a Mess™️

Jess aka Bee (she/they). 28. USA. polyam. i have a vague idea of what I’m doing with my life which i guess is good.

[minuiko]

Tris + Briar reading

[jewishbarbies]

so christopher nolan drilled into an active historical site to rig a scene, dumped a bunch of plastic skeletons into the ocean with no plan to fish them out, and ruined an actual Viking ship on loan from sweden and refuses to pay for damages. all for that garbage movie.

[jewishbarbies]

Owner of Viking ship used in The Odyssey says studio has not paid bill for damage

Swedish nonprofit alleges cost to repair replica was $6,000 but Universal – which made $264m on film’s opening weekend – has not stumped up

Concerns about prop disposal as filming on new Nolan film comes to a close | www.italianinsider.it

looking for a news outlet to pick up the archeologist drama over this but you can google the practical effects used for the cyclops and find the pictures pretty easily

[jewishbarbies]

Nolan’s "The Odyssey" Has a Colonialism Problem

Despite Morocco’s hopes that its film industry would reap rewards, the blockbuster’s success will be tainted by controversy surrounding film

and it gets even worse

[caffedorzo]

spin the wheel to be assigned a mysterious source of income - who will grant you 10k usd every month without fail!!

will you take the money?

yes

no

bald / nuance

Remaining time: 4 days 19 hours

[sndwave]

the mythbusters once tested "herding cats" and at one point they brought in a proper trained herding dog and the poor dogs face when the first cat responds to his herding with swipes and aggression is to look at her human and go 😰 the sheep is broken?? what do i do boss??

[parkchanwoohoo]

[luulapants]

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

[luulapants]

(continued)

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.

[auxryn]

This is why Tumblr is good.

[lawfulgoodness]

I immediately scrolled to the blue jay to decide whether or not I wanted to read the rest of the post. Once I realized that OP got that right, I went back and read the rest. 10/10 OP.

[feral-renaissance-cat]

I read this to my dad who sits on his porch and watches the birds and his only note is that he has seen multiple male cardinals attempt to fight their reflections to the death and should have a higher rating.

[blckgirlacid]

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

[lottiesam]

reblogs r turned off but um. bruce springsteen

[beemovieerotica]

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[ominous-signs]

You guys should talk about your ghost experiences if you have them actually, and want to share that is. I’m so curious.

[json-derulo]

not a ghost experience or even a supernatural one, but a bizarre unexplained occurrence that keeps me up at night nonetheless: I once found a real, perfectly intact pumpkin sitting on my doorstep one morning in mid-march.

fresh. showed no sign of having been frozen and thawed out. not carved or smashed or anything. no knock, no note, no nothing. I asked every friend who knew my address and none ever owned up to it, or even seemed suspicious. all shared my bafflement about how someone would even get a fresh, whole pumpkin in florida in mid-march. it's been years at this point and I have never gotten even a whiff of an explanation.

if you're ever looking to pull a completely harmless prank that will live rent-free in the target's mind forever...miraculously acquire a large, unwieldy, wildly out-of-season piece of fresh produce, abandon it on their doorstep, and never, ever tell them who or why or how the fuck

[eleilinnrallin]

This is a reminder for those who handmake Christmas presents that now is not too early to start. It may in fact be a good time to start if you have a lot to make/your craft takes a long time. You should maybe start it now, whether that's brainstorming or actually doing the crafts!

[newtsoftheworldunite]

Translating this into tumblr's preferred public service announcement format for this kind of alert:

[kimberlychapman]

Or this preferred Tumblr announcement system:

[sergeifyodorov]

I don't read as much fic as I used to but one "tell" for non Canadians writing us, besides the etransfer, is the units you use to describe us measuring something. I hate to tell you this but The Chart is real and it's completely subconscious. Please abide

[demotu-writes]

ETA the chart (or at least a version of it):

ETA2: we do use inches/miles in poetic ways ("he was lost in thought/miles away" or "his lips were a bare inch away").

Also, the length of a dick is in inches for SURE.

[modernmusess]

katniss: everyone’s so focused on protecting peeta because they too know how pure hearted he is and believe that he—a boy they’ve never even met before—deserves to survive over them and their friends of literal decades

finnick, to literally everyone else: okay if peeta dies she’s gonna kill all of us and then herself, so hands in, protect bread boy on three-

[future-crab]

Just got out of the theater from seeing the Hadestown proshot, and it was absolutely incredible, but I do believe Christopher Nolan went through the runtime of Hadestown, found all the quietest and most emotional moments, and decided to put loud as fuck explosions in The Odyssey at exactly those times as a malicious plot to ruin the moviegoing experience of me, specifically

[funstyle]

d(0_o)b ..... i cant heard you i got my head phones on

[stonelionhearts]

i think as a writer, the older you get and the more you read, the more you realize there are very few actual truly bad ideas. which is a relief. but! the other thing you learn is that stories live and die on the execution and ha ha. lemme tell you. unfortunately. there are lots and lots of bad ways to execute an otherwise fine idea