TUMBLR TARK

MARKER MARK OFFICIAL BLOGNESS ASK QUESTIONS IF YOU WANT

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AND HOPE FOR SOMETHING REAAALLY FUN

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NOTHING EVER CHANGES HERE, THOUGH ALL I CAN DO NOW IS CROSS MY FINGERS

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THAT SURE WAS SOMETHING HUH

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...

SEXYHORSE: Lame

VINCE: Aaaawww...

SEXYHORSE: Sorry That Was Mean

SEXYHORSE: It's Cooler Than Mine I Just Saw This Place On The Dark Web And Fuck'd Arnd Too Much Lel

VINCE: ...Huh...

VINCE: Hey... What's that light...?

SEXYHORSE: Hm?

Vince points Sexyhorse towards a light in the distance.

She narrows her eyes, grabbing some fancy-looking binoculars from behind the velvet seats.

SEXYHORSE: Zoom

A long shape...

SEXYHORSE: Zoom

A point near the front...

SEXYHORSE: Z-

SEXYHORSE gasps, dropping the binoculars on the floor.

SEXYHORSE: We Have To Go.

VINCE: But, the interview-

SEXYHORSE: We Have To Go!!

Sexyhorse grabs Vince by the collar, practically jumping towards the exit of the room!

Sexyhorse: Someone Sent A Bomb Rocket! There's No Time, Dammit!!

Vince: What--!?

Sexyhorse pushes Vince through the doorway, but before she has the chance to run in herself...

She hears a crash.

SEXYHORSE: AGH--!!

The miniature torpedo launches through the window, shattering the protective glass. Sexyhorse is left petrified, and Vince is forced to yank her into the doorway. The rocket smashes into the camera and obliterates it on impact, but as soon as contact was made... A strange beeping could be heard from inside the weapon.

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Even though I was underwater, that sweet smell still wafted right into my nostrils. I was starting to feel a bit woozy, so I tried my luck at opening the door to the supposed "bakery." That shiny light that I could see from the shallows shone directly in my face, and my vision went completely white. I closed them out of impulse, though when I opened them... I didn't see water. I saw... the inside of a pristine pink shop, full of cookies and pastries. The water didn't flood in at all, it stayed how it was. I really couldn't believe my eyes... but then, something even more peculiar happened. I had stopped holding my breath, and the ends of my mouth had stretched and stretched across my face. I was smiling! Smiling so wide. It hurt a little bit.

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I thought to myself… If I didn't find out where that smell was coming from, it was gonna keep me up all night long! So, as any reasonable guy would, I stood up on the guard rail. I didn't have anything to lose, did I? I didn't really mind drowning… and suffocating to death with super sweet smells in my nostrils definitely sounds like one of the better ways to go… At the time, I didn't even think about my jacket getting wet, ghaha….

You could probably guess what came next... I jumped right in! I had the idea to sniff my way to the sweet stuff... but I didn't realize how hard it was to smell underwater! I opened to my eyes to a bunch of real dimness... 'was lucky the sun was still out and about when I jumped in. In the distance, I saw a light shining right at me. Maybe that was related...? It was the only lead I had, so I swum on ahead. When I reached the source of it, I stopped in my tracks. It was the strangest thing I had ever seen... A bakery...? Underwater?

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❁✿✽ -- 𝓥𝓘𝓝𝓒𝓔'𝓢 𝓢𝓣𝓞𝓡𝓨 -- ❁✿✽

I was all alone before I came to FUNPARK. School wasn't for me. Parents weren't either. So I ran away. I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I slept wherever felt comfy. Benches were my favorite, though I didn't mind sleepin' under bridges. Speakin' of bridges, Our story begins on one! It was stretched out over this huge lake. Real pretty stuff, I reckon. It was starting to get a bit late, so I was making my way back to my usual... but the big problem was, I was super hungry. I'm usually hungry... but this time, It wasn't because I was starving. I smelt something mighty grand in the air... Or rather, in, well, the lake...? A sickly sweet smell, like donuts, or cinnamon buns. It was practically calling my name! I didn't really get it... how could that strong of a smell be coming from underwater...!? Was that possible, even? If it was, then it was definitely lost on me!!

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SEXYHORSE: Is It Really A Secret If Everyone Knows? SEXYHORSE pointed towards the camera, causing VINCE to look around the room, smiling. VINCE: Well, it's still a secret right now! I doubt it matters, honestly... SEXYHORSE: You Sound Fearless So It Prob Isn't That Good But Whatever Eats Up Airtime IG VINCE: It's about how I got here...! In FUNPARK! SEXYHORSE: Entry Story Huh SEXYHORSE: I'm Listening VINCE: It all began one fateful day... SEXYHORSE: Dramatic Ass

VINCE: Fine!! Scratch that, then!!

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VINCE: Aaaanyhow!!! Since the pancake tower is over 63 feet in height, the twelve pancakes it's composed of are not... reaaally pancakes. VINCE: I wish I had a pan that big.... SEXYHORSE: That's SEXYHORSE: That's Really Sucky Actually VINCE: It's okay! You can still technically eat the tower... though Paper Mache probably wouldn't taste very good. SEXYHORSE: How Did You Get That Much Paper Mache VINCE: The store! Duhhhh!!! SEXYHORSE: ... VINCE: Do you want to know a secret?

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VINCE: Gladly! I've prepared a model of it to show all of you...

SEXYHORSE: Wtf

SEXYHORSE: This Is Not Show And Tell Girl

SEXYHORSE: Sorry Kidding You're A Very Skilled Artist And Entrepreneur And Singer

VINCE: D'awww... I'm not all that!

SEXYHORSE: Wait I Thought You Didn't Know Why You Were Invited Here How Did You Make This

VINCE: Oh!

VINCE: I lied.

SEXYHORSE: Why Would You Lie

VINCE: Do I need a reason to lie? I can lie if I want to lie.

VINCE: I like lying.

SEXYHORSE: Okay

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VINCE: Oh, thank dog! I was right frightened! Loud clapping can still be heard, but another flick of the eyelashes causes the room to fill with polite silence once more. SEXYHORSE: Simmer Down Silly Billies Let's get On W It #Polite SEXYHORSE: Sorry For The Hold-Up Vincey Poo SEXYHOSE: Tell Us About Your Totally Radicilous Pancake Thingy VINCE: Why, crikey!! I didn't realize my little project had gained so much traction! Is that why you invited me on the show? SEXYHORSE: I Mean Yeah But The Reason Why I Invited You On The Show Was In The Letter You Received Explaining Why I Wanted You To Be On The Show You Dont Have To Ask Me

VINCE: ...I'm puzzled. SEXYHORSE: Sigh SEXYHORSE takes a large and loud sip of her drink and it annoys everyone in the room including herself. SEXYHORSE: Just Tell Me About The Fucking Pancakes

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The jazzy music gets louder as the audience applauds VINCE'S arrival onto the big red set. He sits down in the seat to left of SEXYHORSE, looking a bit stiff. He makes an effort to appear friendly, awkwardly forcing a smile and waving at the audience. If there's one thing Vince wasn't used to, it was definitely this. VINCE: G-G'd evenin', Miss... Er... Sexy...? SEXYHORSE: And A Good Evening To U Too Outback The audience chuckles at this despite the complete lack of a punchline. This perplexed VInce immensely. SEXYHORSE: Yknoe SEXYHORSE: I Heard About That Thing U Did SEXYHORSE: That SEXYHORSE: "Big" Thing VINCE: You couldn't mean the complete and utter obliteration of 3 local candy stores by fire!? I was framed!! The audience explodes with laughter, much to Vince's surprise. VINCE: W-What! D-D-Did I say something weird!? The audience continues to laugh. SEXYHORSE: Ahaha No We're Not Laughing At You Sweetie

SEXYHORSE: We're Laughing About The Arson

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SEXYHORSE: Today We Have An Extra Super Duper Special Guest

SEXYHORSE: He Spent His Glorified Prison Sentence Stuck In FUNPARK Doing Something Reaaaal Special...

SEXYHORSE: He Sleeps On A Bench Outside Sometimes... #PoorAndWet

The crowd laughs for one second.

SEXYHORSE: His Brain Is Smaller Than A Lima Bean... #ReallySad

The crowd laughs for two seconds.

SEXYHORSE: And He Thinks He's The Exact Same Height As The Leaning Tower Of Piza! #WhatsWrongWithHim

The crowd laughs for three seconds.

Sexyhorse: Give A Warm Round Of Applause... #PityClaps

Sexyhorse: TO MR. VINCE MALARKEY!!!

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Jazzy music plays in the background as a jet black curtain slides to the side, causing SEXYHORSE'S lounge to sparkle into the view of the camera. The woman of the hour sits there casually, combing her hair back with her hand. SEXYHORSE takes a quick sip of her drink, before setting it down and giving a handsome smirk towards the audience. SEXYHORSE: Oh Hey SEXYHORSE: Didn't See U There The crowd erupts with applause as SEXYHORSE perches her arm up casually on the velvet seat. She lets them go wild for a second before a single flutter of her eyelashes sends the audience into complete respectful silence. This seems completely normal to her. SEXYHORSE: Fine Night Here In FUNPARK As Usual Eh #Weather SEXYHORSE: Night Never Really Ends Here But That's Besides The Point Babes #Tbh

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[SEXYHORSE STUDIOS' LOGO BEAMS TO LIFE ON THE SCREEN, SIGNIFYING THE START OF A NEW EPISODE OF HIT NEWS SHOW, "SEXY-HOUR."]

[WHILE THE ON AIR PROJECTION PLAYS, EXTREMELY LOUD CLAPPING CAN BE HEARD AS THE PROJECTION SHIFTS TO DISPLAY A FANCY LOOKING COUNTDOWN.]

3...

2... 1...

[...SHOWTIME!]

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RECORDING THE NEXT SEXYHORSE EPISODE FOR LATER I NEED TO GET GROCERIES (ILLEGALLY) ITLL POST HERE AUTOMATICALLY XILLIAM SET UP SOME IMPRESSIVE STUFF

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markeer markkkkkkkkkkkkk 😭

ITS TIME