astrophilia (n.) love of and/or obsession with planets and stars

call me umbra / nyc / male / let me talk to you about astrophysics / communists, nazis, pro-russia morons, and marxists fuck off, i am polish

[themanwhoateastronomy]

what good are apologies when there is no love to receive them? who is there to rescue when i have already saved myself? take my soul from between the folds of this novel my bones have outgrown. this door stayed open only because i wasn't brave enough to close it, and i cannot keep mistaking being needed for being loved. love only ever killed one at a time but your ego will be the death of you, them, the world, and me, too. you killed me, but only i can bury myself. this is the only way the story could go, so don't call my name now, when not even my ghost will stay for its echo

[themanwhoateastronomy]

sometimes you just gotta get rid of someone you dont need in your life and then get an A- on an exam you thought you failed. its gonna be ok

[themanwhoateastronomy]

it's gonna be okay. it's not gonna be okay. but that's okay too. it's going to feel really long and take forever. but then i'll blink and it'll all be over. i'm going to lose myself a hundred times. i'll find myself a million times more. the fear is unbearable. but the success might make me forget it. i have to run away from this. but maybe i should try fighting it first. i want to give up all the time. but i didn't come this far just to come this far. i think it's time to lay down and quit. but i think i've learned a lot here and can make something even more beautiful. i think the roads i'll take will have a lot of struggle. but they will be mine. it's gonna be okay. it's not gonna be okay. but i think that's okay too.

[themanwhoateastronomy]

it's gonna be okay. it's not gonna be okay. but that's okay too. it's going to feel really long and take forever. but then i'll blink and it'll all be over. i'm going to lose myself a hundred times. i'll find myself a million times more. the fear is unbearable. but the success might make me forget it. i have to run away from this. but maybe i should try fighting it first. i want to give up all the time. but i didn't come this far just to come this far. i think it's time to lay down and quit. but i think i've learned a lot here and can make something even more beautiful. i think the roads i'll take will have a lot of struggle. but they will be mine. it's gonna be okay. it's not gonna be okay. but i think that's okay too.

[themanwhoateastronomy]

so turns out there isnt an age too young for throwing out your back

[themanwhoateastronomy]

cape verde come back... cape verde you've won more than the cup... cape verde you're history... cape verde come back soon...

[themanwhoateastronomy]

post of shame

[themanwhoateastronomy]

cape verde come back... cape verde you've won more than the cup... cape verde you're history... cape verde come back soon...

[themanwhoateastronomy]

never forgiving humanity for teaching laika to fetch but never teaching her to come back

[themanwhoateastronomy]

"dark academia" this "light academia" that. ok what kind of academia is the eye wash station ejaculating across the whole lab and you so you get to freeze until your shift ends

[themanwhoateastronomy]

shoelaces

i tied knots in my everything so you'd think you know the way i went i left loose threads in the doorway on purpose i think i caught every piece of myself on every nail and every splinter of my Soul think if you pull hard enough the whole thread spools apart and if you if you gather every split end caught at every window and chair and in my backpack and in my linen and if i slip the knot free will you will you will you find that it all still looks like me?

[themanwhoateastronomy]

this isn't even an attempt at poetry it's just unfiltered thinking into the void. i'm just tired of being known and of having people know me. i'm tired of people knowing me that i don't want knowing me and if it wasn't for the fact i love my family i would've turned myself into a missing person's case and skipped town. i care so much more about the war of self image in my head than anything else that all i want to do is one day vanish overnight and tell nobody that i've gone somewhere very, very far away in the world.

and the people i tell this to dont think im being for real or they think im pushing it or they think im going to just change environments and not much else. i know exactly who i am and living as that person isnt something i can do here and maybe itd be more sad about it in another life. the only thing i mourn though is that it feels like i wasnt made for permanence.

has anyone else felt this way? that all you know how to do is run away? all i know is how to run away but i also know is that i'm not running from a place or a thing. i'm running from myself and i'm running into myself and i'm running from a past i had no control over sometimes and all the control over and i'm running because this is all i know but i'm also running because this is the only way i can stay alive and if i don't run i'm losing myself all over again but if i run then i lose everything else but i'm somehow okay with that.

does anyone else feel like they were never made for permanence? in another life i think i would have liked to settle down somewhere and i might have lived alone but i think in another life i enjoy lazy mornings with someone else or chasing children that i bring home one day in the back of a car and then drive them out to college in that same car. but i don't think that's going to be this life. does anyone else feel like they were made to live nowhere and everywhere all at once? does anyone else feel like you're the kind of person that people might enjoy being friends with only for you to vanish from their life at the end of one season?

i can't fathom living this way as i am and i know i'm going to have to leave this place in the next few years or else it's going to kill me. but even though it's obviously anxiety-inducing to think of having to start somewhere else, the only part i seem to think about is how i'm going to have to leave this place and never return and with it i will kill everything that has ever happened here. but in every act of violence there will always be a ghost and i know when i leave i'm at once killing one facet of myself to replace with another, but in my new face will live every victim i've buried, and all those victims are also just my face again. i think that's the only part i'm not sure how to feel about. i'm taking myself out the city but i can't take the city out of myself. this place was mine but now it just feels like a house that isn't called home and maybe that's okay.

the human experience is just so vast and complicated i'm sure there's millions that have felt this way before me and millions more that will come after me feeling this way too. and all i can think about are those train-hopping rogues and those that ran away from home to take on a new name and ended up halfway across the world. freedom is just so complex and so is personhood and when are we running from the world and when do we run from ourselves? does anyone else feel like they run from themselves but they are running into themselves again?

[tallyhallfacts]

read a 17776 fan fiction that was so irrevocably ass that i had to make this shitty edit of JUICE

[themanwhoateastronomy]

damn some of yall out there really were born in the late nineteen hundreds huh

[raptorliver]

celebratory Hubble colorpicked entirely from his anniversary image of the Trifid Nebula :)

here's to 36 more years 🥂🛰️

details under cut vvv

[hyphs-evil-clone]

Happy launch day to the one and only HST!! He's so unc now; so I decided to take a trip down the memory lane with this incredibly adorable dialogue from @themanwhoateastronomy (again!). That post has been stuck in my head ever since I saw it, and this was the perfect occasion. Look at him, so young and happy! /ref

...Who's gonna tell him.

[hyphs-evil-clone]

Happy launch day to the one and only HST!! He's so unc now; so I decided to take a trip down the memory lane with this incredibly adorable dialogue from @themanwhoateastronomy (again!). That post has been stuck in my head ever since I saw it, and this was the perfect occasion. Look at him, so young and happy! /ref

...Who's gonna tell him.

[hyphs-evil-clone]

Happy launch day to the one and only HST!! He's so unc now; so I decided to take a trip down the memory lane with this incredibly adorable dialogue from @themanwhoateastronomy (again!). That post has been stuck in my head ever since I saw it, and this was the perfect occasion. Look at him, so young and happy! /ref

...Who's gonna tell him.