Awake, But Dreaming.

The name's Maya Matlin. I enjoy games, sunshine, and I'd really like an easy bake oven. I'm fourteen years old and I'm really bad at minding my own business. Sorry about that. They say I've got a mental illness, though most people here say I'm comparatively normal. I'm just not sure what to believe. It's like Wonderland, because we're all going mad.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Oh... is this a bad time? Are you okay, Maya?

I'm not leaving my room. Sorry. It's  better that way.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Maaaayaaaa. I haven't seen you around lately, everything okay? Are we still on for our game night? I even got Anya to come too!

Not going to happen. 

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: No. I'm sorry. For fucking up everything.

Zig: Goodbye Maya.

Maya: Goodbye Zig...Thanks for sticking out that long. No one ever has.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Someone get me a drink. Drugs. A rope to hang myself. I don't care. Just...Make this all stop. I can't handle this any longer.

[the-dark-has-storys]

[flickinghoney]

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: Because you're the only person here who's ever really stood up for me. Believed in me. Made me feel like an actual person for once in my life.

Maya: ...I'm not going to bother you anymore. Promise.

Zig: I'm sorry.

Maya: No. I'm sorry. For fucking up everything.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: I'm happy you think so much of me.

Zig: Why can't you leave me alone?

Maya: Because you're the only person here who's ever really stood up for me. Believed in me. Made me feel like an actual person for once in my life.

Maya: ...I'm not going to bother you anymore. Promise.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: Then why are you avoiding me?

Zig: You wouldn't understand.

Maya: I'm happy you think so much of me.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: I don't understand why you don't believe me, No one does. But...

Maya: I never wanted you to hate me. I'm sorry. I'll just stop texting you.

Zig: I don't hate you.

Maya: Then why are you avoiding me?

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: I don't hook up with anyone, especially other people's boyfriends! You know I'm not I'm that type of person, Zig. You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to believe me.

Zig: I'm not good at being a friend.

Maya: You have been.

Maya: I don't understand why you don't believe me, No one does. But...

Maya: I never wanted you to hate me. I'm sorry. I'll just stop texting you.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

I'm not coming out. They can't make me.

[discolor3d]

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

None of them would miss me.  So, why the hell not?

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: What is it that I supposedly did, Zig? I'm honestly confused right now.

Zig: Well there is all these rumours about you hooking up with Cam and all. I don't know what to believe anymore with all these crazy people saying stuff.

Maya: I don't hook up with anyone, especially other people's boyfriends! You know I'm not I'm that type of person, Zig. You're supposed to be my best friend. You're supposed to believe me.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Text @ Zig "Skater Boy" Novak

Maya: Because we don't lie to each other and I tell you everything...

Maya: ...you didn't really answer.

Zig: Well it's because I don't know what you did is true or not.

Maya: What is it that I supposedly did, Zig? I'm honestly confused right now.

[dtconfessions-blog]

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

…I don’t…I..

I can’t say I don’t like him. But I can honestly say that this isn’t fair to him. Even if he does like me…which I doubt, nothing good is going to come out of this. He’s going to be really hurt, totally sad. It doesn’t mean he’s going to come crawling to me, it means he’s going to be a wreck, Tori. And say he does come crawling to me, it’s only going to be because I’m what’s there and because you broke his heart. You’re obviously upset by me, Zig isn’t really speaking to me anymore. I didn’t even do anything.

How am I supposed to be happy about all of that?

[-toritilla]

I’m breaking his heart? What about how all of this has done to mine!? All the gossip and confessions and already knowing you had a thing for my boyfriend and you think this isn’t killing me!? But I won’t play second best! Or second anything! And he hasn’t been here! If all of these things are true then it’s obvious why he’s avoiding me and he won’t be hurt like you say he’s going to be. If they’re not, well then… he should have been there, shouldn’t he have? Not just leaving me alone to get all worried but being by my side…

I’m sure you’ll find a way, Maya. I’m anything but worried about you right now.

[themayaphilharmonic-blog]

Solitary isn't avoidance, Tori. And don't give me all that he didn't tell you nonsense. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen him being let out! That was hardly anytime. He was so excited to see you! Not me. He didn't say "Oh, Maya, fantastic to see you." it was "Hey, yeah. Just got out. I can't wait to see Tori, I've missed her." I can't help who I like, but I can help how I act. He wasn't available to me, and he's never been or is going to be available to me. I'm not his type. You are, and he's crazy in love with you. I supported your relationship because it seems to be one of the things keeping either of you happy in this stupid hell hole and I'm sick of you accusing me. Especially when you kissed me and looked like a stupid drunken floozy. I'd never of done that.