You just know he’s gonna lick her head: image
https://www.tumblr.com/theweirderstuffblogdontlook/722039867269431296/theweirderstuffblogdontlook?source=share
Bloodstains on the Carpet: image
https://www.tumblr.com/theweirderstuffblogdontlook/746611509384396800/part-1-of-2-thanks-to-his-supernatural?source=share
So I was inspired to make some Deltarune Oc's, and i'll go into detail about them all here.
So to start, we have...
Scribbledoge:
A lock of fur from an old dog that since passed away. Shes very grandmotherly in being toothless and old and very VERY dusty, though still quite spry. Felling quite soft, as if all of their body were made of a boneless felt.
Tho despite typically having no ability to do damage, they're extremely overpowered as a healer, basically turning affection into healing energy as she soaks up love and attention like a sponge (literally, like a sponge). Even having her own separate bar of pink energy compared to the usual shared orange tension points system of deltarune combat.
Tho this is pretty necessary, since the human they're assisting does not have the time loop powers like Kris does, so she helps the team to survive on a the single attempt they have to make it through the adventure.
Scribbledoge can also grow and shrink based on stored energy. growing into the size of a car to act as a mount during chase sequences as the rest of the team ride on her back and attack.
This love energy restores faster when she's given attention and affection, and her ultimate attack is a powerful (and silly) healing beam cannon.
Her weapon category is scrunchies and scrunchy adjacent hair decorations. She cant really vocalize much beyond regular dog sounds, but she mostly understands what people are saying, and can communicate with some pretty silly body language.
Arc:
A regular human who got stuck in the top floor of an office building when a dark fountain opened in the buildings elevator shaft, leaking into all the floors of the building from there, and had to fight their way down multiple floors of dark worlds to the entrance. All while tracking down lightner's who had also gotten stuck in the building, and bringing them to safe areas until Arc and their team can clear a path to the exit.
This adventure through the building ended up being a multi-day adventure, occasionally stopping in rooms that had large windows that let in too much light during the day for a dark world to manifest, so they could grab some food and water (And later backtrack to these locations at night). Before long setting up the lunch room as a safe zone for rescued lightner's, as there was enough food, water, and a bathroom they could recover in during the day, and interact with friendly darkner's during the night.
Arc has a yellow soul, and their weapon category is chains, which in the dark world turn into chainsaws. Starting off with a broken keychain, and later finding stuff like necklace chains, wallet chains, even a dubious chain from the internal mechanism of a flush toilet. They're the main damage dealer of the team, quickly getting the hang of radiating soul light and channeling it into their weapons. Especially relying on a spell that lets them do a heavy hit with their chainsaw into what appears to be thin air in front of the enemy at first, but manifesting the opponents barriers into a semi transparent physical form, before shattering it like glass. this breaking down opponents armor, both physically and emotionally. And if they use a gold chain item, they can use this ability without doing any damage.
They're also wearing another character as a mask/cape/cloak, which goes into the next oc (that i unfortunately don't have art for)
The Great Flatwyrm:
Basically filling a similar role as a secret boss as Jevil and Spamton, where after defeating them, they become an overpowered bit of equipment and travel with the party. Being the first secret boss style monster of the adventure.
The Flatwyrm is a massive origami dragon/hydra vaguely resembling omega flowey from undertale, with big arms and a collage of smaller ever-shifting faces making a larger scary monster face.
Kept hidden in the depths of a filing cabinet in the assistant managers office, which turns into a cave system in the darkworld. They're made of a pile of half-used sticker sheets, particularly emoji style stickers of many different expressions. Where the assistant manager would use up all the positive stickers on office decorations and internal memos and get well soon cards and such, but leave the negative emotion stickers largely unused, but left the half-used sticker sheets to accumulate in a desk drawer regardless just in case she ever did want to use them.
When the dark world was created, this coalesced into a giant sticky paper monster that had basically been stripped of its ability to feel positive emotions. Leaving it a swirling mess of anger, sadness, sickness, disappointedness, etc. With yellow sticker characters throughout the building, who would now be considered their own independent beings, but remember their time as a part of the Wyrm, often mentioning it in passing.
Mistaking it being in a deep dark pit, as it blocking the path downward to the next floor below, Arc assumed they would have to get past it to escape, and so carefully rallied all the help they could within the top floor of the office.
However, It was able to be defeated non-violently, when Arc was able to hastily draw some smiley faces on yellow post it notes, which the Wyrm could then incorporate into itself as a new set of stickers.
And grateful for this solution, they now help out, shrinking down into a set of armor called "the paper cloak" in exchange for gradually more post it note drawings of emotions they can incorporate into their being. With the mask typically being square instead of the typical emoji style circular to show this growth, and often depicting a slightly modified version of the first sloppy smiley face that was drawn for it, as it's grown quite fond of it.
From then on, Arc would typically draw a few more faces at the end of each day when they take the time to recover and eat some food in the light world safe zones. With these additions creating gradually more silly scenarios from day to day as the Wyrms emotional literacy expands with more faces added.
Oleander:
A goth bracelet turned apathetic weird emo squid cyclops thing, they're the main magic user of the team. Initially joining the team because they thought the chainsaw massacre slasher villain vibes Arc had going on, along with their plans to take on the Flatwyrm, were pretty badass compared the often rather unintimidating surroundings of the office building dark world, only to quickly find the human was actually a pretty kind person.
But by then he was in too deep and couldn't really find a good enough excuse to leave the team, especially as few other lightner's stuck in the building get quite as proactive as Arc.
Becoming something of the teams straight man to a lot of the sillyness going on around them, though he's not above getting over the top cringe himself on occasion when he's feeling particularly goth.
He specializes in status effect spells that either do damage over time, or otherwise impair the opponent. Like messing with bullet patterns, and even sometimes skipping the enemies turn entirely. His weapon category is wristbands and gloves, Tho he gets upset if they aren't goth enough.
Weird Turnip Thing:
This little vegitoid looking plant thing is actually a wasabi darkner who was an average enemy in one of the starting areas Arc found themselves in when the dark world first formed.
A grassland and lake made from discarded takeout sushi containers left on a desk. With the little grass sushi dividers and a puddle of soy sauce setting the scene as a plains of long grass and pond, and leftover rice grains becoming fish enemies (as shown in the first image at the top) and leftover wasabi paste becoming these little veggie guys. Astute observers can recognize that they don't look like real wasabi plants, because like most cheap wasabi, they're actually European horseradish that's been dyed green.
They came to join Arc's team, due to the hastily named "Weird Turnip Thing" being similar to the Vegitoid enemies in Undertale, with them having an attack that can provide healing if you touch the colored bullets.
So they were kinda forcefully befriended and thus recruited to the team for Arc to try and exploit their healing abilities get a way to recover from battles. They then started to live in the inventory rather like Lancer will sometimes do, being able to be used for some emergency healing, and taken out of the inventory and shook or thrown at enemies to release a cloud of burning green dust that often incapacitates the opponents for a few turns.
They also gradually stained the inventory green, making all the food stored there slightly spicy, until Arc was able to find a half used tube of wasabi in the employee lounge fridge, which Weird Turnip Thing converted to a funny looking 3 story mcmansion in the inventory, and both significantly buffed their spicy powers, and quarantined them a bit more in the inventory so finally Arc could finally store food there without it getting a layer of wasabi powder on it.
Being a bit of a funny running gag how Arc doesn't even like the taste of wasabi, but with at first having desperate times call for desperate measures to survive, and then being too attached to Weird Turnip Thing to just get rid of them after all they've been through, so they just grin and bear it for awhile with stuff like ice cream getting covered in wasabi. Oleander doesn't really mind though, what with pain apparently being all goth or metal or whatnot. Plus the two of the bond a little over them both being cyclopses.
Weird Turnip Thing isn't particularly smart, seeming to more be on the cusp of sapience, with only really being able to say a few words in a harsh sounding voice, but they are clearly most content when acting like a condiment by standing next to food. Often popping out of the inventory when food is involved so they can stand next to it.
(im still working on a small comic to accompany this fic before i release it officially, but i would appreciate the feedback, so dont hesitate to comment as it encourages me to make more art for the au. This comic takes place after the events of this post.)
For reference, the woman in this image next to bob is Mary-Anne
then in this image, from left to right (no including Bob in the middle) we have Roxy, Greta, Sparrow, Ash, Trixie, Jane (who's the bar's manager and doesn't appear in the fic), and Billie (who is the bar's bouncer)
Fic is below the readmore. And I kinda recommend looking back at the images every so often to keep track of who's who, cus there's a lot of lesbians hanging out chatting in this fic.
Hanging out in the mismatched collection of old sofas in the lounge area of the local lesbian bar, some of the bar’s regulars were having a casual chat. When another of the regulars, a woman named Mary-Anne, excitedly came up to the group with a laptop in hand.
Mary: “Hey you girls wanna see my latest true crime theory?! I think I've got a really good one this time!”
Sparrow: “YEEEEAAAAHhhhhhh! Lemme see it! Show us what detective work ya been up to!”
Trixie: “Did you finally see if I’ve done any murders I didn't know about? You said you’d check.”
Mary: “Yeah I know, and I'll get to it eventually, but I found something way more interesting…… Barbra.”
Sparrow: “Barbra?”
Mary: “Yeah!”
She sets up the laptop on the table, the women all crowding around to get a look, as Mary-Anne puts on a dramatic, though still a bit joking, tone and pose.
Mary: “Barbra, could secretly be, the notorious serial killer…. Bob Velseb.”
Ash: “Who?”
Sparrow: “No fucking way! The Halloween cannibal from that other town down south? How’ed you make that connection?”
Roxy: “Excuse me, Cannibal?!”
Ash: “That’s pretty metal actually. Wish looking into me found connections to crimes that sick.”
Greta: “Ummm, isn’t that man dead?”
Sparrow: “Wait yeah good point. The news said he got caught and killed by police last Halloween night. Shouldn't that be like, disqualifying for what hypothetical crimes you think your friends might have committed?”
Mary: “Wellllll…. yeah, supposedly he even had an autopsy and everything. But It fits too well if you just ignore the whole being dead thing!”
Roxy: “Hey! Don't you buncha freaks go just comparing Barbra to people like that. She hasn't even been around that long. Don't need you scaring her off with your true crime detective mess when I know you didn't even ask if she was okay with it first!”
Mary: “But it's suuuuuuuch a good one though!”
Trixie: “Yeah lighten up, I doubt she's gonna mind. I mean it's not like Barbara is actually gonna be a DEAD criminal. And especially with those morbid jokes she likes, she'll probably think it's hilarious.”
Roxy: “Nuh-Uh! I don't care how funny it is. She's still doing this without asking! It's one thing for her to look into yalls lives like a creepy stalker when you ask her to. But don't you go encouraging her with that spying into people's business shit without permission!”
Mary: “Aww come on.”
Ash: “Okay, I'm actually gonna agree with Roxy here. I mean what if one day, I really have to murder someone? I don't need Sherlock Holmes getting on my trail ten minutes later. You could at least ask first.”
Sparrow: “Come on, that's different! I'm sure you'd have a good reason if you did ever murder someone. And she'd be more likely to help you bury the body than turn you in. We all would.”
Roxy: “Nuh-uh, I still don't like this biz. Plus, isn't Barbra a trans woman? You'd probably end up hurting her feelings more by comparing her to a dead MAN than to the whole criminal thing.”
Sparrow: “Wait, since when was Barbra trans?”
Ash: “She was kinda making it obvious with that wig she always wears.”
Sparrow: “Wait really? I thought she was wearing the wig because she had some grizzly scar or something on her head from the car crash and didn't want to call attention to it. I mean they did say she had a bad head injury. Like it's why they said she's always wearing the sunglasses even when inside. The concussion like, messed up her ability to look directly at bright lights or something.”
Ash: “...Yeah okay that's a fair point I didn't need to immediately jump to her wearing the wig being to make her pass better. But like, there's still a lot of stuff besides that. Plus Caprica admitted to it. Barbra definitely used to be a dude.”
Greta: “Doesn't really matter if she's trans regardless, since she only ever really flirts with Caprica.”
Trixie: “I'd fuck her even with a dick like are you fucking kidding me? She's hot as hell.”
Sparrow: “Oh my god same! I swear Barbra is wasted on that woman.”
Roxy: “Yeah, but like, I ain't gonna pretend I wouldn't get a massive crush too if some lady pulled my fat ass out of a burning car wreck and lemme stay at her place while I recover like Caprica did. That's like some fairytale relationship shit.”
Trixie: “Exactly! if I got my life saved all dramatically by someone who's not just gay, but gay AND single ANNND they let you stay at their house for free? I wouldn't even care if they were hot or not. You'd have to be a real big piece of shit to be getting rid of me anytime soon. I'd be grabbing on with both hands. Maybe not as hard as Barbra seems to be, but still.”
Greta: “Umm, I meant more that she's not pressuring anybody, so it wouldn't matter either way what she has.”
Mary: “We're getting off topic! I wanna talk about my cool theory!”
Ash: “Right, right, let's hear it.”
Roxy: “Let's NOT hear it! She didn't ask Barbra for permission!”
Sparrow: “Well since she's already put it together, the least we could do is go over it and let her know if it'd be a mistake to tell Barbra and hurt her feelings. Like if it is something really insulting, it would be better to act like it never happened right?”
Roxy folds her arms and grumbled, but otherwise stops complaining. Letting Mary-Anne get on with it.
Tapping on her laptop for a second before turning it around to show a PowerPoint style compilation of research and pictures, starting with Bob's prison mugshot, which the ladies leaned in to see.
Mary: “So here's what I found. So we've got this Bob Velseb guy right? Notorious cannibal serial killer, captured on Halloween night a few years ago and put in prison.”
Billie: “....Did you really make a whole presentation for this?”
Mary: “I told you, it's a really good one! And I had to keep my evidence somewhere anyway. So it's like a digital scrapbook, and I just cleaned it up some to show you.”
Trixie, with a bit of a teasing tone: “Becha wish you could make a whole corkboard setup with red yarn instead.”
Mary: “I sooooooo would, but it’s just too hard to fit that sort of thing in my car and drive it around. You all gotta come meet at my house so I can have the excuse to set up a real one!”
Billie: “....Amateur detective potluck.”
Mary: “Omg yes. With like a bunch of detective based desserts!
Sparrow: Chalk outline chocolate cookies!
Ash: “Halloween coleslaw.”
Roxy, through half muffled snickering: “Girl, the fuck is halloween coleslaw??”
Mary: “We’re getting off track! Back to what I was saying…”
She switches to the next slides showing clips from newspapers and the like.
Mary: “So he stays in prison for awhile. But then last year, he escapes from prison with a few other small time criminals.
And he spends a few months killing people, like 8 or 9 bodies being found, all with the same M - O. Until Halloween night comes around again.
He goes after the same family he got caught while trying to kill that other Halloween. And it leads to an encounter with the police who kill him in a shootout. Where he's brought to the morgue for an autopsy and has the cause of death confirmed…..
BUT!!!”
She changes to the next slide, which was talking about a car crash, a man found dead, and had a map with some areas marked in mspaint.
Mary: “The next day after the news report of Mr. Velseb’s death goes out, we have this weird little event happen. So there’s this man, who was supposedly on his way to a hunting trip? He's found stabbed to death on the side of the road here.”
She zooms in on the map, showing the road between this town and the weird little town where Bob comes from, and points to the marked location just past the outskirts of Bob's town.
Mary: “Now wild animals had gotten to the corpse before it was found, so it was pretty mangled, but he had definitely been stabbed. Which is a bit of evidence that could link to the knife wielding serial killer. Bob Velseb, also known as the devil butcher, so named because he used to be a butcher and ended up feeding his victims to his patrons.”
Roxy: “Oh, no, ew why'd you have to go and tell me that?”
Mary: “Well I had to give you the context that this is a guy who stabs people, so we should be looking for stuff like this where the victim was stabbed.”
Roxy: “You could've just said he stabs people!”
Mary: “Well, he also tends to butcher and eat people so we gotta keep an eye out for…”
Billie, in her slightly monotone, but firm voice: “Maybe cool it with the gruesome details.”
Mary: “Alright alright. It's not super relevant right now anyway, since it looks to me like the guy was in too much of a rush anyway to actually butcher anyone. Because the interesting thing for us…. is this man's truck.”
She points to a location further down the road, on the outskirts of their own town/small city and close to one of the parks.
Mary: “His truck… was found here. Crashed into a ditch, blood all over the inside of it, but no body. So if it had been a regular crash, then the hunter's body should have been right here with his car, not all the way back here covered in stab wounds. So according to the evidence, he was stabbed to death here, had his car stolen by someone who looked to be pretty injured themselves, which was then driven all the way here… to our town.”
Roxy: “Guuuurl…. Shut the hell up! That is sinister as fuck! You're telling me we've got somethin coming up from that creepy ass missing kids town, to over where we live? Man I don't even care if it happened the day after some big time serial killer died. That should still be a big ass problem!”
Mary: “Don't worry, it gets even better!”
Billie: “I think you mean worse.”
Mary: “Yeah! It gets even worse! So in the days after this body was found up until now, the number of murders went way up for about a month or so. With the bodies matching Bob Velsebs usual modus operandi. Showing up stabbed and mangled with pieces missing. With even a few cops getting killed in that time!
And then after that, even though there weren't any more bodies being found, the number of missing persons still stayed higher. Almost like a murderer who used to work out in the open…. was now covering his tracks.”
Trixie: “That's spooky as hell! Why's this the first time I'm hearing about somebody out there killing people??”
Billie gave a bit of a knowing look as she explained: “Because what we're listening to is a conspiracy. She's not seeing the evidence and working from it, she's made a theory first and is putting together all the information that supports the theory. That's how these true crime conspiracies work. It's good for a spooky campfire story, but there's a reason why the actual detectives aren't saying the same thing and telling the local news to spread the word.”
Roxy: “Man, you're just gonna be working me up over nothing then.”
Mary: “Not REALLY nothing, this stuff has actually happened.”
She then pitches her voice low and spooky for emphasis.
Mary: “And who knows, maybe there really was a cover up with the serial killer not actually being killed.”
Sparrow: “Yeah! Don't be a spoilsport! So like, so…. Like… uhhh… so how does this stuff have anything to do with Barbra though? Like you're saying the death of this Bob guy was a cover up, but how does this connect to Barbra?”
Mary: “Well first up, their descriptions are very similar. Barbra has the right height and build for…”
Billie: “How tall did they say this Velseb guy was?”
Mary: “Uhhh….”
She flipped through the presentation back to the mugshot
“6 foot 4.”
Billie: “Yeah, that's about right for Barbra.”
Showing her experience as a bouncer with being able to judge people's height from comparing them to their ID's.
Mary: “Right! Hair color, skin, build, even the accents match too.”
Sparrow: “Cool! That's already way better than when you tried to link me to any murders!”
Mary: “I know right!”
Greta: “Still, that's just looking like a dead serial killer. If you're only going based off of just happening to know someone who matches the description, that could still lead to hurt feelings.”
Mary: “But that's the thing, it's not only looking the same. Like for instance, think about how Barbara and Caprica said they met.”
Billie: “.... A car accident.”
Mary: “Right! And what started off this whole uptick in violent crime? This guy getting killed, getting his truck stolen, then whoever stole it crashing the truck into a ditch on the outskirts of the town.”
Trixie: “That's not the same type of accident they described in how they met though.”
Mary: “Yeah, but any good cover story has an element of truth in it.”
Ash: “So you're basically saying, that Caprica pulled somebody out of a wreck, who turned out to be a cannibal serial killer that the cops covered up the death of. And who instead of cannibal serial killing her, fell head over heels in love, and now…. what, they're like a serial killer power couple or something? So is Caprica secretly a serial killer now too?”
Mary: “Weeeeeeeelllllllll…. Kinda? Yeah? I mean, turns out, Capricas actually kinda legit been through some horrible stuff in real life. Buuuuut I'm not so sure about talking about that stuff since it, you know, actually 100% happened to her.”
Trixie: “Shit, so you're saying she actually has some kind of excuse for how trying to make smalltalk with her, makes her look like she's offended you even thought to try and speak to her?
It's not like… you know. Because of some guy…. Right?”
Mary: “No, no, nothing like that.”
Greta: “Well… you might as well tell us since we've come this far.”
Mary: “....Okay. Just a sec.”
She goes to the laptop, clicks open a web browser, and takes a moment to look up the right event.
Mary: “Okay, so over a decade ago, there was this thing that happened at a campsite near here, where this big elk supposedly ate something bad, like old rat poison from the 70s or something, which made it freak out and go on a violent rampage where it gored a bunch of campers to death.”
She steps back to show an old newspaper clipping with a picture of Caprica and a bunch of young scouts.
Mary: “Caprica was one of the few survivors, who also saved a bunch of cub scouts by having them climb a tree where the elk couldn't reach them.”
Sparrow: “Hold on, I actually recognize this one! That's the state record for the single most people killed in a single day due to an animal attack! So Caprica was one of the people involved in it the whole time? That's wild!”
Ash: “From hero to serial killer….. That's pretty brutal of her…. Nice.”
Sparrow: “Of course the lady who still dresses goth every day even though she's pushing 40 would have that be the takeaway here.”
Ash: “I know what I'm about.”
Trixie: “That still seems like a bit of a reach though.”
Billie: “I’ll reiterate. This is a conspiracy theory being made up for fun. It's going to be full of reaches.”
Trixie: “No I mean, Barbra is absolutely crazy for that girl. Like remember that one time?
(comic about bob drowning his sorrows in liquor because caprica had to go to a doctors appointment and he couldn't come along.)
Trixie: “It just seems disproportionate to fall that hard after a life of murder and cannibalism, to Caprica of all people.”
Sparrow: “You literally just said a few minutes ago if you were in Barbara's position getting your life saved, they wouldn't be able to get rid of you if they tried.”
Trixie: “What, am I suddenly not allowed to embellish a little? But I mean, come on, haven't you seen the two of them enough? Heck, starting out I was more worried that Caprica was like… like she didn't even want to be in a relationship?”
Ash: “I always got the opposite impression personally, like she was taking advantage of Barbra. She's always acting so mean to her. Like with us she's at least trying to be polite, but not so much with Barb. I've been trying to keep an eye for any other red flags like that, but Barbra’s never seemed to mind soooo….”
Greta: “Hey now, let's not start implying Caprica is abusive. It's clear she's done a lot for Barbra, however begrudgingly. Even coming to the bar all these times. It's clear Caprica isn't doing it because she enjoys clubbing. Barbara's always been the one having the most fun.”
Roxy: “Yeah, let's not have this get out of hand with all these accusations.”
Mary: “And more importantly, I want better feedback on my theory! I mean of all the reasons why it could be wrong, I'd hope for better than something like “Barbra is acting way too crazy to have POSSIBLY been a deranged cannibal serial killer.”
Sparrow: “That Barbra is a certified freak 7 days a week and I love that for her.”
Roxy: “Forget about Barbra, I still don't like the thought that some cannibal serial killer has come over from that town with all the spooky shit going on and is around here terrorizing people!”
Billie: “Once again, she's not following the evidence, she's inventing a ghost story and then finding scary evidence to support the narrative while leaving out any conflicting evidence or context. If it were genuinely something to worry about, this wouldn't be your first time hearing about it.”
Trixie: “Plus it can’t actually be the cannibal serial killer guy, he's super dead.”
Mary-Anne, with a bit of a mischievous tone as she leaned in back to her presentation: “.....You know, I actually found some cell phone video of the guy getting run over I can show everyone.”
To which Billie the bouncer stood up sharply and said: “Nope. Putting my foot down. New rule. No snuff films in the bar.”
Before closing the lid of the laptop.
Mary: “Awwww what? No!”
Trixie: “Killjoy.”
Ash, clearly sarcastic and kidding around: “Yeah, no watching the brutal deaths of serial killers in a bar? What are you, homophobic or something?”
Mary: “It's actually a pretty funny video without much gore or anything. The guy gets run over by a car like 4 times in a row. Like a loony toons character.”
Billie: “I don't care how funny it is, that's the sort of stuff that can get the business in trouble.”
Roxy: “But can't we make an exception this time? I'd feel a lot better for sure knowing that guy is dead.”
Billie replies as she straightens out her pants and shirt: “It's almost time for me to start my shift, so might be best to just call it quits here.”
Mary-Anne went back to the laptop to scroll through the list of images she'd gathered for people either missing or dead.
Mary: “Awww, but I didn't even get a chance to go through the list of victims yet.”
Greta: “No, she's right. I think we've seen enough. I doubt this is anything we should be letting Barbra see. Let's just stop here before…”
Sparrow: “Wait. Scroll back up.”
Mary-Anne did as asked, scrolling a bit up again and upon seeing it Sparrows eyes got wide, and she covered her mouth in shock. Prompting a few of the others to look as well. Getting a similar look of surprise.
Ash: “Oh, wow.”
Mary: “What? What is it?”
Ash: “You weren't there that day. So you wouldn't know. But that one?”
She points at a certain picture of a man on the screen.
Ash: “That's one of the guys who grabbed Caprica that day.”
The silence hangs in the air for a moment.
Mary: “This guy?”
Ash: “Yep.”
Trixie: “Okay that's spooky. But one guy going missing is a coincidence at best. Especially the kind of guy who'd behave like he and that other jerk did. I bet he's asking for a fight everywhere he goes. So let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe if they both went missing that might be a…”
Mary: “Well let's see! What did the other one look like?”
She said with a bit of excitement, scrolling through the rest of her list of missing persons.
Billie:“.... He looked like that.”
Mary: “Huh?”
Billie stepped over, and used the laptop trackpad to scroll a bit upwards, then pointed at a specific picture in the list of missing persons. The picture of the second guy who had tried to hit on Caprica that night.
Mary: “Thats him.”
The air hung still for a moment, the weight of the realization sinking in. Trixie Being the first to break the silence with,
Trixie: “..... Well shit, Barbra and Caprica might actually be some kind of serial killers.”
Another moment of silence, until
Ash: “.....Good for them.”
The humor of the response breaking the tension with an indignant, though slightly giggly response of
Sparrow: “Ash! Oh my god!”
Ash: “What? Am I supposed to be upset that a pair of creeps who snuck into a gay bar and try to sexually harass the shortest lesbian they could find in the club, and right in front of her girlfriend no less, have gone missing? Good riddance if you ask me.”
Sparrow looked between the women nervously before her gaze settled on Billie: “For real though, should we… call someone about this?”
Mary: “What happened to helping bury the bodies?”
Trixie: “Would probably be burying Barbra if you sent the police after her.”
Sparrow: “What?”
Trixie: “Seriously, what the fuck do you think would happen if we called up the police and told them that a lesbian trans woman MIGHT be involved in the disappearance of two men? And not only that, but that we’re suspicious of her being involved in their disappearance because she got into a fight with these two dudes when they tried to “correct a woman from the deviancy of homosexuality”. You might as well be broadcasting “Hey dudes! Free target practice over here! Feel free to shoot this woman as many times as you want, because no jury is going to condemn you for murdering a butch trans woman!” to almost every trigger happy misogynist dirtbag in town.”
Greta: “I knew this was going to be a mistake….”
Billie let off a sigh: “Trixie is right. We could easily be putting Barbra’s life at risk based on a coincidence she had nothing to do with. Whereas it would be a roll of the dice if it even mattered to law enforcement if she were actually guilty or not.”
Sparrow: “....I guess you’re right.”
Roxy: “Man I told y'all this was gonna be a bad idea. Now yall are speculating about turning Barbra over to the police. But you know what? I’m with Ash on this one! Even though Mary-Anne’s been trying to freak us all out trying to link all these murders to Barbra, the only real evidence we have is that two wannabe date rapists who happened to get into a fight with Barbra have now gone missin. And even if Barb and Caprica did off those two, then good on em for actually being proactive in getting rid of creeps like that. Long as they’re sticking to cleaning up trash like that, and aren’t going after any of the people I care about or who have the good sense to just be minding their own business, then I couldn't give less of a shit.”
Trixie: “I hope Barbra and Caprica did kill those pigs though. Fuck the cops, I wish more of them had been killed.”
Greta: “.....I think it might be best for everyone if we just change the subject and forget the whole thing.”
Mary: “........Do you think maybe Barbra and Caprica might have room for one more in their relationship though?”
Sparrow, through laughter: “OH MY GOD!”
Ash, also trying to stifle a chuckle: “Dude, don’t go trying to be some couple’s third wheel just because you think they might be serial killers.”
Trixie: “Yeah, what if they say yes and then you find out they’re actually super boring and you just end up being disappointed?”
Mary: “A girl can dream can’t she?”
Roxy, clearly not taking it seriously: “I’d be more worried about you thinking the worst case scenario here would be them NOT being serial killers.”
They continue chatting for awhile about various things before eventually going their separate ways, having all agreed not to tell Barbra or Caprica about this conversation.
Thanks to his supernatural regeneration, the attempts to get rid of Bob haven't exactly been going well. And after the hours of frustration cleaning blood out of her expensive carpets from Bob bleeding everywhere after she's stabbed him multiple times, she's hit a breaking point, and wants to experiment with methods for making attempted murdering of Bob be a bit less messy and more hygienic. and less at the expense of her expensive treasures and collectibles.
Cus like, sure, he's been stabbed or maimed or whatever, but would it kill Bob to bleed on the tile or linoleum instead of the silk Persian rug?
Meanwhile Bob's jut happy to be included cus she almost never actually calls for him. Though he's also a little hesitant so ya know he's learned a bit of a lesson from the prior floor pie incident where he got creamed by a bucket full of rocks and covered in knives.
Caprica is just trying to make sure she has the upper body strength necessary to dispose of the body of a 300+ pound man. Unfortunately for Caprica tho, Bob's exactly enough of a freak to be into that sort of thing.
And knowing that his tiny girlfriend/hostage is buff enough to drag his fat butt around, and knows how to tie a knot? That helps too.
I found a perfect monster for adding Bob Velseb into a Dungeons and Dragons game!
Tho if ya wanted to get even closer to an exact match with him losing the wings and tail, then you could make him a half-fiend, as fiends can produce offspring with other races including humans.
So you would have a half human half pie fiend who can shape shift between a human and demonic form. And he could lack a lot of the pie specific cooking magic that pie fiends often pick up over their long lifespans, but still be a very cooking obsessed dude with demonic abilities.
Thanks to his supernatural regeneration, the attempts to get rid of Bob haven't exactly been going well. And after the hours of frustration cleaning blood out of her expensive carpets from Bob bleeding everywhere after she's stabbed him multiple times, she's hit a breaking point, and wants to experiment with methods for making attempted murdering of Bob be a bit less messy and more hygienic. and less at the expense of her expensive treasures and collectibles.
Cus like, sure, he's been stabbed or maimed or whatever, but would it kill Bob to bleed on the tile or linoleum instead of the silk Persian rug?
Meanwhile Bob's jut happy to be included cus she almost never actually calls for him. Though he's also a little hesitant so ya know he's learned a bit of a lesson from the prior floor pie incident where he got creamed by a bucket full of rocks and covered in knives.
Caprica is able to significantly lengthen the duration of escape attempts (and thus distract Bob from murdering) through "tree time" where she climbs somewhere out of reach and stays there as long as she can stand too.
Thus exploiting one of Bob's primary weaknesses (said weakness being that he weighs about 300 pounds and cannot do a chin up).
Tree time is quite possibly Bobs least favorite activity.
Especially when she can figure out ways to make it extra annoying like this.
When ur girlfriend is a snack, and you've got a serious eating disorder, so ur gonna keep lickin even when they taste like drain cleaner XD
But seriously, not only is he not a particualry smart dude, but the guy has a bit of that OCD disorder binge eating problem in the au. He's got problems with compulsive behavior, like having to stop in the middle of everything when he's got his targets cornered to eat candy off the floor.
And this is one of those less glamorous times where he's gotten himself stuck in a behavior that doesn't do him any good.
Like people who bite their nails trying to stop by wearing bad tasting nail polish, but just powering through anyway cus they couldn't help themselves.
But it's fun and suits the shows cannon to show Bob hang himself by his own rope sometimes.
And it's funny to watch an otherwise quite clever plan be hard countered by a big dummy who was just a bit too excited to canoodle with his crush.
Lol, Caprica once again doing her "exploit any weakness" thing.
though luckily, (or perhaps unluckily) nothing teaches self control quite like explicitly malicious overindulgence.
So Bob only puts on a few extra pounds from the cakes.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Hey yall, I caught a cold and am not feeling great, especially since its the kind that makes it hard to get any good sleep.
So I would appreciate yall leaving comments on my fanfics for the au to lift my spirits a bit until I can start drawing again.
Ive updated it with all the latest comics in chronological order.
But for those who are new to the au, here’s some examples of the kinds of comics ive made thus far.
Make sure to pay attention to the trigger warnings as there’s some graphic gore and adult content.
If i can get enough people bothering me about it, I'll turn the "all i want for christmas is to eat santa claus" sweater into an actual sweater design you can buy.
It's fun packing in background details and lore bits. Like the sign on the table clearly having been made based on experience from Bob distracting her. How bobs arm hair is still patchy from the burns. and how bob is actually following the don't touch while she's working rule.
Plus how in a previous comic (specifically this one), Bob remembers her setting him on fire before? well this is that time. Get to see a glimpse of how she molotov cocktailed this man.
Also i think it shows pretty well the moral position Caprica takes which is kinda weird to see in person. Where she is fine with killing in defense of herself and others, but not okay with torturing. So like, she will set this man on fire without hesitation, but also she's not gonna let a guy go all winter without a sweater.
Figure this latest part kinda shows how Bob really can't bring himself to be all that resentful.
Like Caprica set him on fire sure, but with his supernatural resilience, the damage isn't permanent. So he can also just kinda be chill with how he likes hanging out with her in the interim. Even if she's mostly paid close attention and tried to figure him out to either make her own life easier or to manipulate him later, he could still like feeling seen or understood. And enjoy her doing little things like phrasing a late lunch as having two dinners.
Also, a benefit to buying Bob all these new sweaters and take out dinners, is she can threaten to throw everything in a bonfire if he tries to murder and eat children. It.... mostly works.
But this comic also shows a bit of how they function when they're sharing a body as opposed to having Bob be out and about disguised as Barbra.
Also I'm super proud of managing to fit about 3 dick jokes into the name of the store, and if i could, i would try to make it an accepted headcannon within the spooky month fandom that Bob bought his iconic sweater at a store called Dickinwoods.
And It's a lot easier to be surprised by a thoughtful handmade gift when you're dumb as a brick and can watch the whole process of the thing getting made and only realize what's going on at almost the very end.
OMG!!! thanks so much for the fanart!
and the art of this fanfic where Bob got shot in the back
https://archiveofourown.org/works/49505929/chapters/125198419
ya made it so dramatic! i love it :D
and in the last image ya captured her world weary disgruntlement and "my wardrobe is might as well be 70% pajamas that i just don't care about wearing outside" vibe so well.
And back with the first image showing Bob with his cat person derangement syndrome where they're just totally smitten for their feral housecat despite it being an ornery little beast who hates being touched.
Big scary man encourages anxiety riddled party pooper to play with power tools. It does not go well for him.
Showin yall the first event in the timeline where Bob actually gets spooked by Caprica.
Back at Bob's house from the start of the Tender Treats spooky month episode. Bob's decided he's moving in with Caprica in her big luxurious house, so he's packing up some of his things to bring to her place. Ya should be able to tell it's pretty early in the timeline since he's wearing his spooky month outfit, has shorter hair, heavier eyebags, and slouches more. At this point, he hasn't fully recovered yet from his resurrection, and is still felling a bit sick, sore, and out of shape.
Bob's excited about gathering up his tools, and when they're both excited, especially over a similar thing, it kinda amplifies how fun an activity is for bob. So Caprica getting excited over the chainsaw, then kinda stamping down those feelings because of being so anxious and self conscious a person. it kinda just gave Bob a bump of enjoyment then snatched it away. And Bob's a reckless enough person, he's not really thinking ahead, he just kinda wants her getting excited again cus it makes things more fun for himself.
This should actually give yall some extra context for the previous comic with bob deciding not to get drunk with the fancy whisky. When she shows all doe eyed and excited in her stance in that comic, it actually startles Bob little bit and gives him cause for concern. And now yall should have a better idea why. That cutesy innocent look is often actually her excited for murder look. and here we get to see Bob learn that the hard way.
It's tough sometimes feelin what someone else feels.
As a former Zombie, Bob having spent a very painful few days without a functioning body temperature when he was resurrected, he's not too keen on the cold anymore.
Not that his big dumb butt is gonna clearly communicate how uncomfortable it really makes him.
