Landmine alert {Suzuppi}

Kinda insane, likely problematic, but who cares, this is my diary

[thepurplejirai]

I hate being on my period because I'm wayyy too emotional on a normal, non-hormone sabotaged day, let alone on day 2 of my period hhhhhhh

I am so emotional and needy and I'm not gonna lie, I was definitely brought up in an environment where showing any kind of emotion, no matter if positive or negative. was considered the worst thing ever...

God fucking damn it this is way too much to deal with, I feel bad for my dearest darling who has to sit here with me and live through my stupid, non-sensical emotions I am not used to expressing without any sort of a punishment

[thepurplejirai]

It's time to stop being nice and civil because shit hit the fan already so who gives a flying fuck!!!

Also imagine being so proud of yourself when someone calls you out for treating them like absolute garbage for more than a year and being sooo full of yourself you're proud of being repeatedly called a narcissist by multiple people in your life. Like girl you were just told you're insufferable and bring only toxicity to people's lives what is there to be so fucking proud of.

[thepurplejirai]

And just to make it clear: I don't give a shit that we despise each other. I don't think I'm even sad anymore about how this bitch used me and then decided I'm the most evil person in her life.

You don't need to like someone to give them the most basic respect.

But it's okay.

If they want me to be the evil roommate from depths of hell I will. Just so she knows I was being nice and civil.

[thepurplejirai]

It's time to stop being nice and civil because shit hit the fan already so who gives a flying fuck!!!

Also imagine being so proud of yourself when someone calls you out for treating them like absolute garbage for more than a year and being sooo full of yourself you're proud of being repeatedly called a narcissist by multiple people in your life. Like girl you were just told you're insufferable and bring only toxicity to people's lives what is there to be so fucking proud of.

[thepurplejirai]

We all know we're safe with him but some things can never get repaired I guess

I feel so bad

It's not his fault

[thepurplejirai]

if you decide to die I will follow

[thepurplejirai]

TW for mentions of suicidal behaviour/ideation

Oh. Oh now I understand why it's incredibly painful to genuinely love somebody that wants to die. I. I feel so selfish asking them to stay alive and safe and everything else. But it's not about me and what I feel really. It's just. Devastating. Such a kindhearted, soft, lovable person hating themselves to this degree. And then there's the selfish "please don't leave me in this fucked up world alone" voice that comes up at the back of my head. Again, not about me. But still. Oh God.

[thepurplejirai]

what did I do wrong please just tell me you're the only person I'd try changing for

[thepurplejirai]

One more minute of my darling wife not reading my messages and I will go insane

(He's probably just showering)

(I know I'm acting crazy)

(The awareness doesn't change much though)

[thepurplejirai]

Alright my non-existent audience I did a thing and it looks okay

[emartery]

hey do you wanna play this game with me its called staying together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and

[thepurplejirai]

should I make a fancy layout even though I only post once in a blue moon (but at least when I do it's an unstoppable spree)

layout

go for it let the diary be pretty

nah let the diary still be sloppy diary-style

Voting ended onJun 13

[rabbiteclair]

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

[thepurplejirai]

shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up go die go die go die go die go die go die

you lying, stuck-up, violent, manipulative, self-absorbed, rude bitch

[losertimeboy]

“ ur mental illness is all in ur head ” well , yeah ! Where did u think it was ? My ass ?

[thepurplejirai]

7 hours until I see my wife again

Couldn't sleep because of wife deficiency

I'm going insane

But I shouldn't be this clingy

[thepurplejirai]

regarding the previous post: I am incredibly close to committing murder tho

[thepurplejirai]

living under the same roof as someone who doesn't even treat you like a human being is extremely exhausting because what do you mean I brought your phone you left in the bathroom to you and you got fucking angry at me??? well sorry for showing idk basic human decency to you, your majesty, I don't think I'll be going that anymore

can't wait to move the fuck out and tell this bitch everything I can't say yet

(yes I am scared of her. I've known her for years and I know she gets nasty and violent)