Adventure is out there!

[thewanderlustkatie]

Why Would Anyone Love Me?

I am terrified.  of all that I have become  because of you. 

I am terrified to let anyone close to me for fear that  once I do,  they will see damaged I am 

I am afraid  that they will run away  once they realize that fixing me may take a lifetime

I am afraid 

that you have broken me to the point 

where I am no longer able 

to be put back together 

Thank you.

[thewanderlustkatie]

Eternal Love

When the universe delivers its last-minute farewells and the cosmos arises wickedly nebulous and the collection of stars has subsequently extinguished

When you descend into the suspension of eternal consciousness and you desire to feel protected engulfing your body around mine our souls composed as one I whisper, “you are not alone” and we sail into the void, together at last 

[thewanderlustkatie]

Self Destruction

Amongst post-colloidal grief

you get up to leave

not realizing

you are taking her with

Not her, in the physical sense

but a very crucial part

could possible be her heart

but somethings shattering

[thewanderlustkatie]

Drunk in Love

Our love - now a drug of choice 

and us, like the addicts that we are 

fall curse to the dependence

We are both cut from the same cloth

Continually getting lost

I look to you for guidance

But our love can’t survive the habit

Falling out of intoxication

and into self-restraint

[thewanderlustkatie]

The day before the world ends

As we are standing

side by side

overlooking the land in which we once ruled

our lives suspended in front of us 

Fragile. Quiet.  and Undeserving. 

Despite the destruction to come, the fate of us all

I cannot help but think of our tiny infinity

and how you're the person I want to spend

the day before the world ends

[thewanderlustkatie]

Autumn Trees

and as the trees gently shed their armour

freeing themselves once more

consenting the harsh winter winds to plague their branches

  I became the tree

Every barricade that I had ever vested

slowly began to collapse

and resembling the tree, I could no longer restrain it

[thewanderlustkatie]

Racing the Sun

The day has finally come. The day in which you come back. The day in which I will pour my heart out to you in hopes that you feel the same. I have spent countless nights awake; replaying this moment in my head a thousand times. Every possible outcome I have fathomed. I am ready for anything. I beat the sun out of bed this morning. After another sleepless night thinking about you, I hopped on my bike. I decided to grab some breakfast and wait for the sun to awaken from its nightly slumber. Although it was absolutely magnificent the way the sun arose from the lake as if they at one time were a single entity, it did not ease my heart.

So I went to class. It was the typical monotonous last day of class speech that I have received for the last fifteen years. As I tried to pay attention, my head was spinning. In a few short hours my life could drastically change, for either better or worse. At this point, I was banking on better.

The sun was still out when I got done with class. I decided to join her once again. To bask in the warmth of her touch, in hopes that maybe this time she could ease my nerves. It was just me and the sun out there in the field. I sat there for hours confiding in the sun all of the problems that have been haunting me for the last month. At last it was time to say goodbye, for it was time for the sun to set once again.

All day I had waited. Waited for you to come back. To tell me that you didn't mean to leave me with these unanswered questions and unfathomable heartbreak. But you didn't. Not one single word. Now I walk, dazed and confused. I have fallen. With no one to catch me but myself. I hope that with the rise of the sun, a new day will come and this will all just be a dream.

[thewanderlustkatie]

Lost

You left me with unanswered questions. You didn’t even say goodbye. No inkling of what has become of us. You just left. and I watched you leave. Now as I trace back the map to where we began, I try to estimate the point at which we became

lost.

Was it on some back road late at night? Was it in the silence that lingered when we were together? Was it between bedsheets and mumbled words? What is that time you kissed me in the moonlight by the river? Slowly, as if not to break my heart.

Yet, this is not lost. This is love I fell in love on some back road late at night. I fell in love with the silence that lingered when we were together. I fell in love with you. Every fiber of your being, I fell in love with.

and now I wait. I am waiting for you to return. To tell me we are no longer lost and that you feel the same. Or the least you could do is say goodbye.

[thewanderlustkatie]

Half Way Through May

So I am half way through may-term and one more step closer to summer. I could live this college life every single day. Between sleeping in and having a ridiculous amount of free time, the whole class thing is not so bad. Even the weather is nice. I mean, if you do not mind the rain. It's whatever. Anything is better than snow at this point.. 

To recap my term thus far: I went camping a few weekends ago with my leadership class. Normally, I think the class is suppose to do something. However, due to the ridiculous amount of rain we just sat around camp... eating. At night, when the teacher went to bed, we would crack out a bottle of whisky and sit around the fire contemplating the most in depth questions on life. It is moments like these that I live for. 

My class is super boring. It is called ecological restoration. The concept behind it is cool. Yet, the teacher has no clue what is going on. I'll cut her some slack though. It is her first time ever teaching the class. However, everyday we read various case studies based around restoration. It is extremely easy work. I'm just glad it is almost over. 

Other than that, I have just been exploring Ashland. Soaking up way to much sun (I look like a tomato), eating tons of food, and running eight miles everyday. It is sad to think I will be leaving this place in less than two weeks. I do not know if I am ready to return home. Each time I go home, it feels less and less like going home. 

[thewanderlustkatie]

Rainy Mornings

So after a hiatus, I have began running once again. This time is for good. Yet, we have all heard that one before. Before the rain began, I set out for a morning run. I would like to begin by saying that I only was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Now this is ballsy for spring in the northwoods. 

I never became tired during my six mile run. It was unreal for someone who has not even looked at her running shoes all winter. The challenge for the day was to beat the rain and at that point in time, my challenge was complete. Like all runs, I finished this one hard. I gave it my all and surprisingly my body just went with it. There was no death-like feeling at the end. Just pure fear. 

Before I had left, I managed to fit my key and key-card into the tiny fabric pocket of my running shorts. This pocket has never betray me before; holding everything I need for the time being. However, on the morning when I am hardly wearing anything and it is about to rain and no one is on campus to let me back into my building, of course the pocket had failed me. 

I let fear take over me. All freedom that this week has bestowed upon me was lost. It crazy to think some plastic card with my picture on it holds the key to my freedom. However, without it I would be hungry, cold, and drenched. So I began running. Backtracking every step I had taken on my morning run. Just when I was about to lose hope, I came across a women. Now, I encounter a lot of people while running. Some friendly, others not so much. However, this morning no one had even said hello. But while all hope was lost, my eyes met hers and she said in the most peppy voice, "good morning." 

My only thought was, "well good morning angel." Yet at that moment I felt the need to look down. Sitting in a puddle face down was my key-card and at that moment, I believe I did encounter an angel. 

[thewanderlustkatie]

Roads to no where

I do not know when exactly my day began. A night full of restless tossing and turning, left me grouchy. However, at some point I opened my eyes and reluctantly rolled out of bed. My room is a total mess. But somewhere among the clutter I managed to find my day pack, along with my rain gear and a book that I would recommend to anyone. It is called: Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail By: Cheryl Strayed. I began walking at around 7 a.m. My first destination, the holiday. Despite my lack of sleep, I was not going to allow it to ruin my day. So, unfortunately I had to resort to coffee. From the holiday, I took roads I have not traveled before to get to Walmart. Although, I do not support Walmart. I am a broke college student trying to survive. Therefore, my journey to Walmart was only to determine what I was going to eat for lunch. Today it was barbecue chicken, my favorite. 

Campus is dead. Everyone else is in far off realms celebrating their spring break. I am left alone, in Ashland. To many people this would be miserable. Yet to me, this is all I have ever wanted. I unlock my bike and hit the road for another day full of adventure. Since break has begun I have created this game. It's called "where can I eat lunch in a cooler place than where I ate yesterday." It may be a mouthful, but you get the point. Today's destination: unknown. 

I began my trek going east bound on Ellis. I turned left on the old airport road. While on the old airport road, I encountered a man. A very peculiar old man. As I approached him, he stuck out his thumb as to alert me to pull over and allow him to hop on the back of my bike. Instead, I quickly turned my jets on and was out of there. Ain't nobody got time to be picking up freelancers while trying to complete a journey. Anyways, I then turned right on Holmes. While on Holmes, I stumbled across White River Boreal Forest State Natural Area. Here is where I enjoyed my lunch. Taking in every moment of sunshine because spring time in Northern Wisconsin is unpredictable and who knows when the next death storm 2014 will hit. 

Once done, I back tracked to Pearce road. I traveled this road back to Ellis where I then turned left. I continued until Hegstrom where I then took a right. I luckily happened upon the roads that were paved despite the fact that I do have a beater mountain bike. This only aided in my travels. I have come to hate Hegstrom road. Not that it lacked beauty because it provided my with ample opportunities for miles and miles of scenery. No, it was the relentless wind. Whipping my one-hundred pound self in a million different directions. Yet I survived. I even crossed paths with Mr. Andy Goeke himself! I the turned left on Sanborn where I soared down the hill and stopped at the hydroelectric dam. 

I sat admiring the dam for some time. The water came out with increasing speeds. It was so loud that I could barely hear myself think. But I did conclude that you could not pay me a million dollars to get in that water. Any brave soul who dared to conquer the water, most definitely had a death wish. I walked around the premise of the facility. Many-a-times, I have journeyed to the dam at night. But I had never seen its beauty during the day. This dam holds some significance to me. However, that is another story and shall be saved until a further date. 

After leaving the dam, I returned to the top of the hill in which I encountered a sign that said: Benoit - 7 miles. It was noon by this time and a journey to Benoit was exactly what I needed. The road to Benoit reminded me of home. Cornfields hugged the road that winded around tiny farm houses. Far off in the distance were whitetail. However, fleeing quickly once I approached them. I traveled this road for four miles. Unfortunately, to get to Benoit one must be willing to climb a massive hill; something that I was no exactly prepared for. While venturing back to the Sanborn, I came across a familiar property. I took my chances and decided to trespass. Luckily, it was the Maxwell property. I have only been there once before and I am surprised my instincts in altering me that this place was in fact familiar. 

The venture back was uneventful. Some idiot almost hit me. But once back at school, I ate a ridiculous amount of food and watched Harry Potter. I am hoping that tomorrow only brings rain. I am looking forward to more adventures to uncharted territories in near future.