I Feel Like I Don't Deserve Life!

I believe there are more people who really needs this than me..

[thelonelythought]

The Lonely Thoughts #3

- Sometimes, I wish that life would give back my innocence. Maturity is more like a very huge responsibility that you aren't even allowed to embrace being immatured for a while. I'm human, feeling tired!

- I hate being so deep 'coz most people can't even catch up and understand me now.

- I'm tired of being the one who has a lot to say when my friends have problems.

- And again, it's so selfish to ask for death while others beg for life and to live longer.

- It's tiring that you have to be strong (trying to be strong) everyday.

- Hate to always think that life is fair because it's unfair to all.

[thelonelythought]

The Lonely Thoughts #2

1. The bad thing about exploring life is, you might find your find your happines only to realize that it's just temporary and it's gonna hurt you in the end.

2. It's not that I'm relying to anyone to make me happy. It's just that, I cannot trust myself anymore to handle my own happiness as I have been trying hard but I failed.

3. Most people says, right timing will bring you the right one but what if I am meant to be alone in this lifetime?

4. Just trust - Believe me, I did. I'm just getting tired of having the same scenario again and again.

[thelonelythought]

Unusual Day #1

Well Today, I was very productive and I’m happy about it :) I was able to go to Market and bought my basic necessities. Was able to fix the Background for my Vlogs. Was able to clean my room. Thrown the unnecessary stuff. Feeling better today :) Thank you.

[thelonelythought]

The Lonely One

First of all, I am not writing this blog not to spread negativity and bad vibes. I’m just here to express myself, to comfort myself and to keep myself away from the main stream social media criticism and judgement . Over the past few years of my existence, I could say that I am not always lonely and sad but there’s this thing that’s been always bothering my mind. Why can’t I be happy for most of the days? Sometimes, I feel the guilt of being sad over a few things because I am thinking that there’s other people who have bigger problems than mine. I consider myself lucky for receiving a lot of blessings from above but why am I still looking for something? or maybe someone? I’ve been asking this for decades already. Yes, I am not the most unfortunate one and I should be glad for all the blessings that God is giving me but why am I still feeling so empty? My thoughts have been always flying around and giving me a headache. Also, I don’t want my friends and family to know that I am weak on the inside because they always come for me to seek advises. It’s really hard to be strong sometimes cause when people finds your weak spot, they’re gonna kill you with their bullshit bullies. I am always worried of what was and what is because I am afraid of what will the future holds. I still have a lot of things in my mind right now but I will gonna end this blog for today cause I don’t how to put it in words.

[thelonelythought]

Feelings..

Why do I have this kind of feeling? It’s the most worse and hardest question I’m always asking myself. I, somehow, managed to find an answer but it’s still hit me up. My answers are quite stupid that I tend to hide this to people ‘coz they’ll just gonna tell I’m indeed, a Stupid person. I tried to change the way I think especially if it’s all about love but then again I always end up doing the same thing and thinking the same way. I already tried to ask other people of what I can do to change my thoughts but it didn’t help. I’m still a fool believing that someone will come someday and save me from these burdens. Well, I’m so proud of myself for making this far. I’d also want to thank myself for being strong over the years and I’m still looking forward for more years.  Yours Truly, Myself :)

[thelonelythought]

Switched Place

Hayaan nyo akong ipakilala ang sarili ko. Ako po ay isang: -taong nagtataray pag kailangan -taong tutulong hanggat kaya -matampuhin pero madaling magpatawad -stressed but well dressed (pwede ko rin bang sabihing mabait ako?) Marami kasing kokontra lalo na yung mga inggetera jan. Hahahah! Anyways, balik tayo. -mapagbigay pero minsan nage-expect ng kapalit. Joke! Hahaha -iyakin pero strong -malungkitin pero masiyahin (mukhang tanga in short) -tanga pero keri lang ang life At marami pa. To make the story short, I have a good things naman as a person. So ito na nga, Nasa-sad lang ako kasi may mga tao kasi na nami-misinterpret ako kadalasan. May mga pagkakataon kasi na di ko alam kung bakit ganun lagi sila sa akin. Tulad na lang pag nagjojoke ako. Ang tagal ko na silang friend pero minsan na fefeel ko di pa rin ako part ng group nila. Alam ko naman na I don't have to please them naman but DAY, ayaw ko naman maging loner. Nahihirapan na rin ako minsan sa isang kalagayan na inutangan ka ng taong malapit sayo pero pagnagpa-follow up ka kung kailan ang bayad parang ikaw pa ang masama. Isa rin pala ako sa mga taong hanggat maaari, ayaw kong maningil dahil nga sa factor na yan. Hayyy naku! Kesa magtalo kami, nanahimik na lang ako :( Di na ako makapagdrama sa fb at twitter, masyado ng public.

[thelonelythought]

Comfort Zone yet......

Have you ever felt that feeling when you really want to get out of your comfort zone but you can’t coz you’re still afraid for whatever will happen after you did that. I’m feeling lost lost right now but I know the direction. I want to spread my wings but still afraid of falling. Trying to commit suicide but afraid of dying. That’s the mode of my life today, CONFUSING! 

[thelonelythought]

Frustration

I am actually the kind of person who kept everything inside even if it gave me a lot of pain. This day, I can really feel the anxiety not because of a lovelife thing but because of the things I’ve already expected to happen but suddenly, did not! I don’t really want to argue on a thing that might affect my relationship to any person inside or outside my world. I don’t really know why I’m writing this blog but I just want to minimize my frustration by doing this. I don’t want to tell this to anyone because they won’t understand anyway.

[thelonelythought]

Alam mo yung feeling na nagmamahal ka ng isang tao pero alam mo na hindi ka nya din kayang mahalin? Yung yung nararamdamn ko nagyon. Pero despite of all that things, I still chose to love him even if it hurts. Hayaan nyo akong ikwento ko sa inyo ang aming lovestory or should I say “fantasya ko sa kanya”. hahaha. He was my co-worker but he doesn’t work in our headquarters until such time that our CEO decided to have them here in Manila. The first time I saw him, napa-WOW talaga ako kasi kahit alam kong medyo gurang na sya ,mukha pa rin syang bata. So syempre alam mo naman ang mga tao, may mga paasa thing na talagang nkakabit sa buhay nila kaya una palang kaming magusap alam ko na na medyo paasa sya. hahaha. Pero as time goes by, lumalalim ang pag ka-crush ko sa kanya kahit di naman nya ako at di ko naman sya masyadong pinapansin. Until such time na I decided to tell him about what I feel na pero fail ako coz nag thank you lang sya. He left me hanging so ako naman si Tanga! nag follow up ng answer nung katagalan. hahaha. Nakulitan siguro sa akin kaya nag sabi sya ng capital “NO” pero nag sorry naman sya. Alam mo yung parang may sumipa sayong kabayo sa likod at bigla kang nanghina. Nanlumo tlga ako pero wala naman akong magagawa kung ayaw nya talaga sa akin. Pero dumating yung panahon na nagpapansinan na kami ng paunti-unit kasi pinapansin ko na rin sya at nawawala na rin ng unti yung awkwardness ko dahil unti-unti ko na rin natatanggap yung rejection nya. hehehe. So nakakasama ko na rin sya sa mga inuman at pag kumakain kaming ng mga ka-workmate ko sa labas. Dumating pa nga sa point na tatlo lang kami na nagiinuman ng workmate ko at sya and may ginawa akong kasalanan sa baso nya at di ko na rin ikukwento sa inyo. hahaha.. Pero this week, Nag outing kami and after arriving sa destination namin, syempre selfi selfie and habang busy sya, I took a photo wherein, nasa likod ko sya.. Tignan nyo na lng yung pic. Ako yung puno. hahaha. Sobrang saya ng araw ko na yun kasi para napasaya nya kahit alam ko na wala naman syang paki dun. hehehe. Hanggang ngayon nga di pa rin kami friends sa facebook. hihihihi. Natatakot kasi akong bka mareject din. hahaha. One time, gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na “ I don’t care if you don’t love me, just let me love you” hahaha Ohhhhh! hahaha. Yun lang, I think sa friendship na lng talga mag eend ang story namin.

[thelonelythought]

Pissed off!

. Di ko alam kung selfish ako pero this is too much na! I feel so tired and sick na! Nagugutom pa ako! Klase yan.. ang hassle! Shit!

[thelonelythought]

My Creation! Portrait plus Photoshop!

[thelonelythought]

Wrong MOVE!

Nakasanayan ko na ang magpost sa Facebook ng mga bagay na kinaiinisan ko or mga taong kinakabuwesitan ko parinig ba kung baga. Ngayon, di ko naman inexpect na itatake yun ng isang tao seriously without knowing na hindi naman sya yung pinaparinggan ko. Flattered naman ako somehow kasi alam kong nagwoworry sya pero worried din ako kasi baka kaya naiilang pa rin sya sa akin dahil nga sa post ko. Pero I want to explain naman sa kanya yung part ko pero di ko nga lang i memention yung name nung taong pinaparinggan ko. And now, may lakad sila na hindi ako nayaya and hindi naman kinasama na loob ko yun ang akin kaya siguro di nya ako niyaya kasi ilang sya sa akin. I want to clear my side to her and anyways, lagi naman akong buntot lang yung tipong di ka naman niyaya pero sinaman ka lng nung taong in invite talaga. hahahah Anyways, sanay naman na ako. Siguro talagang hirap lang akong i absorb ang mga katotohanang bagay. 

[iglovequotes]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[thelonelythought]

Pwede ba yun? :(

[thelonelythought]

Change

What is Change? Others said, it is the only thing that is constant in this world. Everyone wonders how change will change their lives (Redundant but I can Explain why I used to write it that way for those who will ask hahaha). For me, I am very afraid on how it will affect my life. Coz’ no one knows what might happen after change take its place. But as a strong person, I know that I can   handle and manage whatever happens. Hayyyy buhay!

#dikoalamkungkayako..

#hahaha

[thelonelythought]

Feelings.

For the past few weeks, Di naging maganda ang aking feeling lalo na aking aking puso. Medyo nabigo kasi ako at ang masaklap pa nun, masyado akong nagpakatanga sa isang tao na alam kong imposibleng magtagal sa buhay ko. Tapos yung feeling na hindi ka na masaya sa mga taong nakakasama mo araw araw kaya gusto ko ng ipush yung resignation ko but masyado pang complicated since magpapasko at magbabagong taon pa. 

So postponed muna yung resignation. Hihihihi. and sa love naman, Baka mahirapan akong maghanap tlga ng taong tunay na magmamahal sa akin pero ngtitiwala naman ako sa Diyos ko na kung ano man ang balak ny a para sa akin eh para naman yung sa ikakabuti ko.

So push para sa pagiging strong! hihihi

[thelonelythought]

The One They Got Away...

May mga panahong maiisip mo na parang gusto mo na lng umalis sa isang lugar dahil:

1. May taong parang hindi ka naman gustong kasama. 2. Dahil unfair ang mga nangyayari sa paligid mo. 3. Dahil parang outcast ka sa mga tao sa paligid (e.g: May lunch date sila na sila sila lang ang laging magkakasama literally iniiwan talaga nila ako) 4. Yung tipong di mo sana mararanasan yung mga cruelty things kung hinati hati na lng sana ng maayos yung trabaho. 5. Yung tipong may favoritism yung iba sa circle of team/friends mo.

At marami pang ibang dahilan. Nung una, masama ang loob ko dahil ako ang pinili nya (o nila) na gawin ang isang trabaho na hindi ko naman dapat ginagawa but he made me realize kung bakit ako nga ang pinili nya. Di ko lubos maimagine na pinagkatiwalaan nya ako despite of the things na ako mismo, ay walang tiwala sa sarili ko. Pina-realize nya rin sa akin ang mga bagay na hirap akong intindihin dati.

Nagpapasalamat ako sa kanya dahil, hinayaan nya ako sa circle of friends nya kahit hindi ko sya gaanong ka-level or given the fact na isa syang head. Nagpapasalamat din ako sa kanya dahil never nyang pinaramdam sa akin (o sa amin) na nasa mataas syang posisyon sa kumpanya. Isa rin sya sa mga nag boost-up ng confidence ko sa work at sa marami pang bagay. Nakita nya ang abilities and capabilities ko na ako mismo ay hirap na makita sa sarili ko yun. Di ko alam kung paano ko pa ieexpress or sasabihin ang mga iba pang bagay na ginawa nya para sa akin at sa amin. Nakakalungkot lang na dahil sa isang walang pusong tao, sa taong kulang sa social experience at sa taong di marunong makinig ay biglang mawawala ang isang tao sa buhay ko na talaga namang tinuring ko nang matalik na kaiibigan. Naniniwala akong may salitang KARMA.

Anyway, kahit alam kong medyo limited na ang time namin para magusap at magkita hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang aming "Mother Bibe". Isa kang legacy para aming mga anak anakan mong Bibe. hihihi. Kulang ang salitang salamat para sa iyo. Wish you all the best and we will miss you.

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita.

[thelonelythought]

Disappointments

Naloloka ako. Gusto kong umiyak.

#ayaw_kong_magalit.