There’s this huge contradiction that I’m unable to explain to people. So there’s like this voice in my head, it’s always like I can’t even emphasize how constant it is, it keeps on asking me to kill myself. How dying is the ultimate solution. How all my pain would vanish. And then at the same time because I’m alive, and it’s so damn human to want to do well in life given that I’m living it. There’s two voices in my head. One, I’m not allowed to act on. The second, I can’t act on, I’m unable to. Because all of my energy, every last ounce is spent on fighting the first.






















