Humble Bagel

Not a blog about bagels. Whole grain thoughts. 

[mesopelagic]

me:  looks at a horse the wrong way

horse:  Oh Fuck!  *breaks all its legs*

[mesopelagic]

horse keeping blogs are reblogging this in agreement and thats probably funnier than the actual post 

[thesimplestbagel]

What happened to OP?

[fedorathexplorer]

I really can’t believe I’ve been on this hell site for 8 years

[chrownox]

Impart me in your wisdom of ancient times

[fedorathexplorer]

one time there was a tumblr user with the url “pizza” and she would just comment on any text post about pizza saying “omg that’s me” and then we found out she had an entire tag dedicated to saying the n word

[megapope-deactivated20220531]

she got kicked off here for selling diet pills to teenagers, right?

[peniswakt-deactivated20210717]

she absolutely did! along with her friends! there’s a really good article about it floating around on the internet somewhere

[soundtrack0fmylife]

what the

[thesimplestbagel]

This is one of the articles, kind of long. However it’s probably the best and most comprehensive. Definitely worth the read.

Rise and fall of Jess Miller's pizza empire

Two years ago, Jess Miller was the biggest star of the teen comedy scene on Tumblr.

[thesimplestbagel]

I have a strong appreciation for anyone who can keep a solid aesthetic. I’ll go from yeehaw hipster folkhead wannabe to 2000s emo skater stoner all in one day.

[thesimplestbagel]

Pretty sure most of my issues today stem from me never getting that baskin Robbins ice cream cake I wanted for my 11th birthday.

[i-am-a-fish]

*does a magical girl transformation but nothing actually changes about me except i get a gun*

[squidward-sword-hd]

[thesimplestbagel]

[thesimplestbagel]

Nice

[thesimplestbagel]

Eat bacon, keep skatin, stop the hatin.

[thesimplestbagel]

bagel

Bagel

[romantical1y]

lesbians? nice. bi girls? nice. trans girls? nice. he/him lesbians? nice. butch girls? nice. femme girls? nice. label-free girls? nice. in the closet girls? nice. out and proud girls? nice. girls? NICE.

[thesimplestbagel]

69? Nice

[thesimplestbagel]

[ruinedchildhood]

[thesimplestbagel]

This suggests that there are or were indeed rats in the pokémon universe. Leading me to believe other animals may have or do exist as well. Since we do not see any of them I am to assume that they are all extinct now. This brings me to the conclusion that pokémon are mutated versions of animals. What caused the animals to mutate? What lead to this world? In this essay I will... 

[thesimplestbagel]

I think I’m gonna go take some headshots. And by that I mean shoot myself in the head. 

[thesimplestbagel]

My hands smell like puppies

[thesimplestbagel]

Hey guys I need your help. I have this tune stuck in my head. It goes like do doo doo do doo do doo doo. Can y’all help me out?

[thesimplestbagel]

I work on a horse ranch and I am reminded every day when I go there of the post that says horses are valid to eat fingers. I constantly live in terror of having my fingers eaten.

[averruncushd-deactivated2018091]

Take me out

[wallpatterns-deactivated2019120]

to the ball game

[thesimplestbagel]

Then take me out of this miserable existence.

[rry]

[thesimplestbagel]

He took him on a special day trip to the amusement park and decided it was a good idea to tell him his parents died at the top of the Ferris wheel. It was not a good idea...