the Schmoolkinsberg brief @theschmoolkinsbergbrief - Tumblr Blog

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

iguanamouth

oh shit

throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight

alanaisalive

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

striving-artist

At time of posting, this is at 711.6k notes

29 Days Remain

thevulturesteeth

711.6k notes? I show 419k!

Did they try and push through a note splitter again???

flootzavut

It’s reblogs versus total notes.

alanaisalive

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

iguanamouth

oh shit

throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight

alanaisalive

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

striving-artist

At time of posting, this is at 711.6k notes

29 Days Remain

thevulturesteeth

711.6k notes? I show 419k!

Did they try and push through a note splitter again???

flootzavut

It’s reblogs versus total notes.

alanaisalive

The other night husband and I were watching a documentary about the yeti where they were doing DNA analysis of samples of supposed yeti fur, and every one of them came back as bears.

Anyway, the next night we watched a thing about some pig man who is supposed to live in Vermont. People said it had claws and a pig nose but walked upright like a man. Now, I happen to know that sideshows used to shave bears and present them as pig men. So every piece of evidence they gave of this monster sounds to me like a bear with mange.

So now the running joke in our house is that everything is bears. Aliens? Bears. Loch Ness monster? Bear. Every cryptozoological mystery is just a very crafty bear.

Bears. They’re everywhere. Be wary. Anyone or anything could be a bear.

iguanamouth

oh shit

throughshadow-to-the-edgeofnight

alanaisalive

As the OP of this post, I’m going to threaten that if this gets to one million notes by the 10 year anniversary on 1 June 2026, one year from today, I will get a lower back tattoo of the loch ness bear monster.

striving-artist

At time of posting, this is at 711.6k notes

29 Days Remain

thevulturesteeth

711.6k notes? I show 419k!

Did they try and push through a note splitter again???

flootzavut

It’s reblogs versus total notes.

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

No wait one of those memes but it’s “the difference 450 years can make” shared in a vampire community and it’s just almost the exact same photo twice

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

“Be careful who you’re mean to in the 17th century”

blue-wisteria-and-freckled-skin

Throwback Thursday!

thissitewasamistake-deactivated

I recently had a “Fuck it, I’m confident in my shooting ability” moment and came out to a bunch of my semi-conservative co-workers at a BBQ (I work for a rural fire department), And one of them started to awkwardly scoot away from me, so I said “Don’t worry dude, you’re not my type, I’m only interested in attractive men”. All of my other coworkers started laughing at the dude I said it to and a couple of them complimented me on my comeback.

The moral of the story is, When you come out to a new group of People, target the first person to look uncomfortable and roast them into oblivion.

aggrokawaii

Power move

yunyin

Guys, how do you do it How do you make words into fic I write two sentences and question everything about what I’m trying to make.

conquerorwurm

Can’t remember the exact quote, but this concept has helped me: “Never create and judge at the same time; they are separate processes.”

You can always go back and edit, but the process of creating flows best if you can stay in the moment and stop yourself from judging what you’re making. Think of that first draft like a loose sketch, or a sandbox you’re piling sand into. The idea isn’t to write a brilliant work in one go, but rather to collect the raw materials you’ll use to craft the final product later on.

theschmoolkinsbergbrief

My writing mantra is "fix it in post, fix it in post". You can edit terrible writing, you can't edit a blank page.

sarahraffertysource

iamgabrielmacht: #bts #suits @iamsarahgrafferty @rickehoffman #gotsomemoves

suitsaddict

New episodes, New trailer. Suits returns next January. To me, this trailer it’s the same old song. Something I’ve already seen with Huntley in the 3rd season…

flootzavut

Existing while bi:

bi person: “I’m bi”

people: “source?”

people: “may we see your relationship history pls?”

people: [citation needed]

people: “where’s the receipts?”

people: “are you sure though :/// maybe I, a complete stranger, know more about your sexuality than you do”

bi person: “me: the source is me!! I’m the source!! I’m bi you SUBMORONIC FRUITCAKES”

flootzavut

Existing while bi:

bi person: “I’m bi”

people: “source?”

people: “may we see your relationship history pls?”

people: [citation needed]

people: “where’s the receipts?”

people: “are you sure though :/// maybe I, a complete stranger, know more about your sexuality than you do”

bi person: “me: the source is me!! I’m the source!! I’m bi you SUBMORONIC FRUITCAKES”

anarchetypalarchive

so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

theschmoolkinsbergbrief

I kind of want to Marvey fic about this not gonna lie

flootzavut

Hawk, drunk: I think everyone’s a lil bit Beejsexual, you know?

BJ, slightly less drunk: Don’t you mean bisexual?

Hawk: I said what I said.

uncawanwo

me, talking about my fave male characters:

theswampboyz

Let’s give it up for

Binjamin Frankbin “Hawkbi” Bierce.

flootzavut

Note to showrunners:

Kissing is not automatically the most intimate or romantic thing a couple can do. There’s more to relationships than snogging. If you have two characters consistently show how poorly matched they are, it doesn’t automatically make me ship ‘em. Arguments aren’t sexy. If a couple has sex but shows no other signs of love or intimacy for each other, it doesn’t make up for the lack of relationship outside of the sexual, physical dimension.

@ all the eyeroll-worthy ships out there.