The Meaning of Life and Everything Inbetween

Day to Day Adventures and After thoughts. Hopefully this pseudo diary will help others or at least give an idea of the small moments in life that make up the big events.

[thestoryplot]

030913

Huuuuggggeeee gap since I was last on here.. guess I didn't think my life was all that interesting or something. Which in a way is correct in that I'm not gallivanting around travelling the world or anything but not so in the amount that's going on with me... bloody hell my body is taking me for a ride! So i think it's going to help me a lot and maybe others who have body roller coaster-itis. 

I honestly can't remember if I mentioned what exactly is going on with me. Problem is that, I'm not to sure myself, which makes it kinda hard. It's chronic fatigue that's for sure but what exactly is chronic fatigue? what on earth caused me to get it and how do you wave it goodbye? Questions I am sorry to say have no definite answer. 

Pretty much this is what I've got so far:

-It differs with everyone, eg: no body is the same yaddah yaddah, so you could read this and be like say what?! I know such and such who has chronic fatigue and it hella ain't like that, what this girl going on about? So yeah.. pretty self explanatory and hard to deal with cos it's a solo thing.

-With me it affects my motivation, appetite, nausea, stomach to a huge degree in that I can't handle food well at all and I get preggie gut after eating (and it's not discriminatory either, like it'll be like oh you had a banana that's fine, then later, oh hell no you don't eat that banana and get away with it! BLOAT!), my head in that before I was getting dizzy spells and stuff but now more headaches varying in painfulness though not migraines though I got pretty close to that bar one or two times. Also feeling out of it like your head is stuffed full of cotton wool and you're just like, nope that's it, I give in, head you win, I am going to bed. As well as affecting how you feel mentally and emotionally in that you'll get periods of low, lack luster, depression-y feels, and I'm just going to stop there. So yeah, that's pretty much the basics of it.. well as much as I can think of at the moment. 

-It throws your whole life around like one of those tank, giant shot-put throwers. Completely makes you change your lifestyle around. In my case making it hard to work, which in my case caused me quitting because let's face it, no one wants someone who will come in for an hour and feel like they're going to faint and throw up on the customers. Ok that was more last year but it's still not a complete pretty picture. So now you've got all this time at home to fill in but have no energy to fill it in with and so hence the mental, emotional side of it feeling disconnected from the rest of humanity. My biggest recommendation... FIND YOUR HOBBY, because boy are you going to need it so as not to be driven mad crazy when you get the good days. (Still sorta searching for mine...) Oh and yeah, there are some good days that just pop up randomly and are like, HELLO! I'm here you're fine, you've got your whole future ahead of you to plan and create and though these days are spasmodic, and completely unreliable, they are much needed like a man with a deep voice. and a five o clock shadow, and a good head of hair ... :) But whatever you get my point..

Ok that's pretty much all I'm writing tonight. Maybe I'll try to write a bit each day on life in general for me. Only to keep me sane and hopefully help others out there who are stuck at home with fatigue and their brain driving them crazy.  

Caio Amigos! 

[thestoryplot]

220413

Wow, ok read through my last blog... I appologise, that is so dark and low. Good news is that for me at least, it doesn't last, it may take a day or sometimes more but the shadows lift and I'm able to see the positive eventually. At the moment I'm finally searching for things to get me out and distract me from myself. I am though kind of glad in a way that I did write that down as brutal and honest as it was because at least then it wasn't just floating around in my head which after a few laps can start to drive you crazy. Writing can be so important for those who have darker thoughts that just keep going around and round in your mind with no release. Definitely something to think about anyway. 

So I'm back in the game and finally learning how to use Tumblr a bit more, thanks to my computer/internet literate friends :) There some amazing, funny, talented things on here so thank you for sharing all that... There are two other websites which I believe, are by the most fantastically skilled artists. The artwork is just beautiful and graceful so I'll put up the links here for you all :)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Ireart?page=5

The above has artwork inspired by nature done in watercolour I believe but done beautifully, the other is a photographic website which has multiple photographers show casing their different styles.

http://www.cuded.com/2011/09/photography-by-oprisco/

From the above website there are options to link onto different styles...

Enjoy :)

[thestoryplot]

200313

Today was going to be special, it was the day I found a job that accepted me and the day I found out whether I'm gluten intolerant or not. It didn't so much work out that way. Yes, maybe I am ceoliac, I don't know for sure, so I'll try it. I'll stop eating gluten and dairy for 6 weeks in the hope that it will stop the headaches, bloating and fatigue. All I can do is hope. But I don't feel like hoping. I feel isolated by my own hand. I feel depressed and ugly and low. I have no goals, no excitement, nothing to wake up in the morning for. No one to wake up in the morning for. My skin looks feral. I feel dirty and messy because of it. Who knew so much could change in just 3 days. 3 days ago I was so excited for the improvement my skin was showing and I was feeling better. It all came crashing down around me and I feel so so low and terrible for it. How can I go out looking for a job when I have no faith in myself or love for who I am now? I want to get out and get a job and have a life but I don't want to leave my house. I have no self esteem or self confidence at all. I don't want to live like this. It hurts and feels terrible. I feel like no one could ever love me. Maybe because as I said I don't particularly love myself at the moment. 

[thestoryplot]

190313

Ok so what I'm one day from three weeks with this six week trial of antibiotic and anti acne cream. I went through the dodgy two week stage, while in Sydney, but that's life, it's only up from there yes? nope not really, because though my skin was 100% definitely looking a lot better, it's taken a turn for the worst, again the roller coaster ride up and down. Only this time i do believe that it's my fault. I scrub and rub and clean my skin and it's starting to have an angry, dry feel to it and is starting to break out again. Back to the doctors then tomorrow, though I do know I need to scrub less it will be good to get a doctor to look at it. Embarrassing but necessary. Also I might be coming to a valid reason as to all my fatigue and health problems, though we'll see how that goes, it might give an answer as to why I feel the way I do and that will be exciting even if it means I have to totally change my diet around. Let's see if I'm a ceoliac, tomorrow we'll see how it all goes. 

You can probably tell from the style of writing that I'm struggling a bit today, after such an improvement then such a down turn, I'm looking round for a job and don't even want to because of the condition of my skin. But isn't that something all people with acne go through at some stage I guess. Ok that's a generalization but that's something that I assume is shared. 

Tomorrow holds great importance in that it could be a total change and hopefully a positive one in the healing and repairing of my entire body and being. 

[thestoryplot]

060313

okay! So news.. um well I'm going to Sydney on Saturday! yay spontaneous! Which will get me out of the ordinary routine for a bit which will be nice and probably super good for me!

I've been up and down lately emotion wise... love being a girl... I swear guys don't go through this.. ok maybe they do but they're definitely better and either dealing with it and letting it go or hiding it... or both. 

Anyway! I've been improving and gaining strength and no I feel like my brain has fried and flopped and just can't cope and so my emotions have been down and out and feeling like I'm heading in a circle strength wise which I'm definitely not because I've found that I'll feel a certain way but then be able to see what happening and overcome it so that's a huge good thing, it just kind of gets swallowed up in the moment of feeling blerg. 

I feel like I'm not doing enough, the days are just plodding along and I'm not achieving or doing much as there is really no time limit or pressure or anything. Also I haven't been getting out and exercising much which I've felt guilty about as I feel like at the end of the day, I'm really not tired at all when I'd normally be and I'm blaming that on not actually doing anything during the day to become tired from. 

So today I did a part of the 1000 steps. I wanted to do the complete steps but got there and was like, nup, no way, not if I want some form of energy and life left for the rest of the week. So I walked up to the start of the steps which still caused me to break out in a sweat and caused a pain in my head and ribs and back... weird and a little bit worrying. So my over-active mind was like, OMG! what if I vomit or faint or die or whatever the hell other terrible life threatening thing... ridiculous, I know but it is hard to argue with the brain. So I got to the start of the steps and went back down again, which I was still proud of. Then decided to take this other "short" trail walk which ended up being hella long and I freaked out a bit too.. yep, see! freaking out and mind issues and emotions are screwed. But anyway! I was worried because I had no idea where this walk went and I wasn't feeling all that great by this stage and no one knew where I was. It worked out in the end and I was relieved and now I'm just tired... and my head still hurts but that's life. 

The main thing was realising how much I had actually gained in strength and personality from my high school days and how much I had lost when I became sick and my skin flared up and what I've now gained back and am still trying to gain back and it was humbling.... and I swore I would never lose my strength and personality again but it is hard work gaining it back!

Also skin day 8 I think it is? woo! over a week now! also one week of being 22! What a roller coaster ride! Sometimes I just don't know how I'll cope or how I'm going to survive but I know from experience that that passes but it's still scary thinking these thoughts! Time and patience and belief now. And support.

So yeah, day 8:

Skin is hugely improving, the redness is definitely fading. I don't have any new ones, though I do have some weird ones under my chin which I've never ever gotten before but I guess they'll go too with the rest of them. I'm actually really pleased with the results and my skin isn't doing too bad considering all the side effects of flaring up and redness and aggravation and peeling the chemist said! I'm actually not even that stressed about going to Sydney! Hallelujah! 

[thestoryplot]

Diary Blog plus other random stuff

Day 6!

Pretty much no new news, ummm still drying up, one new one but no biggie. Just a patient waiting game now and attempting to stay well away from stress...

On the up side, I didn't have to do that breath test thingy I was freaking out about nor did I have to pay a cancellation fee! hell yeah! So that worked out well.

On the down side, I had a worry wart kind of day really only because I have no motivation to do things as the days just stretch out in front of me so I've gone into a bit of lethargy. I'm thinking of it as like becoming stagnant, stationary water. I need to do something that will get me flowing again because we all know that fast flowing water is the cleanest and freshest! So I need to structure my days, keep looking for a job, get out for a bit of exercise each day and stop being stuck in my head! Because that's when crap happens and the old doubts and worries start up about whether such and such food is good for me or will make me feel ill or if I actually do still feel sick and all this crap so NO MORE IN MY HEAD! That is not good, nor is it productive! 

Wish me luck for that yeah, it's a lot easier said than done. 

[thestoryplot]

030313

Never ever again will I do that to myself again. It's ridiculous, I tried to go for a breath test (this is my second time actually), which is where you go for 4 days with a days break between and they test for sugar malabsorption or something like that. The problem is that they have a diet that you have to follow for the whole week and for me, I would starve. Which I kind of ended up doing today any way which ended in tears and stress which isn't good for skin... neither is not eating really, plus there's a few side effects caused by doing the approx 3 hour test such as tummy upsets and pains which I'm dealing with already and they can last up to a day after. I know they say "may" but I'm not willing to test it. So I broke down and though 3 people asked me to do it, I just can't. Means I lose a fair amount of money for not cancelling in advance but I wouldn't be able to do it. Not me anyway. 

In other new, I think I'm up to day 5:

My Dad thought my skin looked aggravated and red but in all honesty it's just super dry but there's no new ones and it is red but I can definitely tell they're drying up. The left side is looking a fair bit clearer too which is nice. My lips are still super dry but I have lip balm so I'm armed. Keeping a lookout on the overall effect and keeping my fingers crossed that's it's a path to clear skin from here! Also I learnt something today. Because Dad said my skin looked angry and bumpy, I got all self conscious and didn't want to go out and I didn't have my makeup with me which makes me feel a bit less red, so I didn't want to go out and face the world. In the past I just wouldn't go out or hide away and feel sorry for myself but today yes that lasted a little bit then I got over it. I thought to myself that feeling sorry doesn't do anything. It makes me feel worse and annoys those around me. Plus I am strong and people aren't constantly judging like I think they are so I got over myself and decided to go out anyway. Stuff what people think. In the end I was able to go and get my makeup to cover up a bit of the redness but the fact that I was capable of facing the world with my head held high was something to be proud of a stepping stone to loving myself and being me as I am now. I do still look beautiful and am attractive to the opposite gender. I am worth something. That was a strong lesson I learnt today and though it may not sound like much through written words it was a bit turning point for me in actuality. 

[thestoryplot]

020313

Just want to chuck some things in from day 3 while I'm at it, oh my lordy! stress and anxiety are possibly THE worst combination of ingredients for your skin! So it wasn't looking all that bad, I had covered up what I could and actually got both my parents saying that my skin was looking better so that brought a smile to my face for sure. The problem started when it was like 30 minutes till people were meant to be coming over for a celebration. 

I have this anxiety thing about a group of people coming over to mine where I freak out that they might get bored and all sorts of small things that completely weigh on my mind and cause all sorts of stress and nerves. I feel responsible to include everyone all the time in conversation and keep them entertained. That was pretty much ingredient 1 in my lethal mix.

Ingredient 2 was that I was in a super sensitive mood.

And the final ingredient number 3 was that for some reason I felt like I was going to throw up. I was so so nauseous.

So all together I was stressed, upset and sick as. I could literally feel my skin breaking out. It's ridiculous! Didn't help in making me feel better about myself either. So yeah. Not the best, but a great way to learn a lesson that it's not worth inviting people out of politeness to appease others. You are an individual and you work in your own ways. Don't try to convert to the way you think you should be just to be polite. If that means having a birthday gathering with 2 other people so be it and you know what, you'll enjoy it a lot more.. and your skin won't suffer so much from it.

Anyway today is day 4:

Still red on the left hand side and lumpy/white head-y on the right... few more on the forehead too so bit worse than yesterday which could be for a few reasons actually, one being what I mentioned above, the other could do with the creams which are mean to make it worse before it gets better and the last being hormonal.

The main thing I'm noticing is that my skin, especially around my mouth is that my skin is super dry. Especially my lips! so lip balm is on today! 

Keeping you posted!

[thestoryplot]

10313

Day 3:

Today is day 3 of my antibiotic and differen cream for the acne. It's definitely more red on the left side which is a bum, but there's not really any new pimples which is good. So bit of a balance really. Ok, so there were like two or three small little ones which aren't terrible though they do tend to add the redness a bit. 

The right side of my face still has the bumps but I can tell that they're definitely drying up, in fact my face does feel really quite dry which is probably why it seems more red though I don't really know what to put on to moisturize it in case it aggravates it, so I'm just going to have to deal. 

All in all not too terrible besides the redness and dryness... let's see how this goes! it'll be ever so exciting if they continue to dry up! They're still kind of embarrassing though due to the fact that the clearer upper half of my face is covered by my fringe and the lower, exposed half is the more inflamed, aggravated, pimply half...sigh... guess that's just murphy's law though ey!

So wish me luck and I'll keep on with the diary. 

[thestoryplot]

280213

Ok so I have a skin issue. You've probably gathered that from the recurring theme of acne in my blogs. 

Well I went to the Dr the other day and got some prescription meds to help out in clearing up my skin which is in dear need of it. Now normally I'm all for using natural and holistic products or regimes to help with skin/body issues but sometimes it just doesn't cut it and you just need something to break the cycle and get things back in control. That's the stage I'm at now. I have spent a vast majority of time and money on all these natural therapies and creams and stuff and whenever I was finally persuaded to try something a bit stronger, I'd freak out and stop after 2 weeks. The reason behind this apparently random freak out is that majority of prescription creams have a period where they make the skin more aggravated or red or inflamed or whatever and I would just not be able to cope. I'd have a panic attack, not be able to deal with it and drop the product like it was hot, never go back to the person who recommended it to me and move on to something else. Lovely hindsight and logic has shown me that that was a dumb move... By going to one person after the other and trying one cream after the other I was not letting my skin have a chance to get used to one thing so not only was my skin suffering from multiple things being tried on it and i must admit that sometimes (a lot of the time) I'd be like more is better... wrong... but my stress levels were soaring because each person would contradict the last or whatever and it just messed with my head and I was totally overwhelmed for a vast majority of the time. Sometimes I did have a valid excuse like antibiotic tablets actually did have a severe effect on my digestion and would cause terrible headaches so that was justified but creams/lotions wise I was like a bouncing ball going from one place to the next and spending money like I was rich. Which I'm not, especially now...

The reason for this back story is that I now have the knowledge from the mistakes I made previously and my skin is in need of having the cycle broken so I reclaim my self confidence and self esteem back and so I have again set out to walk the path of prescription meds. In this case I have been given both an antibiotic cream to help with the redness and a topical drying out cream thing to help with the actual pimples. Apparently it's a 6 weeks trial thing and surprise surprise there is a period of aggravation where the skin can worsen before gradually healing and clearing but I am determined to persevere and actually deal with it and get through this bad patch. I really want my skin to clear up and if I bail this ship I honestly don't know what I'll do. So it's all in for this. I'm going the long haul and we'll see how well mentally I can cope. 

So I think if I put forth a sort of diary thing it will help me to see how well things are going and help in a way to pass the time away as time is so very not linear, sometimes 3 hours seems like the longest time in the world and I don't know how I'll get through it! Other times it flies by. So this should help me out a bit and get things out of my head.

So this is day 2:

Honestly not much has changed though I'm not terribly surprised as it usually takes a bit longer than that.. how I wish there was a miracle cream that worked within a day... In good new I guess there's not really any new ones, got two on my forehead but not particularly worried about them.. my left side of my mouth seems a bit better I think. As in no new ones and besides one giant beast but I think it's a bit less red so here's hoping! The right side of my mouth on the other hand is just as lumpy and bumpy as it has been these past few days.. not so fun to have on my birthday but at least it's something that heals eventually so I should be grateful in that sense. Cheeks seem ok, I think they're doing well in staying clear so that's also a plus. 

That's pretty much it at the moment. Covering what I can up with makeup to keep hands off and to make me feel a bit better though it doesn't really help with the bumps. Oh well.. that's life.

I went shopping and bought a sick as, warm and oh so comfortable long sleeve because it's freezing today for some reason so materialistically that made me feel a bit better and brightened up my day a bit... ummm looking for a job at the moment to get me out of the house, I'm thinking like a helping receptionist at a school would be amazing and perfect so fingers and toes crossed for getting into that!

That's all for now! Until next time! :) 

[thestoryplot]

270213

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! This is hugely, super exciting as it's a whole new year, a whole new beginning in my life and I am oh so ready to embrace it! :) 

Also here is an article that I wrote for youth central on Acne which got put up which I'm also very excited about as I hope that it will reach to the people who are hiding away due to embarrassment or fear of being judged and give you some advice and knowledge that you are not alone and it is not something that is a partner is life forever!

So check it out and let me know what you think yeah :) Cheers to all...

http://www.youthcentral.vic.gov.au/News+%26+Features/Articles/ViewPage.action?&repositoryName=&siteNodeId=1993&CurrentFolderID=1966&ItemID=16393#.US1KojCnoiw

[thestoryplot]

240213

Ayyy! Back online! 

Wicked day out man.

People are amazingly talented! Like people can make the most amazing things out of something that seems useless or like junk. Go to any market and just take time to appreciate the time and love that went into making all these individual things. 

Also! Went to this restaurant today called Pantry in Brighton, so sick, the tablecloth was covered in drawing paper so you just got yourself some crayons and off you went. Didn't matter how long food takes or what have you, though service was pretty quick but it is such a great idea. No more need to worry about bored kids or anything. 

And on a final note. Hug more often. It does wonders to your mood.

[thestoryplot]

210213

Ok I'm back in the game after a short absence, with a brand spanking new computer which is all big and shiny and oh so slim...

Anyway. I wrote up an article on acne so we'll see how that goes and if it gets uploaded onto the youth central website but I think I'll post it up here too when I get a chance because I can and I put a fair amount of effort into that. Also it meant I had to sort back through some painful memories and experiences so I might as well let it be seen if it can help others. Golly acne is such a painful, bloody devastating thing to have to go through. It's ridiculous really all the hurt and  self consciousness and low self confidence and self esteem that you go through when you've got it. It's like, heads down and hair in front of face and no eye contact and people won't notice. Na that doesn't look suss like I'm trying to hide something at all. Really the amount of panic attacks and freak outs and moments of wanting to hide away from everyone forever is crazy. I think it's time I got my life back please and thank you. I think it's time for me to be able to step out of the house without having to freak out about what people are going to think of me and want to run right back inside where it's safe and non judge-y. I realise all this is me versus my mind and that it really is just fear holding me back... let me tell you right now. FEAR IS STRONG! but and you'll be glad to hear this, I AM STRONGER!! well at least that's the plan. I stay super strong and empowered, I  go, screw you fear and doubtful thoughts and I hold my head high and walk out that front door knowing that it will not last forever and I am doing things to counteract the redness and lumpiness though the process may be slow and be taking me a few steps back. Unfortunately, especially with the cream stuff I'm testing out on myself now, it's very much, let's just pull all these toxins outta your skin and then we'll clear you up ey. So hello lumpy, red, pimply skin for the moment. Luckily the icky patches are localised and in clumps so though still gross there parts of my face that are nice and clear... kinda ironic that one of the parts that is clear happens to be my forehead which is hiding behind my fringe and the part that is most aggravated is down around the corners of my mouth and out towards the sides of my face is breakout zone. hmmmmm... didn't think that one through... 

So that's pretty much my thoughts at the moment. A battle of will I guess into staying strong and positive and running away from everything. Most important is that I must not chop and change! I spent all of last year doing that which meant my skin didn't heal at all because as soon as it started to look a little bit redder or got a bit more irritated I freaked out and went off to someone else in search of my silver bullet. So now a trip to my current cream maker is needed to gain advice and knowledge and prevent me from bailing ship and leaving everything he said behind without a backward glance as I head for the hills and the next miracle cream. At least now I'll have some advice and idea of whether this is as it should be or whatnot... so that's pretty much it... Ok there's a whole lot more going on but that's the main problem thingy in my life right now... aside from my general health which is a sure long trip back to Nirvana but hey, it'll be as it will. Main thing skin, then onto next issue. Can't deal with two things at once! Way too intense and problematic for my poor mind to deal with so skin first, body second, then general life stuff like getting back into reality and jobs and stuff... good lordy it's been a while with that!! 

Anyway that's me done for now! I will attempt to put up that acne article when I remember to do so, so no idea how long that will be but it is coming

[thestoryplot]

090213

Ok, so this is a bit not in sync with what I was typing yesterday, but I like it and I think it might help people even though I totally need to take some of this advice myself... sh.... but yeah, basically it's about what follows after high school and gives a bit of advice and that sort of thing. I had to write it up for a draft article I was doing anyway which didn't get posted in the end so it might as well get used here rather than going to waste. Hope you enjoy!

Life After School                                                                                                          

From Prep to year 12, you are in school for 13 years of your life. It dictates your social life and how you spend your free time. It has a huge impact on who you are and how you fit in with others. School aims to prepare you for “the real world” but most of us, once we have finally come to the end of the long haul of study, homework and SAC’s, freak out when faced with the open ended options of life after school.

Finished at last... Now what?

As the last few minutes tick by on the last exam and you’ve done all you can to hopefully get the marks you want, you put down your pen and it’s over. Completely. When you step out of the gates and you look back on all the memories, all the fears, worries, stresses, fun times and friendships you’ve made, you tend to experience two things; total joy at finally getting through it all and surviving, and sadness that all those years, all those early mornings and all those evenings spent getting that homework done are gone. It’s ok though, the whole “what on earth am I going to do now with my life?” has not hit yet and the pure joy of being free is forefront in your mind.

Until the school holidays end and everyone else goes back into their own form of routine, whether it be back to school or back to work. You are left with the whole of life in front of you and the possibility of countless doors which lead to all sorts of foreign, unknown paths. Then you start worrying, what am I meant to do now?

It’s funny, looking back on school, because we are so excited to get out of the daily routine and away from all that stress of studying and exams. Yet most of the time we delve right back into the same system, because it's safe, it’s familiar to us and that scary open void of possibilities can be put off for that little bit longer. We are still trying to work out what we want from life and it's the simplest way to ease ourselves into it without having to plunge right into the deep end.

Building your place in society

This is why so many people choose to go straight back into the old, known systems of either University or TAFE. It is not a leap of faith into the unknown, more a gentle ease into the deep waters of unmarked territories. Sure, some of the customs change; ‘cliques’ aren't really a thing, teachers are called by their first names, and there’s a lot more freedom and trust involved. You are expected to put in the effort and hours because you chose to be there but really, it’s not that much different.

Yes, there is also the fact that you may know perfectly well what you want to do in your life and have a map of it set out in your mind’s eye. But often, TAFE or University is the most convenient way to slowly branch out and gain ideas on where you want to go.

It also can be excellent for liaising and networking as a lot of courses will provide placement or have a career advisor on site at the Uni or TAFE. One thing that is huge in finding work after study is having hands on experience and being connected. Generally I have found that if you know someone in the industry it is a huge advantage as they pass you onto others in the field. Basically choosing Uni or TAFE is good for those who have a basic idea of what they are good at and/or enjoy doing and want to add to those skills.

It is very important to find out what you enjoy doing and embrace it. Everyone is different and everyone has a different set of skills. This is what makes the world such a diverse and interesting place. So set aside time to work out the top 5 things you enjoy doing most or are good at and work from there on building your skills. Choose courses that focus on these areas of interest, though it may seem out of the ordinary or unusual. You will excel, enjoy yourself, and there will always be someone out there who needs your expertise.

If you are unsure of what you are good at or enjoy, you are young. Be carefree, take time off and travel. Sometimes traveling is the best way of meeting people, making new connections and working out what you enjoy doing. Or just get yourself a basic job. Getting a job does not mean you're there for the rest of your life.

You do not have to work out your whole life plan straight away. Take time to just sit in the moment of each day and you will find things come to you in their own way. Don’t feel bad to take a year off and figure yourself out. You’ve just spent 13 years at school, you don't have to rush in to something straight away.

Conclusion

The most important thing to remember is to keep yourself busy. This doesn’t mean every second of every day, but just generally have something that you enjoy doing or a hobby that you can fall back on. Many people get lost by spending too much time in their head worrying about what they’re going to do with their life, that everyone else seems to have themselves all worked out and so why haven’t I? You are your own person. You really can’t compare yourself and where you are now to others, who may not actually be as sorted as they seem.

So find things that keep you busy or entertained. Find yourself a part time job, it can be a great way to meet new people and learn new things. School really doesn’t prepare you for life, nothing can. It’s it own exciting new beginning and needs to be embraced rather than feared. It’s a completely new start where you can open which ever door you choose. 

[thestoryplot]

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Ok here goes, my first ever blog thingy. I’m planning on making this blog about what I’ve been through, the general goings on in life and stuff I’ve learnt and experienced. Basically in a nut shell anyway… and it’ll probably be a wee bit out of order as things pop up or are explained or remembered…

So a little about me, my name is Bianca and pretty much picture this; a chilled out life, things flowing along, school is fine, nothing hugely major happens, life is a routine and I’m happy to go along with it. Don’t have to think too much as you know when to wake up, what to wear, what you’re doing throughout the day and when you’re going home. Then school is done, hallelujah, free time, no commitments, it’s summer so the beach is home and life is friend filled. 

Then comes the end of January and people proceed back into the daily routine of work or school or whatever and I went straight into TAFE. Why? Because it’s nothing too different from schooling years and I don’t particularly know what I want to do with my life except that I want to be outdoors. This is really when crap started to go down. 

Ok so I keep this hidden as much as I can.. cos it embarrasses me a lot, like a lot and makes me hugely beyond anything self conscious. So here it is.. my lordy… guess it’s fair bit easier to type it out than to try to express this all in words to someone face to face. When that happens the head go does down and the shoulders shrug forward and the hair hides my face and I can’t make eye contact…. Yes, I will get to what I’m talking about… in one word… acne.