Dimitri Romanov

Camp Counselor. Singer. To young to be this old. Sorry, no relation to the Princess. (RPBLOG)

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri pressed his lips together, eyes widneing at the thought of Xander being pulled from here. “I’ll leave before I let him be pulled from somewhere he feels safe. Hell, I’d jump off that fucking bluff first. Yes, I fucked him, ok? It’s not like I can go back and tell him no. It happened. And honestly, I’d rather go to jail then watch him get hurt in any way. I’d rather DIE.”

[griffonhale-blog]

He looked over at him, “think they’d trust him anywhere else either? In their eyes you’re just another number to add to the list of people who have taken advantage of their child. Doesn’t matter that he’s seventeen, he’s their little boy and will be forever. Look, he asked me not to hurt you, so I’m not reporting this little transgression of yours for both your sakes. Touch him again while he’s here, regardless of him wanting to or not, and I’ll call the cops myself.” 

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri could only nod, his hand going to clench his shirt over his heart as he laid back down. “I’m sorry. I’m not sorry I did it, but I am sorry I did it before he wasnn’t a camper. Before I knew that all I was to him was sex.” He murmured softly. “I’ll be ok, sooner or later.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“I wouldn’t have slept with him if I didn’t feel anything” Dimitri sniffles, finally sat up, rubbing his face. “And why in the hell would I bring him into this?” He looked up blearily, his eyes red and his cheeks tearstained.

[griffonhale-blog]

“You shouldn’t have slept with him regardless. Not until he wasn’t under your care. Do you get that if his parents found out about the two of you that you could lose your job, be put under a restraining order to stay away from him, and he could be pulled from a place where he feels safe and is learning how to cope. Do you not realize how fucking detrimental this could be to him?! I don’t care if he was on his knees begging for it, I really don’t, you should’ve told him no. You should have told him to wait until he wasn’t a camper. Hell you’ve only known him a few weeks at most. Really you shouldn’t be sleeping with him regardless.” He sighed, “you already did when you said, and I quote, ‘never mind that I’m not the only counselor who has feelings for a camper.’ I’m beginning to realize you obviously don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, and that makes me question why you’re even here in the first place.” He huffed and moved to lay on his bed, “why couldn’t you have done just your job and not fucked my nephew?”

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri pressed his lips together, eyes widneing at the thought of Xander being pulled from here. “I’ll leave before I let him be pulled from somewhere he feels safe. Hell, I’d jump off that fucking bluff first. Yes, I fucked him, ok? It’s not like I can go back and tell him no. It happened. And honestly, I’d rather go to jail then watch him get hurt in any way. I’d rather DIE.”

[griffonhale-blog]

thelostromanov:

Dimitri let out a soft laugh before it turned slightly hysterical. “Oh, I know. I know Distance. Great pals, we are.” His laugh turned bitter before he resumed sniffling. “No one fucking wants the fuck up with the scars. I know.” he sighed, going on. He wasn’t even talking about what Griffon was saying and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop the words. “Nevermind that I’m not the only counselor that feels thing for a camper, nevermind that I made sure time and time again that he didn’t have to do anything, that I wasn’t going to push, that I wasn’t going to do anything he didn’t want to. NEvermind that even when it DID happen, I made sure every single fucking step of the way that he was completely ok, that he didn’t want to stop. I read him like a fucking book, you can’t hide the ‘i don’t want to’ shit from me. You can’t. I spent way to fucking long in that fucking ring to NOT know it. So thanks for basically telling me I don’t deserve him. I knew that, but thanks. I know I don’t deserve anything. I shouldn’t have even looked his way, shouldn’t have even dared to breath the same air. I care too much too fast, and look where it got me. He doesn’t ever want to see me again, which is fine, I’m not going to force him to do anything. I’ll let him come to me. If he wants to. But at the same time, I’m going to be there for him, help protect him. And afterall, what’s another scar? Since you can’t see this one anyway!”

“It’s not about wanting you, it’s about you being a fucking adult and him being a kid.” He shook his head and looked at him almost to ask why he’d decided to become a counselor when he clearly wasn’t over or dealing very well with his past. “You should’ve just been responsible and waited till he wasn’t a camper here. It would’ve been better for everyone involved.” He shook his head slowly, “and just so we’re clear, I’ll concede that I have some feelings for a camper, fine, but if you ever bring him into an argument and try to make him out to be Xander and me out to be you and I will kick your ass. It’s not the same thing, and if you weren’t too caught up in your past and thinking that you don’t deserve anything or anyone, you’d see that. This is about you sleeping with him. Not having feelings for him.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

"I wouldn't have slept with him if I didn't feel anything" Dimitri sniffles, finally sat up, rubbing his face. "And why in the hell would I bring him into this?" He looked up blearily, his eyes red and his cheeks tearstained.

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri groaned, burying himself into his bedding further. “One. I told him I wouldn’t do anything if it wasn’t what he wanted. Two. I made sure he knew that he didn’t have to do that to talk to me. In fact, if all he ever wanted was to talk and confide, I’d be happy as a fucking clam. Three. He ended it because he was scared of you finding out. Four. HE ended it. Why in the fuck would I be here crying if all I was doing was screwing him? I cared. Too much too fast, maybe. But Cared. All I ever do is fuck up, so go ahead, beat me, gut me, I don’t fucking care. No one would care….”

[griffonhale-blog]

He nodded, “yea, you did fuck it up. You’re the god damned adult in that equation. You’re the one supposed to be responsible and say ‘no, you’re my camper so even if I wanted to we couldn’t do such things.’ It’s like a teacher sleeping with their student. So yea, you did fuck it up. Second, his entire life is full of people telling him he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to and everything will be fine only to be royally screwed when he doesn’t do something for them. He doesn’t understand that sometimes people are just nice and that he doesn’t have to do things with them even if he says he wants to do something! Third, did you ever stop to think that maybe he ended it because he doesn’t want to be used again? Just stay away from him. He wants to talk, fine, stay in camp. Don’t go looking for him in the woods and don’t go out of your way to spend time with him. Distance, learn about it.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri let out a soft laugh before it turned slightly hysterical. “Oh, I know. I know Distance. Great pals, we are.” His laugh turned bitter before he resumed sniffling. “No one fucking wants the fuck up with the scars. I know.” he sighed, going on. He wasn’t even talking about what Griffon was saying and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop the words. “Nevermind that I’m not the only counselor that feels thing for a camper, nevermind that I made sure time and time again that he didn’t have to do anything, that I wasn’t going to push, that I wasn’t going to do anything he didn’t want to. NEvermind that even when it DID happen, I made sure every single fucking step of the way that he was completely ok, that he didn’t want to stop. I read him like a fucking book, you can’t hide the ‘i don’t want to’ shit from me. You can’t. I spent way to fucking long in that fucking ring to NOT know it. So thanks for basically telling me I don’t deserve him. I knew that, but thanks. I know I don’t deserve anything. I shouldn’t have even looked his way, shouldn’t have even dared to breath the same air. I care too much too fast, and look where it got me. He doesn’t ever want to see me again, which is fine, I’m not going to force him to do anything. I’ll let him come to me. If he wants to. But at the same time, I’m going to be there for him, help protect him. And afterall, what’s another scar? Since you can’t see this one anyway!”

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri groaned, pulling the pillow over his head. “Yeah Grif?” he called out through it, pulling the blanket over it for good measure when he realized his voice was still wet. He’s a shitty ass counselor. All he ends up doing is crying.

[griffonhale-blog]

He looked over at him and shook his head before slamming the door shut, “so you did sleep with him. And he did end it.” He moved over towards Dimitri and sat on the bed next to his, “are you an idiot? He’s a camper, an underaged camper, and you’re in your mid twenties. No offense, but that was the stupidest thing you could’ve done!  No, you know what, all offense to you. That was just stupid. Do you know what you’ve done to him? You’ve basically alienated him from you entirely and you’re the person he talked to. You’re the person he could go to who wasn’t family and didn’t know his entire background. He felt safe here and then you go and sleep with him! What’s he to think now if he wants to talk later? Oh I guess to talk with him I’ve gotta let him screw me! You were irresponsible and inappropriate!”

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri groaned, burying himself into his bedding further. “One. I told him I wouldn’t do anything if it wasn’t what he wanted. Two. I made sure he knew that he didn’t have to do that to talk to me. In fact, if all he ever wanted was to talk and confide, I’d be happy as a fucking clam. Three. He ended it because he was scared of you finding out. Four. HE ended it. Why in the fuck would I be here crying if all I was doing was screwing him? I cared. Too much too fast, maybe. But Cared. All I ever do is fuck up, so go ahead, beat me, gut me, I don’t fucking care. No one would care....”

[griffonhale-blog]

He’d left the pier angry and he knew he should’ve gone to cool down, but he wasn’t thinking clearly. He moved towards the counselors cabin to see if Dimitri’s sorry ass was there. Who did he think he was sleeping with a camper, taking advantage of a camper?! It was in appropriate and gave both of them bad names because he screwed up. His fists are balled when he gets there but remembers how Xander asked him not to hurt the other. Fine, he’d try. “Dimitri?” he asked stepping into the cabin looking to see if the other counselor was in.

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri groaned, pulling the pillow over his head. “Yeah Grif?” he called out through it, pulling the blanket over it for good measure when he realized his voice was still wet. He’s a shitty ass counselor. All he ends up doing is crying.

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“Xander!” He called, reaching out a hand to catch Xander’s. “Listen. I’m not trying to make you feel like you should be thankful to me. I just wanted to show you that I cared. That you mean a lot to me. Even….even if you want to ignore me the rest of our lives, at least I know you’re safe. At least I know no one will hurt you. You are worth it. You are worth everything I can ever do and give.” He sighed softly, stroking a finger along Xander’s hand. “I’m sorry I’m obviously not what you wanted.” he murmured, letting the hand go and staying where he was.

[xanobrien-blog]

He looks back at him and listens to him word vomit, basically, and it sets his teeth on edge as he hears everything. He narrows his eyes and steps back, “no, you’re not. You were just sex and I don’t need or want you.” He knew it was mean and completely un-true, but he said it anyway before turning on his heel to leave him. 

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri winced, watching the other walk off before letting himself cry, his forehead slamming repeatedly against the steering wheel. He’d done it again. He’d fucked up again. God, can he ever stop fucking up?

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“How did  Imess with your head?” he asked, incredulously. “How? Because I care? Because I worked my ass off to make sure that fucker in the jail can’t do ANYTHING that might hurt you or yours? Yes, I did it, I did what I promised you. You’re not going to get hurt by him anymore, neither is your family.”

[xanobrien-blog]

“I never asked you to do that!” He hung his head slowly. He groaned, “you do things like that! You make me feel like I should be just thankful to you for everything! Like I don’t want this but you drop a bombshell like that and how am I supposed to feel? Huh? You mess with my head you make me think things can be better and I know they can’t! I’m not worth it, I’m just not. Just stop trying to fix me.” He huffed and kicked his door open getting out so he could just be away from him. 

[thelostromanov-blog]

“Xander!” He called, reaching out a hand to catch Xander’s. “Listen. I’m not trying to make you feel like you should be thankful to me. I just wanted to show you that I cared. That you mean a lot to me. Even....even if you want to ignore me the rest of our lives, at least I know you’re safe. At least I know no one will hurt you. You are worth it. You are worth everything I can ever do and give.” He sighed softly, stroking a finger along Xander’s hand. “I’m sorry I’m obviously not what you wanted.” he murmured, letting the hand go and staying where he was.

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“ iwant to help.” he murmured. “And as for the tracker, you’ll have to ask Griffon.” he sighed softly, pulling into the parking spot for the Van and lowering his forehead to the steering wheel. His chest ached. “Please, don’t run.”

[xanobrien-blog]

“Help with what?” he asked sharply. “You don’t get it. My parents find out, and they will, they’ll pull me from this program and I’m not making huge strides, but I am improving! I can’t afford to lose this place.” He groaned, “everything was good before you showed up and messed with my head.” 

[thelostromanov-blog]

“How did  Imess with your head?” he asked, incredulously. “How? Because I care? Because I worked my ass off to make sure that fucker in the jail can’t do ANYTHING that might hurt you or yours? Yes, I did it, I did what I promised you. You’re not going to get hurt by him anymore, neither is your family.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“She didn’t tell me you did. And you weren’t running away. You were just in the trees. So I have no idea, honestly.” He sighed. “I want you to feel safe.”

[xanobrien-blog]

He nodded, Dimitri didn’t need to know he was actually running away. So he just nodded and agreed. “I never feel safe. Probably never will.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“ iwant to help.” he murmured. “And as for the tracker, you’ll have to ask Griffon.” he sighed softly, pulling into the parking spot for the Van and lowering his forehead to the steering wheel. His chest ached. “Please, don’t run.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“I will worry.” Dimitri gave him another small smile as they headed back towards the camp. “I always will.”

[xanobrien-blog]

“Well don’t. It’ll only keep you up at night.” He sighed, “s’pose this means I’ve gotta wear the tracker again, huh?” He didn’t look over at Dimitri as he spoke just kept his eyes on the scenery around him. 

[thelostromanov-blog]

“She didn’t tell me you did. And you weren’t running away. You were just in the trees. So I have no idea, honestly.” He sighed. “I want you to feel safe.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“Let me know if you need some OK?” Dimitri gave him a small smile. “I’m so glad you’re ok, I was worried”

[xanobrien-blog]

He nodded, “will do.” He looked out the window when he was back in the van and leaned his head against the glass. “I was fine. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“I will worry.” Dimitri gave him another small smile as they headed back towards the camp. “I always will.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri nodded, smiling and standing up. “Good! How’s your elbow feeling?” He asked softly, going to touch him before hesitating, letting his hand fall by his side. “Come on.” he murmured softly.

[xanobrien-blog]

He nodded and followed him back to the van. “Elbow’s bendable again. They said I need to take it easy for the next couple of days and take ibuprofen for the pain as needed.” he didn’t even look at Dimitri as they walked back to the van. 

[thelostromanov-blog]

"Let me know if you need some OK?" Dimitri gave him a small smile. "I'm so glad you're ok, I was worried"

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“I think he’ll be fine wihtout me. I didn’t do things with you because of trying to heal you or anything.” he winced softly. “Stop trying to cheapen what we did. As much as I don’t want you to ignore me, or to stop seeing me, I’m not going to force you to do it. I’ve already told you I was never going to push you to do anything you didn’t want to when it came to that.” he looked down at his hands clenching them tightly. “But I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t pretend I didn’t fall as hard as I did.” He sighed. “I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt as bad as it does.”

[xanobrien-blog]

He nodded but stayed quiet until he was called back. “I’ll be out in a minute,” he told him so he knew not to get up. Then he followed the nurse back into the room where his elbow was fixed, his chest was x-rayed and his head was cleared. “You’re lucky,” the doctor said as gave him a pain killer and then told him to take ibuprofen as needed for pain later. When he was finished he walked back into the waiting room. “All better.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

Dimitri nodded, smiling and standing up. “Good! How’s your elbow feeling?” He asked softly, going to touch him before hesitating, letting his hand fall by his side. “Come on.” he murmured softly.

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“no.” He murmured. “i’m not going to let him switch with me when he hurt you.” Dimitri sighed softly .”And you do mean a LOT to me.” He sat next to him, “I just.” he sighed softly. “Look. you really do mean a lot to me. You say you can’t, and yet you do.”

[xanobrien-blog]

“He didn’t hurt me, I fell out of a tree, nothing more.” He didn’t look at Dimitri as he waited. He’s determinedly not looking at anyone. “D’you know who you should flirt your way into their pants? The newbie, little boy like him would probably speak a novel after a good fuck.” He’s just diminishing the meaning of what they did as best he can. “Well, then you should fix it.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“I think he’ll be fine wihtout me. I didn’t do things with you because of trying to heal you or anything.” he winced softly. “Stop trying to cheapen what we did. As much as I don’t want you to ignore me, or to stop seeing me, I’m not going to force you to do it. I’ve already told you I was never going to push you to do anything you didn’t want to when it came to that.” he looked down at his hands clenching them tightly. “But I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t pretend I didn’t fall as hard as I did.” He sighed. “I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt as bad as it does.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“You are more than a runaway.” He frowned. “And I’m not going to cry.” he whispered, pressing his mouth tightly shut. He pulled into the parking lot before hopping out of the van and heading around to help Xander down. “You mean so much to me.” he murmured softly, absently kissing Xander’s forehead as he bent forward to help him out, making it so no one else saw it.

[xanobrien-blog]

“Don’t,” he told him as they pulled up. He got out, with Dimitri’s help, and frowned lightly at him, “don’t. I don’t mean anything to you. I can’t.” He sighed and headed inside signing himself in before taking a seat leaning his head back against the wall to wait. “Would you call Griffon? Maybe it’s best if you and he switch places, put some distance between us.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“no.” He murmured. “i’m not going to let him switch with me when he hurt you.” Dimitri sighed softly .”And you do mean a LOT to me.” He sat next to him, “I just.” he sighed softly. “Look. you really do mean a lot to me. You say you can’t, and yet you do.”

[xanobrien-blog]

miss me when i’m gone

[thelostromanov-blog]

“No.” He shook his head. “it’s so simple that’s it. It seems complicated but it’s not. And Griffon was lying. You’re important to too many people. Please.” he gripped the steering wheel tighter. “if you REALLY want to, we can stop. And I mean if YOU want to. I’m not talking about you telling me that just beause of some dumb shit that fell from Griffon’s mouth. if that’s what YOU want.” He finished softly, ignoring the stinging in his eyes and the way his throat tightened. “But I can’t just un-complicate it.”

[xanobrien-blog]

He rolled his eyes and kept his head facing the window, “what’s it mater anyways. Nothing anyone says is going to change the fact that I’m just a runaway and nothing more.” He sighed, “don’t like cry or anything either. I don’t do tears.”

[thelostromanov-blog]

“You are more than a runaway.” He frowned. “And I’m not going to cry.” he whispered, pressing his mouth tightly shut. He pulled into the parking lot before hopping out of the van and heading around to help Xander down. “You mean so much to me.” he murmured softly, absently kissing Xander’s forehead as he bent forward to help him out, making it so no one else saw it.