Is this real?

Xavier Samuels Tilson || 18 || District Four Lived a lie for the first 16 years of his life. His parents were abusive and he lied through his teeth, pretending things were fine. When he was 16 there was the 'tragic boating accident' and suddenly alone in the world he was sent to Four's Community Home. Quickly growing sick of it, he ran away and that's when he met Zeev and Eric. Now he'd prefer to be a Tilson, even if he does act out.

[thesonofaghost]

//

Me: *makes a weird noise*

Me: I'm haven't been drinking, I'm just weird!

Friend: I can see you using that as justification in future.

Me: I'm not drunk officer! I'm just weird.

Friend: *laughs*

Me: The best part is they'd probably breathalyze me and then be like 'Woah, she is just weird!'

[thesonofaghost]

//Watching SPN thinking to myself "Wow this chick looks really familiar... actually.. is that Hayden?"

Yes. Yes it is. It's the episode with Meghan Ory in it.

Moar screencaps under the read more if you're interested.

[thesonofaghost]

Hayden's Birthday Gifts

A rose carved from wood, and a heart shaped box with a rose carved in the top of it, also made out of wood.

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

“Okay..” She murmured, rubbing her hands over her still flat (for now) stomach absentmindedly. She had a lot to think about and consider, but meeting with Madge couldn’t hurt, could it? What was the harm in giving someone the chance to speak for themselves and explain what they have to offer for her unborn child’s life. 

A soft smile turned up her lips, letting her hands move from her stomach and wrap around him instead. “Home is where the heart is…” Xavier was her home, without a doubt. Nothing felt safer than the place right beside him. “I love you too, so much. You’re so good to me, I’ll never be able to repay everything you’ve done for me…” 

Nuzzling into him she pressed a kiss to his lips before pulling back to drop her head down against his shoulder. A slight headache was beginning to perk up, thundering behind her temples with this new wave of thoughts storming in her head. Pain killers were out now that she was with child, but a warm bath and tea did sound relaxing.

“My head’s hurting a little bit.. how about I go take a bath while you get settled back in, then we can curl up with a movie or something? Have a nice relaxing first night back?” 

With that she kissed him once more before reluctantly slipping from his arms and stepping toward the restroom, pausing at the door and turning to him once more. “I’m really happy you’re back… I feel whole when you’re near…” And with that she took off through the door, casting a smile in his direction. 

[thesonofaghost]

"You repay me everyday by loving me the way you do." He said softly, kissing her back when he felt her lips on his. He frowned a little bit as she said her head was hurting and rubbed her back, nodding. "Sounds good. You need me to do anything for you?" Really he felt settled in the moment he saw her, but he was willing to let her have some time in the tub to relax- it gave him time to message Madge and tell her Hayden wanted to meet her.

Then they could relax together. 

He kissed her again when their lips touched, unable to help the softest of sighs as she stepped away. "I feel the same." He told her before she managed to get all the through the door, smiling back at her. He waited for a few moments before going back to her bed and pulling out his phone, smiling a little to himself.

Maybe it would all come together and things could be okay.

FIN.

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

Softly she bit her lip, considering all that he was saying and nodding along. “I would like to meet her… I don’t know what to think right now, but I would like to meet her regardless, just to know that I looked into every option  possible…” 

They really weren’t ready for this, and the most important thing to Hayden was giving this baby it’s best chance at the life it deserved. Perhaps this woman could be that solution, but it wasn’t a decision she would have to make for quite some time. She had about eight months to figure everything out, after all. 

Regardless of how this baby was created, it was her baby, and as anyone with any maternal instinct- she felt protective over the life growing inside her. 

“While you were away I’ve been trying to accept that all of this is real, and prepare myself for what’s to come… Now there is something entirely new on the table. Trying to get my head around it all even inspired me to start working again.. it gave me something to focus on.” She paused, shaking her head- realizing she was rambling. “Anyway, I want to meet her and hear what she has to say. I want to give her a chance to convince me that this is the right choice…” 

[thesonofaghost]

"I think she will, or at least, I think she'll convince you that she's a good person, with our and the baby's best interests at heart."He said softly, "Just.. let me know when you think is a good time and I will invite her, organise it.. whatever." He said softly.

He held her a little closer, feeling protective himself, "I love you," He murmured again. "Even though I had a good time with Zeev and Eric... I'm glad to be with you again. I know District Four feels like home to me, I guess... but moreso... well, being with you feels like home." He confessed.

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

She allowed him to guide her to the bed, leaning into him a little and listening patiently as he began speaking. There was a tiny flop in her stomach when he mentioned talking to Zeev about her situation. She wasn’t angry with him and understood why he would need to get it off his chest, but the idea of the number of people knowing what had happened to her expanding made her almost a little nauseous. She didn’t want to be looked at differently, or pitied.

“No… it’s okay.” She mumbled softly, reassuring him that she was not upset with him for talking to Zeev. She had the right to know why Xavier had up and left, at the very least. 

Silence fell over her again when he continued on, not expecting what was about to be offered to her. Then Xavier came out with it, and for a second the world seemed to halt in her surprise. Someone wanted to adopt her baby? 

On instinct her hands flew to her stomach, holding it somewhat protectively. “I… uh… I-I don’t know what to say…” Getting the words out was more of a challenge than she had bargained for. “That’s a lot to think about… Can I meet her? I can’t even consider anything until I’ve met her…”

[thesonofaghost]

"Of course you can... I actually suggested she come to Two, if you were comfortable with the idea enough to meet her." He said softly, "She's a good person... People sometimes joke and call her supermom... so I think that if this was a choice you made... the baby would be cared for." He tried to assure her.

"But I'll let you feel it out for yourself, of course. I'm sure you'll like her. It could just end up being the right solution... she said that if you were to want to go in that direction, she was happy for you to still be in the baby's life. But if it doesn't feel right to you... then we will find a way through this together." He didn't want her to feel pressured into making this choice.

"This baby is a part of you... which means that in turn it is important to me and... if you don't feel like adoption is the right choice then... as far as I'm concerned, we can raise him or her together. I just wanted to give you more options, since I guess we both weren't sure what we were ready for."

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

Hayden waited patiently, smiling as her family and Xavier exchanged greetings. It truly made her happy that they all got along so well. After all, they were all her most important people. 

Once hand shakes and hugs were exchanged they continued on their way and slipped into the privacy of Hayden’s bed room. The room was a little messy, scraps of fabrics and spools of thread scattered about. That as well as a small sketch book of her own, riddled with her designs were evidence of how she had spent her time away from him. 

“I love you too…” She murmured, warping her own arms around his neck as he embraced her. “And I really did miss you, too…” Tiptoeing she placed a sweet kiss against his lips, lingering to savor the moment before nudging back just enough to get a good look at his face. 

“Now, is there something you need to tell me? Something happened there you haven’t mentioned yet, I can tell.” Her tone was calm and light hearted, though there was a slight waver of worry, not knowing what to expect but sensing that something was up. 

[thesonofaghost]

"Don't be nervous.. it's not something bad." He promised her- if anything he seemed a little lighter than when he left. Xavier guided them both over to the bed to take a seat, holding her close and pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Zeev and I talked when I went back... I uhm... I told her. I'm sorry, I know it's your news to keep private or tell if you wish but I just.. needed to talk, I suppose. And... I hoped maybe she would have advice for us. I hope you're not angry." He said softly, a little concerned for a moment before pushing on.

"Anyway, I don't know exactly what she said but... She must have spoken to Madge Sebastian. She's a... a friend of theirs in Four. A really nice lady, a good mother. I think... I think Zeev went to her for advice... and Madge came to see me with an idea... a potential solution if it was what we wanted." 

He took a deep breath, "If it was what you wanted. The decision is yours, ultimately, after all. But... she uhm... she suggested that maybe she could adopt the baby...."

[thesonofaghost]

//Xayden (here for bg stuff)

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

She waited some what anxiously with her father at the station, not because she was out in public so much as it was that she was bouncing on her heels to see him again. When Xavier came into view there was no stopping the immediate smile that spread across her lips, and she took a few steps forward to meet him as he walked faster toward her. 

“I missed you too.” She softly whispered as his arms engulfed her, savoring the warmth of his body against hers. Even after he drew away to offer her father his hand, she staid close. She leaned into his side a little, staying close enough to feel his warmth. 

Gale returned the gesture, giving Xavier’s hand a firm shake and nodding with a hint of a smile. “You too, kid.” The Hawthorns had all taken to Xavier pretty well, Gale in particular- though he wasn’t exactly one to show it. Still, that that he had done and was doing for Hayden’s well being didn’t go unnoticed in the eyes of her father, and the man had come to respect the boy seeing the changes he made in her. 

The car ride back was uneventful. Hayden sat in the back seat with Xavier while Gale flipped through radio stations until he found one that he liked. It was still fairly quiet- only mild chatter being passed around when Hayden asked how Zeev and Eric were doing. It seemed like there might be something on Xavier’s mind, but she thought it best to wait and ask when they were in private. 

[thesonofaghost]

"They're good. Eric dragged me out of the house for a while and Zeev made sure that we did something small for my birthday. Wasn't quite as good as our day but it was nice." He said, smiling at Hayden. Thankfully the drive wasn't long and the chatter didn't have to stretch too far.

He greeted everyone, but let Hayden lead the way to her room, so that he could put his things away... and probably because she could see right through him and knew he had something to tell her. So he shook hands (and accepted a couple of hugs) before the couple disappeared. 

Xavier put his bag down out of the way before turning back to Hayden, walking over to wrap his arms around her again. "I love you," He said softly, "And I really did miss you."

[shewontbebroken]

Homecoming - Xayden

Hayden held up better than anyone expected during Xavier’s absence. Her family kept a close eye on her, especially her father and Echo- with whom she spend the most time, but she was actually getting along pretty well.  It felt odd without Xavier there beside her, almost a little empty- but she managed to work past those feelings. 

Most of her time was spent throwing herself back into designing, taking the fabrics she had received from her father and creating lose fitting dresses that would fit as her belly grew. It kept her distracted from her worries and over thinking.

Today however, she was a little more upbeat than usual. Xavier returned today. The phone calls and text that came from his absence were nice, but she longed for his touch and company. 

She was standing in the bathroom examining her image in the mirror when her father knocked. “His train should be here soon, Do you want to ride along to pick him up?” 

“Mhm.” Hayden nodded with a soft smile, smoothing her hands over her stomach and casting one more glance in the mirror before stepping out to join her father on the ride to the station. Everything was still overwhelming and terrifying, but knowing Xavier was coming back today gave her the courage to push through it with a smile on her face. 

[thesonofaghost]

He was in somewhat good spirits himself as he headed back to Two, with a potential solution for them and most of all just happy to be seeing Hayden again. When the train arrived, he heaved his bag onto his shoulder, glad that this time he didn't have a stab wound to worry about.

Catching sight of Hayden as he stepped off the train, he was a little surprised to see her out of the house but glad. A smile came over his face as he saw her and he doubled his steps to get over there faster. Even though Gale was there with her, he wrapped her up in his arms immediately and pulled her in close.

"I missed you." He murmured right in her ear and kissed the side of her head. He kept holding her for a few moments, but when they drew back a little he offered Gale his hand and a smile, "It's good to see you again." At least he could be formal this time. Last time they'd both been so anxious about Hayden they had just left.

[thesonofaghost]

Headcanon: Potential Solution

He was half asleep when someone's head popped up through the ladder into the entrance of his little loft. It was his last day home with Eric and Zeev for the moment- he'd been there for a few days and he just wanted to get back to Hayden right now even though the small celebration of his birthday and being with the two who'd taken him in were nice.

Catching up on sleep had been something else that he'd enjoyed, even though he worried about how Hayden was doing. She was on his mind a lot. His head half lifted from the pillow and he glanced over as Madge smiled a little awkwardly.

"Mrs Sebastian," He said sleepily, rubbing an eye before sitting up. "Uhm... come up.. in... whatever." She chuckled and joined him, climbing the rest of the ladder up. She perched on the end of his bed since that was all that he kept in the top part of his room, smiling at him.

"Call me Madge, Xavier." She told him and he nodded a little, rubbing his eyes again, not sure why she was here. Then she cleared her throat and began to speak. "So... Zeev told me about your situation. I'm so sorry to hear Hayden was hurt here." A part of him maybe wanted to be annoyed that Zeev had told someone else but Madge seemed so sincere and like she had a reason for being here that he just nodded a little.

"She said... you two weren't really sure what to do. Not ready for a baby, not wanting to use a community home and... not wanting to terminate the pregnancy, which I completely understand." Just her voice was soothing and even though he felt a little funny talking about this with someone other than Hayden, he nodded again.

"I spoke with my husband... and Xavier... if you and Hayden are okay with it then we would like to adopt the baby. If she wanted to, I would be happy for Hayden to still be involved in it's life however much she wanted to be... I just... I really feel for you two in this situation and... I've always wanted another baby. This way you know it's going to a stable and happy home..."

"Mrs Sebastian," He interrupted, "I mean, Madge... I... It's Hayden's choice in the end..." He said softly, though the idea didn't sound like a bad one to him. He knew the Sebastian family- knew how people spoke about Madge being a great mother, that it was a happy family. The type of family a baby could grow up in. The type of family he wished he could have had.

"I... But thank you. This is an amazing offer. I uhm... I'm going back to Two tomorrow, maybe you would like to come and meet her. Talk... I know she'll want to get to know you before she makes a choice..."

Madge smiled calmly at him, "I would love that. I'll organise my trip then. You get some more sleep sweetheart, you look like you could use it." It was Xavier's turn to smile a little at her motherly tone. Maybe things would be okay after all.

[thesonofaghost]

[thesonofaghost]

Headcanon: Home Again

Xavier still hadn’t really wanted to leave Two, and Hayden but she insisted that he go back home for a visit and so very reluctantly he left, promising her he’d be back in a few days. He was exhausted when he finally dragged in home, finding himself wrapped up in Zeev’s comforting arms where he surprised himself by finally crying.

Dropping his bag on the floor he let her guide him to sit on the couch, holding him close while he cried for a bit. Finally he paused, wiping his cheeks clean and straightening up- letting Zeev fuss over what little lingered of his injuries. He was mostly healed up, brand new scar where he’d been stabbed but otherwise okay.

Once she was sure he was physically okay, she asked him how he was doing and he laughed slightly, “A little better after that,” though his voice was still a little thick from the tears. He shrugged then. “I’m okay… it’s Hayden I’m worried about. She was… She was raped… here in Four.” Not that he couldn’t believe it but he supposed he had to explain it all.

Running a hand through his hair, he sighed, “I don’t care, other than that it hurt her, obviously, that matters but it hasn’t changed how I feel about her… And… I know what it’s like…” He admitted reluctantly. He saw some alarm flash across Zeev’s face but she didn’t interrupt- he didn’t know how he felt about three people knowing that now but he knew none of them would ever say anything to anyone else.

“I guess it’s hard to comfort someone still but… I know to be patient and… take things as they come but… Zeev she’s… she’s pregnant.” He choked out. Zeev took his hand and squeezed it now, “I don’t know what to do… we don’t know what to do.” He admitted, “You I will do whatever is best for her, whatever she wants me too.. I know she won’t… you know, get rid of it which is fine by me but… well I don’t think either of us is ready for a baby and after seeing what community homes are like…” He trailed off since he knew that Zeev would understand what he meant.

The woman squeezed his hand again now and leaned over to kiss his cheek, “You’re a good boy… man Xavier. We’ll figure it out… I’ll help you both figure it out. It’ll be okay.” She reassured him, pulling him in for another hug. He let her, just trying to take all the comfort he could from the moment, while he could. As her fingers began combing through his hair, his eyes drifted off and soon he was fast asleep, despite missing Hayden there with him.

Zeev frowned a little as she cradled him against her, still stroking his hair  even though he had fallen asleep. He was only just 18 and Hayden wasn't much older and already they had this to deal with. She didn't know what she was supposed to suggest to him to help them both. She had no motherly experience though- not until Xavier came into her life. 

But she knew someone who did... Madge was someone who stopped by sometimes. She knew the woman, though they weren't the closest of friends- she usually dropped off gifts for both she and Eric on holidays even though she didn't have to. So she decided to call Madge for some advice for herself, kissing Xavier's head and promising herself she would figure out some way to help him.

[shewontbebroken]

Aftermath - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

“Rest is probably a good thing… Stress isn’t good for the baby..” She murmured softly. She was a lot of things right now: shocked, terrified, worried beyond belief- but no matter where this child came from, or who produced it she wasn’t going to put it at risk by throwing herself into a miscarriage. This pregnancy was suddenly so real, it was happening- and even if she wasn’t sure what to do about it, she was still going to care for the life inside her and give this baby a fighting chance. 

She wasn’t selfish enough to put anything above that, even if the child was a result of a horrible crime… it wasn’t the child’s fault. It didn’t ask for this. It was her duty to do her best to take care of the life inside her belly, as well as herself for the next few months to come. The rest would be figured out in time. She could be strong, as long as her family and Xavier were there fighting with her. 

[thesonofaghost]

For a while they lapsed into silence, Xavier still holding her. After a bit, he began softly singing something his grandmother had once sang to him while she was still alive- he only knew the chorus of the old song but nonetheless...

"Everything's gonna be all right. Rockabye, rockabye. Everything's gonna be all right. Rockabye, rockabye, rockabye."

Although their minds were working, he was comfortable enough and tired enough to fall asleep there with her, so he shut his eyes even as he sang softly. He hoped she would relax enough to doze off with him too for a little while.

[shewontbebroken]

Aftermath - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

She nodded with a soft sigh, curling into him and letting her eyes shit for a moment- trying to block out the wave of thoughts crashing through her mind. Everything felt so uncertain, there were so many things happening at once and nothing had a set path. 

She also worried about her dad. He really hadn’t taken the news well at all, and while she understood why it was so hard for him- she kind of wished he would have kept his cool a little better… Though finding out you have a daughter and then finding out all of this about her within just a few months would take it’s tole on someone, and it wasn’t hard for her to pick up on the fact that her dad had somewhat of a temper to begin with. Hopefully once he blew off some steam he would be a little less edgy, be in a place were she could talk to him about it without him being set off again. 

[thesonofaghost]

"Maybe now, you should just rest." He wasn't going anywhere until he was sure that she would be able to cope without him for at least a few days. For now he just held her close, gently stroking her hair. He knew they were both exhausted mentally, maybe physically too so it seemed like a good suggestion. Hopefully she wouldn't have any nightmares.

When things went silent he tried to think over just how he was going to tell Zeev about all of this, how he hoped she would have some idea of how to help them both with this. He nuzzled into Hayden's hair and kissed her head lightly, trying not to worry too much. He would be strong for her.

[thesonofaghost]

What is your biggest fear?

Losing what I have now. I have more now than I have ever had in the past and the worst thing that could happen to me would be losing it all.

[shewontbebroken]

Aftermath - Xayden

[shewontbebroken]

She nodded quietly, slipping her hand back a little further to tangle her fingers in his hair gently. “I love you too…” She murmured, scooting herself up slightly in order to press her lips to his. 

Whatever happened they would face it together. She knew that, Xavier never let her forget it. Still, her mind wouldn’t stop playing the possibilities over and over again in her head. What choices did she really have? Community homes were out, terminating the pregnancy is something she wouldn’t think of even in her darkest days… what was left? Keep it? Hayden was hardly the type to chose herself over someone else, but even if she kept the baby she wasn’t ready to be a parent… she wasn’t stable enough to give a child what it needed right now. 

A shaky breath escaped her as she broke away from his lips and let her hand fall over her own stomach, stroking her thumb over the fabric of her shirt as she rested back against him.

“I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do about this anymore… but I’m so glad that you’re here with me. I honestly don’t know how I could make it through this without you..” 

[thesonofaghost]

He kissed her back lightly and kept holding her close even when their lips pulled apart, smiling just slightly at her, though it was a little sad. "You would... because you're stronger than you give yourself credit for... but you don't have to do it without me. I'll help you with anything you need." He whispered. There was no chance he was gonna let her go.

"We'll figure it out... we really will." He began gently stroking her hair and holding her close. He was a little worried about her dad too, after his reaction to the news. It sounded silly maybe, but he wanted to make sure he would be okay too, if he was supposed to be going back to Four for a couple of days.

He also made a mental note to make sure Echo would stay close to Hayden.. he was just a little paranoid about leaving, regardless of how short the length of time.