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Fly Away |Part Thirty-Three|

Warnings: Abuse mentions, coma, severe injury, minor gore, near death, nightmares

Word Count: 4.5K

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: Ok so this is literally my favorite chapter that I’ve ever written. I just love it a lot. Like... fnjbejkwbjkfbk it just makes me happy. I hope you guys enjoy it just as much as I did and if you like it please reblog loves!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(OH! and a lot of old dialogue/lines were brought back in this chapter. (; )

|Masterlist|

She suffered from severe laceration all over her body, the majority on her back, eight broken ribs, a broken collarbone, a dislocated shoulder, a concussion, a puncture wound just below her right hip, a deep stab wound that caused internal bleeding, a collapsed lung, and a bruising along her spine.

The woman pauses. I don’t know who she is, but Stephen keeps calling her Christine. She sounds like a doctor from the way she speaks. If I astral projected I could see if I was right. I don’t want to use magic right now. All I want to do is sleep.

Our scans haven’t shown any serious or long-lasting damage to her brain but we won’t know for sure until she wakes up. She taps her foot on the floor, considering what to say next. Stephen, can I speak to you alone? I hadn’t known there was anyone else here with us. The other person doesn’t speak, doesn’t grunt or disagree. Whoever it is just stands and leaves.

Once they’re gone and the door shuts the woman begins speaking again.

I understand that magic and spell-casting is your line of work Stephen —

The mystical arts.

I scoff to myself.

—but you’re bringing kids into it now? She’s sixteen!

I’m not the one who brought her into it in the first place, Christine! Stephen yells back. I pray no one hears them. It was her piece of shit father who forced her to do this when she was a toddler. I only wanted to protect her and I…

His voice trails off, but I know what he was going to say next. I failed. That was going to be the next word. Failed. After that summary of my injuries, I might be tempted to believe it.

I’m sorry Stephen. I didn’t—

It’s okay, he reassures her . I just—I wanted to keep her safe even when I didn’t actually care. When I found her she was a nuisance but she was my responsibility. Now she’s still my responsibility and she’s definitely still a nuisance, I chuckle in response, but she’s special. Now when I actually do care and she’s hurt I—I feel like…

I feel the faintest sensation of a rough, scarred hand covering my own. The energy around it is pained… sad. I frown and try to grab it back. No matter how much I will it though my fingers refuse to move.

Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

She’ll be okay Stephen, Christine reassures him. She’s going to wake up.

There’s silence. I will my mouth to move while there is a chance for me to be heard, but my lips stay locked together, unable to open.

She won’t forgive me though, he tells her. I tried to save her. I sacrificed myself so she could get out, and yet she still ended up hurt. Her body will heal, but what about her mind? Y/N’s father had already hurt her so much. What will this do to her?

If she’s anything like you, she touches my other hand, then the pain will allow her the opportunity to grow.

Stephen doesn’t reply to Christine’s encouragement. Instead, his other hand wraps around mine. Christine’s fingers pull away from me and I listen as she crosses the hospital room, stopping at the doorway.

Don’t stay too long, okay Stephen?

He says nothing. The door shuts with a soft thud, leaving the two of us alone.

I think I hear him sob.

Stephen had left a long time ago. At least it felt like it did. He left and the other person who was here with me never came back. By the lack of noise, I assume it must be night time. Just like when I came back home.

Being in this state, a coma they said, it feels like I’m sitting outside my own mind, blind and only able to hear. I know I’m still apart of my body, but it just doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m floating. Like I’m rising higher and higher without any fear of the consequences. I can’t seem to remember what it’s like to be one with myself.

At least I can sleep.

I’m falling.

The sun hangs above me, calling for me to come back. I don’t reach out though. My arms stay locked to my side and I keep falling.

I wonder when I’m going to hit the ground. Each sound makes me flinch, but the impact never comes. Soon enough I’m more annoyed by the dream than frightened. I’m falling. The sun is shouting. I never meet the earth below.

I feel my hair around my face, resisting gravity and pulling upward. My dress does the same. It’s the same dress I wore during the press conference.

I had done things, said things, that I wasn’t proud of. Even. Now I’m working to accept that some of what I did wasn’t my fault.

My father’s face flashes in front of my face.

Whatever you do, it will be influenced by me, by the experiences you’ve had because of me.

“Stop it,” I beg softly.

You’ll never escape my hold. I’ll always be a nagging voice in your head, one that you will listen to.

“Please…”

I’ll always be a part of you, Y/N.

“Stop it!” I reassert. He’s still there.

You can’t kill me in any way that matters.

“STOP!”

I find myself staring in the mirror sometimes and listing off all of the things I hate about myself until I’m saying things that aren’t even real or just flat out don’t fucking matter at the end of the day.

I’m falling.

My arms feel a little looser, but I still can’t reach out for the sun. The ground does not come to claim me.

I’ve never done this. Goodbyes I mean. I never had the chance to. My mother died before hello, my father disappeared without leaving so much as a note, and people have left my life before I could even find a way to care enough to say goodbye.

I want to stop falling.

It’s you guys or me. My magic or the end I fear more than anything else. Your end. The end of everyone I love.

I just want to sleep.

This is the story of how I come to the end of myself.

Let me touch the sun.

Thank you for loving me in all the ways I never thought a person could and then loving me more. I may have found my end, but thank you for making it a good one.

The sun.

This was the story of how I came to the end of myself. I am the Icarus… And I have loved the sun far too deeply not to burn for it.

I only want to touch the sun.

But I’m falling.

It enhances her in ways she doesn’t even understand yet.

Green flashes in front of my eyes, tinting the gold sun.

I’m saying Y/N would be our only hope.

I can move my hands.

It has always been a part of her and we have absolutely no right to remove it from her without her wanting it too.

Feeling returns to my forearms.

Your magic which enhanced the time stone.

I roll my shoulders.

Your magic was a gift from destiny itself and by fusing the time stone with it you were able to gain full access to its powers.

I reach towards the sun.

Your magic is your soul, and as long as you’re alive your soul will want to come home.

And I finally meet the ground.

I don’t want to sleep anymore.

There’s the sudden rustling of plastic as someone enters my room. The monitor next to me beeps consistently.

Like always, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of my own body. No one except for Christine has been coming in lately. She talks to me like I’m going to miraculously open my mouth and reply. She tells me the time, luckily, as well as the weather, the news. She even tells me who is coming in to see me. That’s how I know it’s Tony who walks through the door.

I listen as he walks to my bedside and places something down. He paces the perimeter of my room for a moment before finally settling in the creeky chair designated for me. Maybe they think it will wake me up sooner.

I brought you flowers, he tells me. A sort of weird tradition to me since they die so quickly. Little ironic for a hospital. Not that I’m saying you’re going to die. You’re too stubborn for that. He speaks like he’s distracted, but I guess he usually is. His fingers tap against a machine by my head.

You know, I’m sort of hoping you can’t hear any of this, Tony says. Rhodey says he didn’t hear my whole coma speech while he was out and neither did Happy. Knowing you, you probably will remember this for some reason.

There’s a lull as though he’s finally taking a moment to take in my appearance. The chair creaks.

Why?

I roll my eyes. “I’m pretty sure you guys already had this discussion.”

I get why you saved us and the Earth because of the whole hero thing. That I can understand. But why did you trust us, Y/N?

Oh.

You had no reason to, he continues. You’re father… he practically tortured you. You were abused mentally, verbally and physically. You were abandoned and used over and over again. He came back only to taunt you. There was no reason for you to trust any of us. After what happened to you people might say it was dumb of you to trust us. Yet you did.

I smile. “Yet I did,” I reply.

We didn’t do much to deserve it.

“Neither did I.”

We kidnapped you from school, tossed you in Bruce’s lab and let Strange deal with you.

I laugh.

What I’m trying to say is sorry.

“Don’t.”

I’m sorry for dragging you into this.

“Stop it, Tony.”

Maybe if we just let you live your life you wouldn’t be here in need of a coma monologue.

“You’re right.” I wish he could hear me. “I might’ve ended up somewhere worse.”

I’m also saying thank you, Y/N, Tony says. I know you were never one for trust. Trusting adults at least. Why should you have been though? What with your father. But I want you to know that I have never felt so much genuine pleasure as I did when I realized you trusted me. You had no reason to. I pulled you from the life you knew, I forced that stupid fucking bracelet on you, I forced you into being an Avenger, but you trusted me. So wake up. Someday just wake up so I can yell at you for drinking too much coffee and tease you for kissing Peter. Just wake up, and I promise I will show you I am worth trusting.

The chair creaks again, telling me he got up. I have a press conference today. Since you messed with time we went back to a couple of days after your interview and everyone is making me handle the news. I listen as he walks back towards the door, stops, walks back towards me and ruffles my hair.

“Really?” I chide angrily.

Have fun in your coma, Y/N. He opens the door to leave again. I’ll see you later.

I’m falling.

The part where I hit the ground is coming up.

I reach for the sky, but this time I land on something cold. It’s freezing in fact. Tilting my head to the side, I look to see where I am. Below me is a rippling black mass. I jolt and try to push myself, but the tar of Dormammu’s hand is holding me down. All I can do is stare up and into his neon purple eyes.

But they’re not purple.

They’re the color of my father’s.

His gaze is sharp and unyielding. He glares down at me like I’m a worthless ant that happened below his foot.

When will you realize this single lesson Y/N? You are not the hero of this story. You are the Icarus. You yearned for the light and warmth the sun provided you with after never having seen it. Y/N, you were destined to fall at some point. We all are. This hope you harbor within yourself was just the catalyst to your own destruction.

I sob weakly as the darkness begins to pull me in. “Just let me touch the sun.”

You’re worthless, he tells me.

“The sun.”

You were born worthless, the tar wraps over my mouth and I’m suddenly tugged under, and you will die worthless.

Hey Blue. His voice pulls me out of the darkness.

Peter.

Sorry for not staying long yesterday, he says. So he was the other person in my room. After your doctor asked me to leave I went to go check on everyone. Then I wanted to swing around the city.

“You were distracting yourself,” I reply, even though he can’t hear me. Even though I can’t open my mouth.

I may have been trying to distract myself.

I laugh.

You know when you left me at Kamar-taj, guilt shoots through me, I thought you were gonna come back a lot quicker. I thought I was gonna open my eyes and boom, you’d be standing in front of me looking victorious. Like you’d just conquered the world. Like you had just saved the world.

The chair creaks. I hear something sounding like a backpack full of books hit the floor.

Cause that's what you did. You saved us all. You killed Dormammu. You turned back time, he exclaims. You were the hero…

But you don't look like you've won, he whispers. You —you—

Something sounding like choking comes from where Peter is sitting.

You just look hurt, Y/N. His hand finds mine. I just want to hold it back. I just want to hold his hand. You're so pale and there are so many cuts. How did you get so many cuts?

“It's okay Peter.”

I feel so helpless, Y/N, he confesses. There's nothing I can do to help you and I'm supposed to be Spider-Man. I'm supposed to save people, so why couldn't I save you?

“I had to save myself, Peter.” He squeezes my hand hard. I hold back my wince “I had to be my own hero in this story.”

I don’t want to tell you to wake up, he says. You deserve to sleep, Y/N. After all you’ve been through. You deserve the chance to really rest for once. You have suffered more than I can ever comprehend. All you’ve been through, all you’ve done is a testament to how strong you had to be. For once you don’t have to be strong anymore. You can sleep.

If you are somehow awake in there though, he continues, then I want to say this at least. The day you left, you told me you loved me. I never said it back. I feel a familiar pair of lips on my own. They’re so soft. Softer than the day I left. I want to kiss him back but I stay locked to the bed, unmoving, unresponsive. He stays close even when we break apart so I can feel his breath on my skin.

I love you, Y/N L/N, he proclaims. You’re my hero and I love you for that and so much more.

Beeping suddenly fills the room, though it’s not from the monitor. Peter’s presence over me disappears and I’m left cold on the hospital bed.

I have to go now, he informs me, but I want you to know you can stay asleep for as long as you need to Y/N. You deserve to sleep. You deserve the damn universe, but if all you want is to sleep then you sleep. Just remember that whenever you wake up I’ll be around. You could sleep a thousand years and I would find a way to be with you when you wake up. Maybe try to aim for the tomorrow though.

Then Peter’s gone

And I’m falling again.

Every time I have this dream or see these visions there’s always something different. Every time something changes.

This time I’m not falling.

I’m running.

I’m running on air. Running straight down towards the ground. Oblivion. I can’t help but wonder what happens when I meet the ground. I hear the feral sound of Dormammu above me, his hand chasing me down. The planets are falling in on Earth, destroying everything.

I keep running.

People have been coming in the past couple of days. My friends, the Avengers. At least I think they have been. They weren’t loud enough and their presence didn’t make the dream end. Now I can’t stop running. The dream won’t end because I can’t reach the ground and I certainly won’t touch the sun. Dormammu might catch me first.

I remember the feeling of my ribs breaking. The memory makes me collapse. All the pain at that moment is surreal and the dream slows to match my new pace: a weak crawl.

Hey Y/N. Stephen.

“Wake me up,” I beg to him. He can’t hear me though. No one can. I am silent.

I always pitied people who would try talking to those they loved while they were in a coma, he tells me. The chair creaks. I keep crawling from death. It seemed so desperate to me. Last resort. Congratulations Y/N. You’ve managed to bring me to the last resort. I don’t know where to start though…

I feel my collarbone snap. The scream that tears itself out of my throat brings with it blood. Too much blood.

I used to have a sister you know? God, she was nearly as stubborn as you. Nearly. She’s the reason I became a doctor. She did pass away though.

“Stephen.” I try to force my mouth to move. I try to force my fingers to flex or my eyes to flutter. My body remains paralyzed on the bed though.

I feel my dad’s kick to my stomach.

My sister got sick, and she depended on me to save her, but I couldn’t. You’re a lot like her. That same glow in your eyes, the same humor, the compassion, but there is the smallest difference in your persistence.

My fingers are beginning to bleed from clawing at the air. Every breath is like being stabbed. I feel the force of an explosion throw me onto the side, the fire singing my skin. I keep crawling. Dormammu lets out another monstrous scream.

My sister wouldn’t give up on me, Stephen continues. You, Y/N? You never ever give up on yourself. You’re so strong.

“I don’t want to be strong anymore,” I whimper.

There hasn’t been a day where the universe hasn’t wanted to run you six feet under. Every day there is a new struggle. Every day the same villains come back to haunt you. But you’re so damn stubborn. Even when you seem to be gone, even when you believe you’ve given up on yourself, you’re still fighting. You refuse to lay down and beg for mercy. You want to have faith. You want to be the hero. You want to live.

My hands stop clawing at the air. I stop feeling pain. Dormammu’s hand stops chasing me. The dream stops.

“I want to live.”

That’s what’s so special about you. I’ve never met someone who wants to live as much as you. Even when you’re walking towards death itself, I start moving towards the ground again, you’re clinging to life. You’ve always had your hands around it. In your sixteen years of life, you’ve become the greatest treasure death can hope to possess. The pain in my chest fades away. You lay your life on the line, but you always hope for the great escape.

I can breathe again

Don’t stop being stubborn now.

I stand.

Don’t let death creep up on you. If you find that you can’t be stubborn anymore, let me be stubborn for you. Let me remind you that you are the most heroic, persistent, compassionate, and complex person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

I turn towards Dormammu.

Let me promise you that you won’t be waking up for nothing.

I wait and listen.

Stark and I, we have an idea, Stephen tells me. I want to take you under my wing Y/N. I want you to be a real prodigy. My prodigy. I can take you to Kamar-taj and teach you everything I can.

I spread my arms out. Deep inside I can feel my magic humming in preparation.

With me becoming the Sorcerer Supreme, Wong suggested something to me. It’s only a suggestion. If you’d accept, we- I would like you to be Guardian. It’s an old practice. The role hasn’t been used for hundreds of years, but I think you would be worth bringing it back for.

I smile up at Dormammu.

Then one day, you would take my place.

My feet disconnect from the air, and I fall backward.

I can hear the heart rate monitor. I can hear the shrill beep that announces I’m flatlining. I can hear Stephen shout my name, I can hear the doctors rush in but most of all I hear the wind. It bursts past my face, shooting through my hair and curling around my finger tips.

“Running just seems to be all I’m good at.”

The wind is magic. It’s my magic. It’s mine to bend and shape and enhance. The wind is mine to use. All I need is wings.

“Hey, Y/N, you are an incredible person and I know that running away can’t be all-”

“But I am good at it. That’s what you’re saying, right Vera? That hey, you can do magic and shit pretty well but yeah, you are pretty good at running.”

The ground is coming closer. Stephen is still screaming at me to get up. I will. I will get up.

As he said, I want to live.

“I had the choice to run away right then and there. You knew I had my sling ring on me but I stayed.”

“Why?”

“Because I am so fucking sick of running.”

Finally, I turn my head to the sky. I look past Dormammu, past the falling planets and I see the sun. I raise my hand towards it.

I had a moment to learn how to crawl...

A familiar weight collects on my back. One that I’ve missed dearly.

...A second to walk...

My magic hums excitedly in my fingers. It’s ready. I’m ready.

...A minute to begin running...

It’s time for me to stop running away from the sun. This entire time I’ve been falling away from it. All this time I’ve only been reaching for it as I let myself come closer and closer to the ground. Now I know what I need to do.

I unfurl my blue wings. The wind bends around them, pushing past the feathers and magic within them.

...All without falling…

Everything is screaming around me. Dormammu, the planets, the heart monitor, Stephen, my magic, the wind. Everything is screaming except for me. I am the center of the hurricane.

...Before I forced myself to jump…

I want to live.

...And fly away.

My wings snap against the wind, pulling away from the ground and towards the sky. Everything in between doesn’t matter. It is only the ground, the sun, and me. Everything else disintegrates. Dormammu, the planets, the scream. It’s just me flying towards the sun, basking in the warmth it is offering.

I pound my wings harder and harder, the exhilaration of finally feeling it on my fingers motivating me to go higher faster. It is so close. Close enough for me to feel it in my heart, filling my veins. The sun is home. It is what I fell for and it is what I will rise for.

This is the story of how I only came to the beginning of myself.

I am the Icarus…

And I have loved the sun far too deeply not to fly for it.

“Y/N!” That is the very first thing I hear as I’m waking up. Then a beep. Just one for a moment. Then another and another until the noise has turned consistent.

My fingers clench around the covers, squeezing the blankets.

I can move.

I sigh, more thankful than I’ve ever been and start opening my eyes.

At first, it is only light. Bright white light that makes me wince and turn my head away. There’s something on my face, around my nose and mouth. I don’t pay much attention to it for now. I’m too focused on feeling. Something in my chest aches horribly. Like someone lit it on fire for the past minute just to see what would happen. The rest of my body hurts, but not in that way. Everything else feels much number. The pain in my stomach, my collar bone, my head. It all just pulses faintly. A small reminder of all that’s happened.

Then there’s a hand on my own, scarred and ruined and familiar. I try to smile despite the stinging in my face where I must’ve gotten cut by debris. It hurts but I think I succeed in making the corners of my lips turn upwards.

“Y/N?” Stephen asks this time as though he needs to check that I am, in fact, alive. I turn my hand over and squeeze his fingers.

Opening my eyes again I look up. The light is still there but it isn’t as bright as before. I can finally see that the thing on my face is a resuscitation mask and the burning sensation was from the defibrillator on the metal table.

I look at Stephen last. He’s staring at me, just staring. It looks like he’s watching a ghost.

Fearfully, I look down at my hands to make sure I’m actually connected to my body and not floating around in my astral form.

When I’m positive that I’m really here I reach up with my free hand to pull off the mask. Stephen sees what I intend to do before I do it. He pulls it off for me instead and places it on the metal table.

I blink my eyes hard to try and get rid of the blurriness that almost feels stiff. Nothing feels right. Everything is just a little warped. Not much but enough for me to notice. My eyes feel useless.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Stephen reassures, capturing my attention again. “It’s going to take a bit before you get your bearings. Just stay calm.”

I nod, my head feeling like a ton of bricks. I try to come up with something to say. Something that might relieve the tension. There are still doctors standing around, making sure I don’t die again.

“Well,” I croak, my voice rough from not being used for so long, “that was horrible.”

A/N: I’m going to begin cross-posting Fly Away as well as my other stories on @thewildheroine-archives

For anyone who would like to not wait for me to upload the rest, the other chapters are already on my Ao3. Thank you for taking the time to read. Please comment what you thought or reblog.

If you’d like to be tagged let me know :)

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