— For some reason, the name Amy coming from him felt so foreign, so wrong. There was nothing different other than just who he was, but that was enough for him. The Doctor was only confirming his own fear; they really were alike. Too much in fact. It sounded too much like his own thoughts, and it was overwhelming.
Hand raising to rub his own eye, he watched the other turn away silently, letting the silence give him a second to think. That was all he needed. Just one second. There was a lot you could do in a second, but he didn’t have two seconds to think of all of the possibilities. Just the one. Just the one second so that he could remind himself to breathe, and to focus himself. To not get lost in his own mind. To not be alone.
❝ I always make sure of that. ❞
His tone softened, the underlying harshness and confusion was gone. The wish of a man who had lost everything wasn’t something to use against him. It wasn’t something that the Doctor would think to try and be upset about. He’d honor it, even if nothing would change. Every second with the Ponds, with Amy and Rory, he made sure they knew how much he cared. Even in the scary parts, or the sad parts, or the dull. He loved every second with them, and he made sure to let them know in his own way.
Rocking on feet, looking down at the ground, he let out a small chuckle. The anger subsided, now he was back to normal. His emotions did that, he noticed. Flared up and then died down just as quick. He’d always had a much better temper before, but not as such now. Now it seemed the temper had a better hold of him. It was gone now though, and the empathetic Doctor was what was left.
❝ Its funny, you think about it. Us. This is taking talking to ourselves to a whole other level. Usually you know its, it’s all of us. Not two of one, if that makes any sense. Kind of easier, if I’m honest. Though maybe its because… well I mean one of us had to have had this conversation before. Unless we forgot. Wouldn’t put it past us… Really in the end, I… doesn’t matter. Do you still have fun at least? Bowling clubs, swim teams. That math group we joined a while back? ❞
He chuckled a little - talking to himself. Themselves? Language was stupid anyway. Oh, he was definitely deflecting which meant he was feeling things beyond what he wants to feel and that’s absolutely unacceptable and paradoxes be damned he should get rid of this other him before he started feeling even more. But... No. No, he wouldn’t give this Doctor the satisfaction of an easy way out.
He would take the change in subject instead. He wouldn’t be the first to back out of this conversation even if it killed him. Which... maybe it could, if he made that horrible of an impression on the other to live in his memory past the inevitable snap back of the timelines when they left each other’s company. Like an experiment. Ooh, yes. That’s how he’d endure. It was all an experiment and when they came out the other side he’d have learned something important or whatever.
Hobbies. He had those still. “Have you gotten into knitting yet? I’m pretty well into a new scarf, trying to make one better than the old one. Related - if you ever want a knit bowtie, I’ve got 324 different ones. The math group has it’s own planet to meet on, three guesses how I managed that one.”
It was almost odd for the Doctor to have such an ordinary shift in the conversation. As if he wasn’t himself and the other wasn’t still what he had been. But it was enough to stop the both of them from going down a dangerous path that would only lead to his fury and the other trying to thwart him in typical Doctor fashion. Maybe another time when he’d been up to actual no goodedness.
“Or if you’d rather not guess I won’t make you. Suppose I’ve made this visit unpleasant enough without adding in a test section to it.”
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