Hello, odd question. With the platonic lost boys and reader would you feel comfortable to make one that depicted how they would act and feel if the reader had killed themselves due to the constant emotional and psychological abuse when they found the reader too far gone to turn into a vampire and the time afterwards? If you are comfortable of course there is no pressure. Thank you for the good stories.
The innocent can never last
Platonic yandere lost boys x reader
Notes- Ok this is a bit DARK⌠and also not cannon to my au. The title is a Green Day lyric because I feel like that song pretty much sums up this fic âšď¸
Warnings- Exetreme physical and psychological abuse, Suicide, Murder, Marko being a creep, Corpse decomposition
Word count- 6857
â§âââ âââ§âââ âââ§ The only noise that penetrates the eerie silence of your room is the sound of your laboured breathing. You listen with your eyes closed to the unnatural wheezing of your lungs. From the sharp pain in your chest, itâs safe to assume you have at least one broken rib. You briefly wonder if your fathers feel remorse for what had happened, but quickly dismiss the idea. If they had felt anything, they wouldâve stopped long before you reached this state. No, they donât give a shit. Not anymore.Â
Thereâs only one mirror in your room, and you havenât dared look at it. The relentless pulsing beneath the fragile skin of your face tells you all you need to know, and a small part of you worries that the person youâll see looking back at you will be unrecognisable.Â
Their cruelty is a mystery to you. It always has been. Their desire to keep you safe and protected seems to be constantly contradicted by their primal desire to harm. To kill. You had done little to elicit such a reaction from them, but these days, it doesnât take much. One snide comment and the fuse is lit.Â
Despite your countless injuries, the worst pain you feel is the awful constricting of your throat. A clear warning sign of tears. You donât want to cry. Not over them, but thereâs no denying that your wounds run far deeper than your marred skin. They donât care about you. Your so-called fathers had stood and watched as you crumpled up into a helpless ball on the floor, cradling your injuries and begging for mercy. Begging for comfort. Even Dwayne had regarded you with cold indifference, his dark eyes seeming awfully yellow under the flickering ambience of the fire.Â
They had been your everything as a child, and for a long time, it seemed that they had reciprocated that. Now though, you often wonder why youâre still alive. The blissful days of your childhood are long gone, and now all that remains is the unforgiving reality of the present. You slowly find yourself coming to the grave conclusion that there is only one card left up your sleeve, and now seems like a fitting time to draw it.
One final act of defiance. An act that will free you from them forever.
â§âââ âââ§âââ âââ§
A frustrated sigh escapes Davidâs lips as his thumb grazes uselessly against the sparkwheel of the lighter. âFuckinâ lighterâs out of fuel,â He states gruffly, carelessly tossing it onto the ground near where Dwayne is sitting.Â
The brunette regardes it with little interest, before lifting his gaze to meet Davidâs scowl. âItâs not out. I used that thing earlier.âÂ
âThen how come it doesnât fucking work?â David snaps back, his voice laced with impatience. Dwayneâs cool indifference to everything is beginning to piss him off. Heâd welcomed that attitude earlier- during your punishment, but now that itâs directed at him, heâs not so keen.
âMaybe cause your hand is shaking so much.âÂ
âWill you quit being such a smartass?â David growls, his eyes flickering yellow for a brief moment before he continues. âIâve put up with enough shit today already. Donât need you being a dick on top of that.â
Thereâs movement from the shadows as Marko emerges into the light, holding a half-empty bottle of beer between two fingers. âTo be fair, you did ask. Canât be too mad.â
David huffs humorlessly, but doesnt reply. Itâs clear that all four of them are troubled by what had happened earlier. The airâs still thick with tension, and David knows that the others are waiting for him to make the next call. He wonât though- at least, not yet. This is what you require. Discipline. Pain. He needs to be sure that when they finally turn you, there will be no doubt of your loyalty to the pack.Â
Despite telling himself that over and over, David finds that he canât extinguish the flicker of doubt that remains in the back of his mind. Looking down at your pitiful form earlier, he had discovered that he had been scarcely able to recognise you. That potential he had previously seen in you seemed lost within your wide, bloodshot eyes. It had spooked him enough to forget that it was his daughter he was beating to near death, and not just another teenage runaway.
âYou guys hear that?â
Paulâs vague question drags David from his morbid pondering. All four vampires fall silent for a moment, listening intently, before Marko speaks.
âWhat the hell are you talking about man? I canât hear shit.âÂ
Paul frowns and glances over in the direction of your room, âExactly. I canât hear her.â
David is suddenly made aware of an unsettling sensation rising from his gut at the realisation. For a brief moment, he locks eyes with Dwayne, until said man suddenly seems to snap out of his trance and rushes over to your room with panicked urgency.Â
David reaches your room only seconds after Dwayne. He must have smashed his way in, as your door is hanging precariously from its hinges and is disrupted by a large, splintery gash down the centre.Â
The sound made by Dwayne is unlike anything the others have ever heard from him. Itâs a raw cry of anger and despair. An expression of gut wrenching emotions too painful to be spoken- too powerful to be contained by mere words. Your father drops to the floor before your body as if heâs been physically wounded and begins shaking.
David watches in horrified silence. At first glance, you appear to be leaning crookedly against the wall. Upon taking a step closer though, the rope around your neck becomes visible, and David realises that you had somehow hung yourself from one of the old shelves of the hotel. From the awkward angle your head is tilted, he assumes that you had broken your neck in the effort to suffocate yourself, which explains why none of them had heard your struggle earlier.
Itâs difficult to tell how long you have been dead, though David knows it could have only been a couple minutes at most. He curses himself for not checking on you sooner. How had Paul realised before he had? None of this would have happened if he hadnât been so fucking stubborn and just gone to check you for injuries. But no, instead he had left you by yourself to deal with all your shit- and what did you do? You killed yourself. You gave up before they had the chance to cool off and apologise for taking it too far. You died in pain alone and it was all his fucking fault.
A sudden, overwhelming wave of anger washes over David, and he finds himself storming past Dwayne over to your body. With shaking hands, he yanks on the rope until it tears away from the wall, bringing the crooked shelf down with it. Your lifeless form falls forwards for a split second, before a pair of leather-clad hands grips your upper arms tightly and slams you back against the hard, stone wall.
âWHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?â David roars, his eyes fixed intently on your ashen face as if expecting you to reply. In response, your head lolls to the side unapologetically, as if shrugging at the question with your usual teenage attitude.Â
âThat fucking bitch.â He spits, turning back to the others and throwing your corpse onto the floor with the shelf and rope still attached. David watches in disgust as Dwayne scrambled over to your body and cradles it to his chest, as if protecting you from the brunt of his anger.
âSheâs fucking dead, Dwayne! Sheâs dead. You canât-â He canât bring himself to finish his sentence. You canât bring her back. Dwayneâs too consumed by his own grief to even realise heâs being screamed at, and the other two⌠David suddenly shifts his teary eyed gaze up to the doorway to look at them.
Paul seems unable to process the reality of what had happened. His eyes are fixed on Dwayne, though he appears uncomfortable with the sight, as if witnessing such an uninhibited display of emotion has made him feel ill. âI uh-â Paul drags his eyes up to meet Davidâs as he speaks, âIâm gonna go. I need air.âÂ
Of course you do.
David watches unsympathetically as he leaves, brows knitted tightly together as if deep in thought. Really though, itâs the complete opposite. His mind is a storm of emotion- too loud to be translated into words. He jerks his head in Markoâs direction and abruptly speaks. âYou gonna leave too, huh? Run away from your problems like you always fucking do?â The words spill from Davidâs mouth without much thought, their meaning lost to him the moment they leave his tongue.Â
Marko just blinks wordlessly. His eyes hold a haunted look that doesnât quite reach Davidâs icy stare. For a moment, the room is frozen in a strained state of despair, until Marko takes one final look at your body and leaves.
And then, David is alone. At least, thatâs what it feels like. Dwayne is still inconsolable, so rather than attempting to offer up any words of comfort, David turns around and walks, almost robotically, back to the main chamber. When he gets there the space is empty, so he assumes that Marko and Paul must have left to process your death alone.Â
For the first time in years, the cave is silent. It feels⌠unnatural. David shifts his weight between his feet to try and alleviate his discomfort. Thereâs a crawling sensation beneath his skin that makes him want to tear it all off, but he wonât. You donât deserve that much of a reaction.
Instead, David takes a decisive step closer to the old water fountain and picks up a half empty bottle of Jack Danielâs. The amber liquid gently rocks from within the glass, as if encouraging him to drink. A small part of him begs to put down the whiskey and mourn for his daughter, but all his grief is buried beneath thick layers of anger, so instead he unscrews the lid and brings the rim up to his lips.
The alcohol slides down his tongue with practiced ease and leaves his throat feeling pleasantly burned. David stands there for a moment after the first sip, eyes fixed intently on the drink as he contemplates what to do next. Marko and Paul have left, and Dwayne wonât leave your side. That means he wonât have to worry about anyone coming to him for comfort. Not that anyone wants my comfort. He frowns slightly at the thought, but doesnât dwell on it. Instead, David shifts his focus back to the situation at hand. He isnât used to feeling unsure about things, so his first instinct is to drink. That would be appropriate wouldnât it? You wouldnât have wanted him to cry over your death. It would be hypocritical to push you to take such a drastic measure and then get upset over it.Â
After your fight earlier, after everything heâd said, it had certainly seemed like heâd wanted you dead. Is that why you did it? David grips the bottle tightly and takes another swig. He can feel guilt beginning to seep in through the cracks of his resentment, and it makes him feel sick. David knows that it will only be a matter of time until he breaks. Until then, the only thing he can think to do is drink away all traces of emotion.
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Rain falls from the sky in fat, angry droplets as Marko races along the narrow dirt track. His legs feel cold as mud sprays onto his jeans, making them stiff against his skin. He pays little attention to his discomfort, though, as he pushes the bike to move faster down the path.Â
Eventually, the track begins to widen, and Marko tentatively loosens his grip on the throttle, allowing the bike to roll through the thick sludge. He slows to a stop just outside the entrance to the boardwalk and dismounts the vehicle, leaving it awkwardly propped up in the way. The rain only seems to be getting worse as Marko walks aimlessly through the boardwalk. Itâs pretty much deserted, which provides him some comfort. At least he can grieve in peace. He takes notice of how the warm glow of the street lamps makes the droplets seem golden as they hit the glistening sidewalk, and the way the moon is veiled by a few thin clouds, as if in mourning.
You would have appreciated tonightâs beauty, Marko thinks, frowning at the sudden aching of his heart. Heâs felt pain before, but nothing compares to this. Itâs as if a part of him has been agonisingly carved out, leaving nothing but a dark, gaping wound that yearns for your company. Part of him wants to scream for you the way Dwayne did- to allow his feelings to swallow him whole and reduce him to the pain he feels, but he canât. So instead, he swallows back the lump in his throat and blinks away his tears, allowing them to be washed away with the cool rain that streams down his face.Â
Marko inhales the winter air somewhat shakily as he ponders on what to do. Truthfully, he isnât sure why he drove himself here in the first place. The rain has completely soaked through his clothes and hair, and upon noticing this, he suddenly feels silly for coming all this way. Sure, the drive had helped distract him somewhat, but now that heâs here all by himself, his emotions only seem to be coming back worse than before.
Flashes of your sightless stare keep coming back in sickening waves, and Marko isnât sure whether he wants to scream or cry. How could such an insignificant human like yourself have wormed your way into his life, only to suddenly disappear and leave him with nothing?
You were supposed to live forever.Â
Marko clenches his fists as his pace quickens. He allows himself to indulge in fantasies of turning you, and imagines taking you on your first hunt. He thinks about the way your eyes would shine a brilliant gold as you tear into the flesh of your first victim, and how heâd tenderly wipe the blood from your mouth after.Â
If only they hadnât waited so long.Â
Marko abruptly stops walking as a familiar scent graces his nose. Through the heavy scent of rain he detects the sweet tang of blood coming from somewhere nearby, and after a couple seconds of straining his ears, he can hear the steady beating of a heart. A small part of him wonders if itâs appropriate to kill someone so soon after your death, but his instincts are stronger than whatever shred of morality he has left, so he shakes off the thought and allows his bloodlust to guide his movements.
Once close enough, Marko stands perfectly still behind a pillar and draws in another breath. His whole body suddenly stiffens at the familiarity of it. For a split second, Marko is convinced that youâve risen from the dead, but then he hears a barely audible hiss, and his shoulders drop in defeat. That fucking cat.
Your cat, Pumpkin, has a tendency to disappear for days at a time. Marko fondly recalls how worried you used to get when sheâd run away, though his mood quickly sours as he remembers how disinterested you had been lately in regards to her whereabouts. You probably hadnât even noticed sheâd been gone.Â
Marko carefully peers round the pillar, his eyes zeroing in on the scene before him. A few feet away, a woman is crouched in front of the small black cat. He notices how sheâs cradling one hand in another, and makes the assumption that Pumpkin must have scratched her. A slight smirk tugs at Markoâs lips, and he feels an odd sense of pride. Your cat had basically led him to his next meal.
Unable to wait any longer, he casually ambles over, allowing his heavy footsteps to alert the stranger of his presence. She startles at the sound, whipping round to stare at him from under the bright hood of her windbreaker. Much to Markoâs surprise, the face heâs met with seems a lot closer in age to you than he had expected. It catches him off guard, but he is quick to regain his composure.Â
âYou uh- you seem awfully young to be hanging out here in the rain all by yourself,â He says, trying to find the perfect balance of intimidating yet somewhat trustworthy.Â
The girl looks him up and down, and Marko is reminded of the state of his appearance. His clothes are splattered with mud, and his hair is likely so wet that the weight of it has reduced his curls to loose waves.
âYou seem pretty young yourself,â She replies, confusion evident on her face as she cocks her head slightly.Â
Marko quirks a brow at that, âIâm a lot older than you think.â
âOh, really?â The girlâs demeanour suddenly shifts, and her eyes seem to darken with unspoken desire as she slowly stands up and closes the gap between them.
For a moment, Marko considers indulging in her little game, intoxicated by the scent of her teenage hormones, but then he remembers your tortured, dead eyes and is hit with a wave of nausea. Sheâs your age.
All he can muster as a reply is a simple âMhm,â as he brings a gloved hand up to her throat and moves closer, leaning in so that his lips are mere millimetres away from her ear. It takes him a moment to get his words out, too overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of emotions assaulting his mind. âMy daughter killed herself today. Do you know what that feels like? Seeing your kidâs dead body hanging from a noose?â
Marko pulls away and regards her horrified expression hungrily, slowly increasing the pressure on her neck. âI- Iâm so sorry.. I didnât realise you- I mean, you donât look-â
âI asked you a fucking question. Do you know what that feels like?â
The girl shakes her head in response, clearly too frightened to speak.
Marko scoffs, âOf course you donât. Your pathetic species is incapable of feeling emotions the same way mine does.â He pauses for a moment to inhale the scent of her fear before continuing, âShe was worth so much more than youâll ever be⌠and yet sheâs dead and youâre here. It just doesnât make any fucking sense.â
By now, the girl is trembling in his grip, staring at him through tearful eyes as she tries to stutter out a response, only to be cut off again.
âDo your parents love you? Do you think theyâll miss you?â
Marko canât tell if his prey is actually nodding or if sheâs just shaking too much. He doesnât particularly care either way. âI guess thereâs only one way to find out...â
The girl releases a choked scream as Markoâs hand slips down to her shoulder to make space for his mouth. In an instant, his teeth are latched onto the tender skin of her neck and he begins tearing away at the flesh. He can feel her desperately clawing at his jacket as his tongue pushes deep into the wound, savouring the metallic tang.Â
Blood begins flowing more quickly into his mouth, running down his chin and getting caught in his hair as he shoves his victim into the wall of the souvenir shop behind her. The impact seems to drive his fangs further into her throat, as he feels a warm spray hit his nose and another gush of blood spill onto his tongue.
Thereâs one more slap against his bicep before the girl suddenly becomes limp in his grip and falls completely into his arms.
Marko physically recoils at the motion, roughly shoving the body away from him and taking a step back to glare at it. Blood continues gushing from her mangled neck, but he decides not to drink anymore of it. He doesnât need to. This girl hadnât died to be his prey; she had died because it was what she deserved. It was what her parents deserved too. The whole world should suffer the same anguish as him.
He stares at the body for what feels like hours, until a soft purring breaks his trance. Marko looks down to see your cat rubbing up against his legs. His first instinct is to kick it away, but something stops him. The action feels familiar, almost identical to how you used to hug his legs when you were little.Â
With a resigned sigh, Marko bends down and scoops the cat up into his arms, staring deeply into her orange eyes. âSheâs dead. Itâs just you and me now.â
Pumpkin shows no signs of understanding him, but he knows that deep down she feels your absence as strongly as he does. That alone brings him more comfort than any amount of killing ever could.Â
â§âââ âââ§âââ âââ§
Paul isnât sure what heâs doing here. His bike has been parked on Maxâs driveway for a good ten minutes now, but he still canât bring himself to cross that damn bridge and knock on the door. Chances are, Max knows heâs here, so why hasnât he come out?Â
The rain seems to be pouring down heavier and heavier, as if urging him to do something. Paul throws back his head and runs his fingers through his wet, tangled hair with a groan. He feels pathetic coming to Max, but there isnât anyone else to go to. Your absence feels like a stake to the heart, and he doesnât know how to cope with the gaping hole thatâs opened up inside him. Davidâs pissed, Markoâs gone, and Dwayne? Paul isnât sure Dwayne will ever be the same again.
After a few more minutes of contemplation, he finally musters up enough willpower to walk across the bridge and knock on the front door, only having to wait a couple of seconds before it swings open.Â
The expression on Maxâs face makes Paul feel even more pitiful than he had before. His brows are stiffly furrowed, and his dark eyes hold an unusual mixture of sympathy and disdain. Neither men speak for a moment as they regard each other wearily.Â
âYou look awful.â
Paul tries to feign a laugh, but all that comes out is a tired huff. âI know.âÂ
âWould you like to come in?â
Well duh. I didnât drive all this way just to stand on your porch.
Paul doesnât vocalise the snarky reply that had leapt to the forefront of his mind. Instead, he nods meekly and steps inside without another word, grateful to be out of the vicious storm. Max is quick to close the door behind him. He regards Paulâs state with a displeased frown, noting how much water is dripping off clothes and onto the door mat. âHere- let me take that jacket off you.â His voice is gentle, although thereâs a hint of authority in his words as he helps Paul out of the leather.Â
âSorry for turninâ up like this- unannounced I mean.â He mumbles, not failing to notice the way Max is gingerly holding his jacket like itâs contaminated with some infectious disease.Â
âItâs no problem,â Max replies as he fixes it onto the coat hanger, caught off guard by Paulâs manners. âWhen was the last time you fed?â He asks, leading the younger vampire through to the kitchen.Â
Paul perks up slightly at the question, his eyes darting around the dimly lit room in search of a potential victim. âWhy, you got someone in here for us to kill?â
Max stops in front of the fridge, âWell, not exactlyâŚâ He grips the metal handle and slowly opens the door to reveal what must be at least a hundred blood bags.
Paulâs shoulders slump in disappointment. âIâm not drinking that crap.â
âI understand that youâre upset Paul, but starving yourself of blood wonât make the pain go away. Itâll only make you weaker, and thatâs not what you need right now.âÂ
Paul shifts slightly in discomfort, fighting to maintain a respectful attitude towards the senior vampire. âI donât see how your shitty blood bags are supposed to make me feel any better about my kid committing suicide.â Saying the words out loud makes him realise the permanency of your death and fills him with an overwhelming sense of dread. Youâre gone. Forever. Heâll never see your smile, or feel the warmth of your touch again.Â
The kitchen starts spinning, and Paul stumbles back in a drunken manner. For the first time since he became a vampire, he feels scared. Everything had been so meticulously planned out that the possibility of a life without you hadnât even crossed his mind before. He doesnât know what to do.
A strong pair of hands suddenly grips Paulâs shoulders, pulling him from his spiralling thoughts. âHey- listen to me. You boys will be ok. I know it hurts, and I know you miss her, but youâll get through this. She wouldnât want to see you getting this upset.â
Paul realises he must have been crying, because his face feels hot and sticky. He self consciously wipes away the tears and averts his gaze towards the floor, âI just wish she knew how much we cared about her. I know sometimes we-â Paulâs voice cracks as he speaks, âSometimes weâd get carried away and hurt her, but that doesnât mean we donât love her.â
Max sighs and soothingly rubs Paulâs shoulders. âItâs not your fault Paul. She was a troubled child- something like this was bound to happen.â
In an instant the atmosphere seems to shift. All vulnerability in Paulâs face is gone as his jaw stiffens and his brows knit tightly into a frown. âWhat the fuck is that supposed to mean?â
âWell, this isnât the first time sheâs had a depressive episode. David told me about how she used to hurt herself when she got upset, and how sheâd steal your drugs. Thatâs how this whole ordeal started, isnât it? David found the pills in her drawer.â
Paul bristles, âWhat are you trying to say Max? That something was wrong with her?â
âWhat Iâm saying is that she was angry and unstable. The only reason she did this to herself was because she couldnât do it to you. Had she been a vampire, it might have been one of you boys who ended up dead instead.âÂ
Logic gives way to anger as Paul shoves Max away from him. His teeth are bared in a savage display of aggression and his golden eyes glare wildly at the man before him. âMy daughter would never do that, you donât know what youâre talking about. She loved us just as much as we loved her, she just had trouble communicating that sometimes.â
Despite all his instincts screaming at him to retaliate, Max doesnât react. He turns away from Paul and puts the blood bag back into the fridge with a sigh, before finally speaking. âI think you should leave. Go back to the cave and spend some time with the others- you shouldnât try and navigate something like this alone.â
Paul scoffs in disbelief, âYouâre kicking me out? My kid just died and youâre telling me to leave?â
âI canât offer you the comfort youâre looking for.â The room falls silent. Max is still turned away, refusing to look Paul in the eye.Â
âYou know what? Fine. I donât need you- coming here was a stupid idea.âÂ
Paul doesnât wait for a reply. He marches through the poorly lit house, only stopping to snatch his leather jacket from the coat hanger before yanking the front door open in frustration. He can hear Max approaching from behind, but decides not to acknowledge his presence. Anger still burns hotly beneath his skin, and Paul knows that speaking his mind could risk a vicious fight sparking between them. One that may cost him his life.
âI need to talk to David. Tell him I expect a visit within the next few days.â
Paulâs only response is a silent nod. He waits for a moment to make sure Max has nothing else to say and then steps out into the rain. The door slams behind him with a heavy thud that's quickly followed by the soft clicking of a lock.Â
âFuck.â Paul spits out the word like it had personally wronged him. He can feel his eyes becoming wet again with the promise of more tears, but he makes no move to wipe them away. They arenât gentle this time- these ones sting like acid and roll down his cheeks alongside the rain. Paul ignores them and walks dejectedly back to his bike. His Aerosmith t-shirt is already drenched, but he puts on his jacket anyway, grimacing slightly in discomfort as he wrestles his arms through the heavy sleeves.Â
The bike waits patiently for him to mount it. Under the soft glow of the streetlight, the red paint appears more of a burnt orange, and Paul can see each individual raindrop plummeting down and splashing against his leather seat. He doesnât bother to wipe it away, considering the weather has already ruined his white pants- a bit more rainwater wonât make a difference. Paul grips the handlebars and swings a leg over the hunk of metal with practiced ease. He takes a moment to adjust himself before twisting round to take one more look at the house.
You used to love visiting Uncle Max when you were little. Paul remembers the way youâd skip down his bridge, often tripping over your feet in your hurry to greet Thorn. Thinking about how happy you used to be somehow makes your father feel even worse. He knows that among the sharp claws of grief that tear at his heart, thereâs something darker lurking. A vicious guilt heâs repressed for years- for the life they thrusted upon you, which you inevitably destroyed. You had every right to, as even after everything you had endured, it still belonged to you.Â
And my life still belongs to me. Paulâs thoughts turn dark as he slowly begins to understand the pain you must have felt to commit to something so final. Was this your plan- to infect them with your suffering? He casts his gaze over to the sky, wondering if youâre watching him from above. Would you want him to do this? The sun has yet to paint the horizon gold, but judging by the dreary blueish-grey that has taken over the earlier darkness, Paul knows it wonât be long until sunrise. Heâs running out of time to choose. Stay or go; live or die. The decision comes down to one question he never thought heâd have to answer: you or them.
Paul closes his eyes and listens to the gentle ambiance of the early morning. He prays to you for guidance- for any indication of what to do, but receives no answer. This choice is for him to make alone.Â
He knows what he must do.
â§âââ âââ§âââ âââ§
Time has lost its meaning. Dwayne doesnât know how long heâs been sitting on your cold floor with a stillness that could rival an ancient statue. Maybe heâs only been here for a few hours⌠or maybe itâs been days. Itâs all the same now. No one has dared to check on him yet. It must seem distasteful for them to enter the site of such a tragedy. Perhaps they feel it is not their place to infiltrate what had once been your safe haven. Theyâre wrong. He thinks, finally moving a hand to trace the side of your face with his thumb. This place is just a room. It may be your room, but itâs still just a room.Â
It was him that made you feel safe, not your bedroom. Dwayne knows that in the past few weeks he had been failing at that. It should make him feel guilty- it did at first. He had cried and screamed your name until his throat was dry and swallowing became painful. Then it all went away. All the grief and guilt he felt was gone, and in its place came an unsettling calmness he has never felt before. Acceptance.
Heâs come to terms with this reality. Youâll never wake up, but that's ok; you donât need to. Dwayne is content with holding you in his lap. He wants to savour every last moment with you before heâs truly ready to let go. Perhaps thatâs why heâs afraid to leave your room. That would mean moving away from what has happened, and he canât do that yet.Â
Once he does though, he knows that heâll be ok. Dwayne isnât afraid to die anymore, in fact he is quietly longing for the end of his life. The past feels like some hazy dream, and the future is incomprehensible. All that exists now is the present, which he will continue to live in until even that becomes unrecognisable. And then I will be free to join you forever, my precious girl.
A sudden thud against your doorframe drags Dwayne from his thoughts, though he makes no move to even look at the people there. He already knows that itâs David and Marko.
âHey manâŚâ Markoâs voice sounds rough and tired, taking on an uncharacteristically serious tone. âI- We think itâs time we should bury her.â
Dwayne tenses and brings your body up to his chest, still refusing to look in Markoâs direction. âNo, sheâs not ready yet. Give us more time.â
âYouâve been in here for a week, Dwayne. Cmon, you canât hold on to her forever.â Dwayne finally snaps his head round to look at them when he hears Marko taking a step closer. Heâs holding a small black cat in his arms with a defeated look on his face. Dwayne instantly notices the redness of his eyes, and realises that this might be the first time he has ever seen Marko cry.
Behind him, David is leaning unsteadily against the doorframe. The expression on his face suggests he might have something to say, but Dwayne assumes by the way heâs struggling to hold himself up that heâs too drunk to piece together something meaningful enough to say. If he wasnât in such a state himself, maybe he wouldâve found the sight of them pathetic. Instead, it only reinforces what he already knew. The pack wonât be able to manage without you.Â
âWhereâs Paul?â
Marko shifts uncomfortably, averting his gaze to the floor. âWe havenât seen him since sheâŚâ He trails off and gestures towards you, unable to finish his sentence.
âSo you wanna do this without him?â Dwayne asks flatly, his eyes flicking towards the cat. Why was that stupid thing here? Heâd sort of hoped it had run away, or been hit by a car.
âWe canât wait for him anymore. I mean, for all we know he could be- he might not come back.âÂ
Dwayne doesnât speak. Beneath the cold apathy that has numbed his mind, thereâs traces of sadness. Not for Paul, who likely is dead, but for Marko. He looks completely defeated: shoulders slumped and head heavy as he glances back up at Dwayne. Thereâs a sliver of hope in his eyes, as if heâs quietly optimistic that things will get better.Â
My death will push him over the edge. Dwayne thinks as he frowns at Marko, suddenly unsure about whether or not killing himself would be a good idea. Is this really the end? He canât imagine a future without you, and now that Paul may be gone too, things seem even more bleak. What does Marko see in the ruins of their lives thatâs worth living for?
âIt doesnât even look like her anymoreâŚâ Huh? The statement catches Dwayne off guard. He had expected Marko to press him to speak, or try and offer some words of comfort- not this.
âLook at her. Actually look at her this time. Thatâs not our kid anymore, thatâs a dead body. Sheâs gone.â Dwayne reluctantly shifts his gaze back down to your face and looks at you properly. Not through those rose tinted lenses of who you had been, but through the clear, cold truth. No filters this time, no memories, just fact. And the fact is, Marko is right. Your skin is tinged with green and peeling away like layers of old wallpaper. His heart sinks. Itâs time to let you go.
âI donât wanna do it either, but we canât just sit here watching her rot away.â
Dwayne slowly nods and carefully stands up, still tightly clinging onto your body. He can feel his joints clicking and legs trembling with the effort of moving after such a long period of stillness.Â
âSo this is it. Nearly a decade of raising that child, and now weâre gonna bury her.â Heâd forgotten that David was here too, leaning against the doorframe looking slightly dazed, as if he hadnât expected those words to come slurring out his mouth.Â
Dwayne bristles slightly and shoots him a glare, âIâd hardly say you raised her. You didnât do shit.â To his surprise, David doesnât argue back. His brows twitch slightly and he averts his gaze, as if in shame.Â
Marko rests a placating hand on Dwayneâs shoulder, having to reach up slightly due to the height difference, âNowâs not the time. Weâre all upset- and heâs been drinking non-stop since she died. He isnât in the right frame of mind for this.â
When did Marko of all people become the peacekeeper around here? Dwayne muses, surprised by how composed he has kept himself. I suppose people tend to react differently in a time of crisis.Â
Markoâs hand leaves Dwayneâs shoulder as he leads the two remaining members of their pack through the cave. Itâs more cluttered and unkept than he remembers, with glass bottles (some empty, others not) laying discarded all over the floor and on just about every surface there is. The whole area reeks of vodka and beer and⌠weed?Â
âHeâs been smoking?â Dwayne murmurs, eying David as he stumbles towards the cave entrance, either not knowing or not caring about the conversation going on behind him.Â
Marko shrugs tiredly, âI think he got into Paulâs weed stash. I mean, someone might as well smoke it, since heâs not here.â A heavy silence falls between the two men. They hadnât stopped to grieve Paul yet. Maybe because they canât cope with acknowledging another loss right now, or maybe theyâre still clinging to the hope that heâs out there somewhere, mourning all by himself.Â
They finally reach the top of the cliff, where three bikes have been left to bask under the soft glow of the moon. David is standing right at the edge, staring out at the sea with his back to them. Dwayne watches him for a moment before glancing back at Marko. âI think we should let her drift out into the sea.â
Marko turns to him, surprise etched onto his features. âYou donât wanna bury her?â
Of course he wants to bury you. In fact, part of him wants to consume your blood so that youâll be with him forever, but he knows deep down that all you wanted was to be free. No matter how much that fact stings, he canât ignore what he knows is the truth.
âSheâd prefer to be in the water.â A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth for a split second, âDo you remember how the five of us used to go down to the beach? I always told her not to get in the water cause sheâd freeze, but then youâd grab her by the hand and run in with her.âÂ
A quiet huff escapes Markoâs lips. Itâs not quite a laugh, but itâs enough. A flash of hope that lingers in the air, whispering that maybe, just maybe things will turn out ok. The two of them walk towards David, who doesnât acknowledge them. Marko clears his throat awkwardly, âShould- should we say something? Like a goodbye?â
Dwayne shakes his head. He knows that all their goodbyes have already been said in the privacy of their minds. Silent prayers only meant for you to hear. To say them out loud would be too performative. âNo, we should just let her go,â he replies quietly, taking another step forward so that the edges of his boots are in line with the edge of the cliff. Dwayne looks down at you one last time and places a gentle kiss upon your forehead. He ignores the coldness of your skin, and simply savours the feeling of having you in his hold one last time, before he stretches out his arms and lets you go.
One final act of love. One that has set you free forever.
â§âââ âââ§âââ âââ§
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