you're losing me - r.g. (part 2)
pairing: rick grimes x reader
summary: you're adjusting to life after rick cheats on you
warnings: cursing, rick is an absolute lost puppy without you
author's note: i'm not sure what you guys were wanting in the part two in terms of resolution, but i wrote this with intentions of rick being a loser LOL BUTTTTTT, I can absolutely make an alternate ending where they work it out. but for now, boss babe Y/N.
It's been a month since you and Rick broke up. The day after you caught him and Jessie you packed all your stuff up and moved into Daryl's little cabin just outside the walls.
It was odd at first, being away from Rick. Being away from Carl and Judith. It was miserable. You were miserable.
You stayed in the cabin for a week straight, despite Daryl's several attempts to make you go into the walls with him during the day. Eventually he stopped, knowing you would face everyone when you were ready.
By everyone, you meant Rick.
Everyone caught on pretty fast considering you moved out of the house, out of the whole community. Maggie and Carol were the first to come see you and ask what happened.
It wasn't until Carl came knocking on the door with Judith on his hip that you decided to take that step and go back in to the walls.
According to Carl, everyone knows what happened. Everyone knows that Rick cheated. Everyone knows it was with Jessie- not like that was a surprise to anybody.
Your first day back inside was awful. Everyone kept giving you pity glances, knowing that you were the victim. You hated it. Yes, Rick cheated on you but you definitely didn't need anyone's pity.
You avoided Rick like the plague at first. Any sight of him you were turning the opposite direction. Whether you liked it or not, Rick is the leader of Alexandria- your leader.
You couldn't avoid him forever. But you sure as hell did your best.
Now a month later, you still weren't okay. Who would be after finding your boyfriend macking on another woman he told you not to worry about?
"I'm here to relieve you of your duties, madam." Abraham bowed deeply to you. You rolled your eyes, handing him the rifle.
"Thank you, kind sir." You laughed, heading down the ladder. Things were a bit easier now. People were acting normal towards you again, everyone was moving forward.
Rick has made several attempts just to get you to glance at him, let alone speak to him. Despite him cheating on you with Jessie, you haven't seen them together since then. It seems that they broke off whatever they were.
It didn't matter though, the damage was done. The trust was broken.
You walked towards the pantry, needing to take note of the things we were running low on for the next run with Daryl.
Your footsteps slow down when you hear commotion by the pond. You see Carl and Ron a few feet apart from each other. You could tell just from their body language that things weren't alright.
You stopped, watching them for a second before deciding whether or not you should intervene. They're teenage boys, surely they can sort out their issues.
"Well your mom is a homewrecker!" Carl shouts at Ron. "She knew my dad and Y/N were in a relationship!"
Ron scoffs, raising an eyebrow at Carl. "It's not her fault your dad is a cheating pig! He chose to cheat on Y/N, sorry my mom's better."
Before you knew it, Carl was lunging himself at Ron. "Take it back, you little shit!" The two boys began to roll around in the grass, wrestling one another.
You ran towards them, other people stopping to witness the commotion.
"Y/N, is the best thing that's ever happened to my dad." Carl grunted, landing a punch to Ron's face.
"Carl!" You shout once you reach the boys. You pull on his shoulder, trying to tug him off of Ron. "Get off of him, Carl." You urge.
Much to your dismay, the boys continue to pull at each other, both trying to land a punch.
"What the hell-" You hear the all too familiar southern accent from behind you. You look around and see a small group of people gathered around. Jessie comes bursting through the wall of people, seeing her son on the ground with a black eye.
Rick manages to pull Carl off of Ron, pushes him back. You grab onto Carl, checking him over to see his bruises that were already forming.
"Do one of you want to tell me what the hell is going on?" Rick shouts at the two teenagers.
Both of the boys glare at each other, neither one of them saying anything. Rick glances around the area, "Nothing to see here." He shoots everyone a look. Everyone scatters except Jessie, who pulls her son off the ground.
"Carl?" He angles his head to his son once the crowd disperses.
Carl scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"Don't you roll your eyes at me, son." Rick clenches his jaw. "You think this is acceptable be-"
Carl stops him before he can finish. "Oh save it, dad! Everything was fine. Everything was great! But you decided to cheat on Y/N and then everything went to shit!" Carl snaps.
“No! Y/N left and now we’re all feeling emptiness! I’m feeling it, Judith is feeling it- You’re feeling it.”
"You want to talk about acceptable behavior?” Carl scoffs, nodding his head up at his dad. “Check yourself first." He shakes his head before walking away.
You stand there awkwardly. Rick glances at you as if to ask for an explanation. You cock an eyebrow at him and shrug your shoulders.
“He’s a smart kid,” You say smugly before heading away.
“Look, Y/N-“ you could hear Rick’s footsteps follow shortly behind you. His hand latched onto your elbow softly, halting you in your spot. “Can we talk… please.”
There was a desperation in his voice that you haven’t heard before. His eyes stared at you deeply, dark bags had formed beneath his eyes and the wrinkles on his face seemed deeper.
“I don’t really think there’s anything to talk about, Rick.” You shake your head at him.
His frown deepens. “There is, there’s so much we need to talk about. I- I need to say things. Explain myself-“
You raise an eyebrow at the scuffed up man in front of you. “Explain yourself? There’s nothing you can say that will justify you cheating on me.” Your voice raises slightly, causing the few surrounding people to glance at you two.
“Y/N, please. Can we just talk?” He glances around. “Somewhere private?”
You sigh deeply, glancing around the audience around you. “Fine.”
You turn on your heels, heading towards the house. Rick followed closely behind you, you could practically feel his breathe on your neck.
Carl was on the living room floor with Judith, playing with some blocks and dolls. His eyes lock on yours when you open the door, a smile spreads on his face before disappearing when he sees Rick step in behind me.
The father and son lock eyes before Rick nods his head towards the stairs. Carl rolls his eyes before pushing himself off the ground and stomping towards the stairs.
“Carl-“ Rick glares at the boy. You put your hands up to stop him.
“I’ll go talk to him,” you shush Rick quickly before following Carl up the stairs. He was on his bed, a comic book opened in his hand.
“Hey, you.” You smile at Carl as you knock on the door frame.
Carl sighs deeply when he sees you. “I’m not going to apologize for hitting, Ron.” He mumbles.
You laugh, head tilting backwards. “Oh, please. I wouldn’t want you to. The little shit deserved it.” You smile at him, stepping into his room. You sat at the end of his bed.
Carl frowns, shutting the comic book and tossing it to the side.
“I miss you. We miss you.” He says. “It’s different without you. Judith doesn’t sleep through the night anymore, dad can’t cook for shit. The house is a mess, there’s no order.” He ranted on.
“Things between me and dad have been hard. He knows I’m angry with him and so there’s this weird tension between us.” He sighs.
You bite your bottom lip, hearing the frustration and tiredness in Carls voice.
“Do you think I should give him a second chance?” You ask Carl, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Honestly? No. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you.” Carl shakes his head. “You shouldn’t be with something that makes you question their loyalty.”
“You know, no matter what happens with me and your dad… Our relationship will never change. I’ll always be here for you, Carl. No matter what.” You reach out, placing your hand on top of his to give it a good squeeze.
“Thank you for sticking up for me to the little brat.” You smile, lightening the mood. Carl gives you a smile, nodding his head.
“I guess I better get downstairs. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay. And hey, cut your dad some slack… what he did to me was wrong, but that’s an issue for me and your dad.”
Carl nods his head in defeat as you walk towards the door.
“Hey, Y/N.” You stop, turning back at the teenager.
“I meant what I said. He doesn’t deserve you.”
You give him a tight lip smile and nod your head before heading downstairs. You could hear Judith’s cries from the top of the stairs. Your heart instantly breaks at the sound.
Rick’s in the middle of the living room, bouncing Judith in his arms in an attempt to soothe her. Her cries seemed to get louder as soon as she saw you walking down the stairs.
Her cries turned into screams as she thrashed in Ricks arms.
“Ma!!” She cried, reaching for you. “Ma-maaa,” she screams between cries. Rick looks at you desperately as you approach the pair.
You reach for the toddler, your hands grazing Rick’s at the hand off. The screams instantly subsides once she’s in your arms. She hiccups as she clutches onto you.
Rick sighs and falls onto the couch. You sit at the opposite end of the couch, Judith lets her head rest on your chest, trying to calm down.
“Carl said she hasn’t been sleeping well,” You break the silence between you.
Ricks eyes squeeze shit as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “None of us have since you left,” he mumbles.
Your heart breaks a little at the thought. You don’t say anything after that, not really sure what to say. Rick shifts his body towards you and you really take in his current appearance.
“I know I messed up,” he starts. “I know there’s nothing I can do to change what I did. But I want to fix this- I want to fix us.” The desperation stays in his voice.
“This past month has been absolute hell, without you. I’ve been- I’ve been miserable.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you, I’m so sorry for ruining us. Please just let me make it right. Please give us another shot, Y/N.”
The way he was looking at you right now was almost enough to make you crack.
"I can't," I said quietly. The room fell still. Silence enveloped us in a suffocating hug.
"I'm sorry, Rick. I can't." I repeated. I felt tears well up in my eyes, saying it out loud.
It's taken an entire month for me to even be able to look Rick in the eyes. I was a few begs away from giving in and taking him back.
Carls words rang in your mind.
"I think you and I both know the end of our relationship began as soon as we stepped into this place." You frowned. "Whether you meant for it to happen or not, you allowed this place- Jessie, to drive a wedge between us." You sigh.
"You." You lock eyes with him. "Not me." You shake your head.
"I let it go on for a while. I forced myself to just deal with a lot of the stuff. The late nights, missing dinners, forgetting dates." The memories of you waiting endlessly for Rick caused a scowl to settle on your face.
"I really wanted us to work. I loved us. I thought we were it." A small chuckle leaves your mouth. "I would've lassoed the moon for you if I could. Even though you hurt me over and over again with each lie, I wanted to stay. Because I loved you with everything I am."
Rick's jaw clenches and his eyes are moving around the room repeatedly before settling onto yours sadly.
"Loved." His voice cracked.
You gave him a tight sad smile.
"I asked Carl if I should give you another chance." You clear your throat. "He said, no."
Rick tugged his bottom lip between his teeth.
"Said you don't deserve me."
Rick chuckles with a nod. "He's a smart kid," Rick echoes what you said earlier that day.
"I really did love you, Rick." You reach over, latching his hand in yours. "I'll always care for you. For the kids. Y'all have a special place in my heart." You nod, holding Judith close to you.
"Would you believe me if I said I do love you?" Rick cocked his head to the side. "That I'll spend every day of my life loving you even if you hate me." Something in his eyes tell you that he's being 100% honest.
You squeeze his hand 3 times.
"Thank you for everything." You offer him a smile. Despite better judgement, your body leaned towards him, capturing his lips with yours for one last time.
Rick sighed deeply, taking you in for the last time.
Rick watched as you got up to put Judith to sleep. Then he watched as the love of his life walked out the door because of his stupid mistakes.
germansingergirl
annaxmalina
origamiaround
gummygunk
2087
