Keni
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Xuebing Du
Peter Solarz
Love Begins
One Nice Bug Per Day
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dirt enthusiast
tannertan36
Three Goblin Art
$LAYYYTER
noise dept.
Sade Olutola
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Cosimo Galluzzi
Show & Tell
KIROKAZE
macklin celebrini has autism
cherry valley forever
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@thesecretlifeofc
It feels like yesterday something switched for me. Before I was checking out my gym crush like he's hot, he has good energy, I like being around him but yesterday I felt like, I actually would like to know this person, I want to know what they think, do and like. It felt like all the gasping is over and now I want the person behind everything I see.
I feel very tired today. Not sure if it's the weather. It's raining the whole day. Maybe I didn't sleep enough? My alarm did wake me up from some weird dream, but I think i slept around 7 hours. Maybe it's the iron deficiency. Maybe all of the above or nothing. At least I left the house to go to sports. Not sure if I did that if I hadn't signed up for it and cancelling is connected to charges
Is it insanity if you believe that life is finally turning out as you always dreamed?
I am so bored I went for a walk because I couldn't bother to do anything else
Wtf am i doing with my life?
Changes are hard. Especially the one we don't want to change. The one we would like to stay forever how they used to be. Friendships change, because we change as a person. We develop through years. We are turning into different people, because we are developing. We aren't staying the same. A human us always developing and changing can be challenging
Didn't see this coming. It's a full circle moment. It all started here and it all ends here and from now on I can navigate it as an adult as I am not the child i used to be. New beginnings
The worst part about the Christmas days is that your friends mostly are busy with their families. Suddenly, friends turn into ghost as they're busy in other lives. Your life suddenly feels empty, like losing someone. Even though they're still existing the availability is limited and that makes me wonder, if friends can be like family or does it as well depend if your friends are coupled up.
I just realised that I had an emotional relationship with my best friend. Regardless that she has her partner and family. Obviously these friendships can exist next to love partnerships but it is an interesting observation, because she has a different need than me and I couldn't deal with not having such a bond besides her. I guess it made me feel a lot alone and that way I could feel connected. However, now that I have time to really see myself and my needs I realised that I had some bad patterns that made me hanged up emotionally. Now I am trying to figure out, how I can be the most self sufficient and deal myself with my emotions. I am trying to find a way between what I need to figure out by myself and when it's good to connect with friends and look for advise.
My best friend told me that I need to start trusting my own gut and stop using chatgpt to confirm what I think.
I thought she was wrong and then I saw that she might have a point. A guy that i was dating texted me basically he isn't that into me but left the finally decision for me. When it happened I was with my friends, we were talking about him and what I should do, but I still had a big need to ask chatgpt what it thought... was that concerning? I sure did feel that way.
I definitely used chatgpt for dating advises because I was feeling unsure if I am able to make the right decision for myself. Especially if a person is the right fit or how I should feel if I had a different attachment style. And yes, on one hand it is very helpful to have a buddy (chatgpt) helping figure out things, because I dont want to bother my friends all the time (I tend to have a need for talking it out quite often so I'm searching for alternatives because nobody has time nowadays anymore), on the other hand it made me be depend on it. It is ironically because I have the tendencies for getting "addicted" to certain things. I guess it's part of the all or nothing mentality that is living within me. But I'm trying now to find a better relationship - one that isn't so dependent. Because ultimately I love freedom and being free.
How to make the impossible decision? I think I made one but I'm so bad with decision making when it feels like I haven't gotten all the information yet that i need to make the right choice for myself.
But in this case I think it'll be always like that. There'll be always an information missing and that decision is so life changing that it's impossible to know everything beforehand. I thought of all the rational aspects and in the end saying yes to motherhood and creating a family with a partner might seem so irrational, because we live in times where women have a choice, they are independent and can do whatever they want with their time on earth. And I'm all here for that... But I can't escape what I feel deeply inside of me on an emotional level. I always wanted to create a family of my own and be a mom, but I wonder as well - is it feminist to decide on traditional family creating despite all the negatives that women face as mothers and wives and that I still want it? I mean I don't need necessarily marriage but a committed partnership with a child is comparable, so yeah it makes me wonder. At the same time writing these wonders made me realise that I don't own anyone any explanation. Who is deciding nowadays what it what? I believe in modern motherhood, where women work, have kids and partners who are involved and the mental load and care work is shared equally. I truly believe that but obviously I see as well so many men not being up to this. At the same time I believe that there must be one who at least is open to make it work like that despite how they grew up. I'd like that to be honest and I guess that is part of the problem. I believe a lot of women want this kind of men but they are hard to find. And I feel like I spend quite some time to convince myself it isn't going to happen for me I should get comfortable in my single being. Don't get me wrong, I love that I found peace with it, that I feel like I could do really the best out of it.
However, I feel like I was trying to convince myself how to create an alternative life on my own because I am single for a few years, just haven't met anyone that would make sense, I am 35 and I know that I don't want to be unhappy that my life didn't turn out how I want it to be. But girl, before I give up that dream of mine, I should dare to believe in it and be able to dream about it, even if it scares me, that it might not come true, but what if it does? What if it happens faster then I expect, am I ready for it? And that is the question I'm starting to ask myself. Am I ready for this new friend in my life that will develop into a romantic partner and we will grow our family together? Am I really ready for it to happen soon?
I think I am. Even if it scares me because it'll be life changing but I told myself I don't want to live in fear, so I am facing my fears.
It's so hard to trust someone you just met, when you come from an anxious attachment style. Change is always hard, but this feels really challenging. But it's part of growth and otherwise I wouldn't ever be able to get more secure. It's really hard to just let go and just trust. I wish it would be easier
Can you be scared of getting what you always wished for? For hoping that one day, the dreams you had l, will become reality? It's scary to even let the thought cross, that is screaming YES, YES AND YES! But why is it sometimes more comfortable to sit in the I-dont-get-what-I-want? Is it possible that those wishes are something unfamiliar and therefore scary? The unknown is something that scares the human mind, and that is true for even good things, we don't know. It's somehow ironically.
Words are my emotional outlet. I need to write, I need to share, I need my thoughts, fears, and worries to get out of my head. Writing brings me peace because words are therapeutic. I feel like I underestimated that need for years. Because I like to share things with others, but some people arent like that, so I need to find ways, how to find peace within me, and writing in any kind of form, is that solution. I always thought that I needed to share it with a friend, but that isn't true. I am my friend as well, and I needed to find my voice and my way to share it with myself. Anything that helps me, being me, living the best version of my life, is peaceful. And that is what I was searching for. That peace within myself. Because I always had all the ingredients to find it, I just needed the right time to mix it all together, some ingredients needed growth, some needed time to develop, and some needed to disappear. I like where I am now. I like myself, and I like where I am leading my life. I feel like every day, I am less afraid to be the truest version of myself. And that in itself is truly inspiring, beautiful, and even art. I'm thankful to myself for pushing myself out of my comfort zone. It's still amazes me, and I hope it'll last like that forever. Because I have big plans for myself and my life, and for that, I need this strong, confident person.
I have talked to this job coach, and he told me that there is no right or wrong. Maybe what I need to do, is doing my way like I think how to do it. It is hard though, because there is no path that is shown to you, that you can follow. You need to figure that out all by yourself, and man, that is scary. Because there is no manual on how to do your life. And sure, it applies to everyone, but some people just live by what is belived in society what they should do, and others just do their way, and I am one of them. I fought that for a long time, but I feel like now it is time to just accept it and go with it. Because fighting it is useless. I cannot out run my fait. It is time to live the life that was given me with all the challenges that I had so far.
Control seems to be so much easier than trust. Trust the process sounds so easy, so why does it seem to be so hard to be done? I mean everyone has experienced things that were upsetting for them. It influenced them how they see life and made them question themselves and the choices that were made. But what if, that is what it means to be alive, to be living the God damn life? Trying to trust someone new over and over again. But every time trusting a bit more the own intuition to make the right decision for the self. Without understanding the own behaviour and what we did wrongly, we won't ever change and choose what is right for us.
What I hate about dating is the anticipation after a meeting - will he text or not? I guess as I've been ghosted before such before I'm awaiting the "not interested", despite whatever was said during a meeting and taking someone's number isn't a guarantee for anything. But it's part of dating...