owo whatās this? me making a new aesthetic even though nobody asked?
lilith: her name is a reference to the mythical/religious figure lilith [please refer to the link for more accurate and detailed information] who fought for free will and is considered a bad person for believing in feminism. although i was not thinking about the symbolism when i named her [i never do oops] i think it fits very neatly with her character arc + acts as a fantastic oxymoron to her actual passive, submissive personality.
After people got used to my name, or chose to christen me Lily insteadā whichever one they found easier to stomachā they forgot about you, about your supposed chants and hovering hair, your scandalous record and the blood you left to rust under kitchen mats. You never went outside, so there was nobody to disprove these mental accusations. But despite the backlash, I had grown to like my name. It instilled fear where fear ought to be, a coincidental advantage that made me seem like someone I wasnāt.
her narration: sheās our first person narrator. since the story is told retrospectively, lilith is overly conscious of her re-telling, portraying her younger self as exaggeratedly cowardly and vulnerable.
I couldāve been the master of misunderstanding things. I am.
Even my naive self saw the truth: it was as clear as water.
her shadow: sheās been manipulated from a very very young age [she doesnāt figure it out until late in the book]. because of this, sheās a very passive person, and is highly insecure about everything she says and does. she exchanges letters with her father, whom she hasnāt seen since birth and whom she idolises. she wants to make him proud, and would do anything he says, even when itās extremely detrimental to her own health. unknowing to her, her father is manipulative and this shows in the letters he sends.
I understood his concerns; he only wanted me to be the best I could. He wouldnāt write his letters otherwise. He was far too busy to retain links with someone he didnāt care for.
her appearance: her physical appearance is very reminiscent of her passive phantom-like nature, and she describes herself as an exact replica of her mother, willow, in terms of both person and body. sheās pale-skinned, blonde, grey-eyed and short-ish. hereās a picrew [link here!! the actual picrew doesnāt show the creatorās name] i made after failed earlier attempts that captured her vibe the best.
Wide grey eyes, honey-blond waves, sharp chins; these were trademarks you got from your parents, and trademarks I inherited from you. I was just your carbon copy: a run-down, monochromatic imitation.
Your eyes held blue shades, your chin was elegant and your hair more silver, like moonlight had bled into them. Your button nose curled at the tip, and your long lashes silhouetted against a rounded face. Beauty didnāt run in our blood. My cheekbones were awry, my lashes choppy, and my nose broad and harsh. My hair curled under my neck like a reverse umbrella. Under my eyes were crescents of unending fatigue. Lines ran across my cheeksā little tokens of my injuries.
her personality: sheās introverted, gentle and passive. she lets things happen to her [never a good thing for a protagonist to do, but gaining agency is the literal character arc] and goes through life like sheās invisible. sheās not exactly kind, nor is she emotional, but sheās also not harsh or callous. she loves others pretty easily, and gets attached to a lot of material things. while i wouldnāt really call her boring, she has a tendency to watch things one step removed, like sheās a spectator instead of an actual participant. she also carries a lot of guilt and anxiety over things she doesnāt have a bearing over.
Shame filled me, collecting at every tip of my skin to weigh me down, the load distributed across starfish-limbs.
so iāve somehow upgraded my associating-music-with-my-writing skills and now the house plants playlist has more than five songs and also each character has a couple songs of their own!! fun times.
awake & dreaming by lucy daydream
| just wants to be loved and appreciated | kind of dumb in theory but will outsmart you in a quiz | bisexual mess | outdoorsy person | major plant nerd | plays acoustic guitar | prizes her garden | always daydreaming |
