Sh*t my daughter says... does... etc.

I am a mother of two children. I'm honest, sarcastic, and light-hearted about my days and nights as a parent, and reflect upon them in this blog. My random thoughts on my day to day life can also be found on Twitter, @fantaseyes.

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"You're welcome boobies!" - O "LIV!" "I mean mommy!" - O ... 🙈

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Stuffed up.

"Mom why do you guys stick the tissue in your nose? ...why don't you just use your finger?" "Liv... you know you're not supposed to pick your nose with your finger." "Aw.... even if it's not wet?!"

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"MOM. this is in style."

*sporting her lime green tank top and lime green bootie shorts as jammies*

"I am NOT wearing things that are not in style."

-Olivia, approaching 4 years old

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Process of elimination...

"Um... mom. We have a problem." -Olivia says walking into the bathroom while I dry my hair. "There's sauce EVERYWHERE. ITS ALL OVER THE PLACE."-Olivia to me while I try to figure out where she would have gotten sauce,  and remembering my husband's stromboli from the night before... *She holds my hand and leads me out to the 2"x2" splatter of sauce on the kitchen floor.* "I don't know who did it. But I know...the one person... who didn't do it... is me."-Olivia

*Trying not to laugh* "Liv, it's okay if you did... you just have to clean it up, you're not going to get in trouble. So... did you do it?"

"Oh. Well, then yeah!"-Olivia

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Mommy you're really smart." -Olivia while brushing her teeth getting ready for bed "Aw. Why is that?" -Me "Cause you know about a lot of stuff!"-Olivia

That brightened up my evening!

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Don't take anything too seriously, ya'll.

http://www.someecards.com/2014/01/29/things-moms-say-to-themselves-but-should-never-say-out-loud-list-funny-ecards

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Mom, can I eat the donut first? " - Olivia referring to her weekly-bribe-for-being-good-at-dance-class donut "No, ma'am. " -me

I swear she just mumbled "damiliar" under her breath...

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Stop eating the hard pasta! It's not cooked!"

Do you ever hear the things you say/yell to your kids and think about what other people would hear if they heard them out of context?...

I think my blog has now also taken over the "shit I say to my daughter" identity.

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Mommy, why do you have green makeup on? (Referring to the tiny bit of eyeshadow I had on) ...you look so beautiful. " *hugs me*

...sometimes she can be calm, and she melts my heart.

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Taco night!

"WOOO HOOOO! TACO NIGHT! TIME TO GOOF AROUND!"

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Semantics...

"OLIVIA STOP BACK TALKING ME!"  - husband

"FINE! I'LL FORWARD TALK YOU!" - Olivia, stomping away.

She's 3. And 3/4. 

Does she even know how clever she is? 

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Geese vs. Eagles

"Wow mom! Look at all of those eagles!" "Those are actually geese, Liv" "I know mom! But geese ARE eagles." "No...they are not. Geese and eagles are both types of birds though." "UGH. I'm telling dad!"

[wemakebeautifulbabies]

[theshitmydaughtersays]

Shops.

"I painted two canvases last night." "For who?"-O "To sell." "You don't sell projects." -O "Yes I do, online, in my etsy shop." "NO YOU DON'T! Mommys can't have shops! Daddys work in shops not you!" -O (My husband is a woodworker/carpenter) ... semantics.

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Mommy look! Remi and I are doing pinky promise."

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"We were playing sick and dead." "sick in bed?" - me "No, MOM. Sick and dead!" ...OK, creep.

[theshitmydaughtersays]

"Beyonce doesn't shower. OR take baths!" *After being coerced into a shower in place of her bath tonight, as I try to comb her hair* "She doesn't? What does she do?!" "SHE DANCES!"