The Nontraditional Woman

You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.- Sean McCabe

[thenontraditionalwoman]

The Foundation...

     My man and I have a bond I’ve been told is weird and rare, but it’s ours. In the beginning, when we started to build our bond we decided long ago that transparency, honesty, and friendship would be the foundation of our relationship. This meant many difficult conversations and moments between us but we pushed through. Although we were friends before we ever started dating, we were journeying into territory that required more on each end. We learned each other inside and out in addition to what we already knew about the other before hand. Anything that you’d normally fear telling a significant other we shared. Our motto has always been no matter what and friends first. This means that we will always have each other’s backs no matter what comes our way, good or bad. And that anything we weather together always remember that we are friends first. This tends to keep things in perspective. It gives each of us a safe space with the other, we became each other’s sanctuary. It allows the honesty between us that most couples seek to have within their relationships because it erases the fear of judgement, or at least in our case it did.        With this foundation in place he taught me how to love unconditionally. There wasn’t a thing I could say or do that would alter his view of me and vice versa. Once this was solid we started venturing more into exploring our sexuality together. We discussed threesomes, being swingers, open relationships, and we even entertained a few conversations with other couples on making some of these things happen. We decided that threesomes were more fulfilling for us and that’s what we enjoyed doing together. We loved meeting new women, together or individually, and eventually bringing them home to each other for us all to hang out and, of course, have sex. Yes, I guess you could say it was somewhat of an open relationship at one point. However, we always discussed everything with each other and I do mean EVERYTHING. I think that’s what brought us closer as friends and made us stronger as a couple, the open and honest conversations that come with dealing with outside people. You hear things you don’t like or want to hear but allow the other person to speak their truth. It’s something about knowing a person is CHOOSING you day in and day out, without being coerced, forced, or pushed to do so. They just genuinely want you through it all.        Ultimately, this lead to us having the conversation about having another girlfriend. I liked this idea. It transitioned me from wanting amazing flings to wanting an amazing woman to share what he and I had built with each other. I got tired of the flings that ended up just wanting me or him; I truly wanted to find someone that would be open to being with us both for more than just a good time. Thus, starting our search for a girlfriend who would equally want and love us both. This did not come easy. It was actually, by far, the most frustrating yet interesting journey ever lol. However, I believe it was worth it. It’s a lot like dating around until you find the right fit. You have to go through the bad to find the good, right?

[thenontraditionalwoman]

The Start of It All...

I’ve always been into women, as well as men, I just never tapped into that interest until the man I’m with now and I started dating. So I guess I was in the closet about it I suppose you could say. Shy is how I’d put it. But let’s rewind a bit....I looked into threesomes and other women to have join me and partners in the past, but it just didn’t seem right. I thought about it a lot, but it wasn’t really something I wanted to do for them, not even if it pleased me. I didn’t trust them, I was insecure, they didn’t make me feel comfortable alone so how could I possibly feel comfortable with introducing another woman into the dynamic. You know how that goes? Men find out you’re open to being with another woman and they jump at the chance to push you into bringing one into the bedroom. Needless to say, it never worked out 🙄. Never even got to the point of meeting anyone.                                                                However, down the line, I started dating my best friend and by unusual circumstances I was approached to have a threesome with him and I obliged. At first I was apprehensive, I was nervous, I was uncomfortable even...but I went through with it anyway. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just wasn’t as relaxed as I wished I had been. In fact, there’s a lot about that night I’d change if I could go back and redo it. It’s something about a first time and being in your head more than in the present worrying about things that ultimately don’t matter, it never works out. Later on, though, we tried again with another woman that was interested and I loved it. It was a great time. I enjoyed being with her and him, at the same time. And then later on, we were with another woman....and then so on.                                                                          Yes, for a while it was just flings. Occasionally, we’d discuss it and feel like hey we want to spice it up a bit, and then we’d invite someone to join us for a night. It was in these moments that I realized that I liked women more than I realized. I loved the way the looked, smelled, dressed, and carried themselves. I began to appreciate them as more than just fellow women but as potential interest as well. I’d admire them with him while we were out or even if we weren’t together and call him and tell him about my encounters. Lol not only did this add to our relationship, it added to our friendship more than anything. In many ways, it gave him a safe space to be open about things he may not have been in any other situation. Don’t get it twisted....we had that open and honest thing going on before other women were involved, I think this just added to the comfort zone. Maybe I understood him on a level most women didn’t, or couldn’t. Either way, it was the start of an amazing and interesting journey. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it ;).

[thenontraditionalwoman]

Welcome

So this is my introduction. This is me. On behalf of all the nontraditional women. Giving you an inside look at the mind, feelings, and life....of the Nontraditional Woman. Let’s be honest, I can’t speak for others like me. But I can give you my views and tell you my point of view. I’m just like you. I assure you, I’m an ordinary girl. Scratch that. I’m extraordinary. But I do have the same troubles and struggles, you know? However, I think one of my main issues that seems to keep coming up over and over again, are the Nontraditional aspects of my life. What aspects you ask?

Well, for starters kids are a definite no for me. Not sure I see that changing any time soon. Marriage? Yeah, that’s a topic we’ll expand on later. And relationships? I’ve been in traditional, non traditional, and polyamory relationships. They’ve all had their ups and downs, but they all offered opportunities for growth. I contribute my path to being a better woman, and the woman I am today, to all of those relationships. I definitely feel as though polyamory relationships are not for the faint of heart, though. However, I have found that a man brings so much balance to the relationship with another woman. Remember, I’m speaking from my own experiences, so save whatever outrage you may have towards that statement. It works for us. As a trio, we make each other better. She makes me want to be a better woman, for myself and him. I know I do the same for her. And then he makes us want to be better for each other. And we make him want to be a better man for us. Oddly enough, each pair strengthens the relationship with the other, if that makes sense.Wait a minute....I’m getting ahead of myself, this was just meant to be an introduction. So hello, my name is The Nontraditional Woman. I’m excited to be here. I welcome you all to my world and I hope you enjoy the journey. Sit back and relax, it’s going to be a wild one....or should I say, a nontraditional one ;).