Not a robot

Middle of the road carries the load. A proud lesbian. An idiot sandwich and a writer.

[theunicornapocalypse]

God I love musical theater

That's it. That's the post.

[mooooooosicals]

Took some tgwdlm screenshots that I think would make great memes so

Do your worst

(and also show them to me, I wanna see)

[theunicornapocalypse]

idk here's a d&d meme (btw the templates are great)

[dolphlns]

reblog this with what comes up in your tags when you type gay

[theunicornapocalypse]

Nightmare Time memes 2: electric boogaloo: special edition: director's cut

[theunicornapocalypse]

not very good Nightmare Time memes

[officialprydonchapter-deactivat]

Can you do something for me, please?

I want you to reblog this if you believe that two people can be very close and physically affectionate with one another, but still have a completely nonsexual, non-romantic relationship. 

Even if the two people in question are capable of being sexually or romantically attracted to one another. 

Because the friendship I share with someone I consider family in a way that transcends blood has been typecast as a romantic relationship ENTIRELY too many times, and I’m beginning to get sick of it. 

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

I’ve never reblogged anything faster.

[theunicornapocalypse]

hell yeah!

[theunicornapocalypse]

[sattickate]

I am not a straight people.

Reblog if you are also not a straight people.

[theunicornapocalypse]

The only straight thing about me are my teeth... Oh wait nvm

[theunicornapocalypse]

If anybody needs a speech or an essay written, DM me and I’ll do it for $10.

[theunicornapocalypse]

The Puberty Hoedown

*To the tune of the Whose Line is it Anyway? Hoedown song*

When you’re a growing woman,

things can get quite scary,

Things get really bloody,

and very very hairy,

But I still wake up,

and I still thank god,

That I went through puberty,

to get this awesome bod! 

[theunicornapocalypse]

Bad memes for bad days

[theunicornapocalypse]

The Horse Hoedown

*To the tune of the Whose Line Is It Anyway? hoedown song*

I am a girl so horses are my jam,

Once I saw a horse and i was like 

DAMN!

That boy is sexy,

Imma do him right,

But after I got off his back,

I couldn’t sleep all night.

[mijomii]

Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same

[mijomii]

Me: I think I don’t exist.

Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.

Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.

[mijomii]

Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?

Therapist: No.

Me: Wow.

Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.

Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.

Therapist: That’s a start!

[mijomii]

Me: I guess he’s still my friend?

Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.

Me:

Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.

Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.

Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.

[mijomii]

Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*

Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!... Oh my name is on it!!

Me: Yeah!!

Therapist: It’s wholesome but... *very confused and silently*... How do I drink it?

[mijomii]

Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-

Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.

[mijomii]

Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.

Me: What-

Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS* 

Me: 

Me: Jerome.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You went to the gaypride?

Me: Yeah, I went.

Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?

Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.

Therapist: Did you see some bears?

Me:

Me: Jerome wh-

Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it. 

[mijomii]

Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?

Me: No, I want it!!

Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!

Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.

Therapist: That’s not very hard.

[mijomii]

Me: I always wondered, are you queer?

Therapist: I am not.

Me: Ooh.

Therapist: Or am I?

Me: Ooh!

[mijomii]

As an update, Jerome gave my appointment to someone’s else today so we were both in the waiting room, confused and he walked in, patted my head and said sorry but honestly it was hilarious.

The secretary came to tell me that Jerome actually forgot to write me down on the appointment list.

This is a 100% normal situation with Jerome as my Therapist.

[mijomii]

As an addition, more than half of my friends want Jerome to adopt me and refer to him as “Therapist dad”.

He’s aware of it and think it’s hilarious.

[mijomii]

Me, after complaining for the 25 times about my birth father: Idk if you noticed, but I’m full of anger against him.

Therapist: Oh, really, I never noticed. You know, you should turn that anger into indifference. It would help you.

Me: Unholy gods, I wish it was me.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You know, people will still love you even if you don’t offer them things all the time. You don’t have to do that.

Me: What??

[mijomii]

Therapist: Why don’t you send a mail to your psychiatrist when you have a bad mood swing?

Me: Like what? ‘Hey Joël wassup, I’ve been very suicidal lately last night I wanted to die. Hope you have rad vacations and the weed is good save some good kush for me, kissy kissy.’ ?

Therapist: Exactly.

Me: You’re as bad as me with human interactions Jerome, y’know.

[mijomii]

Me, heavily dissociating: I don’t exist-

Therapist: Can I touch you to prove you that you do?

Me: Dinner first.

Therapist:

Therapist: Damien, you moron.

[mijomii]

Therapist: You need vacations.

Me: I’m broke.

Therapist: Oh yeah.

Therapist: You still need vacations tho.

Me: Jerome, I am still broke.

[mijomii]

Me, by text: Hey, you just walk by me!

Therapist, by text: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.

Therapist, by text: Wait. Were you at the tattoo shop?

Me, by text, totally at the tattoo shop: You have no proof.

[mijomii]

For a bit of context here: Around two months ago I went to a friend’s who happened the live on the same street as Jerome, which I didn’t know. He was really surprised to see me and came to check on me, asking me why I was here with a bit of concern on his voice. And this take place earlier this month:

Therapist: So your friend lives in the same street than I?

Me: Yes. Town’s short I guess.

Therapist: Were you really going to your friend...?

Me: Yes?? Why else would I be here?

Therapist: A lot of drug deals happen in this street and I see often teenagers and young adults coming and buy stuffs. I was a bit worried for you.

[mijomii]

Me, at 2pm: I’m sorry I’m going to be late!

Therapist: Your appointment was this morning at 11:30am, Damien.

Me:

Me: What.

[mijomii]

Jerome is still not aware of his fame and idk how to announce him.

[mijomii]

Therapist; What’s up with you and wanting domestic rats.

Me: I’m gonna get a rat and call him Jerome just to piss you off.

Therapist:

Therapist: How dare you.

[mijomii]

Therapist: Weed doesn’t do much on me and I must admit I’m kinda disappointed.

Me:

Therapist: Do you smoke?

Me: Jerome.

[bread-n-bed-n-head]

On hard days I wonder how Jerome is doing

[mijomii]

He’s doing fine, last time he shown me his fav pic of a red panda which is this one

[whatinrandamnation]

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT I FUCKING FOUND IT AAAAAAAH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MADE ME FEEL

[mijomii]

It’s really amazing how happy people get when they find this post omg

[aethera-secat]

Always reblog Jerome.

Is he now aware of his fame?

[mijomii]

After months, he is, and he just told me “Haha, this is funny. I’m happy it’s helping people!”

I think he doesn’t realize that he’s known *worldwide*

[theunicornapocalypse]

Thank you for sharing this wholesome bean of a therapist with the world

[theunicornapocalypse]

Two headed unicorn!

The original drawing (the non two headed unicorn) is from this website: https://www.123rf.com/photo_128322735_stock-vector-kawaii-cartoon-unicorn-with-rainbow-mane-vector-simple-illustration-.html

[theunicornapocalypse]

The church hoedown

*To the tune of the Whose Line is it Anyway hoedown song*

I'm a bad Christian cause I don't go to church, I'll go to hell cause I didn't eat jesus' flesh, you know what? Screw it, I ain't christian no more, I'll go ahead and Jew it, cause Jews are so hardcore.

[theunicornapocalypse]

באיזו עיר בישראל יש תמיד 90°?

[theunicornapocalypse]

The Drinking Hoedown

*To the tune of the Whose Line is it Anyway hoedown song*

I don’t like drinking,

I don’t like the taste,

Alcohol tastes like what’s inside of anal glands,

But when they tell me, hey you,

You, you gotta drive,

I have to make the choice,

Between a gun and a knife.