The tips of your fingers are cold and numb. Stark contrast of the scalding ache in your chest that radiates through your entire being, bringing tears in your e/c eyes. Your tearful gaze flickers from the fancy invitation in front of you to the silhouette of the man that's been the bane of your existence since you have realized you have fallen for him.
Enji throws you a glance over his shoulder as he redresses. For a second, you thought you saw remorse flash through those devastatingly breathtaking ocean eyes.
"I don't expect you to come," he says, averting his gaze as his thick fingers work the buttons of his dress shirt. The same one he wore this morning to ask the hand of the woman he intends to marry. "But I figure it'd be far worse not to at least let you know."
You were quick to mask your despair with a well practiced smirk. "How considerate of you." You chide, your tone betraying your facade. You fill the following silence with the clicking of the lighter as you set a cigarette ablaze.
Now fully dressed, Enji walks around your bed to sit across from you by the window ledge. He reaches and touches your face, memorizing your beautiful features illuminated by the Musutafu city night lights knowing this will be the last time he'll see you. Like this, at least. With skin in technicolor from the works of his hands and mouth, hair a mess from being under his grasp and from rounds of being tossed around in bed, soft kiss bruised lips that he almost always wounds by biting a little too hard.
He glares at the cigarette between them and asks, "I thought you quit smoking?" He takes the thing from between your lips and you frown as you watch him put it out with his bare hand. "I did." You shrug. "I guess I just can't live without at least one bad thing in my life."
The both of you take a deep breath at the exact same time.
"So I take it this is goodbye, then?" You ask as you look out the window, already knowing the answer.
"I am a lot of things, but I will not add disloyal to my long list of flaws." He mutters. You smile wryly, keeping your eyes on the cars passing below your apartment building. You feel pathetic as you realize you're even considering being a fucking mistress if that meant getting to keep him in your life.
"Was there ever a chance? For you and I?" You couldn't help but ask. Thinking about how in the span of time you spent together, didn't you ever stand a chance in his heart? Despite giving this fucked up arrangement with him your all?
The question had Enji clenching his jaw. He long accepted that his heart is close to nonexistent. All he ever is to him is ambition and greed. But as he stares at you, for a split second, he almost wants to reconsider everything.
You startle when he suddenly pulls you to him, sitting you in his lap and kissing you hard. Salty tears slip past your lips and his, Enji couldn't tell whose it was. Your hands card through his crimson hair in a desperate attempt to keep him in your grasp, reveling in how his big rough hands seem to hold you with the same desperation. Kneading and pulling you bruisingly tight against his body.
But then, he pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours. And you knew your answer when you looked at him. When you saw his eyes squeezed shut, lips pressed into a thin line, nostrils flared as he pushed air down his lungs. He does love you, whether he admits it or not, it's just.. not enough. And it never will be. You never will.
"You are.. despicable." You whisper. "But I already knew that and chose to love you anyway." A sigh of defeat escapes you as you now look at him with pity.
"I hope you know that this marriage, the children you will bear with this innocent woman.. it would not result in you attaining this 'dream' of yours. You're going to put everyone in misery. And I refuse to be one of those people. Not anymore."
"Goodbye, Enji." You murmur as you crawl back in bed with your back against him. The moment you hear the door click close softly as he left, you sob against your pillow that still smells of him.
—
You probably cursed him the day he broke your heart completely, Enji thinks to himself as he stares at the protesting crowd outside the central hospital. He was still foggy with anesthetics but the ache in his heart was sharp and it brought him to tears.
You were right. You've always been.
And now that he's faced with the repercussions of the poor decisions he has made in the past, he could not help but wonder what if he just gave up on his selfish endeavors and accepted that fact that he can and could have been happy with you.
Sparing Rei, Fuyumi, Touya, Natsuo and Shoto from all this hell he brought to them.
If only he was smart enough then to realize then that maybe, you were all he needed.
Does this fanfiction make sense? Hold water? Not an ounce! Does that mean I’m going to stop writing it? Not an ounce! I’m a moron with a keyboard and half an idea and that’s your problem now. God couldn’t stop me and neither could my dad, and now I’m on your screen with another thousand words of whatever the fuck this is. Bon appetite bitch!
Gojo suddenly mutters in the quietness of the early morning.
You had to do a double take, mouth gaping. And you realize he was looking right at you with those cerulean eyes of his, conveying what looks like torment and self denial. The teacup clinks with the saucer as you place it back down. You blink up at him and dared to ask, heart sinking, "Why not?"
Gojo's brows furrow as he keeps looking at you longingly. Finally, he takes a deep breath and just when you thought he was about to answer, he starts gathering himself from where he sat the end of the dining table.
You were about to give up on your query but then he walks over to you and held your face gently. His jaw clenches as he traces your lower lip with his thumb.
"Because everyone I love, I end up losing." Gojo mutters in an uncharacteristically soft voice. He swallows hard and meets your gaze again.
Warnings: Spoilers from Season 4. Mentions of gun violence, blood, death
A/N: Now I know EP8 is only the beginning of the end but goddamn it hurts!! I love potato girl and losing her just tore me to bits. So here, take this. Its my way of coping I guess..
Levi is pissed off. From the start, he disliked the plan but it wasn't like Eren gave you all much of a choice. So the moment the kid got on the airship, he was welcomed with one of the captain's infamous kicks. The cockpit wall quakes with the impact and Hange sighs, shooting you a look. "I think you need to get out there and make sure Levi doesn't kill Eren, Y/n." She says exasperatedly and you nod, rising from your seat next to Onyankopon.
"I'll be right back." You say and she flashes you a knowing grin, shaking her head slightly. Even the commander knows you're the only one who could reign in the Levi Ackerman.
You see Levi on the corner glaring at Eren as he was being tied up. You sigh heavily, seeing Eren steaming as he heals. Jaw probably unhinged from the captain's kick. You sat beside him on the bench and pulled out a handkerchief, wiping his face clean from dirt and blood.
"Y/n-san." He greets you monotonously and you gave him a kind smile. "Hey, kid." You greet back, tucking loose strands of his now long hair behind his ear.
Your heart aches at the sight. He used to have so much fire, had the same will to fight for humanity that you only ever saw in your mentor, Erwin. Now all you see is ember of pure hatred and cold blooded need for revenge. "I'm glad you're okay." You murmur. Eren's blank stare softens for a second and a small smile hints the corner of his mouth. "Glad to see you too, Lieutenant." He says quietly and out of the corner of your eyes, you see Levi roll his eyes and make a disgruntled sound as he turns around.
You walk up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Levi meets your gaze with his dull gray ones for a second and sighs, his expression softening too. At this you smile a little and say, "We still have a long battle to fight ahead of us, Captain. Things might not have gone smoothly, but we won today." You remind him and as if proving your point, right on the other side of the ship you hear the soldiers celebrate as they reunite.
"You're right." He agrees. Levi then takes a deep breath and grabs the hand you placed on his shoulder so he can bring it to his face. He turns his head and placed a chaste kiss on your palm. Your heart flutters at the gesture. It isn't grand but was still something you couldn't quite get used to. You two never declared your love for one another, never really had the luxury of time or chance to do so, but small acts like this was enough to let you know that your presence provided him the calm he sorely needs. And that was all you want. Be his peace in this war.
"I'm going to check if the rest of the squad made it back up." You tell him, grazing your thumb on his lower lip and he reluctantly lets you go. "Be back as soon as you can. Meeting will start as soon as this fucking monkey heals enough." He says, cold glare flashing at the other Jaeger who is a pile of steam still laying on the ground. "Okay, I'll just check on Lima's squad. They're the last ones to be picked up supposedly." Levi nods again and watches you leave before turning to talk to Yelena.
You smile past Floch and the other soldiers who are weeping, hugging and making their tributes for those whom had fallen in battle. You then saw three of the soldiers you've grown close with through the years. They were huddled in the corner, sharing a hug.
You hear Jean say in protest, "Dont hug people with that lump ass iron gear on.", while shrugging off Connie's arm. You chuckle at this and tackled him back to the embrace. "Shut the hell up, Jean. I would take Connie's armored hugs any day!" To which the trio whines out, " Lieutenant Y/l/n!!" when you squished them tight.
Although the new gear designed by Hange was in deed not made for hugging, you four relaxed in the uncomfortable embrace. Grounded by the fact that you all made it safe despite the battle you had just gone through. Connie and Sasha smile up at you while Jean tries to still look annoyed, although the softness in his eyes says otherwise.
The soldiers left below start coming in and the cheering just grows even louder. You didn't have the heart to stop them because you yourself are quite happy that today was a success despite some casualties. Now, you have the War Hammer titan as well and were able to destroy the fleet. Now, the Eldians' chance stands higher against this damn war.
"Did you hear that just now?"
Sasha asks out of the blue and you turn to her in wonder. Honestly you couldn't hear anything but the soldiers celebrating. But out of the lot of you, you know Sasha's sense of hearing is far superior than all of you combined. So you take a step back from the crowd and actually looked around.
"Hey, quiet down!!"Jean yells over the chanting but Floch shouts, "Make some noise! Victory!!!" And was echoed by the rest as they embraced and pumped their fists in the air.
"Hey!" Jean tries again only to be pulled by Connie to the side to ask, "Isn't Lobov-san still out there?"
"No, I think he came aboard." Jean says thoughtfully and this was when something didn't sit quite right with you. Commander Lobov is a man that is hard to miss. And with his dedication to this mission to make up for his years being a useless garrison, he would be amongst the soldiers cheering the loudest for the said victory.
Your instincts has never failed you before and its the very reason why you are so good at your job and able to survive this long. But sometimes, you wish that your instincts aren't always right because you always perceive danger. And right now, every fiber of your being is telling you something is fucking wrong.
That if you were to look out the airship right now, you'll probably see the commander lifeless.
Or worse, an enemy may have made its way up to the ship.
Your blood runs cold for a split second before you acted purely out of instinct. You shove Sasha to the side, dreading as you head for the airship's side door and at the exact moment.. someone aboards.
Your gaze met the kid's muddy brown ones. It was determined, filled with fury and you saw that there isn't any trace of hesitation as her finger pulls the trigger. You knew you didn't stand a chance judging by look on her face and her sure aim on your torso. The word of warning you want to let out was caught in your throat as she fires.
You remember seeing those crazed brown eyes and then the ceiling of the airship the next. The sensation of what can only be compared to fire piercing your skin spreads through your chest and insides like molten metal. You hear the indistinct noise of the soldiers' voices grow louder yet muffled at the same time around you.
From happy cheers to manic, hysterical screaming.
You couldn't catch your breath at first and you aren't sure from which. Was it from falling flat on your back? Or was it the searing pain that made tears leak from your eyes?
And then above the chaos, you hear your three closest comrades call your name in unison.
"Lieutenant Y/n, hey!!!" Connie's frantic voice shrill through the limited space of the ship. "Hang in there, hey!" You feel him rattle you, placing his rough calloused hand against your cheek. Jean's panic stricken face comes to your field of vision and you whimper, "A kid." You gasp. "In the airship."
"Bandages! Now! We need to stop the bleeding!" Jean commands shakily and the rest of the soldiers that aren't capturing the two intruders scramble to get the med kit and the captain.
"Y/n-san, please hold on until we make it to the island!!" Connie pleads but hopelessness crawls his veins as he sees your blood flood the wooden floors.
"Keep him safe." You whisper out to nobody. The captain in mind. Your eye lids grow heavy but you didn't want to close them. No. You can't die. You promised him.
"Don't you dare die on me, Y/l/n." His voice echoes in your mind, compelling you to keep breathing despite how excruciating it feels.
Sasha who was frozen at first, snapped out of her shock as she hears Connie's voice call your name out of sheer panic when your eyes fall close. She then runs to meet the soldier carrying the bandages and was at your side in an instant. With trembling hands, Sasha tries with all her might to wrap you up and stop the bleeding.
"No, no, no, no!!" She starts sobbing while watching the bandage turn red, your gushing blood seeping through no matter how tight she puts the wrap around you. "Y/n-san, no, you can't leave us like this." Sasha hiccups, wiping her tears hastily before grabbing your now cold clammy hand and pressing it to her face. "Please!" She cries, eyes falling close.
If you hadn't pushed her, if you didn't step in her place, it would have been her that got shot. Guilt rakes through her as she watches you desperately fight for your life.
You can feel yourself drifting and you felt helpless. You then meet Sasha's, Jean's and then Connie's gaze, muttering with your remaining strength, "Protect him." And it was no request but an order.
Jean stumbles away, his hands going over his ears, unable to stand your labored breaths and Connie and Sasha's whimpering. Jean felt like hurling when Floch turned the kids to him. The other responsible for you being on the brink of death.
But to those two kids, they are the enemies who wreck havoc to their hometown. Floch wanted to kill them and throw them out but what good would that do? Would taking their lives save yours? And knowing you, who practically treat soldiers like them like your kids even though you were just a few years older than them, you would be disappointed in him at the mere thought of hurting these kids.
Jean can almost hear your angelic voice, "They're just children." You would say. So with a vexed expression and heavy turmoil growing within him, he ties them up and led them to where the captain and commander are.
Jean swallows hard when the captain's cold gaze met his and asks, "Who are these kids?"
By the looks of it, he still does not know.
"They killed Lobov-san and used his gear to come aboard." A lump forms in his throat, suddenly can no longer meet the captain's gaze. "A-and this one here, she.. shot Lieutenant Y/l/n."
Levi's eyes widen. Did he just hear Jean correctly? You? Shot? You were with him just minutes ago. No, how is that possible?-
"Captain, I-I don't think she'll make it." He continues, voice faltering. The grievance in Jean's face make Levi's blood run cold. He stumbles forward a bit as Armin and Mikasa run past him but he seemed frozen in his tracks.
No.
You got hurt but you'll pull through this. You always have. You promised him. And you are one of the toughest people he knows.
Levi tries to convince himself as he glared back at Zeke. He tries to distract himself from the cold fear of losing you with the blinding rage he feels for the Beast Titan wielder. But then, the door swings open again and Levi felt something terribly wrong right away.
And when Connie appears with tears sliding down his face and says,
"Y/n-san.. is dead."
Levi's entire world shifts.
Everyone was shellshocked for a moment. Because how could you be gone just like that? When you were just with them just minutes ago providing comfort to all of them? Passing by and giving them a wave of peace and calmness like the angel that you are.
Hange wobbles, her knees growing weak and its as if someone had punched her in the chest. The pain reminiscent as the day she watched Moblit vanish before her eyes. You were her right hand woman. Her confidant.
Eren's head hung in disbelief. His mind clouded by your kind smile just earlier and telling him you're actually glad to see him. Him. The monster who had just devastated a whole town and killed probably thousands of people. He thought that by now, he'd have gotten used to losing the people around him but losing you is gutting him. Its was like losing family. A sister.
"Connie.. did Y/n-san have any last words?" He asks mindlessly, wanting to know what your last thoughts were. Connie blinks through his tears and his eyes drifts to the captain, whose face was undreadable and knuckles threatening to split open at how tightly his balled fists are clenched.
"She said.. 'Protect him.'" Connie mutters and Levi's facade breaks.
The mob of weeping soldiers parted as the captain staggers to the back of the ship where you lay. Armin and Mikasa were still curled up beside you, their faces red and puffy from wailing. Both of them reluctantly stood up and stepped away as he walks closer. His gaze was still trained on the ground as he puts one foot in front of the other.
He shudders and stop midstep as his foot steps on the crimson stained wood. Before he knows it, he falls on his knees with a thud. Your pale hand comes into his field of vision and he takes a deep shakey breath as he reaches for it. His eyes darts everywhere but your face. The bandage on your middle, the boots on your feet that he had his fair share of shinning as his token of appreciation for you making his morning teas, the emblem of the Wings of Freedom embedded on your breast plate.
Your hand felt cold and stiff against his. A stark contast of the warmth it exuded on his cheek just moments ago.
"Y/n?" He croaks.
Suddenly his breathing shallows as the deafening silence stretches on. He can still smell you but can no longer feel you although you're right fucking there. Levi wanted this to some fucked up nightmare. But then, as he steels his nerves and finally looked at your face, his heart shatters.
Your hair is uncharacteristically dishevelled, e/c eyes lifeless, pupils middilated and your mouth parted ever so slightly.
Levi pulls you in his arms frantically, plethora of would have been and should have been anchoring his heart into a sea of regret.
He should have never let you out the damn door.
He should have held you tighter.
He should have you talked to you longer.
He should have told you.. he loves you.
He never even got to tell you.
Levi's face crumples, face reddening before a resentful yell erupts from him. The soldiers wince at the sound. It was pure agony and it pierces through each and everyone of them, bringing the lot of them back to tears if they ever stopped in the first place.
The entire flight back to Paradis, Levi held you the way he wished he did while you were still with him.
Platonic Gojo x Y/n relationship, Itadori Yuuji x Y/n
angst, MAJOR SPOILERS, mentions of death and grief
Itadori Yuuji is the sunshine personified.
So it only made sense that it is pouring heavily right now. That everyone he had left feels numb and cold, with dark heavy clouds of sorrow looming over your heads.
Gojo always thought people like Yuuji, you come across them just once in this lifetime. And he was right.. Gojo hates it when he turns out right. Because against his better judgement, he always does things that he knows will end up hurting him in the end.
Like getting attached to the kid he swore he'll only use to get to Sukuna.. and encouraging you to dive in head first when you confided that you have fallen in love with your fellow student with the reasoning that, "You'll only regret it more if you did not say anything."
Seeing you now, distraught and in agony with the loss of your soulmate has Gojo's heart searing in familiar pain. He had been in your shoes before. Losing someone you love, losing your best friend.
He stands corrected still.. Love being the greatest curse there is.
Now, here you and Gojo sit in the quietness of the student dorms with nothing but grief and your broken hearts. Aside from the water rushing on the river nearby and the pitter patter of the rain against the ground and small puddles it made, there were your soft sniffles and restrained sobs.
The other students are all confined in their rooms, dealing with their grief in their own ways. But you chose to sit out here in front of the dorm building, tearful gaze trained on the arch, willing Yuuji to come walking through there one last time. And Gojo sat with you hoping the same thing even though he was there when the young man left the world.
Without saying anything, Gojo pulls you to him. Somehow, this gesture makes the agony you feel even more intense. Your walls are crumbling all around you, it was as if his pain and yours became one and all you could do to alleviate it was sob in your teacher's chest.
Gojo was once again grateful to the cloth hiding his eyes because he was able to appear strong for you. He strokes your hair, planting a chaste kiss on your forehead as he keeps you there in his embrace. He lets you cry as hard as you could, curling on yourself as you muffle your screams against Gojo's strong chest until you just couldn't anymore. Until your throat was hoarse, until your eyes felt dry from all the tears you cried.
For the first time in a while, Gojo was quiet. Mainly because he fears you'll hear the crack in his voice if ever tries to say words of comfort he knows will do nothing to rid you of the pain currently wrecking your insides. Afraid that you'll read through his facade and know he's just as broken as you are at the moment.
So he just holds through it until your cries fade into soft whimpers and deep sighs.
Exhaustion finally hits you and you sag against your mentor's chest. Gojo sees the sleepless nights finally catches up with you and he whispers, "Rest, Y/n. Don't fight it."
So you let your eyes fall close and let the man you entrusted with your life and the boy you love pull you up in his arms to carry you.
Gojo lays you in bed. And without opening your eyes you knew he didn't carry you to your room but Yuuji's. When the teacher sees your face crumpling as he tucks you in with your boyfriend's blanket that still smells just like him, sees tears coming to line the lashes of your closed eyes, he places a gentle hand against your cheek and asks, "Do you want me to stay?"
Before you could even finish nodding, Gojo was crawling to your side and pulling you to his chest.
"I miss him already." You whimper, bunching your mentor's uniform in your fist. Gojo's lip quivers for a second as his gaze dances around his student's room. Gojo sees everything for the first time. The small trinkets he had given Yuuji overtime by his dresser, photographs of them over the holidays plastered haphazardly on the walls, some wrappers of the mochi he had given Yuuji just recently still on the small table by his window..
Gojo blinks away the tears before they could fully form, quickly recomposing himself for you. He needs you now, he can deal with his grief later.
He pats your arm gently, as if he's putting a babe to sleep. Gojo admits uncharacteristically in a soft voice, saying, "I miss the brat too. More than I could possibly have thought I would." He smirks as he pulls you just enough to make you look up at him. "He's probably smug about this now. That we're all missing him this much."
Gojo lets out a half hearted laugh and you do too, smiling through your tears. "But of course, once he's over that, I'm sure he'll feel extremely bad seeing all of us sad." Gojo wipes the fresh tear that slides past the bridge of your nose with his forefinger, murmuring, "You especially."
At this, you sigh. Your cloudy gaze falling on your fingers mindlessly still grasping at Gojo's uniform.
"So cry it all out now." He tells you. "Hell, for the next few days or weeks. Until you feel like you've let it all out. Don't hold it all back to appear strong because there is no need for that." He squeezes you arm once and winks. "Because that's my job."
You look up at your teacher and realize he has taken off his blindfold. Gojo's eyes always held such power but at this very moment, all you feel is a sense of security. A wave of comfort washes over you and you sigh.
"Thank you, sensei." You mutter. Letting out a laugh when he pinches your nose playfully.
"Now, get some sleep. You're starting to look like Panda." Gojo teases and grins when you roll your eyes but feels you settle in his arms.
"Don't leave me too, okay?" You whisper as you close your eyes. Somehow, Gojo knew you meant not just now when you fall asleep. Realizing that at this point, you have lost more than anyone could bear in one lifetime.
And this only fortifies his resolve to make the world a better, safer place for the lot of you, his students. And for all the future Yuujis, Nobaras, Nanamis and Getos.. All those he failed to save.
"Never. I'll be here no matter what." Gojo whispers against the top of your head, his hold on you subconsciously tightening. "Sleep well." He wishes you and hopes that by the moment you open your eyes again, you'll feel better.
"You too, sensei." You whisper, patting his chest sleepily back as if mimicking what he is doing to your arm earlier that Gojo laughs. His quiet laughter fades though and his heart clenches when he hears you say,
Summary: They say arguments make the relationship stronger but lately you and Levi had been arguing endlessly what with all the stress in your work.
You and Levi rarely saw eye to eye so it was such a surprise when the two of you got into a relationship. Levi is all stoic, cold stares and few words. His very presence causes cadets to almost faint in fear while you were the exact opposite. You’re the optimistic one, the new recruits and cadets’ favorite commander, most wish they’re on your squad.
The way you two lead your squad and take commands from Erwin is just straight up Yin and Yang but its also one of the reasons why the success rates of the expeditions you’re both set out to just keeps increasing. You keep each other in check at all times and since you both care for one another, you two can sense the flaw in the other’s plan if there are any.
But of course, in this case, arguments are inevitable. You and Levi never show it in front of other people. You both act civil and argue reasonably when there are other people present specially your superiors but man, once the doors are closed, you two get into the craziest fights.
He closes his eyes and holds you tighter against him. Ignored the exhaustion he feels, the aches in his body.. instead he focuses on your touch, the way you hold him just as tight, the way you bury your face on the crook of his neck.
"Bakugo?" You croak up at him, tears lining your lash line. He pulled away unwillingly to meet your gaze and hummed.
"Where are we?" You ask and Bakugo looks around, finding nothingness. It was just you and him.
"I don't know.." he mutters then looks back down at you. "And frankly, I don't fuckin' care." Bakugo holds your face with a sigh. "But can we stay here a little longer. Is that okay?"
Your brows furrowed but nodded anyway and you held his face too, tracing his cheeks with your thumbs. "O-okay."
Bakugo lets out a smile that you've never seen before. It was relaxed and soft unlike the smug ones you have gotten used to. It's so beautiful it brought more tears to your already glassy eyes. He sniffles and smiles wider, his lips quiver a little though as he wipes your cheek.
"Shit." He chuckles. "So this is what it's like, huh?"
You frown up at him and shake your head once. "What do you mean?"
"You know, I've always fuckin' wondered." He laughs to himself again, eyes dancing across your face, engraving your features in the back of his mind, "I'm glad it's like this. I'm glad I got to see you again. "
"Bakugo, what are you talking about?" At this point, your worry is through the roof.
"Nothin'." He shakes his head, that small smile still lingering, tugging the corners of his lips.
"Hey, can I-" He swallows a lump in his throat and wet his lips. "Can I kiss you?"
The query had your heart nearly jumping out of your chest. You and Bakugo had been friends for so long. Not the best of at first, but eventually the kind that you ask if you have eye boogers in the early shifts of your internship.
"It's fine if you don't want to, I underst-" he quickly ammends when he sees hesitation flash across your face. But you cut him short with a firm shake of your head.
"I want you to." You mumble. "Kiss me, Katsuki."
Bakugo did not need to be told twice. He wasted no time. He leans in and captures your lips eagerly. Your eyes flutter close and you were pulling him as close as possible, breathing him in.
It felt like forever. Melting against him, savoring how gently he holds you, how passionate he is into pouring his heart through his kisses. You didn't want it to end.
But he pulls away and leans his forehead against yours breathlessly, saying, "I needed to do that. At least once."
"What?" You whisper confoundedly, brows furrowed again. When you open your eyes, you saw that he was in tears.
He takes a shaky breath and holds the base of your jaw. "If reincarnation is fucking real too, I'm going to find you again."
"I'm going to find you and man the hell up before it's too late." He smiles sadly. "I'm going to stop wasting time arguing with you just to get a reaction, I'll stop being an ass to your friends whenever I want your attention- Instead, I'll just straight up kiss you." He pecks your lips and laughs. "Like this."
"Bakugo, you're not making sense-"
"Just remember me like this, alright?" He mutters. "Make this our last moment together. Not that stupid argument we had before I left." Bakugo bites back a sob. "I don't want to see you sad or fucking weeping like a baby. Got it?"
"What-"
"Y/n, promise me."
Maybe it was the soft pleading look in his eyes, maybe the slight tremor in his voice. But despite the questions and doubts bombarding your mind, you nod.
"Okay." You say, standing on the tips of your toes to kiss him again. You ignore all the fears and uncertainties clouding your mind and say, "I promise."
"Good." Bakugo grins and holds you arms length. He tucks a stray lock behind your ear and pinched your cheek slightly. "I''ll see you later, remember what you promised."
There was a haze of confusion as you find yourself getting up. You look around and realize you're in stretcher behind an ambulance. One of the many paramedics rushes you and checked in on you.
You look around as you numbly answer questions, everything slowly coming back to you. If you remember who you are, where you are, what was the last thing you remembered happening..
You blink, trying to wipe away the dried blood along your temple. "Mirio-senpai asked us to help him," you wince, your voice hoarse, throat all sore and scratchy. "to try and distract Tomura.. so Nejire-senpai and I, we.. we fought a-and-" you look around the rubble and chaos surrounding you and your breathing hastens.
From a few feet away, amidst the smoke and debris, you see your three upper classmen huddled on the ground. Their shoulders shaking. Once the ringing in your ears fades, you hear them.
And they're.. sobbing.
On the ground in front of them, although you can not see him fully, you know it was Bakugo. You can only see his boots, his arm sprawled in your direction, the skin of his ashen bloody palms peaking through the torn glove, looking like it was reaching out for you.
Nejire turns in your direction and the distraught look in her face says it all.
He's gone.
It felt like falling into thin ice. You feel the agony pricking on every inch of your body. You couldn't remember to breathe.
Nejire walks towards you and you train your gaze on her face, not risking a glance back on the ground where he lays. She hugs you, sobbing on your shoulders about how sorry she is, how hard they tried so hard to save him.
You close your eyes and let out a sob. You hug her back and whisper, "I know, thank you."
Even as she pulls away when Mirio and Tamaki joins her to try and comfort you, you keep your eyes away from him. Even as you see the paramedics in your peripherals arrive to take his body away. Even though the pain wrecking your insides screams for the need to see and hold him again for the last time.
Because you promised him. And you know how much Bakugo hates people who go back on their word.
So you rooted yourself there in the back of the ambulance, wrapped in your seniors' comforting embrace with your eyes shut tight. Holding on desperately to the last moment with him in your head that Bakugo wanted you to remember.
And as you hear hear the paramedics load him in the vehicle to take him away, you whispered to yourself, "I'll see you later."
A/N: apologies in advance for typos!! As always let me know if you want to get added / removed from the taglist.
Masterlist
Every choice has a consequence.
You learn this the hard way. So it's baffling to you why you keep making decisions that leaves you wanting to rip your hair out. Sleeping with your partner/ boyfriend's long time friend, for example.
And now, this is what you get.
You wait for Izuku to come back. You hoped that he would as you tremble and weep on the bed where he left you. But then you hear the shower come alive.
Around the bed were your shredded clothes. The expensive dress you bought just for the supposed special night, the lingerie that now looks like pieces of lace and ribbons on the bedroom floor. Your head is aching from where he was pulling at your hair earlier; your body feeling worn, sore and dissatisfied.
The room was eerily quiet with the exception of your sniffling and the humming of the air condition unit. You raise your shaky hand to wipe your face only to notice the reddening mark around your wrists from where he was holding you too tight earlier. That's also when you notice the same discoloration around your hips and thighs that are sure to turn into blossoming bruises later on. Another wave of sobbing quakes you, realizing he did this to you. Your Izuku.
Wait, no. You did this, it's all your fault. You made him do this, you pushed him too far by accusing him of things that you yourself did to him years ago.
You mind races with images of your once gentle and sweet Izuku becoming someone you hardly recognize. Just remembering how coldly he looked at you and how anger laces his voice like venom has you shuddering and scrambling to get off the bed.
You would think fear would no longer be in your body when you grew up all your life being threatened for being born as the world's most renowned criminal's daughter. Your devil of a father took you in after slipping off the rails and convincing yourself you no longer want to be a hero to prejudiced, ungrateful, unworthy people. He taught you to outgrow them all: Rational fear, irrational fear, and primal fear. You sincerely thought you had. Disorder was all you've known. While normal people responded with fight or flight, freeze or fawn, you dealt with chaos with furrowed brows and annoyance.
But that was then, when you were giving the villain life a shot. Now, as you raid your closet for any clothing to cover yourself with to get the hell out, you realize.. you are quaking with fear.
All you want to do is run. And you were almost out of the bedroom when you suddenly heard a strange noise coming from the bathroom. You hear Izuku's muffled grunt followed by something smashing the tiled wall. The second one had you jumping out of your skin.
It was flesh hitting concrete, you realize.
You're not stupid. Every fiber in your being tells you that you should be running out of the apartment. But you guess, love does make you irrational and beyond reasoning. Because despite all the alarms in your body going off, your heart urges you to check on him and make sure he's okay. And before you could think it through, your feet are already taking you to where he was and you gasp seeing Izuku's current state.
"Baby! Stop, stop, please!" You run to him into the shower, catching his balled up fist before it could hit the broken, blood smeared tile in front of him. You blinked up and noticed he's also bleeding from a cut on his forehead. Your breathing hastens as you turn and look up, seeing some damage on the tiled wall that's just about his height. Was he hitting his head on the wall earlier?
When you look back up at him, you notice his eyes were red and swollen. The agony painted on his face breaks your heart because it was reminiscent of the day he found out about your unfaithfulness. You reach up to hold him, your lips quivering as you mutter his name.
"Why can't I ever be enough, Y/n?" He croaks, searching your eyes that are now brimmed with tears as well. "I'm doing everything that I can for everyone and I am so tired. No matter what I do, I hurt or disappoint someone.. and you, especially-" he shakes his head, asking again, "Why can't I be enough?"
"T-that's not true." You grab his face. "It's me. I'm the problem. I ask for too much." You shake your head. "I'm- I'm sorry."
Izuku stares at you for a while, you can see his mind going a thousand miles a minute and as he does, you stare right back.. realizing how much you love him. How even after all that he did, you're willing to work this out. He then sighs and leaned his forehead against yours. "I'm sorry too." He murmurs, voice almost drowned out by the shower still running over your heads. He pulls away then holds your cheek, thumb grazing your lower lip. "I didn't mean to be so cruel earlier. I did not mean to be so mad. I-I don't know what got into me-" Izuku shakes his head, the semblance of the man you love returning. "It won't happen again."
There was hesitation in you, but there was mostly hope and relief that he acknowledges that what he did was wrong. And when he looks down at your hands, seeing the marks he's left on your wrists, his eyes widen and flood with tears again, showing tremendous regret.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I will never hurt you again." He raises your hands to his lips and kissed them oh so gently. "Can you forgive me?"
You swallowed hard and nodded. This is what loving means, you suppose. Making room for mistakes and choosing to forgiving one another. "Yeah.." you smile up at him and kissed him on the lips, leaning your forehead against his. "We're okay."
"We're okay." He echoes.
But later that evening, after you've both said your apologies, mended each other's wounds and bruises, made up and ended the night by passionately showing how badly you still wanted and treasure one another.. Izuku still finds himself sitting up in bed and holding his head in his scarred calloused hands. The ache in his chest is still as raw and as unbearable as that day.
That fucking day.
Izuku squeezes his eyes tight, wanting to drown out the memories but that asshole's voice still rang loud and clear in the back of his mind.
"You see, Y/n? You don't love him." His words made you wince. "You don't fucking cheat on people you love. But love makes you do stupid irrational things."
The words killing him to this day even though Izuku swore he already forgive you both.
"Like sleeping with your boyfriend's friend for one."
—
You are not proud of the person you were years before Midoriya came along. Sure, people hold you in high regard for turning things around and for being one of the biggest names in the industry now due to sheer hard work and with the help of the right people.
The Todoroki men were your saving grace. Dabi got you out of the hellhole that is the league founded by your own father, and Enji sent you to reform school who surprisingly saw your potential and got you out. Mainly because your friends, mostly Shoto and Izuku, stuck out for you.
Years later you were working alongside heroes. First as a sidekick, but eventually, as a hero yourself. Missions and assignments you got had people from the higher ups discovering you worked best with a certain explosion hero.
Even back in UA, whenever you two got teamed up, it's always a sure win in a match or an ace rating. Probably because, you both resent failure and are sore fucking losers. But Bakugo was everything you hated in a person, arrogant, prefers working alone, and has no single gentle bone in his body. That was exactly why he made such a good fuck buddy.
Yep. You and Bakugo fucking Katsuki had a long agonizing relationship as fuck buddies. It was nothing serious. You two just happen to have a lot of pent up anger and one of the ways you two choose to blow off steam is through rough, mind blowing sex. It was all good up until the asshole started developing feelings and you had to end the said relationship. It ended just fine. Bakugo even said that it's probably for the best. That, "I worked too damn hard to get to where I am. I ain't going to waste it by falling for someone. You of all people."
This made you roll your eyes and smile as you give him one last hug goodbye before leaving his apartment for the last time as fuck buddies. This was what you both agreed on the most. In your line of work, the less people you care about, the less emotional connection you have, the better. Less worries for you, less burden. So imagine Bakugo's shock when you got teamed up again and you told him you're dating someone.
He almost couldn't hide the pain in his eyes as you told him, "I found someone." Because what is it about this guy that made you change your mind? What did the he have that he doesn't?
And when you said, "It's Midoriya." All Bakugo could think of was, of course it fuckin' is.
The number one to his number two, the only fucking person who can beat him without even seeming to try. Bakugo looks at you longingly as you smile at the cup of tea in your hands, the ache in his chest growing knowing you do deserve someone kind, someone good. Who can be gentle and vulnerable, who will worship you and dedicate his life to you as you very much deserved.
Things he can't ever be.
It was all good as well after that. Bakugo kept his distance and you kept things between the two of you completely professional. You two continued to work seamlessly and finished one mission after another.
With you and Izuku though, it's a different story. As time passes, you realize how hard it is to make a relationship work when you both are so busy, and are both plagued by rumors as you become the center of scrutiny of the media. That's what you get for dating the world's current number one hero. And for being the world's most renowned villain's daughter.
And that night. That damned night. You had been fighting with Izuku because he just couldn't seem to make time for you. It frustrates you that he can make time for other things except for you. The pain of being unwanted by someone you love the most is foreign to you because, well, you have never loved anybody before. You finally understand why most people would choose to be single, because the agony and exhaustion of fighting to make a relationship work is no joke.
Since you dated Izuku, you turned your back on your vices. No more smoking, no more alcohol and no more occasional recreational drugs. Not because he prohibited you or anything, but mainly because you want to be at least deserving of him. And that night, your body is craving all of those temporary relief. Before you could help it, you find yourself crawling back to your old ways.
Bakugo being one of the handful of people who knows you probably better than yourself, sighs and grabs your wrist when you try to grab another bottle of liquor from the hotel room bar.
"Y/n. Stop." He says with a firm shake of his head. You glared up at him and shrugged him off. "What? We're off duty tomorrow!" You slur as you attempt to grab the bottle again. The walls shift when he suddenly hauls you over your shoulder. Bakugo curses under his breath as he throws you in bed and proceeds to take off your shoes and your hero suit.
"Bakugo!" You yelp, stopping his hands. He merely rolls his eyes at you. "I've seen you butt naked a thousand times. Lay the fuck back."
You huffed and did as he says but only because the walls won't stop spinning. "That's an exaggeration. A hundred is more probable." You mutter. "Yeah, about a hundred." Bakugo scowls at you as you burst into a fit of giggling.
"Is that so funny?" He asks as he throws one of his clean shirts over your head. You shake your head, still giggling. "Yes?? I think so?" Another round of giggling that you start to tear up and snort.
"Yeah? Why's that?" Bakugo asks as he grabs one of your hair ties by the bedside table, tying your hair as best he could just in case you puke your guts out later. Which you will. He just knows for sure. You open your eyes a little and sigh. You shrug, "I think it's funny that you've seen me naked and fucked me more than my own stupid boyfriend." You say with glassy eyes. "I must suck in bed."
Bakugo frowns at this and he forces you to sit up, handing you a glass of water. "Drink up." He barks, gaze only softening when he sees a tear slide down your cheek. "Hey." He holds your chin after you hand him back the glass. "You don't suck in bed. Trust me, I haven't busted a good one in a while since you stopped sleeping with me."
You wrinkle your nose and laugh. "Eugh, you're gross!!" Bakugo only smiles and pushes you back in bed and tucks you in.
"It's the fuckin' truth. That chick I told ya I have been seeing, that bitch sucks, can't even suck me off properly." You cackled at this though your lids already feel heavy. "So if what you just said is true, then that dumb Deku is a whole lot more stupid that I initially thought he was."
Bakugo sighs, catching another tear from your cheek when your eyes finally fall close, slipping to unconsciousness.
When you woke up around 2am, you were glad Bakugo had tied your hair back and had a bucket ready by your bedside. After puking your guts out, you groan and you force yourself up. You take the bucket with you in the bathroom to dump it in the toilet, have a quick shower and brush your teeth. You checked your phone hoping to get a call or even a text from Izuku but the last message on the thread was your drunken essay about missing him and being mad at him at the same time for treating you like garbage.
You weren't even surprised that he didn't reply. And at this point, you were pretty sure that you're not a priority in his life. With a shaky breath, you sent one last massage.
I don't think I can do this anymore.
As you come back to the room, Bakugo has just walked in with bags of food in his hands and the keycard trapped between his teeth. You find yourself smiling.
"Hey, you're up." He says, walking over to your bed. "Yeah, thanks for-" you start to say but he cuts you off.
"Yeah, these aren't yours. I got hungry."
You roll your eyes. "For changing me out of my dirty clothes and for the bucket, I mean." But he only laughed and sat on your bed. Bakugo Katsuki is one beautiful man, you conclude. Sharp tantalizing eyes, tall nose, soft lips. He can be nice and sweet too when he wants to be. Why did you reject him again?
"I'm fucking with you. You think I'd eat this junk??" He asks, looking disgusted at the bags of take out from your favorite fast food chain. "I wasn't able to get your favorite since they aren't serving them at this time-" he continues to say as he opens one of the bags but to his shock, you sat on his lap and made him look at you.
"Do you still like me, Katsuki?" You ask, searching his ruby eyes. Bakugo swallows hard, hands going to your waist with the intent to get you off but this feels too familiar, feels so right that he just could not let go.
"Y/n-" he shakes his head. "You've had a drink, you're not thinking straight." He reasons but makes no other move other than breathe hard as his gaze sweeps down your body that he missed so much. He curses when you lean closer as you shake your head. "I'm good. I know what I want." Bakugo could smell your minty breath, the smell of the body wash on your skin, making his grip on you tighten and his mouth water.
He clenches his jaw as you tilt your head, running your nose along his jawline. You bit your lip and card your fingers through his hair like old times. God, he smells so fucking good.
"You'll regret this later in the morning." He says, squeezing his eyes shut as feels your breath on his neck. "Only me? You won't?" You ask, straightening back up to meet his gaze. Bakugo lets out the boyish smile you adore as he says, "You know I won't." Your lips curl at the corners as you smile back. "Well, then let me regret this later in the morning."
"But what about Deku?" He rasps, although he was already leaning in and pulling you closer. What you say next has his cock straining against his pants.
He wasn't who everyone thought he was. He wasn't the man you have come to know and love. At least not anymore. Yet you stay, rooted on the ground where he left you broken in every way possible because you know you were mostly at fault.
You also held hope and believed him when he said that he still cares about you. Even now.
Pairing: Midoriya Izuku x Reader
Warnings: Has mature content, mentions of abuse, violence and cheating
A/N: So it begins hehe. Let me know if you want to be added / removed from the tags! Here's the masterlist.
Heartaches have been a constant at this point that you thought you have been acquainted with enough that you won't shed a single tear seeing the man you love embracing another girl.
But you were dead wrong.
"Hey, It's okay." He coos, smoothening her hair back and wiping her tears. "I'm here."
You stand behind the glass door of the lab, watching her cling to him as if life depended on it. You watch her nuzzle her face on his neck, watch him grasp her hands, watch her find solace in your boyfriend's arms.. It didn't make sense to you how they seem to fit each other so perfectly.
"Stay with me, Izuku." She whimpers, looking up at him through her lashes clumped with tears. There it was again, the familiar pang in your chest when he answers in a heartbeat. "Of course, I won't leave you. I promise."
He promised.
Like he promised he's going to make it up to you for all the missed dates by taking you out tonight for your anniversary. Yet here you are, finding him where you never thought he would be. Kissing her innocently on the forehead, murmuring words of comfort.
As if he hadn't left you waiting for hours in front of your agency building. As if he didn't have a girlfriend who would be shattered seeing him with another girl like this.
—
A few hours earlier
A sigh leaves your lips as you smooth your dress down while craning your neck to look around the lot. Maybe he's already parked somewhere and had fallen asleep, it has happened before after all. When you checked your phone though, you saw that he has yet to read the messages you have sent him throughout the day.
You bit your lip and checked the time. He should have been here an hour ago. If you hadn't been dating the world's top hero for a while this would have made you worried sick.. but knowing his workload, knowing him, this unfortunately has been such a common occurrence.
"Hey, Y/n." Shoto calls as he enters the company parking lot, making you turn. "Do you want to ride home with us?"
You glance at Shoto just as he opens the car door for his interns. He then walks towards you and gives your shoulder a squeeze. "Come on. Let's take the kids home and I'll drive you to your place. I don't want you waiting here all night again."
"He said he'll come." You mumble, looking at your unanswered texts for the nth time. Shoto can see your eyes starting to water. He knows you and Izuku have been going through a rough patch lately.
"You should go ahead, I'll give him a couple more minutes." You sniffle, nodding to yourself. "He promised."
He frowns after hearing your voice falter. You are a good friend and he knows Midoriya is a good guy, but he also knows how Izuku has been treating you lately. He knows Midoriya wasn't able to come to your birthday dinner a couple of months back due to work, and for weeks, he has been standing you up on dates and has been making promises left and right that he could not keep.
Shoto refrains from meddling. Besides, he knows talking to you about letting Midoriya do these things to you is pointless because he knows you'll only come to your boyfriend's defense.
You'll just keep repeating the lie you want to believe. That he's just busy. That he's only doing his job. That he must just still be stuck doing some hero work and just lost track of time. But as Shoto looks at you again, his heart breaks for you. Because from the sadness reflected in your eyes, the quivering of your lips, he knows that you yourself know how wrong all this is too.
"Y/n. Let's go." He grabs your hand gently and takes a deep breath before slapping you with the harsh truth. "We both know he's not coming."
It was a harsh blow but you needed it. Tears all but fell from your eyes. Months worth of frustration, pent up anger and heart ache had you heaving from where you stood. Shoto had to pull you into an embrace to help you save face from your colleagues who are heading to their own cars as well. He held you tight through it and eventually walked you over to his car. You were grateful to the interns who kept their eyes down, sparing you from their pitiful glances and letting you have what was left of your dignity.
The drive was painfully quiet and awkward until someone's stomach grumbled. You and Shoto glanced at the rearview mirror seeing Eri-chan flustered while Kota looks like he's trying his hardest to hold in his laughter. You sniffle and crack a grin, "It's way past dinner time, huh?" You then turn to Shoto and ask, "We could go for some drive-thru, if you'd like? Plus, I have a cake here that we could share." You raise up the box in your hand.
"Yeah, I could eat." Shoto flashes you a soft smile before looking at the kids through the rearview mirror. "What do you say, you two?"
Kota and Eri-chan exchanged gazes before nodding shyly. Eri scoots forward though and places a hand on your shoulder, "Are you sure, Y/n-san?"
You glance at the time on the dashboard and see that it's past midnight anyway. Past your 5th anniversary. You smile wryly and turn to her, squeezing her hand. "I'm sure. Besides, I wouldn't want this to go to waste. I spent the entire evening yesterday making this, you know." You wink at her.
You four ended up getting food from the kids' requested fast food chain and parked outside the UA dorms to eat. You bought enough, well, Shoto bought enough for the entire class. Those who were still up ate with you guys and for a while, you forget your problem. Indulging in the little stories the students tell you about their day, their first saves. It takes you and Shoto back to the days when you were both still doing your internships.
But then a sigh escapes your lips as you sliced up the cake that you were supposed to surprise Izuku with. At least more people got to enjoy it, you try to console yourself, seeing their happy faces as they eat and hearing their satisfied hums. You and Shoto wave them good night as they head to the dorms after.
You turn to Shoto when you hear a canned beer open. His shoulder raises in a small shrug as he hands it over to you. "Got this from a couple of unruly teens Kota and I caught earlier on patrol." He explains. You probably shouldn't knowing you have an early shift tomorrow but hell, it's one fucking drink and you sure could use one to lull the ache in your chest.
"Thanks." You mutter as you grab the one he just opened for you.
"Sure thing." Shoto says before opening his own can. "You should consider teaching here too. The kids adore you."
You snort and shake your head. "You and I both know I'll never qualify for the job. Not with my extensive, colorful history."
"I could always put in a recommendation. It also wouldn't hurt that I know the old man could never say no to me." He wiggles his eyebrows and you burst out laughing. "Have you forgotten that it was Endeavor-san who fuckin' caught me and sent me to reformatory back then?" You ask in between laughters. The look of realization on his face made you laugh harder. "And stop using your abused kid privilage around me. At least your ass of a father made an effort to turn things around. My dad was damn rotten until the very end." You then beamed at him, shaking your head. "But who would have thought, huh? Todoroki Enji as UA's principal."
Shoto laughs wryly and shakes his head but the concern in his eyes was still evident. To him, you'll always be the girl branded as a wolf in sheep's clothing when you really are anything but. All because you happened to be All for One's daughter.
"All the more reason you can get accepted here then." Shoto says with a shrug. "If my dad can hold a position here then so can you."
"Quit asking me to teach." You pushed him by the arm. "I'm not really the kind of person kids should look up to." Shoto sees your expression grow somber and he knows exactly what's crossing your mind right now. He remembers seeing you go from someone who aspires to outgrow your reputation by proving yourself, to someone who eventually cowered and gave in because of how unfair life and pretty much everyone has treated you.
"Hey," he nudges your shoulder with his. "You're not that person anymore. You're lame now, just like the rest of us." He teases. Shoto grins when you let out a genuine laugh for the first time in a while. There, that's the Y/n he loves seeing.
"Oh please, I was terrible then." You cringed. Remembering the petty crimes you did, the partying, the sleeping around, your destructive behaviour that lead you to get kicked out of UA and removed from internship program in the middle of the semester. "I regret a lot of things but I regret not graduating with you guys the most."
Shoto can see the sadness lingering in you as you say that and he couldn't help but reach out to touch your head affectionately. "We missed you but we always believed you'd make things right." He says. "And you did. Now things worked themselves out in the end."
"I guess." You chuckle. "Thanks, Sho."
You were about to tell him you should head home when your gaze drifts past Shoto to one of the school buildings, the tech support lab to be specific. Your brows furrow seeing you boyfriend enter the building, a paperbag of takeout from your favorite restaurant in hand.
"Izuku-?" You got off the hood of Shoto's car, squinting. What the hell is he doing here?
Shoto turns around and follows your line of sight and sees Midoriya as well. He sighs and says, "Yeah, he's been helping out Melissa a lot lately. She's been having a hard time since her dad passed-"
"Melissa?" Your gaze drifts back to Shoto's face. "Melissa Shield?"
You looked back at the building, your heart sinking to your stomach. "No."
And you know exactly why.
—
Shoto drove you home. If you can even call it that. As the car slows to a halt, Shoto reaches to grab your hand. He doesn't say anything, just squeezes your hand to reassure you that he's got your back.
"Thanks for driving me home." You croak, smiling through your tears. He only lets out a sad smile and you mirror it before getting out of the car.
---
You are not a quitter. Never have been. It was one of the many things you and Izuku had in common. You'd rather bleed and tear yourself apart than give up. And that's exactly what you're doing right now. As you sit in the living room of your home for the past three years, for the first time, you wallow in torment of what your relationship's current state is. Of how broken and insecure Izuku has unintentionally made you. Of how you had just caught him lying and seeing someone else behind your back.
Midoriya Izuku is your world. And you, you no longer matter to him. Not as much as you want to at least. Not when you can blatantly see how he can disregard you by lying to you for the past few months.
Your hands have been cold and clammy since you saw him enter the building earlier, your heart breaking further with every doubt plaguing your mind. Your eyes flicker to the door when you hear the security panel chirp, throat running dry.
"Where have you been?" You ask the moment he steps into your shared apartment.
His emerald his widened with shock at first and when he sees you, the shock was then replaced by an apologetic expression. Seeing you still all dressed up, he realizes what he has just missed. "Oh god, Y/n. I'm so sorry.. I forgot-"
"Where were you?" You try to keep your tone even as you watch him walk over to you to the couch. He kneels in front of you and grabbed your hands, peppering kisses on them.
"I got caught up with work and I had to go help a friend at UA. I didn't mean to forget, I swear." He then reaches to cup your cheek, kissing you on the lips. You heart aches at how sincere he seems. "Happy anniversary, sweetheart." He murmurs against your cheek but you glared at him.
"What friend?" At this point, you feel like you couldn't breathe. This is it, what he says next might just be your breaking point. Will he tell you the truth or will he lie to you just like how he's been fucking doing so for months.
Tears instantly stung your eyes when you see him swallow hard and make a face. He gave you a thin lipped smile, eyes squinting a bit as he shrugs. "No one you really now." He says.
You stood up and walked past him, leaving him to fumble over you trying to grasp your hand. "Y/n, hey, where are you going?"
"Come on, sweetheart. I said I was sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise." You feel his hands around your waist, his lips ghosting on your hair. You take a deep breath before turning to face him. You scoffed when he has the nerve to look remorseful.
"How long, Izuku? How long have you been lying to me?"
"I-I'm not sure I know what you mean-" He frowns, reaching to hold your face but you slap his hand away. "Yes. You do." You spat.
When he continues to appear oblivious, the tears you've been holding back all but fell from your eyes. Your lips quivering. "I saw you. At UA. With her. So tell me," Your nostrils flare as you search his eyes. "Since when have you been fucking lying to me?"
Midoriya pales. Speechless for a moment and you can see his mind going overdrive through his panicked stare. "I-It's not like that, sweetheart." He holds you despite your protests and wipes your tears. "It's Melissa. She needed me-"
"I needed you!!" You shriek. Your chest heaving as you struggle to push air down your lungs. "I'm your girlfriend!!" The sheer frustration has you curling to yourself, pointing your finger to your chest to remind him who he should be caring more about. "Why did you lie to me? And why is it that it's me who have beg for your damn time and attention?? Why does Melissa get it so effortlessly?"
Midoriya's demeanor completely changes, exhaustion washing over him. Anger flashes across his usually gentle features and you stagger a step back when he suddenly screams at you, "This is why!" Your eyes go wide in both shock and disbelief. "I lied because I knew you'd react exactly like this! Y/n, I am all Melissa has left! You know that!"
It took you a whole second to recompose yourself, still having a hard time grasping the fact that he just yelled at you for the first time.
"I know that. But we also both know that she still has feelings for you, Izuku! Do you seriously expect me to just be okay with you seeing her without telling me?" Midoriya lets you go with a sigh, stepping away from you and running his fingers through his hair out of frustration.
You tail him to the bedroom to continue telling him what's been bothering you, slamming the door shut behind to try and spare your neigbors. "I saw how you held her-" You swallow the lump in your throat, blinking away the fresh tears that stings your eyes. "I saw you kiss her, while we barely see each other anymore. I can't even remember the last time you kissed me! So can you really blame me if I am reacting this way?"
Again, to your disbelief, he whirls around and starts yelling at you again. "It was an innocent one, Y/n! On the forehead! You're blowing things way out of proportion."
Your breath catches as doubt bombards your mind even more. Were you? You start questioning yourself. Are you being unreasonable right now? But then you realize it was still wrong that he hid the fact that he was seeing her behind your back.. right?
"I wouldn't be if you told me about her in the first place, but you had been lying to me! For months-"
"Fuck's sake, Y/n! It's not like I'm sleeping with Melissa!" He grabs you by the shoulders, knocking the back of your head against the door with a thud. You gawk up at him as he continues to ask, "That's what you're getting to, right?
You startle when he proceeds to grab your face in his rough calloused hand with a bruising grip, your hands flying to his wrist to try and pry it off. But the way he glared at you has you cowering back. Midoriya has never looked at you this way before. In fact, you rarely see him look at anyone this way. He looks at you like how he looks at someone he wants to end.
"You think I'd cheat on you?" He then asks in a gravely low voice. "You think I'd get back at you? Hurt you the way that you hurt me years ago?"
You heart sank. After all this time.. you thought he had forgiven you, you thought you've both already moved past that.
"Izuku, no." Your voice breaks, brows furrowing as memories of your infidelity come back to haunt you. "No, I just-"
"Just what?" He tilts his head. "Not used to being the center of the fucking universe?" He sneers. "My bad, let me make it up to you."
Midoriya then kisses you roughly, his hand that was holding your face drifts to the back of your head to keep you from pulling away. A shiver runs down your spine and goosebumps covered your arms and legs as he lets his other hand roam, squeezing at your breasts, sliding down your side, and pulling you against his hardened cock by hoisting your leg around his waist.
"Izuku, stop-" You choke out as you push him off but he proceeds to rip your dress off of you and forced you down on the bed. He cocks his head to the side and eyed the wet patch forming on your underwear, "Your body says otherwise, sweetheart."
His eyes then flicker back at your face with a wicked smirk stretching his lips. He haphazardly tear his own clothes off, discarding the hero suit on the bedroom floor. This gave you time to scramble back against the headboard and grab the blanket over your half naked body. You stare up at your boyfriend in disbelief, gasping when he suddenly pulls you by the ankle.
The yelp that escapes you was muffled when he starts kissing you again, strong rough hands destroying your undergarments without mercy.
"This what you want, right?" He murmurs against the shell of your ear before licking a stipe down your neck and proceeding to bite and suck on a patch of skin just above your breast. "You have been feeling so neglected that you start having thoughts about me fucking someone else?"
Midoriya hovers above you and grabs a fistful of hair on the back of your head, forcing you to look up at him. "Again, my bad." He said but he doesn't look remorseful, not one bit. Instead, he looks pissed off. And it scares the shit out of you.
"Stop," you whimpered. "This isn't you, Izuku. Please."
"You're right." His jaw clenches as he stares down at you. "But this is who you made me out to be. You drive me insane, Y/n." He tugs harder on your hair making your groan out in pain. "I give you all of me, I dedicate my whole life for you and in return, you make me feel fucking inadequate."
You squirm under his touch, scalp starting to ache at his tight grip on your hair as his other hand continues to slide down your belly to where you've been aching for him the most. You moan wretchedly when he spreads you open, collecting your slick on the pads of his fingers and teasing you callously.
"I let you off the damn hook after screwing my friend and you accuse me of the doing same shit when all I am trying to do is help someone entrusted to me?" He asks mockingly while pushing a finger in. He continues his torture until you were breathing heavily, only to add another finger in to stretch you out more, his emerald gaze glued on your face watching your expression distort in both shame and pleasure.
"Izuku!" You whimper. Your forehead knocking against his shoulder as you curl up, mouth gaping in a silent cry when he sheathes himself into you in one swift thrust. You could have sworn you saw stars. Your arms go around his shoulder as you allow your body to be rocked on the bed in perfect sync with his. Tears leak past your temples as you try to kiss every part of him you could reach. His collarbone, his throat, his jaw.
"What?" He grunts out but doesn't stop. He builds a punishing pace, the type that has you gripping his arms and screaming into his palm that he has placed over your mouth.
You were bawling at this point and you start to babble, "I-I'm sorry." You pant shamefully as your near the edge. "Fuck, I'm so sorry!" You blather on, your voice almost drowned out by the creaking of the bed and the obscene sound your connecting bodies make with every sharp thrust. But then, to your bitter disappointment he pulls out of you abruptly, leaving you clenching around nothing and robbing you of your release. You look up at him and flat out cried his name.
Midoriya chases after his breath and looks down at you coldly, muttering, "You should be." He licks his lower lip and got off the bed. "I love you, Y/n. But you need to know your place."
You stare after him as walks off to the bathroom with one realization.. He wasn't who everyone thought he was. He wasn't the man you have come to know and love. At least not anymore. Yet you stay, rooted right where he left you broken in every way possible because you believe you were mostly at fault.
You also held hope that somewhere underneath that Izuku you just witnessed, he still cares about you.. Even now.
Today felt different. From the moment he opened his eyes this morning, he had this nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something is about to go wrong. He sits up and takes a deep breath, running his hands across his face, and carding his fingers through his messy bed hair.
He only relaxes when you rolled over to his side and pushed yourself up to wrap your arms around his bare torso. He grins when he feels your lips against his shoulder.
"Come back to bed, please?" You murmur sleepily. "'s still so early."
Nanami then turns to you, the soft smile on his lips stretching wider. "Alright, sweetheart. Only for just a couple of minutes, okay? I have to get ready and pick up Megumi and Takuma."
"Nooo-" You whined. "Can't you just please ask Ijichi-san to do that?"
He laughs quietly, as he lays back down with you. "I guess I could just ask him that-"
"Yes!!" You encouraged him. "In fact, just take the day off. Been a while since you have anyway. And I'm sure whatever's going on, Satoru can handle it on his own. He just likes calling you and pestering you because he has this weird crush on you. That's why he always wants you around."
Nanami's chest rumbles with his quiet laughter seeing you pout. You have always insisted that his senior sorcerer has a crush on him. Personally though, he thinks that the man just loves seeing the annoyed expression on his face. He knows Gojo means well, just always trying to get him to be more upbeat like him.
"Gojo-san just wants me to lighten up a bit. He thinks I'm too serious all the time." He reasons, closing his eyes as he settles back on bed with you in his arms.
"Although you know that's not the case, right?" He asks, cracking an eye open to look at you for validation. You merely grin, blushing at the thought of the playful Nanami you have come to know and love behind closed doors. He can be teasing and surprisingly annoying when he wants to be but damn, he's so charming about it that you always give him a pass.
If you're being honest, you feel immense pride that only you can see this side of him.
"Nah, I still think Satoru has a crush on you. The man practically cries when you refuse to join him for meals."
He laughs again which fades into a contented sigh, realizing that he often does smile or laugh when he's around you. The thought of taking you up for your suggestion sounds so good right now. Spending the whole day like this on this cool October day gets extremely tempting. Maybe later this afternoon, he can go to the bakery and buy a sandwich from the friendly lady you both like.
Should he just call and tell them he can't work today?
But then his phone starts vibrating on the bedside table. You both eye it for a second, and Nanami flashes you an apologetic gaze. He kisses the top of your head and mouths, "I'll be back before you know it."
Parting is always hard for you. You know his profession, you know him as a person. You know that he's good at what he does but he also would not think twice about protecting the kids under his supervision.
You knew this prior to getting into the relationship and it's one of the reasons why you have fallen for him. But it doesn't get any easier each time he has to leave for a mission. With a deep breath, you nuzzle his neck and kiss the base of his jaw.
"Promise me you'll take a leave soon?" You whisper. "Come take a vacation with me? Finally visit Malaysia like we always talked about?"
Nanami holds you tighter, a soft smile gracing his lips. "And then the Philippines. I've read there's a lot of beautiful beaches there that you're going to love."
You hum in agreement. "And then we can go to Indonesia. Then, Thailand, Sri Lanka-"
"Anywhere you want, sweetheart." He cuts you off with a peck on the lips. "I'll go anywhere with you once this is all over."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
---
He should have stayed home.
Nanami exhales shakily as he wipes the blood from his hands before wrapping his tie around his palm. He feels exhausted and his strength is slipping by each passing second. He looks up in a moment of reprieve, sensing a horde of mutated humans up ahead.
Yeah. He should have stayed with you.
---
You were preparing dinner when your phone suddenly rang. Your brow raises seeing your boyfriend's name pop up. He doesn't usually call when he's on a mission and this makes your breath catch. You snatched the phone from the countertop and answered right away.
"Kento? Are you okay?" The shrill in your voice made Nanami smile to himself.
"I'm fine, Y/n. Breathe." He says and you closed your eyes in relief.
"Sorry. I just thought something had happened-" you shake your head. "Hi, love."
"Hello, sweetheart." Nanami murmurs, wishing he could be at home with you right now. He'll bet you already had dinner started and you're heading to the couch to get back to reading your book while you wait for the food to be cooked.
"Listen, I don't think I'm going to make it tonight. So don't wait up for me, alright?" He says, as he continues forward looking around for Maki, Naobito and Megumi.
"Ohh. Are you guys having a rough time with the mission?" You ask, brows furrowing as you settle on the couch, cradling the phone in your hands.
"Yeah.." Nanami rakes his brain of what else he could say that wouldn't cause you to panic. The situation is really bad and there's no other way he could put it that wouldn't have you figuring out that he's in some deep trouble right now. So he opted with, "Remember our conversation this morning?"
You perk up in your seat, smiling to yourself and nodding as if he can see you. "Yes."
Nanami grins at how this instantly lightens up your mood. "Let's do it. I'll book our flights and make reservations. Let's go on my birthday?"
"I'd love that, Kento." You say, smiling ear to ear.
"Promise we'll go no matter what?" He asks and you let out a laugh. "I should be the one asking you that. I've been begging you to go for as long as I can remember!"
Nanami laughs too, nodding to himself. "Just promise me, will you?"
You roll your eyes. "Fine. I promise."
"Good." You can tell he was smiling and this inevitably made you smile too. "Alright, I have to go, sweetheart."
"Okay, love. Take care." You say. There was silence on the other line for a moment, you were about to check if he was still there but then he speaks again.
"I love you, Y/n.. Always." He murmurs lovingly and your heart swells.
"I love you too." You murmur back. But then, you start to feel a turmoil of worry brewing in your chest. "Kento? Wait." You swallow hard.
"Why do I feel like you're saying goodbye?"
"O-okay. Kento-?"
You hear him chuckle on the other line. "Because I am, sweetheart." Nanami's expression turns blank as he reaches the station. "I have to go now. Remember your promise, okay?"
"Goodbye, my Y/n. I'll see you soon."
---
"Y/n-san," Yuuji shakes you gently. "We're here."
You open your eyes as the van halts, dropping you off to the hotel. One of the staff welcomes you as you enter the lobby. "Right this way, Mrs. Nanami." You returned her friendly smile and followed her to check in.
You were all assisted to the hotel room, yours were right next to the kids. You turned to them and reminded them, "Let's meet by the beach for dinner, okay?"
The bed looks so welcoming and you find yourself drifting the moment your body hits the mattress. After the nap, you showered, got dressed and made an effort to doll up a little. You went out to scour the place for a cake. Fortunately, you found one at Kampung.
You walk along the beach, carrying your sandals in one hand and the box of cake on the other.
You found the perfect spot as the sun starts to set. The skies now splashed with shades of orange and pink. You smile to yourself as you take out the cake.
Taking out the matchbox one of the staff of the restaurant has given you, you light up the candle. You start singing Happy Birthday, voice getting thick and tears flooding your eyes as you sing the last line of the song.
The candle goes out with the gentle breeze that passes by and you close your eyes, your hand drifting to your necklace where parts of him you're still able to keep resides.
From the pool area, Yuuji, Megumi, Maki, Yuta, and Inumaki spot you by the shore. Each one of them feeling the heaviness and loss you're feeling. They walk to you where you are, taking their place beside you.
You smile up Maki who sits at your left. She takes your hand in hers, squeezing reassuringly. You then turn on your right and see the rest of the kids looking at the horizon with pensive looks on their faces. They have all been through so much and you know they're all blaming themselves for what has happened to the love of your life.
It took a while for Yuuji to look you in the eye after what happened. But with your constant reassurance that you do not blame him or any of them, he finally came around and was able to grieve properly.
They say everything heals with time, but you found that to be false. Because it still hurts just as bad to this day, hurts worse with every passing day if you're being honest. Especially on days like this, when he's supposed to be here with you.
But then, this pain is a reminder that he was here, and that your love for him is still here too.
So you smile and look up to the skies, wishing he could at least still hear you as you say, "Happy birthday, Kento."
No one would have guessed how bad Gojo despises the titles put to his name since he embodies them well. He makes each one his own. He works hard for it, to truly own it and confidently claim it just as he was deemed by others.
Six Eyes heir
Limitless Cursed Technique wielder.
The Strongest.
A mentor.
He plays it off like it's nothing to him, that he's just some smug bastard. But the reality of it all is that he despises it. Because with these titles, come the responsibilities that go along with them. And with each role he takes on, the greater the weight he feels on his shoulders.
Yet as the nurse acknowledges his presence when he walks into the room, somehow, he feels stripped of his previous titles as he takes in this new one. Gojo stood frozen at first, not really knowing what to do with himself, a clusterfuck of emotions brewing in him.
Fear, joy, distress, relief, excitement.. but mostly anxiousness.
Shit, he feels like he's going to puke. What had he just gotten himself into? He thinks idly, palms getting clammy. But as soon as he got a glimpse of his little girl, he felt struck. There is a wave of calm in him and suddenly she is all he sees. And he is reaching for his blindfold, tugging it down as he approaches, yearning to see this tiny human with his extraordinary perception.
A sigh of relief escapes him as he detects no trace of cursed energy. He just sees perfection, although he might be a little biased.
Strong arms honed to fight and defend opens with a slight tremor on them as he was handed over his child. He holds his breath, afraid he'll wake the little angel or worse, cause pain or distress. But the kid nestles comfortably in his arms, chubby cheek squishing against the swaddle blanket with every attempt to wag.
"Hey, kiddo." He greets, his voice has never sounded this soft in his entire life. Gojo exhales shakily, grinning wide as the baby coos as if in response.
"You're so beautiful." He cradles her face in awe. "Just as pretty as your momma, aren't you?" Gojo could not help but lean in to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead, leaning back again before he could fully pull away to plant another one on her nose. And her cheek. And then the other cheek. And her chin.
He then holds the newborn's tiny hand, marveling at how it looked significantly puny next to his own. Soft, fragile, trusting. A total opposite of his.
"Nice to meet'cha." he murmurs, chuckling softly as he shakes her hand. The little angel grabs his pinky tighter making him laugh to himself again and say, "Yeah, hi, sweetheart. I'm your dad."
Gojo then winces and makes a face. "Well, if your momma still lets me.. Because you know, I was kinda late for your birth-" he shrugs, laughing wryly. "But you have to know, your dad is a very important man. Saves the world and exorcizes ugly stinky curses for a living. Very cool-"
He continues to babble on, so engrossed with his one-sided conversation that he doesn't even notice his students who have come to visit enter the room. Megumi, Kugisaki and Yuuji laugh quietly among themselves watching their sensei endlessly talking to the newborn while feasting on the fruit basket Nanami and Shoko had asked them to bring for you. They know you won't mind anyway.
Gojo has always been a fast learner, quickly getting accustomed to this new role as a father. Anyone who would see him cooing and holding the baby into a better position would think that this could not have been his first time holding a baby.
Gojo doesn't notice but he smiles wider and wider with every small movement the baby makes. Eyes gleefully dancing across the delicate features of his daughter. He knows it's too early to tell but he can already see how much she takes from you, and he's so glad that she does. Gojo knows he's going to spoil her rotten and he's already mentally preparing himself for all the arguments he's about to have with you.
For the nth time this evening, Gojo sighs happily.
"I did not know this was possible," he purses his lips, grazing his daughter's cheek with his fingertip. "I only just met you but I already know you will own the rest of my days." Megumi smiles at this, proud and happy for him. Didn’t know his sensei actually had that in him. Megumi shakes his head thinking, Is this really the same weirdo who raised me? But then, Gojo continues to say, "I'm so glad I made your momma pregnant." Megumi rolls his eyes.
The trio's protest and gagging noises startles Gojo.
"God, sensei."
"Eww!"
"Gross!!"
Gojo scowls at them, just realizing he wasn't alone with you and his baby in the room. "When did you three get here??" He hisses at them, eyes widening when he sees the basket nearly empty. "And why are you brats eating that! Those are for Y/n!!"
Let's just say you pretty much kicked them all out of the room when you wake up from all the bantering.
Gojo pouts by the door, begging you to let him stay. Already missing his daughter's warmth as he longingly watches you feed her.
Can’t stop thinking about how attack on titan is not a romance but how its narrative hinges upon the most devastating love stories I’ve encountered in fiction.
How Ymir and Historia cling to each other under the burden of a crown they didn’t ask for.
How Eren, the definition of an “attack” protagonist does anything and everything for Armin, who shrinks away from violence (despite having to become the embodiment of war).
How Erwin gave Levi the sky, and it is a debt that Levi knows he can never repay.
How subtly yet thoroughly they work Moblit into every scene, a step behind Hanji, cautioning them and supporting them, so that you don’t even notice him until he’s gone.
How Mikasa’s “Akerbond” to Eren goes so much further, so much deeper, because he exhibited such raw, unfettered inhumanity in the name of protecting her when she was a child, when he barely even knew her, and that is all she knows of love.
How Connie feels like he’s lost half of himself with Sasha gone.
How much Carla loved her son.
How much of an impact Marco made on Jean.
How Armin could eat Bertoldt’s love for Annie and have it latch onto his own admiration of her.
How Marlowe thought of Hitch as he was dying.
How Reiner keeps going for the kids he has to mentor.
How Falco put himself between Gabi and danger over and over again.
How violently Sasha’s family mourned but how reverent of her spirit they were to forgive her killer.
Idk man I just think for a show that started off as kids fighting giants and turned into “my war crime is worse than your war crime”, it is driven almost entirely by unique, poignant and thoroughly convincing love stories.
For real though, just thinking about Hange and Moblit makes me want to cry. Just.. imagine Hange waking up in cold sweat from a nightmare that was her last moments with Moblit. Breaks me everytime.
Imagine her going to her study and realizing how infinitely messier it has become without Moblit. How she would subconsciously burst into tears seeing his handwritings in her files, his sketches. Imagine her seeing Moblit's belongings and realize most of his possessions had traces of his care for her. Spare glasses / goggles since she always breaks hers, he also probably has some medications for burns since Hange always burns herself from studying titans..
Imagine Hange in the verge of bursting about something, which was inevitable with the burden she now has as the new commander, suddenly simmering down and taking deep breaths. Levi would think Hange was matured and grown over time but really, it was Moblit's memories that keeps her sane and from making terrible decisions. She would always hear his voice in the back of her mind.
"Hange-san, don't scream."
"Hange-san, that's dangerous."
"Hange-san, you're being too reckless."
"Hange-san, aren't you lacking in human compassion?"
"Hange-san, calm down."
"Hange-san."
"Hange-san!"
Sometimes, Hange would feel like she finally lost it. But she'd take being crazy any day if that meant keeping a piece of Moblit with her forever.
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