excerpts from a book I hope to write

original content feel free to message me.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“We ended before the storm ever came, but now I’m thinking I wanted to try dancing in the rain.”

[thereasonswecantsleep]

Like a fire to the snow, you’ve contrasted everything I know.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

You’ve hit me like a hurricane.

eyes the deepest shade of blue

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“So what is it that you want to do about me and you? Just end things here? Never speak to each other again?”

“Well see. That’s the problem. A part of me wants to ignore each other for the next two weeks, and the other part of me wants to talk to you every hour.”

— oh.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“Almost.”

Those words hung in the air and consumed the space around us. You were almost everything I ever wanted. I was almost the girl who changed your mind. We were almost in a place where love could have been planted. But almost wasn’t enough to grow from. We were not quite, we were very nearly, but certainly not enough.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“

Loving you? Well that was easy. Admitting it was the hard part. But something I couldn’t have planned for was the way I felt about you years after those words left my lips. Because the way I felt about you then... doesn’t amount to the way I feel about you now.

It’s as if in loving you, my heart began to grow. I think this part often gets overlooked when we talk about love.

Consuming? Yes. But the way you’ve reached every inch of my soul and changed it for the better...

I can’t imagine a world where I never admitted that I loved you. Even if I didn’t know what all that would soon entail.

“

[thereasonswecantsleep]

Light me up.

Light me up with the bluest of flames, the brightest of suns, and the deepest of loves.

Every inch of me is burning with desire. I’m hopeful for the future.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“But maybe we aren’t even meant to be. Maybe dead ends are just dead ends, and pushing anything further is just prolonging the amount of time it’ll take me to heal from this. You were a season—a transitional season. You would think I would be used to those by now. But I don’t think any kind of warning sign could have prepared me for this. I just can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about what we could have been, or what we could still be. Time goes by and I miss you as easily as it is to breathe. I hate the way I want you.”

— and I hate how I don’t hate it at all

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“Just come over, we don’t even have to talk. We’ve done enough of that to last a lifetime. Why can’t we just chose what we want, and it be meant to be? Why is it that I’ve found someone so perfect, yet so wrong for me?”

— just come and lay here with me

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“I’m done acting like I don’t care about you when I do. I know you don’t miss me too, and I hate the fact that there’s nothing I can do to change it or get a second chance. Call it dramatic, but I can’t stop caring. I’m still here like I said I would be and the feelings are still real. I know these feelings aren’t mutual, and that’s okay... I just want you to be happy. With or without me... please stay happy.”

—I don’t think I’ve smiled since

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“I placed a single finger on the part of his lips and silenced them. My eyes gazed upon his bare chest, counting every constellation. I memorized the way his breathing slowed and then sped up. Our eyes met, and I swear that galaxies were colliding. The distance between our lips disappeared, and I imagined a new world between us forming.”

[thereasonswecantsleep]

— from dead ends to surprise beginnings, I think I’ve met my match

[thereasonswecantsleep]

“But who am I to say this will never work? All the signs pointed to us never beginning, yet we shattered that obstacle from the first time we linked eyes.”

—and oh how blue they were.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

That first touch said it all. You held my hand and touched my heart. Your fingertips traced alongside me and read every inch of all the things I never got to say.

—First sight of intimacy

[thereasonswecantsleep]

It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, it’s just that it stopped being a good enough reason.

The art of moving on.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

Our love is like an eclipse. Apart, we are functional and independent. Together, we make something beautiful.

[thereasonswecantsleep]

My heart was breaking in the quietest way. He had her, and she was happy to be his.

And I just watched from afar.