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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Product Placement
occasionally subtle

roma★
Cosmic Funnies
RMH
trying on a metaphor

oozey mess
Not today Justin
cherry valley forever

Kiana Khansmith
art blog(derogatory)
$LAYYYTER
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@thepoetrynotebook
Resentment
You planted a little hate seed between my cracked ribs
And sprouted dead leaves and barren soil
Nothing grows here anymore,
Nothing but winces and snarky words
I open my mouth to speak flowery romance
But my breath smells of death
and my tongue is poison ivy
From my ears dead vines spread across my face
I don’t look like the girl you loved anymore
I’m a crow in your world of sparrows
I gave you a dry Winter
when you wanted a lush Spring.
Secrets
I want to hold them close and keep them to myself
I want to build them around me like a protective shell
I want to use them to soothe the burns,
rub them into my skin like aloe vera
I want secrets to help me love you with all of yours
I want “friends” who are boys I used to cling to
Drunken nights with men I used to sing to.
I came to you naked with the truth of me
and I shared your lies with someone else
Still now, there is so much of you I have not met
I want to take back all the pieces you’re not done with yet
and spread them across someone else’s skin,
Don’t you know that I too can be weak?
Butterfly Women
Butterfly woman, I look at you
I see your wings fluttering effortlessly
With the hum of the wind
You sway eyes in your favour
Your aura beckons hearts
I am envious,
A mere worm I am
But I never wish a crawl on you
But a cocoon on me.
Excerpts from an imagined therapy session.
It was all built on idealizing an everlasting bond between the two of us. At first I thought I had found my match, but then, I felt something for her that I wouldn’t typically feel for a friend.
“You were in love with her?”
No, it was contempt.
There are now ellipses where I left a full stop.
There are scars where I ached for you,
hush tones where I screamed at you,
And open doors even though I told you to get out.
There are memories where I put my shoulder shrugs
familiarity runs deep in the silence of the room
You look at me and I see into you like I never stopped knowing you,
Oh but I wished
I wished some days that we never did it
You never hit it
I never tasted
You never wasted
one good thing after the next and after the next
never left me stuck between this and you
And still, I want to finish this sentence
I want to read two different books
Lick my wounds and run from you
I don’t want you to leave me sore
Close doors but curl up next to you
Shrug when people speak of you
You beg for me with a stare
Brown eyes that beckon
I want to turn away when you say my name
Forget your body
My dark lipsticks
Your beard
My tongue
Your mouth
My hair braided
Like our intertwined legs
Like my laugh and everything you say
Have mercy
Please don’t ask me to stay.
A shadow of me forms in the places I used to lay
In our bed
In your arms
Beneath you
I used to breathe you in deeply and feel you pulse through my veins
You are essential to me
I tasted fresh air the day I met you.
I basked in the sun for the first time.
You are my light
I soak my face, my shoulders, my shell in you
Your awayness is heavy
And I’ve been feeling dark
scared that when I see you beam again
You would shine overcast
And affirm the dullness that echoes through the wires
Your spaces grows further from mine everyday
I’m begging you to come home.
Growing up they teach us to be terrified
that someone was going to touch us down there
and then shame us for our loss of innocence
and then shame us for our lack of freedom.
All a woman needs to do is be a woman
to be called a tease,
to be asking for it,
to be a distraction.
And so girls can’t be girls
can’t be children
can’t be innocent
can’t play in the sand,
dirty face and shirtless,
because the monsters watch from the shadows of their titles:
Uncle, friend, father, teacher, neighbour.
We shame her,
We teach her that her open legs are a portal to her damnation
She needs to be more quiet and less monumental
She’s the reason for her lack of protection.
Her body speaks too loudly of men’s desires.
So we grew sorry girls into sorrier women
but I’ve learned to stop using my body as an apology
for the things they couldn’t teach me.
There we go again with words we don’t mean
I give my biggest fight and my smallest fire
And you give your best denial.
You say there’s nothing wrong
With stars falling from our sky.
It’s gotten dark outside
And I won’t go alone.
I’ll collect them one by one and give them back to you
I’ll paint a picture of the moon
Spread miles of fairy lights from me to you.
Don’t stray from the long road,
Lay with me under the night sky.
There’s no love.
There are miles of empty spaces
Filled with he said and she said
And someone feels some type of way
And none of those people are us.
There was something vaster than 8000 miles Something wider, deeper, and wilder That tore through the earth And the ocean split You created waves, then rode them But you can’t split your heart in two Without causing a Tsunami in me. I was waiting in silence, My lips sealed, my legs shut, In love with rose-coloured delusions I was a tranquil body of water, assured by fantasies of faithfulness that I should deny the tempt of my body and love you with chaste not to taint us with the kiss of another man My yearning on fire for a touch Craving hands and tongues Awaiting our reunion But your 8000 miles were farther than mine. Far enough for another woman Far enough for another hand to hold For you to excuse yourself from the truth with your fabrications You were crashing tidal waves with her While I was holding it together taut across the distance Snug over time. And you snapped it for a fuck.
By the time tomorrow comes, today will be the past.
The Poetry Notebook
Growing pains.
Growth is painful It is bone twisting Fist clenching Teeth grinding Cracked feet It is hard fight Sore knuckles Bursting at the creases of your skin Coming undone Tearing apart Withering away Unravelling This is the Winter of your life, Searching for ways back to Summer Growth is waiting Growth is change It is upside down Backwards moving A hard thrust A jerk forward A push back A sudden halt It is whiplash Growth is saying goodbye Growth is learning to pray It is warm silent reassurance It is a slow song after a fast life A kiss on the forehead from The Universe A hand held by its own It is returning to the self you’ve left behind Growth is become infinite This is the Big Bang of your life See yourself in yourself and say “I know her” “I am her” “I love her”
How do you let go of a man you never loved? You hold on so tightly to a thief He's still alive but you lay with his ghost Every night you breath with him Some nights you let him in Some nights you cling to him Some nights you tongue kiss razor blades You dance in fire You flirt with the devil You silly girl, Forgive yourself for the way you heal, Recovery is not always pretty.
"Do not hold your breath for anyone, Do not wish your lungs to be still, It may delay the cracks from spreading, But eventually they will. Sometimes to keep yourself together You must allow yourself to leave, Even if breaking your own heart Is what it takes to let you breathe" -Erin Hanson #ToxicRelationships #abuse #love #selflove #lettinggo #putyourselffirst