Friended enemies.
Depression is who makes me feel nothing, somehow I can conquer the idea of feeling nothing by doing something. It’s a challenge I have learnt to accept, she tells me to lay down and let the days pass by. I’ve learnt the power of “no” now, so no. I get up and walk about, before I know it, I find some minor sense of purpose in something. So depression and I found purpose, we have a vision.
Anxiety reminds me of my scars, of my mistakes, my failures. Flashbacks constantly obstructing my vision. Run. Hide. They see you. They can’t hear you. It’s a box of skin, a living casket. Trapped. Lacerate. Bleed. Release. Scars. but Hie. Come sit down. Yes, I messed up. Yes, I have scars. Breathe. Nothing is perfect. That’s fine. It’s almost kind of funny. Yes, laugh. We are okay. So anxiety and I talk. She’s calm now.
Now Fear is worse than my anxiety or depression. She has ruled in areas of my life I cannot control. She’s the one who throws uncontrollable parties in my mind.
She’s loud and wild. I cannot silence her loud chants nor tame her abusive temper. She lashes out on those she loves, I cannot keep her wrapped up in a fist. I cannot silence her tongue with this bloody bite.
I tell you she isn’t all bad. She’s just afraid. We're all we’ve had. Once upon a time she relaxed and I was alone. So yes she blames herself for all my pain. That she did not protect me, this way, when I was younger.
Yes! she is super protective. So sometimes she overreacts when I overthink. So sometimes she hits you when she feels you don’t want to hear me and she can feel my adrenaline waking up my anxiety. Yes, she’s found alternatives when she saw that your disappearance made me lay in bed a bit too long. Yes she isn't good for me, and no I can't let go, she's done so much for me. We are we have.
