The Obstacles are the Path

A blog about Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, General and Social Anxiety, Self-Harm, Chronic Pain and my recovery through therapy and the practice of Buddhism

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Recovery is a process. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes everything you’ve got.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[wnq-writers]

So there it was, I was alive, I had survived. No one saved me, because I saved myself.

Puran Chand, Memoirs from the past (via wnq-writers)

[theobstaclesarethepath]

Please I’m desperate for someone who understands. Is there anyone out there who has ANY case presentation or ANY kind of variant of Parsonage-Turner Syndrome (aka Brachial Neuritis, aka Neuralgic Amyotrophy aka Acute Brachial Neuropathy, aka Brachial Plexus Neuropathy, aka Acute Brachial Radiculitis)?

I have what’s called Aggressive Advancing Bilateral Recurrent Parsonage-Turner Syndrome and the global population of that variant is 1061 people besides me on the entire planet. My episodes are becoming closer and closer together. Within 14 months from onset they’ve gone from 2 months remission to now 1 month remission. And my muscles have begun to atrophy already. I also have the deltoid variant which makes my case so rare. I will go into chronicity soon and paralysis and muscle death will begin to occur. I have somewhere between 6 and 10 months before I unfortunately will lose both my arms to amputation. I just want to find other people who deal with this illness so I might connect and find people who understand even a little of what I’m going through. So if you’re out there please send me a message. My name is Scott, it would be a pleasure to talk to you.

[kali-ddong-deactivated20150504]

(Sorry if I make your dash ugly!)

“Are you wearing a mask?” “When are you getting your face fixed?” “Look at that girl! She looks so weird…”

These are the three most common reactions to my appearance.

My name is Kali, I am 18, I am a Korean-American, and I… look different.

I was born with a medical condition that (clearly) affects my face. Essentially my lymphatic system can’t properly circulate fluid so the excess fluid builds up in my face. It is difficult to remove because the tumor-like masses can interfere with my nervous and circulatory systems. Sure, I’ve had many, many surgeries done, but there is very little chance I will ever look “normal”.

They say to never judge a book by its cover. I always tried to live by that mantra. I went to a summer math program when I was 14 and was assigned a roommate. The moment I walked into the dorm room, she spoke to one of our counselors and requested a roommate change.

I never cried so hard in my life.

A book is more than its cover. I’m a Starbucks addict. I play three instruments. I write poetry. And you wouldn’t know that by looking at my face.

A person in more than his or her face. I’ve struggled to fit in at college for this reason- that people still feel hesitant to talk to me because of my appearance. They say rude things behind my back. I had grown up with the same people from elementary school through high school, so people were used to me. I hoped people would learn to accept me in college, but I haven’t found that yet.

You can’t exactly tell Stanford students that they’re stupid, can you?

I guess the reason I’m posting this is to introduce myself, and to tell my story. I don’t want to be an inspiration. I’m not a hero. I’ve simply learned to accept myself.

Someday I hope others here do, too.

My name is Kali, I am 18, I am a Korean-American, and I… am more than my appearance.

[theobstaclesarethepath]

Absolutely beautiful through courage!

[charismablu]

Very true.

#lifelessons

[theobstaclesarethepath]

THE life lesson. Goes for all genders as well.

[thecalminside]

There’s a lot of pain and hardship. Everybody, every minute, is tortured, suffering a lot. We shouldn’t just ignore them and save ourselves alone. Even if we could just save ourselves, we wouldn’t have a peaceful sleep. The rest of the world is going to wake us up with their pain.

Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche (via thecalminside)

[buddhismuniverse-blog]

Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone

Buddha

[keysofshadowandlight]

[septemberwildflowers]

here’s a thought

let’s tell young boys that they are brimming with kindness and imagination and nobility. point out their gentleness, their fierce joy and limitless capacity to love everyone and everything. tell them they are princes in a kingdom of wonders and beauty and thoughtfulness and the warmth of their own hearts. take them to museums and symphonies and forests to make tree forts in. raise them to empathize, innovate and do good things. with confidence and humility.

[lazyyogi]

In looking out upon the world, we forget that the world is looking at itself.

Alan Watts (via lazyyogi)

[cutegorl]

I think some people want pain. They want it because they’re used to it.

j.m.n (via blondepancake)

I've dealt with severe psychological pain since I was 3 to the present. And severe chronic pain for 16 years physically. I don't want pain. Yes I'm used to it. Yes I've managed to separate physical pain sensations from emotional suffering. I haven't quite learned that yet with psychological pain. Having PTSD that goes back to that young age of 3 continuing with periodic and often successive trauma until this year at 28 makes that difficult. I haven't begun trauma recovery because I'm just not ready. Things keep coming up that get in the way that I need to work out in therapy first. But that doesn't mean I want to keep my pain. Physically I'm doing everything I can to pursue semi-permanent options to deaden nerves that relay that pain. Psychologically I rely on good meds, good therapy, and good Zen to get me to a peace which abides all storms. But recently I was diagnosed with a rare nerve disorder caused by a virus that will eventually end in the amputation of my arm, but not before the most intense pain I've ever felt in my life begins. I don't welcome that pain. I'm going to amputate as soon as possible to avoid it. No one seeks pain because they're used to it. Physically or emotionally. Suffering however is a learned condition, the fundamental nature of human existence. And many people knowingly or unknowingly seek that out even having experienced their entire life. That's the real issue.

[programminglifenet]

Even though the meditator may leave the meditation, the meditation will not leave the meditator.

Dudjom Rinpoche http://quotes.justdharma.com/meditator/ (via programminglifenet)

[podencos]

I’m so easily revitalized by small, loving gestures

[pigmenting]

I’m thinking about people and trees and how I wish I could be silent more, be more tree than anything else, less clumsy and loud, less crow, more cool white pine, and how it’s hard not to always want something else, not just to let the savage grass grow.

Ada Limón, from “Mowing” in Bright Dead Things  (via weltenwellen)

[anditslove]

Some days are like this. And the only way to get through them is to remember that they are only one day, and that every day ends.

David Levithan, Six Earlier Days (via weltenwellen)

[fyp-philosophy]

Look not at the evil of the past, but at the good of the future.

Thomas Hobbes (via fyp-philosophy)

[themiracleforest-deactivated202]