What we have is pure, unadulterated, raw, but it is intimate, intricate and complicated. You and I, we are woven together like hair in a braid. We will always find our way back to each other, no matter how far away we may seem.
It doesn’t matter, as far as he’s concerned he dies either way. He just wishes Granger hadn’t inserted herself and tried to help at the end.
What if she loved him back?
What if they had a future together?
What if she could pull a Gryffindor miracle out at the 11th hour?
Echoes of what ifs distract him from listening to Granger speaking at him.
It’s all legal jargon. She hasn’t stopped since his trial ended. Who cares? There’s no loopholes, there’s no precedent. The Ministry gets to make up whatever they like as they’ve always done.
It was naive to think he could relax once Voldemort was defeated.
Granger pokes him. Hard. In the ribs.
‘Well?’ She demands.
He’s her opposite, hasn’t peeped a sound since the trial.
‘Its not over. We should at least try my idea.’
He looks down, sighs, closes his eyelids. ‘No.’
When he meets her gaze, she’s vibrating with fury. ‘That’s it?’
‘That’s it.’
‘You don’t care?’
‘No.’ The word sticks in his throat. He’s pulling his Occlumency taught, but it’s not strong enough to quell the growing distress inside him.
She steps into his space, tentatively touching his jaw. ‘Let me,’ she whispers while looking into his eyes.
Her other hand takes his as he feels her consciousness gently prodding his. Legilimency?
He makes room for her and she doesn’t go digging deep or far, she sits at the front of his wall where all his mixed emotions are crashing in barreling waves.
Her grip tightens on his hand before her face begins to crumple. ‘I won’t let you die. I think... I think I love you, too.’ She sobs after that, overtaken by both their emotions.
He doesn’t move or emote, but he knows she can feel his anguish.
He preferred thinking what if.
He preferred not to know what he’d miss out on.
He drops his head on her shoulder, he’s exhausted. It doesn’t matter what happens to him now. ‘What do you want me to choose?’
‘I want you to be with me.’
‘Not an option, love.’
She chokes a sob. ‘It is. Live and be a muggle.’
‘Doesn’t feel like choosing life. I’ll turn 21 next month and I’ll be alone in some empty flat. I don’t want to be by myself.’
‘I won’t let you be alone. I half live in the muggle world as it is. We can be together, it’ll just be different.’
‘No.’ He lifts his head, brows knitted. ‘No, no, no. I know what you’re thinking. It won’t be me, Granger.’
‘It is you! And I’ll love you the same.’
He shuts her out from his mind as to stop overwhelming her. She slumps a little and he catches her around the shoulders.
‘It won’t be me. If you fall in love with him, fine. All the better. But don’t hold a flame for me waiting to be reminded of someone who doesn’t exist anymore.’
‘Fine, fine.’ She’s as defeated as he is. ‘Just let me be next to you.’
‘Until then,’ he kisses her, ‘be with me?’
-
-
He’s 21 today. No job. No friends. No parents, though they send him a lot of money. He thought about calling but something always distracts him.
So he’s alone. Until she knocked on his door.
‘I’m Hermione,’ she says between breaths, like she ran to make it here ASAP.
She’s the new neighbour, moved in as of one minute ago and already inviting herself into his flat.
She fills his emptiness perfectly, not aware of how void his life is until she’s filled it. Had he lived like this for 21 years? What a waste.
Hermione feels like his missing half though she’s a little odd. She asks a lot of questions, like she wants to know everything about him. It’s a bit obsessive, but it helps him realise he doesn’t know most of the answers.
He knows almost nothing about himself until Hermione expands his world.
It irks him that she always mentions a friend. Stories of doing this and did Draco like that too? He thinks it’s an ex-boyfriend. He’s not sure if he should be flattered she constantly compares them.
He shouldn’t be possessive. She’s had a colourful life before meeting him, he isn’t her everything the way she’s his.
He thought that until she agrees to marry him on his 25th birthday.
He’s spinning her around, unable to stop smiling as he sets her down and tries to kiss her but they’re both laughing and too full of joy.
Then she falters, her eyes searching him with that look.
He knows that look. It’s spoiling everything. ‘What? Did I remind you of your friend again?’
‘No.’ Hermione smiles like she’s saying goodbye. ‘You remind me of no one.’
Fear- It can make us do stupid things. The fear of losing a loved one can force you to become the person you despise. Sometimes maybe it’s the fear of becoming the person you despise that makes you do something that ends up in you losing a loved one.
Sometimes when you think that you have left behind your fear, it comes at you with a force that knocks you down for long.
Fear can be based on the stupidest things. Fear is something you either run from or stand tall and look it in the eye and tell it to ‘Go away’.
Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears we can move forward; stronger and wiser within ourselves.
Sometimes , fear for a thing can be instilled in you by people around you. I don’t know how to swim. That’s because no one taught me. I asked my parents why they never taught me. They said that as a child whenever they took me out to the beach I’ve drowned. This instilled a fear in their minds and now even after its been 10 years since I last drowned and now I’m 16, they wouldn’t let me anywhere near a water body. Their fear has become my fear. Now whenever I go near pool or a beach I think- What if I drown?
This a fear I want to overcome and as soon as possible. To do this I will have to face my fear. In the words of Richie Norlan “To escape fear, you have to go through it, not around it’’.