the mortal muse

to unpathed waters and undreamed shores

[themortal-muse]

I'm so amazing!

I’m so amazing! I kiss the ladybug before I trap it in glass, I give up my seat to every stranger who walks past. In the supermarket, I let people skip the line, I’m the "it’s okay" when my friends cancel our time.

I’m so amazing! I rummage through my purse for my very last coin, to fuel the gloomy guitarist, whose sorrow I join. I swallow my lover’s woes until they weigh like boulders, like Atlas with the world balanced on his shoulders

I’m so amazing! At letting everyone use me as a floor, fake smiling for the man who treats me like a chore. At being the one who speaks when the silence starts to hollow, gulping down the bitter pills I wasn't meant to swallow.

I’m so amazing! At burying the version of me that is real, forgetting how my own skin is supposed to feel. At pushing away my needs until they’re out of sight, constructing this version of me to keep the light.

I’m so amazing, but it’s only a cover… A desperate hope that I’m enough, so no one discovers I’m not.

[cheshmenoor]

[themortal-muse]

And even in the darkest corners of this life, I will hold on to the faint light of a matchstick lit by the smallest spark of hope. Cause in the end all that is left of our human experience is the hope for a soft landing.

[cozyvu]

people watching

via cozyvu

[themortal-muse]

Grip

Every bright-eyed girl on the internet screams, "Let them go! If they wanted to, they would." And I wanted to. God, I wanted to... But I never would.

Letting you go means confronting reality, shoving your name into the cursed cracks of finality.

Crushing my spirit until I am numb, waiting for a visit that will never come.

Letting you go means I have to stop fighting, instead of bleeding into my journal with this crimson writing.

It means accepting the "forever" of you being gone, while I sit here, waiting for the break of a hollow dawn.

Because you can still call me whenever... I’ll be right here. I could never fully let you go.

[themortal-muse]

It is not your responsibility to carry the world

‘To carry the weight of the world on one’s shoulders’ is a saying we are all familiar with.

Posted a little something for the first time on my Substack. You can read it or not; either way, I hope you have a good day.

[themortal-muse]

A brief dance

Whenever I forget my purpose here, I look to those massive spheres of light. That have burned for millions of years above, within the endless velvet night.

I am but stardust, briefly dancing, before the final flare. A supernova will scatter my soul into the quiet void, and I will find my home somewhere.

[themortal-muse]

I am you

I look in the mirror, and I don’t see myself anymore. I only see the space where you should be. I don’t know who I am without you.

My days are just a long, quiet wait. I miss you so much that all I am is someone who misses you. My heart has forgotten how to beat for itself. I love you so much that all I am is someone who loves you.

Without you, I am just a hollow frame. You are the truth inside my lies. Without you, I would drift away into nothing. You are the gravity that keeps me down.

I want to be so close that there is no "me" or "you." I want to be everything you are. I am so hungry for your spirit that all I have left is the desire to crawl inside your soul.

When the world goes dark, and I am lost, I just look up. Because you are the guiding star in my endless night sky.

[themortal-muse]

Magpie

You anchored there, a heavy weight, with talons curved and sharp as fate. They sank beneath the flesh and bone, to knit within my comfort zone. I called it love; I called it home, while you were planning my catacomb.

Then came the twitch of restless wings, the snapping of a thousand strings. You left without a souvenir— nothing for love to adhere. You simply rose with a sudden gale, leaving my spirit hollow and pale.

Now in the blue, so vast and high, a speck against the golden sky. You keep the part of me that beats, while I am left here, incomplete.

The crater is open, wide and stilled, with nothing left that can be filled.

[themortal-muse]

[themortal-muse]

I almost died last night

I woke to a sharp, stabbing pain that felt like a blade twisting in my gut. My heart was beating against my ribs, racing as if I were being hunted by a animal. But I was in my childhood bedroom, surrounded by floral pillows, fairy lights and the light scent of a cheap vanille perfume.

I ran to the bathroom, shivering like I was standing naked in a blizzard. In a desperate attempt at comfort, I dragged the bath mat over to the toilet, trying to pretend I was kneeling on a soft cloud while I retched and puked my guts inside out.

I was convinced this was the end. I felt myself slipping away, cold and broken on the tile floor with the bitter taste of sickness in my mouth.

Eventually, I crawled back to bed, squirming under the covers and bracing for the final blow. I found myself whispering pleas to gods I don’t even believe in, begging for a quick mercy.

But when the sun rose, I woke up with a steady breath. I hadn't died. I was still here, and in the quiet of the morning I wasn't sure if that was a relief or a disappointment.

[themortal-muse]

Don't use this new year to invent new rules. Resolutions to get applause from the world. Don't make self-love conditional. You don't need proof of merit. The only goal you should set is to release the need to make a case. Just take up all your quiet, genuine space.

[themortal-muse]

Pyromaniac

I spent the afternoon in the right hemisphere, wandering the curved hallways, dusting off old habits and tripping over a grudge I thought I’d thrown away years ago. I found it huddled in the corner, looking smaller than I remembered, but just as sharp.

That’s the thing about this architecture: there is no “delete forever” in the neocortex. There are only storage lockers with broken latches. I walked past a collection of “almosts” (the person I almost became, the words I almost said, the things I almost did) stacked like charred firewood.

I tried to push them further into the shadows, but I know how this floor plan works. I’ll see them again on Tuesday. I’ll see them every time I take the long way home. When they ignite again…

[melpomeniee-too]

[themortal-muse]

Hoarder

Many of the same, I let nothing go.

Clutched tight, a white-knuckled grip, against the cruel departure.

Heart full of lies, room full of stuff. I am a hoarder of memories, rejections, people, and mistakes.

[themortal-muse]

I am a disco ball shattered into a million reflective pieces on the dancefloor of my past.

Being broken does not make me ugly. I am a thousand mirrors reflecting, blinding, shining: the beauty I amassed through the pain.

[strokeofserenity]

Ocean Vuong, "Someday I'll Love Ocean Vuong"