This Is For Me

my healing

[thelostartofme]

I wrote down all the reasons I won’t go back to you

But when I’m craving something familiar the words hold no weight

They’re just meaningless symbols dirtying up the page

[thelostartofme]

In a whirlwind of anger and sadness

Lost in a storm of my own creation

Most evacuated

I can’t see the road ahead

The only way out to admit the monster I am

In the storm I stay too weak to speak my truth

Dysfunction feels like home anyways 

[thelostartofme]

[thelostartofme]

In a world where everyone wants to be seen

I am irrelevant

[thelostartofme]

Desensitized from all your lies

And broken doors

And drywall floors

Your violence may have never touched me

But your words sunk deep into my skin

[thelostartofme]

Not the lowest

All too familiar

The hallow chest

Warmth rolling from my eyes

How did I get here again

Why does it feel like I never left

[thelostartofme]

I stopped crying as often

Not because I don’t feel like crying

I got tired of explaining

[thelostartofme]

Do I love you and want to hate you?

-or-

Do I hate you and want to love you?

[thelostartofme]

Every dream reminds me to long for you

[thelostartofme]

I go so far

But leave myself behind

Somewhere no one can find

And I question why I’m lonely

[thelostartofme]

I’m terrified of wanting you to stay,

No one ever does,

It feels like a fantasy to think anyone ever will.

[thelostartofme]

Do I ask too much and offer too little?

[thelostartofme]

Have you taken all you can yet Isn’t this all it was All anything ever is This is where the end begins right The peak Down is the only place to go Should we call it Or keep chasing the bliss Doesn’t that just make us like the rest

This is the fucked part of me

[thelostartofme]

[thelostartofme]

Where do I begin Better question Where do I end I extend When I go There’s so much left behind But fully replaced I find You

[thelostartofme]

I fight so hard for happiness, It makes me sad.

[thelostartofme]