Within three months of coming out as non-binary, I began wearing binders daily, I got informed consent HRT, and as of this writing, Iâm six months T.
There is no big jackpot evidence for my transness. Iâve never felt disconnected from my body or my feminine ornamentation. To me, itâs like spending the first half of your life living in hotel rooms; itâs comfy, and youâve got no qualms against living there. But when you finally go to your own, actual room, and sleep in your own bed, and know that youâve left your own scent and aura upon this place, it finally hits you what âhomeâ is supposed to feel like.Â
Itâs got nothing to do with comfort or joy - itâs not a war between the comfortable, safe hotel room and your own shitty, cramped apartment. It was about accepting what feels like âhomeâ for me, and what instead is a stranger. In my eyes, referring to myself as a âwomanâ is a stranger, and me being non-binary is home. Regardless of what I look like, what I sound like, or what Iâm wearing. I am who I am, always.
During the first few months of identifying as trans, I was overwhelmed by the negativity and other peopleâs presumptions of what it means to be trans. I lacked much of the âcanonicalâ trans experience as popularized by mainstream visibility, so I struggled with the fear that my identity wasnât legitimate, amongst other worries that bogged up my mind and dragged me down.
Me finally just up and getting HRT and living with the effects helped erase my worries immensely; it was proof that my life wasnât going to go down in flames because Iâm trans. Nowadays, my transness is almost a non-issue for me. It serves mostly as a source of pride.
Pursing medical transition (and beyond) wasnât a choice made for the sake of alleviating discomfort, or even an attempt to enrich my life. It was more like, âyup, I knew I was going to do something like this eventually, might as well start now.â And through that, transness became pride and love.
Share the Love is an event being run here at Ways2Raise. Until  February 14th everyone whoreblogs the opening post featuring our current ongoing campaigns, and all nonbinary and trans individuals who submit a selfie or story about how theyâve learned to find love either for themselves or for the special person or people in their lives, will be entered into a random drawing to win a free Out of This Binary tee shirt, an End Transmisogyny Sticker Pack, and one of our recently announced Queer Sticker Sheets. You can submit your selfies and stories here.
