mindless rambles

sideblog for xepher wolf. everything here is ooc knowledge only!!

[theshadowsofawolf]

it’s hard to keep my emotions in check when he’s just so fucking sweet to me all the time. there’s been more than 4 times where i almost slipped and said i love you to him. we’re not together and i have to keep reminding myself of that, constantly. 

i’m stupid to think that maybe we could be something, he could literally do so much better than me. he’s so sweet and kind, caring as hell and on top of that he’s handsome as fuck. could literally have anyone he wanted. sure we kiss and we cuddle but we’re not together. and maybe we could be but i can’t even get the strength to bring it up again. i did that once and he said maybe but it could ruin our friendship. so here’s to me thinking we could be something when we probably won’t.

here’s to me being jealous when i think about him being with someone else. and here’s to me falling more in love with him everyday when he probably doesn’t even love me like that. or even think of me like that.

i love you mike. so much.

[theshadowsofawolf]

i’ve been so exhausted these past few days and i just don’t know why. i would love to just snuggle up next to mike and watch some movies but i don’t want to bother him because he’s literally always working. most of the time i just lay in bed and watch whatever on TV when i don’t have things to do or photos to do. i don’t even pay attention to it, i just use it as background noise while i stare into nothing. 

[theshadowsofawolf]

wish this vacation would never end honestly, just being here with him has been so peaceful. away from all the bullshit.

[theshadowsofawolf]

god if i could spend all of my time with him, i absolutely would. we’re not even together but we might as well be, we act like it for the most part. i’m just so head over heels. wow. 

[theshadowsofawolf]

i’ve been having horrible dreams lately, so vivid and honestly terrifying. i’ve also been getting terrible headaches too, this past week has been nothing but shitty and i honestly wish it would stop. maybe i should start drinking, that might help even if it’s only a temporary fix. time will tell i guess..

[which-part-of-me-do-you-want]

[theshadowsofawolf]

started off the new year being completely black out drunk by myself, not the best but i guess that’s my fault for not wanting to go out. 

sober? we don’t know her.

[theshadowsofawolf]

things have been happening with mike lately and i’m honestly not complaining about it at all, i just hope i don’t mess it up. not really sure where things are going to go but i hope it eventually leads to a relationship because i’d like that a lot. he’s a really sweet guy and a really good friend, i just don’t want to ruin anything or have something mess it all up. 

[theshadowsofawolf]

damn is it fucking wonderful when you finally kiss someone you’ve been waiting to kiss for so long. and it was magical as hell, i’m in love. 

[theshadowsofawolf]

lmao i really just need to keep my mouth shut huh. probably ruined my friendship with mike by shooting my shot, kind of, but hey. i tend to ruin shit by opening my mouth anyways so i should of seen this coming but yet i didn’t. it seemed like we were on the same page after i had made a joke that turned into us kind of admitting our feelings for each other i guess? we admitted we both found each other attractive so i thought we were on the same page but now things feel kind of off? i don’t know but i feel like i just potentially ruined our friendship because us admitting this stuff makes it complicated for our friendship in a way. I DON’T KNOW but i do know that i don’t want to leave my room ever again. 

i would like to bury myself in a 12 foot deep hole and die, thank you and goodnight. 

[50shadesofdistance]

[theshadowsofawolf]

bloom task #1

what would you consider 2 of your positive traits ? 

my ability to listen to anyone if they’re having a hard time or just want someone to rant to.

my loyalty to friends and giving them gifts just because.

what would you consider 2 of your negative traits ?

putting everyone before myself. whether it be happiness, taking care of them before myself, mental health, anything. i always tend to put everyone else before myself. 

getting anxious over things i have no control over.

a guilty pleasure of yours ? ( can be a tv show, song, food you love to eat, whatever ! ) 

i love watching old kid movies like monster’s inc and ice age.

what’s a quality that you look for in a friend ?

honesty. i have trust issues and have been used in the past by people i considered best friends who actually never wanted to be my friend in the first place. or they lied to me and made me look a like a fool. so if you’re honest with me from the start then we’ll be just fine. 

[theshadowsofawolf]

damn feelings fucking suck dude, i hate this so much. i hate having feelings and being such an asshole to people i care about. i need to either get my shit together or pick up smoking again so i seem calm and fine. maybe then i’ll stop acting like a fucking asshole.

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]