Flash Me. @thenerdatthecooltable - Tumblr Blog

God

thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you. thank you.

gahdamnpunk

And she had the nerve to explain MLK to a Black woman 😭

Jay’s Takeout

lagonegirl

This Thread

unwinona

Read it. Read it all.

Like DAMN.

timelessziowl167-deactivated201

DAMN IT TUMBLR IS FULL OF INFORMATION OMG

thenerdatthecooltable

whew. the facts with receipts.

life taught me.

happy new year!

life has a way of teaching me lessons i’d rather not learn, i didn’t ask to learn and especially not unexpectedly. the past four months i wasn’t communicating with one of my best friends (read: the eulogy...) and i was not sure what exactly happened to sever the relationship. i know usually i do some crash dummy shit and push people away but this time was different. i was lost in the reasoning. during that solitude of four months, i felt lost. certain insecurities were triggered, abandonment issues resurfaced and i was merely surviving in life. my heart was honestly broken.

life taught me loss early when my parents divorced. it taught me people, no matter how much they claim to love you, can and may abandon you. life taught me early how to keep people at arms length, don’t trust too quick and when i’m getting too comfortable do something to burn the bridge. that’s how i crawled through early life. hurting before i got hurt. escaping with bruises and burns but at least i escaped and i didn’t give my “power” away to another person. that is a shitty way to live but it’s all i knew.

this separation from my friend tore through my soul. it crumbled me. it kept me isolated. it taught me again my survival techniques. it was like a karmic lesson and that shit sucked. hard. a few days ago, my friend texted me and apologized. i immediately called her and we cried and cleared the air. it felt right because this was genuine. this was love. i would be lying if i said i’m not scared. if i’m a bit close but not too close because during that time apart i learned how to survive. to be alone. to be broken and left again.

but i truly believe this is all God. God needed that to be a teachable moment. to show me how i treated some people in my life when i abandoned them because of my own survival techniques. when i loved too hard and walked away. this was humbling. i don’t hold onto people anymore. life taught me recently it’s ago if people go because the good ones will come back. life taught me recently i don’t have to survive out of fear. i can leave my hand open. i’ll be okay in the end. life taught me vulnerability. life taught me and is continuing to teach.

xx,

#friends #life #loss #loving #relationships #friendships #dating #houston #texas #bloggen #podcast #instagram

Fried Chicken and a Glass of Champagne. My Dating Life.

remanence-of-love

jehovahhthickness

Right.

deeexv

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

lovelychocolatekisses-deactivat

I hate this, currently in this fucking situation

ruinedchildhood

thenerdatthecooltable

mood af.

jaystakeout

interlude: H O L Y S H I T

do you mind if i call you? that was the text he sent after we exchanged the usual good mornings. my gut told me something was up. of course. I responded. he called me quickly and began to tell me about his night. girlfriend drama. fights. arguments. my voice was saddened but my face lit up with glee. I immediately texted my girlfriend the news. H O L Y S H I T. we celebrated through iMessage.

you should invite him to the party. a text from my friend. I had thought about texting him earlier in the week but he wasn’t a single man. boundaries J. inner dialogue. but now everything was a go. I invited him out and he would let me know after he finished with work. now I definitely needed something to wear. we continued texting throughout the day. as night fell, he confirmed plans to stop by the party. yes.

party time and I arrived in an army green body suit and flower embellished jeans from Zara. everyone was having a good time. my best girlfriend bought a round of shots to thank us for assisting her. the whisky smoothly ran down my throat. it was about to be a great night. after every few drinks, my bladder would not let me be great. bodysuits and bathrooms are a hassle.

the drinks kept flowing and my balance was starting to get shaky. I’m fifteen away. a text from him. cool. I calmly texted him back and the location we were sitting in the bar. I took a few inhales on the hookah and conversed with my girlfriend. you did a really good job. as I looked up I saw him. denim on denim and a white pair of Js. he strolled through the crowd so effortlessly. his cool matched my fly.

he introduced himself to my friends and sat next to me. I squeezed in between him and my friend. hi bobby. thank you for coming through. of course. he put his arm around my shoulder and I laid into him more. I don’t know if I was feeling good from the whisky or his company. my friends closed out and said their goodbyes. we moved to the cushion side and bought a few rounds of whisky. he asked some girls who were standing if they needed seats. how sweet. inner dialogue

i sat close as we drank and people watched. The whisky was hitting all my functioning organs. my inhibitions became nonexistent. I slid my hand between his thighs. I was lowkey happy when you told me y'all broke up. we laughed and kissed. it was almost time for last call. we decided to head out because who really wants to be in a club until the lights come on? he stopped to talk to the door guy and held my hand as we walked to his car.

my ass didn’t make it. I ended up just how we met the first night. throwing up outside his car as he made sure I was good. he drove me home and struggled to get me out and inside. a blaring alarm shook me awake. turn it off. I stated groggily. it was coming from my phone. the alcoholic haze was still upon me. I looked at myself still fully clothed and laid next to him. he recapped the night for me and we laughed. oh j.I thanked him for taking care of me and we laid until he had to leave.

nurfarahmalik

jaystakeout

lou will

it was reggae night at the flat. a quaint spot with dim lighting. the japanese whisky was too intense for me to participate in the whining. i sat at the table for two texting him as my friend scoped out a dance partner. somewhere between last call and dipping my chicken tender in the warm gravy fro whataburger, we made plans to meet for lunch the next day. i was a bit excited but past experiences reminded me not to get my hopes up.

i texted him the next day to confirm lunch. my plus one would meet me for baos at 2pm. i went to eat lunch with my little cousin to take my mind off the pending appointment. i purposely headed out later than expected to avoid being the first one there. i’m running behind. waiting on a client. a text from him. i told him i was pulling up to the restaurant when i had been sitting there for 10 minutes already. i walked into the restaurant and ordered lunch. it was a cold and scattered showers kind of day. i pulled into a podcast and dined as i waited for him to arrive. time passed. i’ll give him until 3:24. inner dialogue. i was getting impatient. the negative began to fill my mind. he rang my line and told me he was on the way.

he pulled up fifteen minutes later. he ordered and sat at the high stool next to me. omg!! we have on the same shirts. i jokingly pointed out. another coincidence. we laughed about our fall/winter wardrobe. his food arrived and you could definitely tell it was his first meal of the day. damn! are you hungry? i joked. i didn’t eat breakfast. i split my crab daddy bao with him an enjoyed the company. we sat in the restaurant for hours and discussed everything from injustices in america to the migos. we laughed and we flirted. it was the best date i’ve had thus far. but it was only lunch.

we finally snapped out of our world and left to go our separate ways. he walked me to my car. i unlocked the door manually because my chirp doesn’t work. he held opened my car door as we embraced. the door hit me in the space with extra breast tissue should have been. i cowered in pain and we laughed it off. i followed him through traffic as he showed me a short cut to target on his way back to work. my foot pressed the gas as my mind relived the last two hours we spent together. thank you. i sent him through text. that thank you was for more than the shortcut through houston traffic. as i was shopping for a birthday present my phone vibrated. come to my office when you’re done. my face lit up.

twenty minutes later and i cluelessly searched for the entrance to his office. i finally found him. you’re wearing nike slides and sweats. he was wrapping up his day’s work and preparing to hit the gym. he led me up the flights of steps to his office. i plopped down on one of the chairs. OUCH!!! the chair didn’t have any cushion. we again laughed at another moment of my pain. first my chest and now my ass. we watched a few minutes of elementary before my chair was gliding towards his. i closed my eyes as we made out like two hyperactive teenagers. i relaxed deeper into him as his hand slid up my back. this was all to right. time passed and it was time to go our separate ways again. he led me out of the office. you have a nice ass. thank you. squats. more laughter.

my friend rang my line as we were heading to our cars. where are you? she asked. uhh 610. i laughed. the coded phone call ended promptly. i felt my face flush as i couldn’t bring myself to tell her i was with him. at least not in his presence. he gave me directions to head up i10 east. i hate the traffic. he opened my car door and closed it as i warmed myself from this bipolar weather. he made sure i knew exactly which way to go. i turned on abra as i headed to my friend’s apartment. chills ran through my body as i thought of the time we spent together. i was high off the vibrations. and then i remembered he’s one half of a couple. baggage attached.

psychquotesss

Sometimes the right thing feels all wrong until it is over and done with.

Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic (via psych2go)

b7acksoul

#poem #poet #poetry #blackpoet #blackpoets #blackwriter #blackwriters #writer #writing #queen #goddess #empress #wombman #blackwoman #blackwomanisgod #dreams #dreamer #deepthoughts #deepthinker #wordsmith #melanin #melanated