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@themeloneman
HOT TOPIC ISN’T THAT BAD.
vote two of me stacked on top of each other wearing a trenchcoat trying to get into an R rated movie for president
I CAN HEAR NOTHING BUT LINKIN PARK.
he’s sliming because his whole essence is gooey
i have no gag reflex, long, beautiful hair, and a tongue stud. i'm every man's dream girl, which is a shame as i'm a man.
my perspective on life sucks when i have a dick in my mouth
now, listen, guys. looking the way that i look and sounding the way that i sound, i don't really get along with boys my age. you can probably guess, my male peers aren't huge fans of what i've got going on here, and i've probably brought this up before. sometimes it'll be as simple as the word they yell at me from their vehicle, sometimes they'll express this to me through a face they make to me as we're walking past each other on the sidewalk. something like a "pfft," or "ugh," which kind of just says "look, i don't have time to get into the specifics right now, but i want you to know, sir, that i'm not okay with this." now, the reason i bring this up is because something happened, um, i was threatened recently. not on the internet, surprisingly enough, but on the phone, i received a personal phone call from a young man- i won't get into the exact reason for the call, but i will say that i didn't actually do anything wrong. now, it happened very quickly, i don't really remember exactly everything he said, it was mostly a very detailed description of how he was going to very violently beat me if he ever saw me- which, by the way is an interesting point i'd like to bring up, i do remember his phrasing on that, it was "if i ever see you." not "i'm going to come and find you," he's not gonna seek me out, he's not driving over, he's not going to invest gas money into this assault, but just if we ever happen to run into one another at a place, he'll do what he has to do. anywhere, i assume. grocery store, pasta aisle, he'll most likely abandon a full cart, "let's do this." i mean, aquarium, fuck this octopus, i've got an ass to kick. he's walking out of a movie theater with a hot date, spots me at the concessions purchasing some buttered, expensive popcorn, he'd turn to his lady and be like, "i am so sorry, this is super embarrassing, i had a blast tonight, this movie was the bomb, channing tatum is a force to be reckoned with, but there is a young man over here and i promised i would stomp his head into the ground if i ever saw him in public, and wallah, there he is. so you are free to watch, you can also leave, you can take a taxi, i will reimburse your fare via paypal." [DEEP BREATH] anyway, i'm getting off topic here. the phone call- he talked for about a minute, but not a lot was said, you know? it was one of those, where it was just like a variation of the sentence "i'm going to kick your fucking ass" over and over again, just different ways of saying that with a few "you faggot!" and "highpitched motherfuckers!" thrown in for good measure, something about my nose, i'm not really sure, but there was one thing he said. one thing this man said to me on the phone that i still am trying to figure out and wrap my brain around to this day, and i'm going to say it to you. this man said to me on the phone, drumroll please, "i'm gonna shove a log up your ass." now, i'm gonna repeat that. "i am going to shove a log up your ass." take it in. i still am. i mean, there are so many things i have to say about this, i don't know where to start. first of all, a log. not a stick, certainly not a twig, not even a goddamn branch, but a log. logs are big! i'm sure you're familiar with logs. logs take three to four large, muscular to transport from place to place. they are often times used as seating, i've taken a hike before and eaten a sandwich on a log with multiple pals, i drew a picture of a log here, if you forget what they look like. my butthole is nowhere near ready for log entry. my poor little, lonely asshole is, i don't know, maybe one tenth of an inch wide? well, the ending of a log, the diameter here is, i don't know, maybe two fucking feet? at this point in time, if you tried to shove a log up my ass, you would more or less just be hitting my entire ass with a log, and i don't think that's what this guy wants, i think he wants to go for full log penetration and he knows what he wants and that's what i've always loved about him. and look, how we're going to get this log in, i'm not really sure, i'm not even sure that he knows, because sometimes, all you have is a dream, and maybe the journey is still cooking up in the oven. i mean, obviously, you'd have to do a lot of work on my butthole. i mean, we'd start out small, obviously, maybe a few fingers, move our way up the dildo train, maybe at some point introduce some sort of tube instrument, i mean, do we have a budget? that can't be cheap, i mean, we'd be shoving a lot of things up my ass before we made our way to log, and let's not forget, this all started with him calling me a faggot, think about that for a second, i mean, this would take some time, i'm not a scientist, but honestly, stretching my lonely little butthole enough for a full-on log shove couldn't take less than, i don't know, a year and a half? and even with that estimate, he'd have to be working me day and night, i mean, are we gonna move in together? probably. i can't imagine why we wouldn't, this isn't something that you can just take breaks with willy nilly, butthole stretching is very similar to ear piercing, if you don't commit, if you take a month off, that thing will close right back up, you'll be right back to square one! so if we're gonna do this we're gonna have to fucking do this, okay? i mean, are we gonna be talking as he gets me ready? i mean, i know the man and i have had our disagreements, but at a certain point, maybe after hour forty seven of butthole log preparation, you've got to start conversing. i mean, maybe we'll develop a friendship, maybe we'll grow close to one another, maybe he'll love me, maybe he'll change his mind and say "i don't think you deserve a- a log in your butthole as i so strongly believed in the first place," and i'll look him right in the eyes and i'll say "buddy, no, we have come too far to back down at this point," and don't mistake my persistence for excitement at the idea of a log in my ass, i am just a firm believer in the philosophy of not giving up. i mean, this thing is not going to be easy, let's not completely get caught up in just the preparation, i mean, how long does the log stay in? forever? when you hear someone say "i'm gonna shove a log up your ass," you can't imagine they're gonna help you remove it. i mean, is that just my thing now? is it not an in and out situation? am i just stuck with it? do i just walk around with this log in my ass for the rest of my life? do i just become that guy? does my family lose respect for me when i show up for a thanksgiving dinner? does everyone just try their hardest not to bring up the elephant in the room, more specifically the log in my fucking ass? i mean, what is this, will i ever have a healthy relationship again? will this log just take over my life? will i just become the shell of a man? this isn't fair, and don't even get me started on the splinters.
*shakes maracas w/ melone*
Smells Like Teen Spirit // Nirvana
