The Terminally Ill

[theterminallyill-blog]

Family never ends

So he has family every day all this break.  It's making him a bit crazy.  He wants some time to himself.  The worst part is that they constantly tell stories of his youth but he has no memory of it.  From the two brain surgeries, from the cancer, from the treatment, who knows.  But he can't really contribute to any of these stories and it's all they talk about.  He has grown weary of family and I wish I could rescue him from them.

He says he had a long talk with his wife and spoke about just taking a credit card and leaving.  Spending money as he wishes and going wherever he chooses.  He wants to escape so desperately.  And I wish I wish I wish I could help him.  But I have my own responsibilities and family and all that goes with it.  I just dont have that freedom.  If he would just believe that he has time and a real purpose to be here he would realize he does not have that freedom either.  He has beautiful responsibilities of his own.  His work is wonderful and makes a difference in so many people's lives.  I wish he would just see that.  I wish he could see how much purpose he really has.  He doesnt see that now.  Now he sees repetition and boredom and uselessness.  And all of that is a lie.  A twist in his vision of reality.  If I could just get him to see his true beauty in this world and the real chance that he may be around for quite some time.

At least, thats what we all wish for.

[theterminallyill-blog]

Early morning wake up call

I tend to wake up too early for anyone in the world.  Its all of 7 in the am and I am awake and ready to go.  go where?  There is nowhere to go.  I hate getting up so early.  My best friend, we'll call him D from now on, has famiy affairs today.  He always feels a bit awkward with them.  He said once that he never felt more sick than when his mother looks at him.  Doesn't that seem sad?  And yet, I totally understand the look he is talking about.  So he has a day of family ahead of him and I can't rescue him in any way.

I try to tell him how special it is that his family tries to be close to him now that he is "ill."  I have to quote that because if you saw D you would never guess a thing was wrong with him, excusing the huge scar on his bald skull.  But I still look at him and swear that there just can't be anything wrong.  Maybe I am in some strange state of denial.  I don't think I am, but isn't that what anyone in denial would say?  Some kind of cosmic joke there.

But the time does continue to tick away and occasionally I wonder.....

[theterminallyill-blog]

Still day one

okay, I managed to upload a photo for my icon.  That seems very successful.  I think I may just stay at this site.  The girls, my two girls, are both exceptionally bored since I have taken over the computer.  Alas.  Such is life.  This morning I spent with my best friend and his wife.  He has brain cancer and has been told he only has a few months to live.  I personally believe he has much longer.  He is incredibly strong and seems to be living without a thing wrong.  He already went through six weeks of intense chemo and radiation without seeming to blink an eye.  He did get sick a couple nights and he did get fatigued.  However, other than that, he worked straight through the entire ordeal.  With amazing strength and barely a complaint.

Honestly, to me, he has had weak moments.  But none he would share with anyone else.  He carries the weight himself.

Sometimes, if I need to be truthful here, when he feels weak, I feel weak.  But I work hard to conceal that as well.  Maybe here on this site I will be more honest.

[theterminallyill-blog]

Day one

Just trying to create a blog that I can feel comfortable with.  Working on finding a spot to share struggles and laughter over the insanity of brain cancer.