UPDATE: I’ve decided to officially stop running this blog, or role playing off of it.
I am planning to make IC side blogs for both Vel and Esprit, so I can keep posting musing and likes and things. You are free to follow them, but while all asks will be answered IC, I won’t be traditionally rping on them. I won’t likely be following any rp blogs for a while either. Sorry.
(1) The role play society here has changed a lot since I first started role playing and most everything about it stresses me out. A huge percentage of the population is so fixated on popularity and shipping and how many anons they can get or how well organized and in line with the current trends their blog is. I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to meet up to the rp community standards, but frankly, I could care less about all of those things. I just want to rp with well thought out muses without the bother of excess flashiness.
(2) My muses haven’t made any deep relationships (friendships and enemy-ships included) with any of the muses I rp with on tumblr, and I can’t for the life of me find anyone else willing to try.
(3) I don’t have the time to both run a “tumblr worthy” blog and reply to a bunch of threads my muses aren’t interested in, neither do I have the motivation to keep looking for new muses to role play with when nothing so far has clicked for them.
(4) If I have to force myself through my replies, I might as well force myself to work on my novels. At least then there’s a sense of accomplishment, and I know the people who read my writing are interested in what I have written.
“People sure like to make a big deal over being nude. Reminds me of that one universe where everything was the same except clothes were never invented. In retrospect, the concept of being ashamed of one’s naked body is certainly a strange one. Is it because people in these universes have become accustom to hiding themselves away? Perhaps it’s also the underlying shame that people tend to associate nudity with sex and gender. Hmmm…”
“I suppose this is not the context for which most people fear nudity, but in my experience there is more reason to ovoid it than mere shame or habit. Perhaps for someone with a measure of power it is incomprehensible to your skewed intellect, but within the general populace, the state of nudity is clothed not only in dishonor but in a very rational sense of vulnerability. With the increased convenience of sexual acts comes the elevated ease of rape, and you would be hard pressed to find a physical torturer who does not know the benefit of employing their craft on bare skin. Clothing may not be an adequate shield by any means, but it is the most socially acceptable in many societies and universes.”
Excerpts from the Bubble Library Journals || (Start here)
I am not sure why I weep. I do not know you.
I know of you, and nothing more.
TO THE HOLE IN MY CHEST –
It is not enough, but I cling to it all the same. No matter how many times I decide I am finished, I cannot leave knowing that in my lack of existence, your name will never again be uttered again by my voice.
TO YOU, AS ALWAYS –
I told Serene that I refuse to exist merely to miss the idea of you.
That was three decades and half an ocean of tears ago.
I believe I must have lied to her.
----
There is something beginning to flourish in the new reality, though it means so little to me. Everything means little now.
I cannot tell anymore if the idea of you is keeping me alive or killing me. But the new worlds forbid, it is the only drug I have.
----
The world outside is alive with rumors of someone so close to the person you were that it hurts merely to think on them. They are not you. They cannot be. You are dead, along with every memory I have of our time together. Yet I want to hope. I have always been the first to confess that history repeats. Perhaps this repeat is nothing like you in the slightest. Perhaps though, you and they are similar enough that someday I can talk to them with the same comfort and endearment and respite as I must have once had with you. That I can feel at home at long last. I have forgotten what that is like.
At one time, I would have worried of replacing you, but I have nothing left of you to replace. All I have managed to retain of you is love and pain. Pain can be let go. And love… love can perhaps be redirected.
But I am afraid that if I follow the rumors into this new reality, I might forget the reason I ever departed. The books of you cannot reincarnate with me. I have already forgotten you. If I leave here, in time I will forget even the stories of you which I cling to so dearly. And never will I have the ability to replace them.
It is the final ultimatum.
Once again, I am absolutely, deadly afraid.
THE LAST DAY -
The concept of you which I have gathered from your books cannot sustain me any longer.
I am truly leaving them this time; leaving them here with all else that I have. With my books and with these journals and with your cloak which still smells of the person I imagine you must have been.
I am leaving here with the trust that if you are out there again, even a mere sliver of the person you were, that you will find me. I read it in your books that you promised me this once.
And now I am holding you to it.
Goodbye my love.
THE END
Because some things have changed within Vel’s canon since I wrote this, I will make note of them here:
(1) Vellichor and Azure end up having a whole lot of sex while in the bubble library (though when not bored and lonely they tend towards emotional intimacy over anything of a sexual nature.)
(2) Vellichor did not leave the bubble library because of rumors of a Venise-like person, but rather because Azure stumbled across part of Venise’s soul, and encouraged Vellichor to come help him find the rest so they could put Venise back together themselves.
cool trick: if ur using margin-(direction here): in ur selectors u shld open your theme up in a new tab and then change the size of ur browser
if your container moves around off of where it should be cos your background isn’t actually aligned to change with resolution or anything, pls switch to top: and left: to position your container and links bcos your posts are RUNNING AWAY
I’m half dead from studying all day, so if I’m interpreting this wrong, then all the apologies, but here is a really helpful website where you can view your theme every which way and might be easier in the long run(?): http://quirktools.com/screenfly/
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