Fill Me With Fantastic Terrors Never Felt Before

This will ultimately be the "jar" in which I store the residue of my daily thought, to one day look back on and reflect on the insignificance of the thoughts I have today, and the little impact and weight they will hold on my future.... I hope you can enjoy this journey with me. If you would like me to share my thoughts on something specific, feel free to ask me anything.

[thethoughtjar-blog]

I'm hurting, and I pretend like I don't know if it's because I am alone or because I caught feelings and I miss her.

But every time I think about should I have taken the chance and just kissed her.

I thought my late nights were because I just hated to sleep alone, but in actual fact with her I didn't sleep at all.

Like a warm log she crushed my arm, whilst entwining my fingers in her branches... but I let her.

I didnt know how To pull myself together and bare the dead arms, and the unbearable heat, but I knew it was worth it just to be beside her, to feel her heartbeat echo through her back and into mine, like I could feel every impulse shooting down her spine.

Like the moon her body eclipsed the sun light with each breath, which was kind of perfect because being by her side felt like it lasted a life time.

Now I know how the moon and the earth feel, existing to meander through time, but every once upon a time the earth peels the moon around it like it wants to dance, but they are not free enough the move and prance so they stay silent.

Silent until the sun is tucked away, Because if you couldn't talk to someone for four years I'm sure you'd have a lot to say, and that's okay.

Because if it takes four years to see you again, next time I'll have reasons for you to stay.

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I don't want someone to "know how (I) feel", I just want someone to tell me that I'm going to be okay, and I'm not a lost cause and that someday something I do will actually have more than a fleeting significance in someone else's life reallllly

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It actually blows my mind when I consider how intellectually sophisticated humans are with the wealth of knowledge we store in physical manifestations to by pass our limited self, and yet by choice of the government and it's associates pharmacology's history and present is littered with censorship. Have you ever considered the fact that maybe the reason "everyone's reaction varies" to illicit substances, is due to the fact we refuse to dive deeper in the research of them. We have used our sentience to be the coffin that holds an entirely different relationship with drugs, by cementing any research in the ground with the fact that "illegal research" despite how in depth, is in turn viewed as illegal. That's right, results and information regarded is outlawed by social perception, and potential pharmacology by our social governing bodies.

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What happened to all the "how are you's"

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Excuse me for putting all of my eggs in one basket, because we are brought up on ethos that we have to try our absolute best so we can hack it.

[dailyinspirationquotes]

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My biggest fear

I think my biggest fear to this day isn't if death or loss like when I was a child, but more so the idea that what I put into this world may not the beauty that I imagine... and that being my fault. What I refer to simply, is the common goal of having children. Being raised without a father was a gift in the way that it taught me what a rock my mother was, and gave me a full understanding of what true, unrelenting love was. Although I would not trade this for the world, it left a hole in my head as to what, as a man am I "meant" to bring to a child's life. Are we all just parents? Or are we doomed to fall into pigeon holes of being a dad or a mum? I'm scared that the roll of being a dad will be one that is so unfamiliar I will never be able to replicate it, and therefore I will let down my spawn, but also my mother who gave the food from her mouth, clothes from her back and time from her own life for me and every generation that follows.

[thethoughtjar-blog]

"You think you're happy in yourself now? Wait until you realise that the real key to success is about trying to get rid of all the flaws we hate about ourselves. At least... that sounds like success right?"

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"The Habitual Addict"

I find the idea of addiction so fascinating. As someone who has been addicted myself, as have many around us, it is generally understood that addiction comes in the shape of over using drugs, over eating, or being glutinous with any substance, or act in general. But what I find fascinating is how it is based on dissociation between our conscious and unconscious mind. Addiction generally is caused as a reaction of our body, to something that gives us a "high" be that in hormones or other forms of bio-chemistry, but the simplest and most common form of addiction, is to our own happiness. We get addicted to food and sex, all simply because our body produce a chemical to reward us for getting it... yes it is that primitive. But despite the fact that consciously we can decide we shouldn't be happy about doing something, or using a substance, unconsciously, we crave the intrinsic reward of this serotonin release. It's not easy to find such contrasting ideologies in a single life, than we do between our conscious mind, and our biology.

[thethoughtjar-blog]

"Inspired By Abuse"

I think the most shocking part about the loss of my life's biggest relationship, was the lack of significance. There was no symphony to invite the storm of loneliness, nor was there crescendo to signify the last day of this chapter of my life, but I knew it had happened. See as much as we are creatures destined to be plagued by negative emotion in the most inconvenient of moments, the pain of the seemingly fatal contraction of our heart under the pressure of another's influence isn't the walls caving in, but merely our body bracing for the impact of loss. But the loss of someone who controls every aspect of your life, is paralleled by the feelings of a bird who's cage finally breaks. Like a cage, that person's arms are our home, so our warped perception of what is blatantly in front of us causes our fear of losing it. However, the way we can differentiate is the relief we gain from the absence of these emotional constrains.

[thethoughtjar-blog]

"Every friendship we have is just a promise to not let us be alone when we lie on our death beds..."

[thepersonalquotes]

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Deep

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In life we are faced with the choice between running ahead in the progression and journey we choose, or stay. The thing is we can be so preoccupied or so desperate to be the first to cross that finish line that we forget what we are leaving behind. To often we get are satisfaction based on how much we have our fill, and how much money we can fit in our pockets and it's the desire that weighs us down. Everyone not excelling has a burden, whether it be a long lost passion or physical impairment. So now I urge you, with each stride you take forwards remember who was around you. Don't be hindered by their inability to move forward, but grant them the inspiration they need to move with you. If you are too pre occupied with getting to the end without paying attention to the person you're being, it's likely when you cross that finish line you will feel very alone.

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You see the words I utter from my lips will strike your ear differently from a whisper. As wearied from the journey they stomp into your soul instead of gliding, the power comes not from the words used but the journey they make. Whether they are launched from the diaphragm or teased out between you teeth they are all letters assembled in different ways to provoke different emotions.

So as I grit my teeth and tell you how amazing I think your ideas are think not that I am made uncomfortable by complimenting you, realise that the residue of the words held back have left a bitter taste on my tongue because sometimes dishonesty - is just as much a name for the words I couldn’t say, as they are for the words I shouldn’t

[thethoughtjar-blog]

I woke up to the sun shining on my face today. It was nice

When someone who once control you is forced to relinquish this control, they will do most things in their power to control other people’s perception of you. However, it is one thing controlling one person’s perception over everything, it is an insurmountable task to control everyone’s perception over one thing. Your free thinking is their down fall. Your refusal to believe that you yourself are what they paint you to be, is the first step to becoming yourself again. Be free in your thought, allow yourself to have your own opinions, don’t be enticed wholly by another person’s passion, just because someone cares, does not make them right.

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The moment I fell in love with the written word, was the day I chose to parallel the art of music against writing. Each both are born from an individual, or group of individuals creativity. A person who can create music must do so by harmonising sound, and timing the introduction of the harmonies to make the listener feel, whether it's euphoria, sadness or anything in between. Now as I read, the difference between good and bad writing specifically in my eyes is the ability of the writer to first by analytical of an object, person or situation etc from multiple perspectives, and gradually take you on the journey they once took to the depth of this "thing." When I hear a song about love, more specifically a person the artist loves, the chorus sets the initial perspective in lyrics to set the control feeling, and each verse is a layer into that person you may otherwise miss. The chorus is commonly met with a crescendo or drop in order to bring you back to the original person, after you have just been given an opportunity to feel every reason that person is loved.

[wnq-writers]

She is poetry in a dress. Although I must confess, she’s quite difficult to read.

Lynette Simeone (via wnq-writers)