legendary unpredictability!

Hey there! I'm Naruto Uzumaki (future hokage) and this is JACKASS.

[theonecalledfailure]

“Isn’t this one of those things from that game you play?” he gestures at a holiday plush that was not from Sasuke’s mobile game at all, but a purple and white doll with bat ears. Close enough.

@uchihacycs​

[theonecalledfailure]

MAKES EYES AT ALL OF YOU

[halfaknight]

my 2-week work exercise ends tomorrow so if i’m not totally drained, i’ll be getting to those event replies and my drafts! this goes for naruto and raihan as well. thank you!

[theonecalledfailure]

SLAP THAT HEART FOR AN EVENT STARTER OF VARYING LENGTH BABEY!!!!

[narutokunposts]

Follow me on instagram babes @batman_do_tumblr ♥

[theonecalledfailure]

uchihacycs‌:

As much as Sasuke didn’t want to admit it, Naruto was right. Back then he didn’t want to listen to the knucklehead. He tried keeping himself closed off from everyone, especially Naruto. The only way he’d listen was through fighting, because he felt as though that was the only thing worth listening to.  “Alright, look. Maybe you’re right…” He waved his hand in a dismissive manner.

“–but there’s no reason for that now. We can actually clear the air with words instead of fists.”

He blinks, brows scrunching up as if he’s sure he’d misheard. Words instead of fists? Admitting he was right? Naruto wants to flinch and flush at the same time, but manages to do neither.

“I’d agree if it was a meeting of Hokage or somethin’ serious.” a thoughtful hum and a deep frown. There was no need to fight more than necessary--that was something he was striving towards. No need to create more orphans, more ninja children, more dead children. In that sense, Sasuke was right.

But this was different. Naruto liked to think that even if they’d struggled a lot, he and Sasuke had communicated just fine in the end. In fact, compared to most of his relationships Sasuke was probably one of the few he actually understood to its fullest extent. He could say with full confidence that he understood Sasuke better than anyone, and that the feeling was mutual. That’s what he truly believed.

Naruto takes a step back, digging his heel into the ground. He grins with bared teeth. He’ll give the other a few moments to recognize the challenge and respond to it.

“Well c’mon! Taijutsu only. I promise I’ll go easy on you since it seems like you’re goin’ soft.” not that that was a bad thing per say, but it was easier than admitting what he was really feeling about the exchange. Not when he barely understood it himself. 

[theonecalledfailure]

illtakeyourthrone‌:

ishgard‌:

Anyone else ever wanna just… make pre-established connections between characters without having to RP it out cuz you’re a tired busy adult?

Like just hit each other up with shenanigans and tomfoolery and ‘they would totally do this’ sorta bs.

[theonecalledfailure]

badknifedad‌:

“Don’t fucking sniff spray paint.” 

“You talkin’ from experience or somethin’, old man?” Wow, this guy looked like he needed a thousand year nap. Naruto returns to his project: a large and (probably) illegal graffiti piece featuring a giant tree and a weird woman with horns shooting fire out of her mouth. He’s in the middle of his signature, which is really just his name with a large spiral on top of it.

[suprnovas-moved-deactivated2020]

𝐊𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒  𝐎𝐔𝐓  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.    🔪

spoiler  free  dialogue  from  rian  johnson’s  2019  murder  mystery,  KNIVES  OUT.   feel  free  to  change  pronouns  or  edit  as  found  necessary  !

❝  i  suspect  foul  play.  ❞

❝  how  about  a  glass  of  milk  ?  ❞

❝  maybe  he  left  you  a  cold  glass  of  milk  in  his  will,   asshole.  ❞

❝  you’re  not  getting  bailed  out,   not  this  time.   ❞

❝  who  is  that  guy  ?  ❞

❝  i  read  a  tweet  about  a  new  yorker  article  about  you.  ❞

❝  you’re  famous  !  ❞

❝  are  you  baiting  me  ?  ❞

❝  how  about  some  more  cookies  ?  ❞

❝  this  could  be  the  best  thing  to  happen  to  all  of  you.  ❞

❝  why  are  you  here  ?  ❞

❝  i  have  eliminated  no  suspects.  ❞

❝  you  tell  her,   or  i  will.  ❞

❝  that’s  some  heavy  duty  conjecture.  ❞

❝  i’m  warning  you.  ❞

❝  are  you  goddamn  insane  ?!  ❞

❝  up  your  ass.  ❞

❝  matter  of  fact,   eat  shit.  ❞

❝  definitely  eat  shit.  ❞

❝  i  won’t  eat  an  iota  of  shit.  ❞ 

❝  i’ll  slap  that  smug  smile.  ❞

❝  we  gotta  do  this  more  often.  ❞

❝  when  people  get  desperate,   the  knives  come  out.  ❞

❝  this  is  a  twisted  web,   and  we  are  not  finished  untangling  it.  ❞

❝  i  keep  waiting  for  the  big  reveal.  ❞

❝  i  don’t  feel  like  talking,    i’m  distraught.  ❞

❝  you  vicious  little  bitch.  ❞

❝  in  for  a  penny,   in  for  a  pound.  ❞

❝  you  asshole.  ❞

❝  you’ve  always  been  good  to  me.  ❞

❝  what  i’m  about  to  say  isn’t  gonna  be  easy,   and  you’re  gonna  be  upset.  ❞

❝  you  all  love  twisting  the  knife  into  one  another.  ❞

❝  you  know  something,   spill  it.  ❞

❝  did  you  just  google  that  ?  ❞

❝  i  did  just  google  that.  ❞

❝  don’t  answer  that  if  you’re  gonna  puke.  ❞

❝  what  the  shit  ?!  ❞

[jamsmemes]

(     *     VALENTINE’S DAY ALPHABET   !    

send some letters to find out more about my muse   !

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not? 

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

[theonecalledfailure]

uchihacycs‌:

“Oh…So you’re saying you’d rather fight me than talk because..you don’t know how to express yourself? ..That explains a lot.”

Sasuke’s jab provokes a genuine laugh.

“Real funny, coming from you. As if you’d listen any other way back then!”were it not for Kurama, he’d have the receipts to prove it; though that was referencing much more recent events rather than childhood squabbles. “Now’s just cuz it’s fun.”

[theonecalledfailure]

“Where I come from, trading fists with someone you’re close to lets you know what they’re really feeling. Sometimes words just aren’t enough, ya know?” especially when you were notoriously bad at words.

[theonecalledfailure]

compactfighter‌:

“The Hidden what? I’ve never heard of that name before. Guess that’s some part of the world that’s far away from Fodlan.” Maybe some place he would want to travel to see after the war is over. “Haha, alright. Good to know that you’re good with your fist, because some might say that I am the best there is.” The few times he would at least pamper himself was always when it came to his strength. “Samurai? …. OOOOOOOH, wait no, those are the guys that always use swords. No no, I’m really bad at swords. I guess you can compare it to something like… a Brigand.”

“The Hidden Village of the Leaf!” he repeats it as-a-matter-of-factly. “It’s a ninja village. And that makes two of us, never heard of any ‘Fodlan’. What kinda name is that, anyway?” it sounded dumb, not gonna lie. What the hell was a Fodlan? Some kinda food? A fruit? Fruit-lan?

Naruto wasn’t any good with swords either, but there was no reason to tell this guy that! Besides, he’s sure if he took a stab at using them he could definitely be an expert. He just didn’t care about using swords when there were all sorts of cooler ninja tools.

The term ‘brigand’ gives him reason to pause, frown deepening.

“What, are you some kinda thug who robs people!? Is that why you like to fight?!”

[theonecalledfailure]

compactfighter‌:

“Haha, you know exactly what I mean! I’m glad someone else sees this as the best way possible to learn about someone. The name’s Caspar, and I’m a pretty good fighter and not too shabby with an axe.”

There was no point in toning down his enthusiasm, not when this guy was obviously feeling it! “And I’m Naruto Uzumaki, orange champion of the Leaf Village! I guess you could say I’m pretty good with my fists.” his eyes grow wide, “Wait wait WAIT!! Does that mean you’re some kinda samurai?!” a little short for a samurai, but somehow he knows better than to voice as much.  

[theonecalledfailure]

compactfighter‌:

“Woh wait a minute. You mean to say that you can fight with one another with our fist and still be on a date?”

“That’s amazing! I hope my first date comes out like that. Even though I’m still not interested.”

“That sounds AWESOME!! No better way to get to know someone!”

[everydattebayo]

he is always at the front of their group, he is so excited to be traveling 

[theonecalledfailure]

uchihacycs‌:

“It’ll make things easier on the both of us.” Sasuke crossed his arms with a sigh, then he glanced down at the floor. He was relieved that the switch had happened with Naruto, but now he had an entirely new set of issues where he was concerned. Naruto was his friend, but he was also loud and somewhat obnoxious. “I don’t sound like that either…hm.” He looked back up at the other, brows furrowed in pensive contemplation. “We don’t know if this switch is all there is. There could be more to it. Continuing on like nothing’s happened is a stupid idea, especially in this dimension. Did you forget your lessons at the academy? A ninja looks for the underneath within the underneath.” He rubbed the side of his temple, feeling a headache coming on.

“Strong enough to look after myself, like always, ya kn– ….ugh.”

Seeing Sasuke struggle is enough to make Naruto want to giggle. He won’t, but the temptation is alive and well. 

“Fine, you’re right. But it’s not like I was going to go out and cause trouble or anything. Sheesh.” though he frowns, it’s kinda nice being scolded like this. Feels familiar, feels good. Like he wasn’t the hero of the village anymore, just regular old Naruto. Not that he necessarily minded the titles and prestige, but this was still comforting in its own way. He’s sure no one back home would have any trouble scolding him despite circumstance, but there was just something specific about the way Sasuke did it.

Wait...was he a masochist or something? Totally weird! No, forget he thought anything! Eeugh!

“Weeeeeell...I was gonna suggest that we spar since I don’t know anything about what you can do, and you don’t know anything about what I can do. But I guess you just wanna stay inside til this blows over, right? Too scary and all that.” he shrugs, but the taunt is childishly obvious.