VLD: I Will Always Find You (1/?)
Author’s Note: So I just kinda felt like doing a little writing practice by doing a post-VLD finale Kallura story, as that was my personal pairing of choice during the show’s run. The “1/?” is because I don’t know how long this story will be, most likely 3 parts total as it’s not meant to be a whole fanfiction adventure. Let me know what you think, hope you enjoy :)
“When I learned you were Galra...”
“Keith, you can do this. The Black Lion has chosen you.”
“The Blade of Marmora can go on without you, but Voltron cannot. We cannot.”
“I’ll always be with you Keith and I’ll always love you.”
Keith shot out of bed with a heavy gasp, his heart racing and his body drenched in sweat. He raised a hand to his head and rubbed his eyes as they strained to make sense of the black that was his room now. It was late enough in the night that even outside the window to his right he could see nothing but darkness. Again, the young man thought, while pushing some of the black hair off to the side of his face. He had been hearing her words in his sleep for the last few weeks, on and off again. They were the words he clung to after she left. It was the only way he could think to describe Allura’s leaving at the time and he remembered the confusion and hurt on Coran’s face as he told him.
Keith always struggled to find the words to explain what they had seen in that realm. Her last moments, giving them all an invaluable lesson to carry with them going forward. She was always teaching them – teaching him – new things. He could never have imagined any sort of diplomacy in his future but here the former paladin was, staying in the guest chambers of a Galra-occupied planet to discuss the next representative of the Galactic Coalition.
Keith did not particularly care this time around, knowing how well Kolivan and Krolia were received by the Galra. They would be re-elected, as expected, and he would fly back to the Blade of Marmora to continue their relief work. He grinned at the realization he was doing exactly what Allura insisted him to do, years ago. Between the three years they jumped ahead to once the Castle of Lions’ entered the Quintessence rift and the two years spent in the Quantum Abyss, it really did feel like a lifetime ago.
She was right when saying he needed to join Voltron’s relief work but of course she was. Allura was always right, even when she was wrong. How much more time he could have spent with her was something often on his mind in recent days. Keith tried to avoid that kind of thinking but since her words started resurfacing it began gnawing at him. Time wasted, time they could have spent together much sooner.
His eyes had finished adjusting to the black, enough to skim over the room and see the framed picture beside his bed on the nightstand. It sat alongside his luxite blade as one of his most cherished belongings. Keith picked the picture up and brought it close to his face to better see it in the darkness. Her arm around him, tight on the red sleeve of the Garrison uniform he wore for the date. She laughed at him when seeing him still in uniform, despite her getting so much more dressed up for the occasion. It was his first and only date and he lacked any real experience in the area but she was so patient with him as he stumbled through the motions.
He originally planned ahead and asked Hunk if he would be willing to help by preparing a meal for the duo but his friend immediately shook his head. At first, Keith felt guilty. It was Hunk’s last day on Earth too, what right did he have to make such a request and take up so much of the Yellow Paladin’s precious time? Of course, he was wrong. Keith misunderstood the meaning behind certain actions often. His mother leaving, his father running back into the burning building, Allura condemning him for joining the Blade of Marmora. He didn’t give himself time to think and understand the why of it. Thankfully, Hunk made a point of it to say it was not his place to be a part of Keith and Allura’s last night together, even as a culinary expert.
It was for that reason the Red Paladin spent the few hours before meeting Allura to find someone capable of helping and ended up doing so through Colleen Holt of all people. Pidge’s mother grinned as she saw him, then glanced over at her husband Sam on the other side of the room, who flashed Keith a similar knowing smile. He knew then that someone had told the Holts about his date and found it then especially annoying when Colleen feigned ignorance to force him to say it himself. She even managed to get him to blurt out he’s liked Allura for a long time and always found a connection to her. His face had never been redder than that moment.
He recalled news of the date reaching Coran and the old man confronting him that afternoon, accusing him of trying to plot a Galra coup once wed to Altea’s princess. He was struck with an initial stutter, confusion and embarrassment overwhelming him, as Keith was hit with the idea of marriage. It was an almost foreign concept given his upbringing. His mother and father had never married and no one ever even knew they were together. He did not even know they were together – or that his mother was an alien – until nearly two decades after and a trip across time and space.
Coran’s usual mixture of silly-stern kept Keith nervous the entire time leading up to the date but he somehow managed to find himself outside Allura’s chambers at the Garrison and calling her name in sync with the knock. The immediate sight of her – white hair usually worn up in a bun let down to the long flowing locks that stretched across the entirety of her back, the earrings in the shape of two leaves, the pink dress that ran only halfway down across her arms and legs, he remembered it all so vividly – left him speechless. He handed her a Juniberry flower that her eyes lit up at as she held the pot close to her chest and smiled back at him before asking how she looked. Keith’s smirk widened in the bed as he repeated the same thing he whispered softly to her back then. “Wonderful.”
They had enough time – thanks to Kosmo – to spend the remainder of the evening watching the sun set on top of the Black Lion. Between them was a single picnic basket and inside a Juniberry pie Keith prided himself on baking, though he did owe the ingredients and preparation to Colleen and Coran respectively.
The spot they watched it from was Keith’s favorite place in the world. It was where his father had taken him as a boy after his first fight, one Keith easily won and was nearly thrown out of school for. He thought his father would be mad – and to an extent he was – but he lifted Keith up over his head so his legs sat on the shoulders and his hands rested on the man’s messy short hair. When Keith transferred to the Garrison, he ended up at this same spot after racing Shiro, a race Shiro easily won. It was his special spot, for the people most important to him. He remembered turning to Allura and seeing the spot of red on her lips that she quickly wiped off with a napkin when he pointed it out and how he snickered when seeing her frantically remove it. He knew he could count Allura among those closest people too.
The night came and they climbed down from the Black Lion this time – Allura was not a fan of using Kosmo’s teleportation, or the wolf itself – before walking back to the Garrison. They stopped by a dead tree and Keith remembered the way Allura walked up and healed it with just her hands before turning to him and telling him that, after all that happened, she was grateful to have met him. It was Keith’s turn to look embarrassed but he managed to compose himself and say the thing that had been on his mind for the longest time, two years too long. He told her that he loved her and she then returned the words before embracing him.
Keith eyed the woman in the picture frame as though he were trying to pull her out of it with his mind to bring her back but he knew it was impossible. Healing all reality was never going to be without a cost. He just found it hard to accept the cost was his entire universe.
The old man smiled gratefully as he took up the jar of food Keith held out and walked out from the front of the line, leading the next in Keith’s column to come up and receive the rations. In each container was a large volume of the same green goop that Keith and the other paladins survived on in the Castle of Lions. He remembered how just a little help from Hunk had enhanced it to the point of something worth looking forward to eating.
“Thank you, sir,” one of the men in Keith’s line said as he took his rations and turned around. Keith nodded, smiling, and then continued offering more until the entire colony had received their share. It was only a day’s worth of food but Keith had only been there to hand it out initially. Behind him was Zethrid, the muscular half-Galra former general, carrying a massive box with even more of the food goo, months of it at the least. She let out a groan as she placed the container down with the loads of others, totally at least three deca-phoebes worth for the group.
The people waved and smiled as he and the others got back on their ship and flew out. Keith normally took the role of pilot but today he was feeling a little under the weather, having had another of the reoccurring dreams. No, dream was not the right word for it. In a dream, you’ll see something. All he had were the sounds. The sounds of Allura’s voice, whispering to him as though she were right up beside him. It reminded him of the aftermath of Nacxella and the hug – more of a tackle, really – that she gave following his attempt to stop Haggar’s bomb.
“You look tired.” The voice brought his eyes off the comet field he had been eyeing from the red-visor window of their ship and towards its origin, Acxa. The blue-skinned, blue-haired woman was staring at him fairly intently, arms crossed and a quizzical look on her face.
Keith gave a small smile as she stepped a little closer. “Some trouble sleeping,” he confessed while turning away. He could feel her eyes on him even sterner than before and with brows raised to further emphasize her skepticism. It was a half-truth and Keith thought it better to give that than the full thing. He was sure mentioning Allura would only draw the others’ concerns unnecessarily. It was just a couple of nights in reflection.
Looking at the reddened reflection of himself coming off the ship’s window, he saw bags under his eyes that told him it was much more than a couple of nights. Acxa seemed to notice them too. “We’ll be meeting up with the Atlas soon, you should get some rest before then.”
“Yeah,” Keith nodded, his gaze back on the comets. He did not notice her leaving but soon Acxa was gone and he was alone in the room.
“Keith, it’s been so long!” Hunk’s hug was so tight that Keith thought he might break under the grip but he managed to squeeze his arms through the vice grip to reciprocate the gesture. “There are so many things I have got to tell you about!” A whimper came from beside Keith and the former pilot of the Yellow Lion released the hold on his friend to greet Kosmo too. “And hello to you too,” he laughed while reaching a hand down to pat its light blue fur. “Man, he’s gotten big.”
“And still wants to jump up on me,” Keith chuckled. The three began walking through the Atlas, passing by halls that contained familiar memories. The former pilot to the Black Lion glanced into the greenhouse Colleen grew the juniberries in and the kitchen unit where Keith learned to bake the pie. Then came the old rooms he and the other members of Voltron stayed in. He froze as they passed Allura’s while Hunk and Kosmo continued on.
“Go have fun,” she told him in that room after the ship docked for Clear Day.
“It wouldn’t be fun without you,” he wished he had said back then. It would have been different had he stayed instead. Could he have stopped her from accessing the entity? Would it have been better that way? Those were two questions he had asked early on after her sacrifice but they soon faded. One still gnawed at him though: what you could you have said to get her to come with you? Not for the entity, not for the war or Honerva or the team. Just to have another night, another memory with her. Why had he not fought harder to have something else?
Kosmo’s whimper pulled him away from the door and he met Hunk’s saddened eyes. “We…we should go meet Shiro and Iverson.” Keith nodded and followed.
At the brig was Iverson, Shiro and another man with dark brown skin and short hair, smiling welcomingly at Keith and Kosmo. “Cadet,” the former Garrison instructor began as he approached, Shiro following close behind.
“How have things been going with the Blade of Marmora?” Shiro asked, though Keith was sure he already knew. They all kept in touch in some way or another, through direct messages using the Coalition’s shared communications or actual video chats. In the case of Pidge, who had often become so consumed with her work she went days without sleeping – which would normally have been a concern, if someone did not know that was just how she was, the group would receive notification logs of her progress. She had gotten something called “CHIP” running apparently, last he heard.
Keith described their latest work while Shiro nodded as though it were all new information and not from the most recent message Keith sent out days prior to their arrival on the Atlas. By the time he was done, Hunk had already left and managed to convince Kosmo to join him with the offer of new treats and Iverson and the man beside Shiro both moved on to other work. Shiro, though, grinned all the while and then placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder when finished. “That’s good work you’ve been doing, I’m proud of you, Keith.” The two former pilots of the Black Lion shared a smile before Shiro then added, “Allura would be proud too.” It stung a bit, the sudden comment. Keith knew he was not the only one thinking about it but he never heard anyone else say it and that helped to lessen the pain slightly.
Shiro seemed to notice the subtle changes in Keith’s expression the same way Acxa did. His brows furrowed and his lip bent a bit, the bags under his eyes making his demeanor all the more noticeable. Rather than comment on the observation though, Shiro simply suggested that he and the rest of Keith’s crew stay the night on the Atlas which Keith accepted.
“I’ll always be with you Keith and I’ll always love you.”
He panted loudly as he shot out of the bed and grasped his head. It stung badly, like there was some pressing against his skull from the inside to try and pry it open. The harsh needling continued as he sat up on the bed and clutched the sides of his head, wincing. Finally, like an explosion, it let out one last jolt of pain before stopping and he grimaced before slowly removing the fingers at his head.
He was in his old room on the Atlas. Kosmo slept close by, at the foot of his bed. He had to be careful not to disturb the wolf’s sleep. Keith was not sure why he was getting out of bed but he left the room and entered the dimly lit hall. He trailed along it until finding himself outside the same room he hovered in front of while touring around with Hunk. His hand moved up to knock before stopping, realizing nobody would answer.
He entered and looked around the empty space, inspecting it as though he were searching for clues. There was nothing to find, he knew. Allura was gone and there was no mystery behind it. All he was doing was wondering what could have been.
His first thought was to leave the room right then and go back to sleep but his eyes fell to the bed they laid in and the thought of having spent another night struck at his heart. He inched closer to it and saw her laying on it with that determined but sullen expression she often had, the one they seemed to share. “It’s okay,” he wanted to tell that face, “you’re going to do it. You’re going to succeed.” Allura seemed to have always been racked with responsibilities and guilt for what had befallen the universe since the destruction of Daibazaal. She was always careful about how she described it though, once she accepted him as half-Galra; to condemn the entire ten thousand years of history meant condemning Keith’s incidental existence, which he already had done enough of himself.
He could feel her hand on his chest, telling him that she was grateful to have met him. That the War, the Galra’s conquest, was able to create something meaningful. Something beautiful. “Something wonderful,” he could hear her whispering again to him.
“I’ll always be with you Keith and I’ll always love you.” Her lips were against his and he could feel her body pressing against his chest, her arms locking around his back and the embrace as he reciprocated.
“I’ll always love you too,” he whispered to the ghost of a memory as the image of Allura in that moment faded from his mind.
