semi-pro heartbreaker @ambiguityenjoyer - Tumblr Blog

IDK WHAT I WANT OR WHO I WANNA BE !!!

#never enough time for what I want to do #i need a personal tag

Finals today perfect way to run school tbh. Two classes….luxurious amount of time to do the important things well PLUS time to dick around outside….and then I had time to grade (not that I gave literally anyone a bad score hahah). Now debating do I stay home and putter around (I hate puttering) or do I go to coffee shop and drink matcha and noodle around writing. Head hurts. Went to cafe yesterday. Trying to live life to fullest. Hm.

#i need a personal tag #I need to go to gym starting soon. I feel less than good there

avantgarden-er

i had a dream recently in which connor (gay) and hayley williams were each other's dates for an event and connor was wearing a shirt/blazer w a super super deep v like the met gala afterparty look and she kept sneaking her hand under his shirt by way of the deep v and i woke up trembling with rage #whatdatmean

connor (gay) is killing Me but it does mean you want his cookie and i am here for you as a connor cookie wanter

#I would LOVE to see Hayley Williams with Connor Storrie arm candy #she’s deserves it

clytemnestraaa

what does burnout on the sex front look like for ilya and shane? like i love playing in the sandbox of romance novels where couples just fuck everyday for the next fifty years of marriage but also… cmon

mmmm probably ilya having a bad time and shane also having a bad time at the same time because their bad times kind of contradict. in that i think super depressed ilya is not really capable of crazy sex and super anxious shane really needs crazy sex. like their needs conflict in that situation and it’s not like anybody is wrong but also they’re gonna feed each others spirals where shane is going to get more and more neurotic and stressed and ilya is going to feel more and more like a failure.

i think there’s also potential for ilya getting really angry and getting mean and violent and shane loves that the sex is rough but then ilya afterwards is like absolutely spiraling and shane is like ok but i like it when you’re rough? and ilya is like but I DON’T LIKE IT, I AM A MONSTER, like i think ilya is capable of really scaring himself because he’s so worried he’s a cruel violent sadistic abusive person and the problem is that he is not entirely wrong, that element does exist within him, and he has no idea how to handle it other than despair and guilt and panic. like if shane asked ilya to hit him during sex, and ilya didn’t like it but did it anyways, ilya would be okay with that. but if ilya did like it and had to stop himself from hitting shane harder, he would be freaking the fuck out.

idk this is a tangent but i do think it’s interesting how shane is such a tightly controlled person and so exacting except in his romantic and sexual life where he’s like full wind in his hair ride lana del rey music video embracing his goddess, and then ilya is such an outwardly hedonistic person except when it comes to interpersonal relationships where he seems to view himself as something that needs to be bridled and handled, something to be corralled and controlled so that his inherent badness can’t hurt anyone.

#ilya rozanov #woof