kris sobs into their sleeves. salty tears. soaking into the fabric. and beading on their eyelashes
each frantic breath. shakily rocking their body. making them lightheaded. with the lack of oxygen and the abundance of it. all at once. especially as they're questioned. who is she. when it feels like an accusation
the tutor's hand on their shoulder grounds them. even if just a little. reminding of Carol. A mother.
I feel an invisible pull to meet the gaze of. A maternal love, one that will hold, and cradle, like the sky of stars, constellations.
but, it's not. it's a tutor
Carol's hand on my shoulder, it says it's okay. that I'm welcome anytime. That my piano playing is beautiful. That I'm invited to dinner. That I'm invited to play with Dess. That i'm invited to her funeral
the funeral. a church. a choir recital of her most joyful moments. the time she spent with her family, the time she spent with her friends. The time she spent with me
And the fun we had, the sweets we shared, the laughter that always filled the chilly winter air. How she was always the punky, rebellious one, and would get in trouble constantly with any who dared to attempt authority over her. How I always got dragged into the punishments, too, any time they were given.
But even in detention, she still found a way to make every second worth living. Throwing paper airplanes at our teacher's bald spot and celebrating whenever she hit a bullseye, passing fake love notes to people and saying they were from someone else, playing Wonderwall in the music room and pissing everyone off...it was all worth it with her.
I was so young. so stupid, i didn't know what i was getting into with that damn bunker. the day. when i lost her forever and ran away. the day. when everything changed. the day, it came.
so. now. contact. my eyes tired and drooping. with the fresh rain, weighing them down. no longer hidden by the bangs now sticking to sweaty skin. breathing. but no longer hyperventilating. calmer. but, still,
Current obsession:"Forsaken, Sprunki,Among us((The show, game And rodarmix)), Minecraft And Roblox args, Yandere games, dandy's world,animal hospital anomaly
CURRENTLY hobby:"Drawing Or listen to music"
Currently Watching:"The whole among us show💔"
Currently Reading:"nothing"
Currently Wearing:"my sleep clothers/pajama"
Currently working on:"Some Among small Comic with my among us oc And Lovebot oc RN/but Mostly nothing"
current hobby: Drawing (or trying to) and learning html
currently watching: Metal Gear Solid 3 play through (I DONT HAVE A GAMING ANYTHING OKAY </3)
currently reading: Paw Prints in the Moonlight (all time fav, very cozy slice of life of a college professor and his adopted stray "Toby Jug", also has some very charming watercolor illustrations)
currently wearing: a red shirt that says "fast food" in bright yellow
currently working on: trying to survive this bout of sickness and figuring out an OC's design
last search: minoxidil (I am NOT balding this is for future reference) and metal gear solid character renders
favorite flower: Honeysuckle
and if u wanna do it too -> @dear-yennicent @mrabandonmentissue @ashp3l @b00f1eld @captain-ahas @janupituna @jason-jellatin @leoishereithink @netherpi @nothin2fear1909 @soynbi @q5u4ex7yy2e9nqueen @snorunt-enthusiast @trevorexploded @starlightlambda64 (tried not to include duplicates)
Latest song: Molly Sells Molly By The Sea Shore -Sorry Mom
Current obsession: Persona 5 and Yume 2kki
Current hobby: Kandi, black smithing(?) and knife making :>
Currently watching: Persona 5 the Animation and CURRENTLY currently watching Dunkey Fortnite Daycare 2
Currently reading: Halo: First Strike (yes Halo books exist)
Currently wearing: A black t shirt with Pickle Rick on it and green cargo pants
Currently working on: trying to re-learn how poetry works (legit watching videos that are used in school for ts 💔) and a Persona 5 kandi bag, the patterns on kandi pad and Kandi patterns are lovely
Last search: Halo action figures
Favorite Flower: I don’t know shit abt flowers so Lily Of The Valley I guess
@stampsthemeow @zerooidea @beegumbunny @sanstheskeletonbutidobackflips damn all my moots are already here this all I got </3
faker lives out of spite. he is who he is out of spite for his father. if lord x were to accept him for who he is, that spite would be erased. and then what would he have left
i never want to become rich. when you have so much money you can do anything, you will do anything. and, soon, you will do everything. and once everything has been done, you will have nothing left to do. there is nothing left. you may die now
it parallels lord x's story, as well. specifically in sinister minds. power is money. spite is money. praise is money. achievements are money. once you have completed a game, you uninstall it.
conflict, is money.
i like to think faker is but an extension of lord x. an equal, just unexperienced. faker is the one thing he could never control, and he was the only one who could and would fight back
by giving faker freedom, it erases faker's spite, which erases his will to live, which erases lord x's will to live
they have nothing left for them
a while ago, i asked my dad what he would do if he was god. he said he would set things up for people and leave. they then are free. it stuck with me. in many ways
maybe being a god isn't about having full control, but giving your mortals a life worth living
i have a headcanon that lord x made his own world out of the game and trapped more people in it than just kylie and alan. in lord x's world or whatever, there were hidden villages of people/mobians that were considered "safe spaces", like in a game of tag. x created them to give himself conflict. the mobians would have to go outside the safe spaces to gather food and supplies, which makes them vulnerable to x's attacks
i think that after a while, even the safe spaces wouldn't be enough conflict. lord x, as he grew older, grew bored of these little murder games he played. and the safe space grew to safe spaces. and two became three, until the entire world was safe. and he wasn't to be seen again
life became life for the mortals. life became fulfilling
lord x has done his job just by leaving them be. he gave them life with his absence.
that's all he needed to do as god.
and once faker is gone
that's all he needed to do as lord x.
tldr conflict is a crucial part of life and it makes life worth living
im not good with the sonic.exe lore or wtvr so correct me if im being a dumbass
both her design and her lore arent finished in the slightest but like here ig
QUXKKHOTUM FLORUT-IENCSENDIXKH
uncensored ver below
i dont know i was bored and needed something to do so dont like judge this too hard
itll get way more lesbian soon i promise
anyway lore that i wrote in like two hours on my phone:
SO
sonic and amy were fooling around in a forest atop a mountain, when they came across a cliff. being the fearless duo they were, they hung out on the edge for a while, chatting and playing without a care in the world.
sonic stood up abruptly to aid a joke's punchline, but the ground gave out underneath them both, sending them slipping down the steep mountain.
hours later, sonic awoke with several injuries all across his body. bugs, plants, and dirt infested his wounds. despite that, he stumbled around the forestry on a fruitless search for amy.
after hours of wandering through the dense woods, he discovered a village of odd-looking mobians. they happily took him in, claiming him to be their god, florut. they tended to his wounds with herbs and string woven from tree bark. but while nursing sonic back to health, they urged him into cannibalism, self-harm, masochism, ritual, and "bearing flowers". sonic, driven by fear and peer-pressure, had no choice but to indulge it, acquiesce.
he went through many changes.
"sonic" became quxkkhotum florut-iencsendixkh, or florut.
he—now she—lived as a figure of worship to the villagers, receiving frequent offerings, festivals, praise, and undying admiration from her followers. she gave back through guidance, help with farming, and blessings.
the longer she stayed, the deeper she went into it all. she read the holy scriptures again and again until she could recite them all from memory. they told the tales of a divine blue hedgehog goddess who tended to and was one with all flora and fauna. whose identity was as fluid as the seas and as free as the birds. who was the mother to all nature. who was a LESABINNNNwho gave her body to the earth with the mortals' help.
florut quickly accepted her new role and even enjoyed it.
months later, florut's worshippers gathered to partake in a ritual christened, "makkaraa floruum fkrubrra skchiendenddo", that was fabled within the scripture to ascend florut to her true power and transport her to another world where she may thrive and help others thrive as well.
the ritual comprised of 5 phases:
1. florut shall stand before the people of the village and recite the names of each and every mortal she has helped in this lifetime.
2. florut shall dip the holy dagger of sapphire into the juice of a berry from a lily of the valley, before plunging it into her chest and dragging it down to her groin.
3. florut shall rip the wound wider and remove everything that lies within save for the heart, setting the entails aside for later.
4. the priest of the village, deiikkmoraa, shall embrace florut intimately, to eat her heart, so she may absorb the latter's holy essence.
5. upon florut's death, her closest worshippers shall all engage in the final act; as mother nature's body was defiled, raped, eaten, annihilated, until not a trace of her being was left.
florut lives now in a garden above time and space, spending her days recalling each moment of her life and daydreaming new ones.
until, out of the corner of her eye, she spots a pink woman.
ever wonder why, when you're told new information, it changes your perspective on something, even if only a little?
our eyes take in information, send that information to our brains, and our brains process that information, information gained previously, and inferences that it is able to make, so that it can order the body accordingly and appropriately.
without our eyes, we couldn't see. without our tongues, we couldn't taste. without our minds, the world would not exist. our brains are the sole birthplace of all you experienced, all you are experiencing, and all you will experience. nothing you're seeing, doing, listening to, etc., would exist if not for your own brain.
sure, it would exist to others, but "others" are not you. they don't exist. you don't exist...if not for your brain.
everything has an impact on you, and you have just as much of an impact on it. you shape the world. the world shapes you. like trees. they give you oxygen, we give them carbon dioxide.
optimists see the bright side of every situation, because that is what they are conditioned to see by their own minds.
pessimists are the same.
if you truly believe, you can do anything. because, your beliefs are correct.
there is no correct, no right, no wrong, no sin, in the grand scheme of things. there are only things you agree with, and disagree with. this is where i might lose you, if not already.
in some countries, acts that would be considered morally incorrect and even disgusting, are completely fine. no one bats an eye. they believe that those acts are alright to do. and so, they are. you may not agree, i may not agree. but some do.
this is why i despise the widely known version of the concept of "sin", and things like that. i believe that the only "sin" is to cause harm for no justifiable reason. no, an ego boost is not a justifiable reason. no, "because the bible said to" is not a justifiable reason. yes, "i need to pay for my mother's medical bills" is a justifiable reason.
the world isn't completely black and white. there is no black and white. just different shades of gray, that shift with each person.
we are the god of our own worlds, because the world you are in is yours. god creates the world. you create the world. we are all in full control.
THE FLOWER ON EXE'S SUIT COAT REPRESENTS BETRAYAL.
(my thoughts on faker/exe's character & story, ideas that i have for his lore, and the connections to other media i have made. separated into 3 chapters.)
[TW: mentions of nazism (i do not support it), brief mention of child abuse, suicide, cults]
so, uh, i'm not sure if i'm the first person to figure this out, but the flower is a black dahlia, which represents betrayal.
chapter one: the symbolic meaning behind the flower chosen in st. solis
this fits VERY, VERY WELL with the story in st solis, as faker is rebelling against his father, betraying his wishes and denouncing all that was said within the album as hypocrisy (or, in some interpretations, lies), and forcing a recalling of lord x's own guilty trial on the same sins he condemned.
the flower also represents internal change and reinvention of self, which could be taken as faker attempting to become his own person, and not just his father's son; even cutting ties and detaching himself from lord x entirely with this song being a final performance to announce his true beliefs and his departure...his betrayal.
however, it is not just him who is betraying the other, but lord x, as well. lord x created faker to attempt the creation of life, but failed, and despised the latter, deeming him a "botched prototype". exe returned that hatred.
now, they both hate each other, yes, but lord x is still faker's father, and his only family. from my knowledge, he is also the only other being he knows. imagine being in his shoes.
you have just been created. you only have your father. and, simply, your father despises you. he keeps you hidden but near, almost ashamed of you, as he plays his twisted games with his little mortals. he seems to have more affection even towards them than you.
you are mad. you inherited your ego from your father, and believed you would be a much better ruler than him, having a clear vision for humanity that didn't align with your father's personal objectives. you rebel. attempt to overthrow him. you fail, and are cast into a carceral void, to stay locked within forevermore.
he betrayed you.
then, in the far future, you come across an album he's making. he vents and complains and whines about all the "struggles" he faces within his "life".
what would you do?
;
i really like how the singular design choice of using specifically a black dahlia flower changes the song's meaning quite a bit (at least, for me), and validates a lot of my initial interpretations.
chapter two: how exe's story connects to lucifer's in the bible
also, speaking of my own interpretations, i'd just like to put this here as i am already discussing it: i believe that faker's story is directly inspired by lucifer (from, y'know, the bible).
lucifer was created by god to be perfect, and he remained perfect, until iniquity was found within him. lucifer became perniciously prideful on account of his beauty and perfection, and that pride corrupted his wisdom, deluding him into desiring the glory and power that belonged to god only. he attempted to usurp god himself, causing him to be banished to earth.
both exe and lucifer were created to be perfect, but imperfections arose either immediately or gradually, both are prideful, both attempted to overthrow their creators (of whom are both gods), and both were banished to another place as punishment.
another thing: in christianity, eclipses represent tokens of god's anger, and faker is associated with a "black sun" (which is just an eclipse). it could mean that the black sun is merely a representation of faker's anger, possibly towards his father. neat.
chapter three (part 1): a comparison between h.tler and exe
i think it's also worth mentioning that a "black sun" is also a symbol in nazism. in fact, when i first searched up "black sun", that is exactly what came up, which means it's quite popular. i don't think it would be called that if they did not intentionally want to put a reference to that in there.
i would like to believe that they're not nazis, so i did more research to come to a conclusion of how these two things could possibly connect.
(and the best thing to enact this comparison on, is the monster himself. the big h. please do not take this comparison the wrong way, i just want to see how the black sun has any relation to exe.)
h.tler was frequently beaten by its father, mostly because of its refusal to conform to the strict discipline of his school. obviously, it did not have a very good family life when it was younger, which could definitely be connected to exe; especially the part about the father-son conflict due to the refusal to conform to rules.
it moved to vienna to attempt a job as a painter, but was faced with failure and major rejection. that, too, could connect to exe, specifically rhe many times when he was rejected by lord x.
when the great war started, it fought as a soldier, finding purpose at last, but it was shattered once the war was lost. this one doesn't have much connection, but, vaguely, it's akin to how exe planned to overthrow his father, finding that as his purpose, but the purpose was shattered when he failed.
h.tler's father sent it to a technical school, ignoring its desire to attend a classical high school and become an artist. h.tler rebelled against this by intentionally performing poorly in school, hoping that once its father saw "what little progress I was making at the technical school he would let me devote myself to my dream". now, this could just be a headcanon, or a guess, but, before exe attempted his full rebellion, it's likely that lord x at least tried to make the most of the situation, and teach him to follow in his footsteps as a cruel god. though, exe didn't agree with lord x's objectives, and so he most likely feigned indifference and/or incompetence to get lord x to see how bad he is at doing [insert whatever lord x tells him to do], so that, hopefully, x will take suggestions on what exe can do, and he could get x to consider exe's ideas. or...something?? look, man, i dunno every little thing about exe–
so, those are a few examples of connections that can be made with the two.
but, what is the equivalent to nazism in whole?
chapter 3 (part 2): the cult of x (spitballing abstract ideas)
the first guess i have is the cult of x, and the equivalent of their enemy would be humanity itself, or all mortals. and, before you try to say that those beliefs of ridding the world of mortals would be in service to x's objectives (of which exe rebels against), i think that x wouldn't want to get rid of mortals entirely, as he finds enjoyment in the cat-and-mouse chase of the torture he inflicts on them. by ridding all mortals, it would be a direct disservice to lord x, as the torture he found purpose in would cease to exist as well.
perhaps the cult of x was actually created by exe, somehow, introducing himself as the child of god (lord x), and saying that x will make all the horrors they've faced in their lives disappear if they devote their lives to him. much murder and much suicide follow as they act in obedience to "x's" sinister call.
the cult's not really racism-focused. lowk not exe nor x even gives a flying fuck about your skin. it's tasty either way!
it's really just a group of delusional, traumatized people who want an excuse to take their revenge on the world through violence.
and, so, i believe that this version of the black sun/eclipse that was in the fnf mod and stuff is a logo for the cult of x.
conclusion
so, i quite literally just spent 4+ hours typing in an essay on my phone about how sonic.exe connects to the bible, flowers, and nazism. i learned way more about all of these things than i would have in ANY of my classes. s-so adhd-core UwU~ rawr x3!!! >w<
but, uh, yeah. those are just a few things i noticed and wanted to ramble about
(and, if you're wondering how i even got the will to do this, i was just drawing art inspired by st. solis, when i had the idea to replace the weird flesh flower thing on exe's suit with a flower that symbolizes something that relates to his story. was looking at a list of flowers, then found one that represents betrayal. that was the black dahlia. i searched it and realized it looked EXACTLY like the weird flesh flower!! so i just wanted to tell people about it. and then it...spiraled. might post the art later, if it's any good.)
thanks for reading this bulllshiittttt please dont cancel me for even mentioning naziisssss i barely proofread thisssssAAAAAAAAGAJALAPSNHSIAO
neverending torture without meaning, reason, or rhyme is bound to get boring after a while. for both parties
the mood will dull, the tension will dissipate, and the fear that once plagued the victims' minds will let go its vice grip, with a shuddering sigh
the entertainment will be begone without a trace of the vigorous performance so called the dance of being betwixt human and pixel & betwixt life and death
for, everything must end at some point in time; even if time has no meaning in the land of suffering
lord x has shown to have the ability to understand and sympathize morality and humanity, even going as far as to enact those same emotions, thoughts, behaviours shown in that of a mortal body, from my knowledge, at least
dont you 'come here' me," he snaps, pushing his reflection back at the unwanted advances. his furrowed brow twitches in uncertainty, feigning an anger that he had lost sight of far too long ago.
"Don't–don't say things like that, okay?"
only to be met with silence.
his tensed shoulders shakily slump as he stares into the mirror. what has become of him was such an unfamiliarity that he can't help but treat as a separate being.
"..."
he opens his mouth to speak, extending a timid hand towards...whomever stood before him, until deciding against it and swallowing down the pathetic lump culminated in his throat. swallowing down his tears.
his lips pursed into a thin line, he turns away from that damn mirror, clenching and unclenching his furred fists until red crescents began to show on his palms.
with a sharp turn, his fist connects with the glass, breaking it into shards and cutting his knuckles on them.
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
gummygunk
pixelskylines
