I know we talk about our boys and angst a lot but do we ever acknowledge how hard Baz had it? Like just in general? Because place yourself in that situation and tell me you donāt wanna walk into the ocean.
First of all, vampirism. I mean yeah, I know we touch that a lot in canon and as a fandom but like. Imagine. Youāre a vampire which is already bad enough. But you can hardly feed yourself anymore because you get panic attacks in the dark. Almost everyone you know either ignored it, doesnāt trust you for it, or would kill you for it. Your own mother would have killed you for it. Not to mention Bazās constant fear of hurting people because of it. This aināt Twilight.
Childhood trauma! Family issues! He may not remember it all that well, but he watched his mother die! His father went reclusive pretty soon afterward for a while. Nobody ever talked to him about things and other than Fiona (and even somewhat Fiona), he grew up in a family that never talked or genuinely interacted. Weāve gotten glimpses of Bazās daddy issues.
Pressure! All the pressure on him! He was basically the Simon of the Old Families right? Fiona puts so much pressure on him to get revenge on The Mage and Simon and just aaa. His dad literally asked if he wanted to call in the Old Families for āassistanceā when he had Simon over. This segues into my other points.
He loves Simon! Like can you imagine that? The person you love more than anyone else hates you, everyone else wants you to hate him and for him to hate you. One of you is supposed to kill the other one day. Like, imagine how traumatic that would be? Killing the boy you love and being congratulated for it. And Baz had accepted this into his life. Itās so sad because heād just come to terms with the fact that he would never be allowed to be happy and would probably be killed by the one he loves anyway. The one he loves, who hates him! And who Baz has to pretend to hate because he doesnāt feel like he can have Simon and because he knows they canāt make their own choices about that!
Can we talk about Bazās mental health? Like it must have been so messed up. Like combine all of the above and the stuff with his sexuality (which I will get into) and just,,,,again, I wouldāve just broken down with all this stuff on me. And we know Baz obviously has suicidal thoughts (smoking, the forest fire, fantasies about Simon killing him and putting him out of his misery). I may be wrong, but I feel like once he mentioned why he didnāt just finish what his Mother started (killing him) but wouldnāt because of some reason or another. And itās one thing to think your mom would want you dead (which is already pretty bad) but thereās also the fact that everyone knows she would have killed you herself. And Baz was probably stressed literally 24/7 because he was never safe or comfortable. People always expected something from him or were waiting for him to slip up.
And lastly, the GayTM. So, we all know Bazās family wasnāt the most tolerant (āDefinitely more disappointed by my queerness than my undeadness.ā). So yeah, he had some internalized homophobia. He felt like, if he survived the War, he wouldnāt be allowed to be happy anyway. He talked about marrying Agatha, while it was to spite Simon, but then also because it would satisfy his fatherās want for more Pitches, he could give Agatha a house and they would never see each other, and he could run off to find a bunch of men who looked exactly like Simon and break their hearts in various ways.
Conclusion: Baz deserves so much better in Wayward Son. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Comment anything you think I missed! Should I do one of these for Simon because I have a lot of feelings about Simon too?
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annaxmalina
titsay
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