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[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

Its crazy how much things change in such short time. How many people come and go out of your life. How many people you once said i love you too or were so close they were like family, but now you can barely remember any memories with them. Its sad that people don't stay in touch or talk about what went wrong. When they just let go and walk away with no reason why. But, I will never know whats more sad the people not expressing whats wrong, or the people left wondering what happened.

[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

Family

At the end of the day the truth of the matter is that all you have is family. But, to me family isn’t blood. Family is what you make. My family is the people who stay by my side at my worst and are always there making the bad times easier and the good times better. The people that are my blood, well they aren’t even making an effort to be in my life. I won’t let that break me or tear me down. I just take a look around and realize because of them I have found the people I will call my family for the rest of my life.

[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

Beautifully broken

I have come to realize that I am beautifully broken. Not just broken because broken people can get themselves back together. they have done such a beautiful job breaking me, I can’t be fixed.

[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

My heart is really aching tonight but I'm not entirely sure why. I've been falling into darkness where it seems that there's no light and tonight it's just hitting hard. I miss the girl I used to be and how happy I once was. I admitted something today that I've never said out loud before...I don't think I can ever love they way I once did. My ex broke me into so many prices and even though I'm with someone new and who has treated me great I can't help but feel like he deserves more because he loves with so much and I don't have all that to love with anymore. What do you do when you have nothing to give ? When at night all you can do is think and be reminded just how sad your soul has become.

[therealgirlbrokenontheinside]

Have you ever heard a song randomly that brings you back and reminds you of many things past. When it brings you to a place that you can’t get back from and it makes you realize how much has changed and with that change how much you have changed. Have you ever stopped and realized being happy isn’t what it used to be. That you really don’t have time to think about life anymore and you realize you aren’t happy. Maybe you don’t know what happiness is anymore. You don’t know how to get the happiness back and you’re just not the same.  That the things that once mad you happy and filled with joy now don’t even seem to have any effect on you. How do you come back from that?

[countrygirlatheart2011]

In exactly one week I will be walking down the isle marrying the guy I’ve loved since the day I met him. I am 19 and he is 20. He brings me so much happiness and always knows how to make me laugh and smile. He was voted class flirt in high school and was one of the best looking guys in my class...

[countrygirlatheart2011]

One Of Those Days...

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanna scream ? It just feels like one thing after another is going wrong. You stop and take a look at life and wonder what you are doing with it. Even though just the day before everything seemed so good and okay, but not today it all seems to be ripping at the seams…yeah? Well today is one of those days and I just wanna scream or cry or both. But nobody would even know. :/

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Stay:

I love you more than i did before, and if today i don’t see your face, nothing’s changed no one could take your place. It gets harder everyday. Say you love me more than you did before and I’m sorry it’s this way. But, I’m coming home, ill be coming home and if you ask me I will stay. I will stay, always stay. I never wanna lose you and I have to I would chose you. Oh, stay, please always stay. You’re the one that I hold on to because my heart would stop without you. 3

[countrygirlatheart2011]

You chose your life. Yes I believe in destiny, but ultimately it’s your choice . You chose whether you’re happy or sad. Whether the person you just met is worth you friendship or not. You chose the way people treat you because if they don’t treat you right you can make the choice to remove them from your life. I know some of these things are more complicated than that, but ultimately that’s how it is.

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Ever feel like everything is so wrong when it should be right ? Ever feel like you’re completely alone? Am I the only one who feels like they can never do anything right. :(

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Here I am feels like the walls are closing in. Once again its time to face it and be strong. I’ve wanna do the right thing now. I know it’s up to me somehow. I’ve lost my way… I never meant to let you all down and Now I’ve got to try to turn it all around. Figure out how to fix this. I know theirs a way so I promise I’m gonna clean up the mess made. Maybe it’s not too late.

I’m gonna find the strength to be The one that holds it all together. Show you that I’m sorry, but I know that we can make it better.

[countrygirlatheart2011]

One step my heart is breaking One more my hands are shaking The door is closing And I just can’t change it.

Nothing more to say Nothing left to break Nothing more to give Nothing left to take I keep reaching out for you As you turn away.

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Every time

Every time I come on Tumblr I see all these pictures of skinny, pretty, perfect girls…and I just sit here and scroll through and think to myself “Why can’t I look like that?” :/

[countrygirlatheart2011]

The Truth

So lately I’ve been watching a lot of MTV’s show Awkward. Since I was in Japan for 6 months I’ve been catching up since I got back a few weeks ago. I decided that I want to actually have a blog and not just posting lyrics, pictures and random posts about my feelings when I’m in the heat of a moment. Things have been so crazy lately from getting married to an asshole and dealing with a divorce to finding a guy that completely changed my idea of what love is. No one should ever settle because everyone deserves happiness. Although nothing will every be like the fairy tales or movies we grow up watching there are still really great guys out there willing to do anything for a girl they love. If he’s not willing to put you first and put in the same amount of effort as you then he doesn’t deserve you. Same goes to guys. Not all girls are easy and bitchy over stupid things that don’t matter. There are still nice girls with morals.

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Spouses

What I want to know is what gives someone the right to make a mistake and make it look like it’s someone else’s fault. I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I didn’t walk away I tried real hard to make it work. I didn’t cheat. I didn’t lie. Yet it’s okay for you to say I did and make me out to be a bad person? You can’t wait for me to leave? Then why did you do nothing to help the process. Why did you ask me to stay when it became real that I wasn’t going to put up with how you were treating me and I was ready to walk out the door. Why didn’t you give me a real reason to stay. Why didn’t you just stay for five more minutes and hug me even though I told you the opposite with tears in my eyes. How come I had to be the one that loved more in the relationship. You can’t wait for me to leave? I’m not even there. I’m the real one hurting. I’m the one that lies awake at night and tries to talk to you to get answers. To get a reason. To understand. You didn’t care. I wonder if you ever did. Why do you get to play the role of hurting and destroyed when you were the one that never wanted it. I’m the one that’s destroyed and broken. I’m the one surrounded by the millions of memories that make it unbearable and impossible to forget you. I’m the one that always got hurt. So why, WHY do you get to make me the bad person.

[countrygirlatheart2011]

Love...

I used to be the biggest believer in love. I believed that everyone deserved love and would find it. Now I don’t. After everything I’ve been through in the past year and the two things that happened recently idk if love even exists. Does anyone know how to love. Can anyone stay in love. I wish I knew.