)!!!!
I am currently frantically writing to try and get something done by tonight (before my flight) bc I need something to do lest I implode internally
(the anxiety has been hindering my writing for the past few days until NOW which apparently is the perfect time (not) to get serious about this oneshot)
