Project Dandelion [Inactive]

[Inactive since 2022, Archived] Project Dandelion aims to provide an open, judgment-free platform for anyone seeking advice or wanting to talk. One of our members will always be available in case you want somebody to talk to (we reply using our initials). We will do our best to give good replies and we ALWAYS reply to every message. Most messages will be replied to as soon as possible. We also share helpful posts from others. We are here for you! DISCLAIMER: We are not professionals, just people who want to help. We do NOT prescribe medication or diagnose, for that, please seek a professional. (creator and editor: S.A.) >For all important links/useful help, click on 'Resources' >To navigate, look for posts on specific topics or find replies by specific members, select 'Navigation' // To go to the next page, use the orange arrow below!

[theprojectdandelion]

Hey idk if you guys are still active or not but I just wanted to say thanks for listening and giving advice to me a few years ago when I needed it most. Much love to all of you💖 especially S.A.😚

Thank you!! I’ll keep my eye on the page now. kc ♥️

[theprojectdandelion]

Hi I am sure you guys get this a lot but I was wondering if you had any tips on how to deal with panic attacks or ecover after you have one?. Ive been going through some stuff recently and theyve become frequent

Hey, 

So different people deal with their anxiety and panic attacks differently, so the key is to find out what tactics work for you. There is no definite answer here, but there are some general ideas that people have tried. You can check them out and see what/if any help: 1. grounding techniques   2. general help for anxiety

These are however, only coping mechanisms and general advice, as suggested by other people who have dealt with similar stuff. If you’re looking for professional treatment or advice, it’s best to talk to a psychiatrist or counsellor and see what they say. 

Also, for some people, panic attacks are situationally dependent, so if there is something going on in your life that you may want to talk/vent about, feel free to reach out to us! For help with other stuff and more useful links, check out our “resources” page. Hope this helps!

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

(1) I've just made so many mistakes in the last 24 hours. Hooked up with my ex, got extremely drunk and laid in the gutter vomiting, and called my best friend while drunk and told her how I basically got drunk and tried to kill myself once. I forgot most of last night and she basically had to explain my whole call to her which made it even worse. She seemed very worried and just said we needed to talk (she was on her way to work, couldn't talk then). She gets off in about 5 hours.

(2) I just don’t want to deal with this right now. It really not as bad as it sounds. Now at least I told my friend who I already basically tell everything so she knows that I’ve been depressed and the things I’m struggling with. But her voiced sounded much more concerned than I’ve ever heard before. I’m not going to kill myself but I think she thinks I will. And I’ve just added so much more stress to her life now with her worrying about this. I just made a lot of bad decisions yesterday… (3) my biggest fear is that she may tell someone… I know she’s just worried but that would make things so much worse. I get that she is concerned but I can fix this. There’s nothing anyone can do, it’s just me. I just need to change me, and I will. I could never go through with suicide so you honestly don’t need to worry about that. I’m just really afraid of what’s going to happen now and don’t know what to do… Thanks for listening.

Hi, sorry for the late reply, we’re officially back now. So from what it sounds like, you’ve had an extremely overwhelming experience that day and found a friend to confide in. I don’t know how things turned out for you after that day, but I want you to know that you were not wrong for reaching out to someone. Her concern, even if she fully doesn’t understand your situation, is coming from a place of love and friendship towards you. I know it worries you that she might think this is stressful, but friends don’t mind listening and helping each other. If you want to ease her worries, you should update her and let her know that you’re doing better now and that you do trust her and would talk to her, but that she has nothing to worry about in terms of you doing anything drastic. I am proud of you for recognizing that only you can truly help yourself, it takes a lot to admit that and not everyone does. I am glad to hear that you are determined to work on yourself and that you don’t want to go through with any drastic decisions, again, that takes a lot of courage and willpower. Make sure you tell your friend all this and she knows you’re working on yourself, it will help. Also, if you need to talk to someone anonymously just to rant but don’t want them to worry or try to interfere, a lot of people use anonymous hotlines. Sometimes it just helps to let it all out, and if you do end up wanting to seek help, there are always options. I know our reasons for feeling the things we do are different and justified, and there is no straight answer to what recovery and self-help looks like. All I can do is offer these general guidelines that have various different ideas and techniques, but the key is to find what works for you and admit when you need other people’s help. Go through this link, it isn’t perfect but it may help. Stay safe, take care, and remember that the very fact that you want to help yourself shows that you have more strength than you realize. 

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

Hi! Maybe this isn't a big deal, but I want some advice about a thing that's happening to me. A few months ago I had an argument with my cousin's godfather about politics and immigration. I'm 20 and he's like 60 I guess, so our views on the topic were completely different. At a certain point I got nervous because I felt like I wasn't being taking serious and I started to cry; he was really upset and apologized a million times.

(2) From that day he started to care about me and couldn't stop telling my parents that they should be proud because their daughter was proud, sensible and caring towards other people. One day my mom and I met him at the gasoline station and he said: "There she is, my girlfriend!". My mom was laughing but she was clearly embarrassed and I turned red; I mean, he is a handsome and charming man, but he could be my father. Thus, he is married. The point is that since that day I've found myself thinking about him in a more sexual way, as if I am attracted to him. I always liked and dated people older than me, but this age gap scares me and I don't know the reasons behind it. I really need some help to stop this infatuation as soon as possible. Thank you in advance!

Hi there, sorry about the late reply, we’ve been on hiatus but we’re back now! I know where you’re coming from, because when we have intellectually challenging or interesting conversations with someone, our brain is automatically drawn to them and that can often be perceived as an attraction to that person. This is especially true for people who are more mature than ourselves. If you’ve had a history of being interested in older people, it would make sense for you to feel compelled in this situation, but you need to consider that as a byproduct and projection of your preferences, and nothing anything ‘special’ about this one person. If you put the person on a pedestal because they seem to have qualities you’ve been previously drawn to, it will be hard to move forward/stop the infatuation. 

You are both legal-aged adults so you aren’t wrong in any way to feel the infatuation, but of course if he is married then you need to figure out a way to stop thinking about it because it’ll only make you feel worse. You could try meeting other people who have the kind of qualities you’re drawn to, or you could make a list of reasons why you shouldn’t want anything with this man. 

I know it’s hard to understand how our brain and heart work sometimes, and we end up wanting things that we know we shouldn’t, but at the end of the day, you’ll be better off for resisting the urge. It’s okay to have thoughts and feel infatuation, but it gets dangerous when you actually consider acting on them. If these are just fleeting thoughts, they’ll pass and you won’t have to do anything about them, but if you fixate on them too much and overanalyze, it will only make you want to act on it even more. 

The best way to get over someone or something is with time and distraction, fixating only makes it harder. Of course, you know your own situation better than we do, so we can only offer ideas for what could work, but you need to devise your own plan for moving past this. The most important thing to remember is that a large part of your infatuation is you projecting an ideal onto him (older, mature, challenge etc) and not anything about him specifically. If you remind yourself of this when you do accidentally fixate, you will realise that he is just another person and it’s in your own best interest to not act on these thoughts/move past them and seek out other, healthier relationships.

- S.A.

[blossoming-princess]

99% of the time, abusers aren’t going to own up to their behavior. This doesn’t make you crazy or wrong.  

[theprojectdandelion]

Hi! I’ve noticed that all of the links on the How to Deal With Mental Illness Masterpost (in your resources list) are gone.  That post was really helpful to me, and I’m sad to lose it; do you know what happened to the links or where to find a similar masterpost?

Thanks, and I appreciate what you do!

Hey, I just noticed the same. I think that happened because the original creator of the post lost their url for some reason, or perhaps because the links expired. I know it was really helpful, so I’ve done some searching and I’m adding some links to other masterposts with similar advice/useful links. I know it isn’t the same, but I hope these help! I tried to cover as many areas of mental health as possible:

1. Self-care Masterpost

2. Resources by topic

3. General self-help links

Love,

S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

I feel nervous, unsafe, insecure and worried about my country after the results of the election. I'm a lesbian woman of color and I couldn't vote because i'm not old enough yet and I feel so helpless and angry. I just don't know how to go about normal life anymore. Sorry if this is too heavy...

Hey there,

This is such a challenging time for so many of us, and what you’re feeling is completely valid and justified. I know we can’t fix this for you, but I want you to remember that you are not alone and that there is such a big community out there, whether online or physically, who are supporting and fighting for your rights. 

Feel angry, that is what will drive you forward. I know its hard to get back into a routine when you constantly feel threatened, but start by dealing with things at a personal level first. If you see or experience hate crimes, report them or talk to someone about it. If you’re in school, find out if there are any clubs or social groups you could get involved in to help spread awareness. You could also start one of your own.

If you meet someone who says something horrible to you, I know its hard, but remember they are uneducated about your perspective so try having a conversation. If they’re aggressive or nonresponsive, let them be. You can’t waste your energy on someone who won’t listen right? 

Lastly, talking to people and venting helps. I know it won’t fix anything or change the system, but your mental wellbeing matters and whatever you can do to preserve it, do it. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and that you have to live with it. I hope the future will be better than today, and maybe we’ll be the generation that changes things? Don’t give up hope, we’re here if you need to talk more... 

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

I don't know what to do. Whenever my boyfriend is out for a long time (for school sometimes he has to be) I think about if he's meeting another girl or if there's someone trying to get closer to him. He's never done anything to make me think he would cheat on me, but I've always been kind of insecure. I'm not society's version of attractive by any stretch and even though I know he loves me and finds me beautiful I just worry. It's not fair to him, or to me. How do I stop?

Hey there,

Having insecurities is common and often unavoidable, but sometimes we need to accept that things are good and we deserve that. If he’s never done anything to make you doubt him, you should remind yourself of that and force your mind to focus on the good moments you’ve had instead of fixating on the bad possibilities.  There is a reason they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder- we as people find a multitude of things attractive. Yes, society has imposed general ideas of beauty onto us, but that doesn’t stop humans from having their own quirks and interests. If this guy has treated you well and made you feel loved, it is because he likes you for you and that’s such a wonderful thing. I get that it is still so hard not to be insecure, but you constantly have to remind yourself that if you let the insecurities win, you could lose something great. Of course, if he ever says or does something to make you feel insecure, you should address it with him but until then, keep reminding yourself of what’s at stake. You should be able to voice your insecurities to him and he’ll do his best to take them away, but if you keep resisting his attempts, he will feel sad too. You know he cares about you, so when he reminds you that he loves you and thinks you’re beautiful, accept it. Even if you don’t see it yourself, accept that he sees it and remind yourself that he knows what he wants and he is choosing to be with you. I know it’s so hard to not let your mind go to these dark places, but don’t let it overwhelm you to the point where it ruins something good. I hope this helps a bit, message again whenever!

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

So I just discovered that someone very dear to me has attempted suicide. They are now seeking help at a mental facility and will be coming to school tomorrow to say hello, which I’m thankful for, but this is the first time that I’ve dealt with suicide this close and I really don’t want to mess this up….How do you think I should approach them? I know people don’t like being “treated too carefully” (for lack of a better word) after something like that happening to them, so I don’t want to inflict my sympathy on them and remind them of their illness, etc. If that’s the case, should I just act like everything’s normal? But I’m also afraid that I’ll just gloss over the problem and they’ll feel like I’m just trying to pretend it never happened. What should I say? I’m asking because I know that you guys are very experienced with this and I just want to know your view when it comes to comforting people who have attempted suicide. Sorry if this is too confusing or it’s really obvious what I should do, but I’m really stuck. Thank you always! 

(Please keep this anonymous, thanks) 

Hey, first of all, it’s really good that you’re being considerate of how exactly you should treat this person when they return.  I know it’s not easy to pretend like everything is normal, but you shouldn’t make them feel weird either, so it’s a fine line to tread. I think when you see them, you can ask them an open ended question such as “hey, how are you?” or “hey. how’s it going?” and try to gauge how they react to that. Some people will say they’re fine and if that’s the case, you should respect that and act like everything is normal because they want to move on with life. However, if they hesitate or give a reply that suggests it’s not okay, you could say something like, “I’m here if you ever need to talk” or “we should grab a meal/coffee sometime”. This way, you’re offering your support and leaving it up to them to accept it. Of course, there’s no formula for something like this because different people deal with stuff differently, but I think it’s important to not come off as condescending or patronizing. You’ve got to let them know you’re still their friend and are willing to put this in the past or talk about it, whatever they want. I also think this depends on how close you are to this person, because if you suddenly act like you’re worried about them when before you both weren’t that close, it may seem weird. However, if you both were friends before in any capacity, you should definitely ask them these things and see how they react before deciding how to proceed after. Also, check out this link for more help- 

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Friends-with-Someone-Who-Attempted-Suicide

If they’re willing to talk more about what happened, this link may be helpful too-

http://theprojectdandelion.tumblr.com/post/80318825669/andrewtheunicornforeveryoung-i-need-to-show

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

What's the best way to tell someone your brother died when they ask you if you have any siblings, I'm sick of the "oh I'm so sorry for you"

Hey there,

First of all, I know this loss is very difficult to bear and you deserve to take your time with the healing process. Talking about this is hard, I know, so don’t feel like you’re ever obliged to share anything you don’t want to. If someone asks you about siblings, only say what you’re comfortable with. You could say you had a brother, but he died a while ago, or you could simply say you don’t have any. It depends on what you’re okay with saying. If you decide to disclose that you did have a sibling who passed away, you could say he’s in a better place now. You can’t control how people will react, and I know hearing “I’m so sorry for you” gets old and hard, but they aren’t saying that out of pity. Most people say that because of societal etiquette, so this shouldn’t make you feel like they’re pitying you. You could always respond with, “thanks, it’s been hard but I’m proud of the life he lived” or “thanks, I cherish the memories we had though”. These responses are more positive if you want to move the conversation back to a lighter tone.  You could also say these and then ask another question like “do you have siblings?” or something to make it known that you’d rather talk about something else. I know there is no definite way to speak about this, and it will always be hard, but I hope this helps at least a bit. Take care x

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

I'm almost 20 and I don't know what I'm doing with my life but everyone lately seems to be pestering me about it like "you can't work in a retail job forever" and I can't I hate it but I don't want to study either bc I know it will make me feel terrible again

Hey,

I know pressure from people around you can really get to your head, and it is hard feeling like people constantly “expect more”, but the only person who should define your choices is you. If working in retail brings you satisfaction or you’re okay with where you are, then that’s fine! However, if you want a change, then the first step is to have a plan for what that change will be. Not every job or career path requires a college degree, so it depends on what you want to do. What are your interests and hobbies? Think about that and see how they may be applied in the real world. Look for jobs related to those. Even if the job isn’t high paying, if you’re doing something you see potential in, you’ll be better off in the long run. I know this isn’t always easy with the job market today, but you’ve got to make sure you try everything you can. Studying seems scary, but ask yourself what about it you didn’t like? Was it academia, the people, or the place? Different institutions have totally different vibes so you could look for a place that you may like. However, if studying isn’t your thing due to economic or other reasons, that doesn’t mean you have to give up. Make sure to do research on your options, and talk to friends or family members who may surprise you with their advice on this. If none of these things work for you, there are still different ways to keep trying if you want. The goal is to be content with yourself, whatever that means to you. I know it’s easier said than done, but you won’t know until you give it your all, right? Message us if you want to vent or talk more!

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

Okay, so I want this anon. Please

Okay. My life is an absolute mess lately. My boyfriend goes to college almost out of state (4 hours away) and our relationship is already strained. Im in collegenand work so i feel like we never have time for each other which also adds strain. Anyways- I was sexually assaulted by my best friend’s younger brother and I don’t know what to do.. first of all, it wasn’t penile penetration so I’ve already been told by another advice place it wasn’t assault and to just get over it. I’m overage and he’s 16 so I feel like I can’t tell anyone. I told the friend and he said his brother told him a different story and that he didn’t know who to believe. I just want to feel like my body is mine again.. my boyfriend gets so angry about it I can’t talk to him about it. For me talking things out in detail helps me to get over them. And I have no one to talk to about this. I’ve never been one to have many friends and being in school full time and working I don’t really have time for friends.. I just feel like I can’t keep these things all bottled up..

Hey there,

First of all, it is a good thing that you’ve written this message and are sharing this stuff because as you said, it is hard to keep things bottled up. Venting really does help, even if the person doesn’t fully understand what you’re saying. It’s okay to need people to talk to, we all do!

Regarding the sexual assault, I understand why this has been so hard for you and I’m sorry you had to go through that. Even if there was no penile penetration, the incident made you feel “violated’, therefore your concerns and trauma are completely valid. Nobody can tell you otherwise, because only you know how that incident felt and the mark it left. “Just get over it” is terrible advice, because it is never that easy, especially not with something like this. I know there aren’t a lot of options out there, but sometimes talking to a professional or using a hotline to discuss what happened anonymously can be helpful. I’ve read that some people also keep detailed journals or make notes to get by day to day. It’s hard, and it will take a long time, but you are strong and can fight this. I know it’s easier said than done, so take all the time you need.

If your boyfriend gets angry and doesn’t understand what you’ve been through, then maybe you should reevaluate the relationship. You could talk to him about how his comments make you feel and how you feel like he isn’t always there for you, and hopefully he will try to be there after that. If not, then maybe he isn’t the kind of person you want as a partner. That being said, this is a touchy topic so I see why he gets bothered, but you’re the one who has dealt with this trauma, so if he wants to be with you, it’s something he should be willing to talk about. Long distance relationships are hard in general, but especially so if you feel like the person isn’t supportive. I do think it can work for some people, but that requires support and compromise on both sides. If you feel like you’re giving too much to it and he’s giving too little, you should rethink it. However, if you are certain the relationship is worth fighting for, then you guys should have a conversation about how to reduce this “strain” going forward. Just make sure you’re both on the same page, that is key. 

In general, I know life has been hard and it can be difficult to keep up your spirits, so check out this post on implementing positivity to see if it helps. We also have various Hotlines and other resources available for you on our “Resources” page, so check that out. 

Hope this reply helped, even if a little bit. We’re here if you need to talk more!

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

I just wanted to share that 4 years ago I was extremely depressed and suicidal. I was in the middle of my first heartbreak and I felt like there was no way anything could ever be okay again. Fast forward to today, my boyfriend took me on a spontaneous date and he told me over and over how much he loves me. I have loving and supportive friends and I'm doing well in school. I just want everyone to know that it does get better. It's worth holding on, I promise.

Hey,

Thank you for the message,so many people are going through terrible things and they need to hear this, hope is such a powerful thing and just hearing from people like you means so much. I’m so happy that things are better for you, and I hope the good moments keep happening. It was inspiring to read this, take care and thanks! x

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

Am I able to submit something if it would be easier to explain that way because they're longer? It's kind of a long story.. :/ and I don't feel comfortable sharing all the details with someone I know IRL because they all know the person..

Hey there! Yes, we definitely accept submissions, and when we post them with the reply, we always keep them anonymous, unless you tell us not to! Feel free to submit a message, we’re here to listen!

- S.A.

[theprojectdandelion]

Also, I wanted to say that this page helped me so much through my struggles. When I felt like I couldn't share my thoughts with anyone the advice I received here meant the world to me. You guys are awesome. Thank you

No problem!! We’re here to help and glad to have helped with your struggles. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

[theprojectdandelion]

Hi. So I'm not sure if I have depression -- I know you don't diagnose people; I'm just asking for another opinion, if that's okay. About 6 months ago, I had really bad depression but I kind of just left it and didn't get help at all for it. Now, though, I'm healthy and seemingly not even sad anymore, but I have really, really bad breakdowns like once a week and I'm not sure if it's still depression, if I'm getting better, or this is just normal for a teenager. Help? Thanks in advance.

It doesn’t sound to me like you still have depression, but these breakdowns you’re referring to are definitely unhealed parts of yourself, in my opinion. By not getting help, all the sad thoughts and everything depression causes faded away, but deep down you have unresolved issues. You look fine, you feel fine, but some things are triggered by other things and that’s why you have them. I can tell you’re suffering and you really don’t need to, so please get some professional help. It will help you to dig down and heal and get over anything that disturbs you at all. Do this favor to yourself, so you’ll be able to lead a healthy life. Don’t ignore it this time. I have no idea if it could actually lead to depresion again since I’m no expert, but you should definitely take care of it. Lots of love, x

- C.S.

[theprojectdandelion]

I feel so lonely and empty, i can't make a meaningful connection with any of my friends... Like I see them with these close meaningful friendships and I have always felt peripheral to everyone, and I'm so lonely

I totally feel you. I’ve always felt like the one not fitting in, the one not chosen and all that. The first step you can take to form meaningful connections is to be yourself. You are unique and beautiful and you are you and you’re worth so much. Let your light, your true colours, the real you shine. 

Be vulnerable. Open up. I know it’s scary exposing yourself, but if what comes to the surface is real, it will be appreciated and recognised by people who think and feel the same and by those who are not afraid to be vulnerable in return. The main reason you can’t make meaningful connections with your friends is that you’re at different levels. You are different as people, you look for diferrent things, what brings the biggest smile on your face might not be the same for your friends. That’s okay. 

When you are being truly yourself, you attract people who are also themselves (which can be hard to find sometimes since most have learned to hide and prefer it to be that way out of fear). Like attracts like. You will find your people. Open up, do the work and the rest will follow.

Moreover, it’s very important to learn how to be with yourself. At the end of the day, you are all you’ve got. Spend time alone, it’s okay. We don’t always need other people no matter how much we may think so. There are times we get to be by ourselves and I advice you to explore. Find out what you like, what you love to do. It doesn’t have to be sad and lonely. Work with yourself. Work with what you don’t like about being alone. Being alone doesn’t mean nobody wants you or anything. Don’t ever believe that. We just are sometimes. 

Trust that everything will happen on its own time. You won’t feel like this for long. Love yourself, love your company and others will come to you like moths to the flames (this is oversaid, but I couldn’t find better words for it haha)

Take care, lovely x

- C.S.