how long until rumi realizes avoidant!freak!zoey also wrote polylight smut?
im! obsessed! with! your! mind!
ok ok imagine tho zoey orphaned those fics after meeting celine because she knows the pain of authors deleting your fave fics but then
mira: so when are you telling rumi you also wrote about her mom
zoey: 😱
mira: 😋🤭🥰
zoey: how did you even find out about that
mira: you should probs worry more about how rumi is going to react when she finds out the level of detail you went into when describing the way her mom got *censored* in the *censored* by celine and how they both got *censored* by the third one after *censored*
imagine she’s like a prolific fanfic author for polytrix smut. there’s a few stories here and there that showcase her dramatic yearning but mostly it’s every day dream she’s had about getting freaky with the girls graphically written down and posted shamelessly with anonymity
unfortunately this does not translate to her irl behavior
after the patterns reveal, big dick energy rumi is back and she’s thrown herself into seducing wooing zoey and mira
mira is easy enough because as soon as rumi’s behavior changed again, yk she was on that shit immediately to talk about what more rumi could possibly be hiding
it’s when they both try dropping hints to zoey that they want her that everything goes a little sideways
at first zoey thinks she’s going insane because why are they both all over each other and her all of a sudden. there’s touchiness, possessiveness, gifts, almost everything she’s ever written about and wished for
zoey thinks she just has her freak goggles on or something so ofc the only reasonable option here is to Avoid The Fuck out of this situation
she’s rushing out of rooms, refusing to go to the bathhouse, ensuring she is literally never alone with one or both of them
obvi rumira go “wtf” and have a mini crisis before coming to the so wrong yet so right conclusion that zoey just wasnt picking up what they were putting down and her avoidance was all weird coincidence
out of options (except yk telling her straight out which would be absolutely insane of them to do because reasons) they turn to The Internet
and where does The Internet lead them? A. O. Fucking. 3.
naturally they consume every inch of material on there
suddenly zoey is coming horrifyingly face to face with all of the tropes she is intimately familiar with
mira knocks something out of her hand “accidentally” and they make intense gay eye contact while going to pick it up at the same time. rumi and her get stuck in an elevator alone together. there is only one bed
zoey almost screams when rumi catches her when she tripped going down the stairs
zoey actually has a screaming fit in her room after mira suggests fake dating to make her family mad
it all finally comes to a head when they’re having conversation where mira and rumi are making casual innuendos and zoey is physically twitching trying not to say anything
then it happens. one of them says a word-for-word quote from one of her fics
zoey absolutely blue screens because that’s straight from one of the freakiest fics she’s written to date
cue her finally breaking and the long terrible hilarious conversation about why zoey is writing polytrix fics, why rumira are reading those fics, and wtf has been going on lately
then kiss kiss they get together and it’s happily ever after where rumi and mira insist zoey keeps writing because they are genuinely obsessed
fic idea where nobody can be convinced that huntrix is actually dating each other
the first incident happened when zoey got caught on camera gorilla gripping mira’s and rumi’s butts (she was born with two hands for a reason duh). this was before they were ready to come out to the public so they were relieved when all that came out of it was a heated societal discussion about why it’s not gay for male athletes to slap each other’s ass but when a girl does it to her two best friends suddenly they’re a bunch of homos
second time is zoey’s fault again (oops). she’d been on ig live or something and forgot to mute so the entire stream heard mira call rumi “love” and to “not hog the blanket tonight”. but this time they’re comfortable and settled in the relationship and would be down for ppl to actually know. it happens again tho with ppl explaining that girl besties have sleepovers and call each other nicknames all the time.
from there it spirals into a game for mira and zoey to do increasingly incriminating things to see where ppl would finally admit that they were dating. Rumi isn’t actively encouraging it but she’s also not actively discouraging it either
queue the antics of doing everything short of making out sloppy style in front of the camera. they’re touchy, they feed each other , they sit on each others’ laps, they even called one another their girlfriends. at one point an exasperated mira even posts a pic of their promise rings online (the public called it a “stunning physical display of female friendship”)
they’d almost called it quits and released an official statement when rumi of all ppl was caught on a fan’s video being horrifically down bad for the other two. dealer’s choice for whatever she’s caught doing or saying but it’s enough for ppl to start backtracking and re-examining all of the previously labeled gal pal activities
internet explodes and then the girls confirm it by doing a lil kissy kissy for everyone to see
Months after vanquishing Gwi-Ma, Zoey still hears his voice in her mind. Based on a post by @starrydreamerluna
Zoey was alone again.
Well, not really. Not with Rumi and Mira just down the hall in Mira's room, only a knock away. Just in the way that made her skin crawl. Sitting alone in her room, lights off at 6pm, holding a plush turtle to her chest like a balm to soothe the ache in her heart that only she knew about.
Her girls would be leaving soon. That was fine. Every so often, they scheduled one-on-one dates just to make sure they were all giving each partner enough individual attention. Zoey had gotten hers with Rumi just a few days ago. She didn't mind that it was their turn to go out and have fun, just the two of them.
She just didn't like being by herself these days. Lately, every time she was alone for more than a few minutes, her head got loud, and it was steadily becoming unbearable.
Ever since that night when the Honmoon had shattered and Gwi-Ma had made his way briefly into their world, Zoey had heard whispers. Very much like him in her head, picking at the scabs of her insecurities, breaking her down to just the right size.
Too much.
Not enough.
You'll never belong anywhere.
I can give you a place to belong.
It was an echo, she told herself for a very long time. A lingering trauma from that horrible, horrible night that had left marks on all of them. It would go away in time.
Except it didn't. Slowly at first, so much so that it took her a while to realize it was happening, the voices became louder. More persistent. Crueler, at times.
Eventually, she was hearing them every day. In her dreams especially, but also during her waking hours. Telling her she wasn't good enough when she lacked inspiration for new lyrics. That she was exhausting to handle when she tried to make breakfast for her girls and made a mess of the kitchen. That she was too needy when she asked to sleep in the middle of the bed so she could be cuddled from both sides even though she knew it was Rumi's favorite spot too.
Only when it completely destroyed her admittedly already limited ability to focus on anything else, when she couldn't go a few minutes alone without hearing "they'll leave you" in her ear as clearly as if someone had spoken it inches away, did she begin to think that maybe something was going on.
She'd tried to tell her girls about it that same day, only for her mind to glaze over before she could find the words. She ended up just standing there behind the couch, staring blankly at whatever Rumi and Mira were watching on the tv. To them, it probably looked like she'd walked in and gotten distracted, but she didn't even know what she was looking at. For about ten minutes, she was just gone.
She snapped back to her senses when they asked her if she was hungry for dinner yet. She was, and so she let the topic change, left with an overwhelming sensation that whatever was happening to her, she would have to navigate it alone.
After that, she had a few more episodes where nothing seemed to exist in her mind except for the voices, but none scared her as badly as the first. Honestly, she began to find them quite peaceful. A break from her usual racing thoughts and raging insecurities. Even when she heard things that might otherwise hurt her, she didn't care. She didn't care about anything.
She longed for that now, with her turtle pressed firmly to her chest and her girls about to leave and her head entirely too loud.
They're leaving.
"I know."
They won't take you with them.
"They're not supposed to."
They won't come back.
"Yes, they will."
They'll wish they hadn't. They have more fun when they don't have to look after you.
Zoey didn't know why she tried to argue with the disembodied voice trying to make her feel small. The voice always won.
She sank back against her pillows, thinking that perhaps she should try to drown it out with a video or something but lacking the will to reach for her phone. She wished Rumi and Mira would hurry up and go so they could get back sooner. She wished they would invite her to go with them, even though that completely defeated the purpose of scheduled on-one-one time.
You're always getting between them.
"I know..."
A knock on her door broke her out of her thoughts momentarily.
"We're heading out," Mira called softly. "We'll probably get boba on the way back. Want us to bring you some?"
"Yeah," Zoey replied, a bit shakily. Mira didn't seem to notice. "Taro, please."
"Got it. Love you."
Liar.
"Love you too."
Soft footsteps receded down the hall, and Zoey was alone with her thoughts again.
You're needy.
"I let them go," she muttered, turning onto her side.
You didn't want to.
"Shut up." Zoey covered her ears as if that would block anything out.
It's not your fault.
Zoey froze. The voice didn't often try to comfort her.
You did your best. It's not your fault you don't fit.
Something felt different about it tonight. It was softer. Kinder. More tempting. It reminded her of a dream she'd had a few times over the past month or so; walking through the dark with a pleasant, empty buzzing behind her eyes, heading for the light and warmth of a nearby fire.
Too much, and not enough. You don't belong here.
She wanted to, so desperately. She wanted to belong right here, with her girls wrapped around her and her brain soothed to silence. But it never quite seemed to work out that way.
It's okay. You can still belong somewhere. I can show you.
Zoey felt a tug somewhere close to her soul, deep and spiritual like that day she'd felt the Honmoon calling to her for the first time. But she knew it wasn't the Honmoon. It was different, sharper. Less of a call and more of a yank in the desired direction.
A fuzziness began to build up in her head, drowning any concerns she might have had about that. She welcomed the feeling and its promise of a few sweet minutes of tranquility. Maybe her girls would be back by the time it faded and her exhausting thoughts came rushing back in.
By some silent command, Zoey stood from her bed and let the turtle fall forgotten to the ground. Suddenly, she had somewhere to be.
The phantom sensation of a rope or leash pulling her forward led her out of her room, through the penthouse, and to the elevator. Before she knew it, she was walking the streets, undisguised but unconcerned with the possibility of recognition. She was moving too quickly for anyone to get a good look at her anyway.
She walked for a long time, hardly noticing the distance or the people she brushed past or the slight ache in her lungs as she crossed half the city at a consistent speedwalk. She hadn't been looking for anything in particular, but when she turned down an alleyway and finally began to slow, she knew she had found what she needed.
The new Honmoon was much stronger than the old, allowing no demons through in the time since its creation, but here, right in front of Zoey, was a weak spot. The demons on the other side must have been chipping away at it for months, and they still weren't even close to breaking through. Without help, they might never make it.
Zoey found herself reaching forward, her fingers brushing edges just barely beginning to fray.
You're needed. This is something only you can do.
She should have recoiled. Bit back and ran home. Called Rumi and Mira to help her figure out whatever the hell was going on.
But the more she listened, the less she had to think. Her mind buzzed with silence. She felt as though she could fall asleep right there. It felt good. She didn't want to take initiative and decide what she was going to do next. She wanted someone else to tell her exactly how to proceed.
That was how she could belong. By belonging to someone.
You're getting it.
The voice was so gentle. Encouraging.
Go on, now. I'll show you where to go.
She hesitated for a moment, thinking vaguely that her girls would be disappointed in her if she followed through.
They can't give you what you need. You're too much for them when you embrace yourself, too little when you don't. Looking after you exhausts them, and letting you look after yourself is even worse. They want you to think, but they don't like your thoughts. They pretend. They lie. They would be happier without you.
I don't expect you to be anything you can't be. You can rest. I'll take care of everything.
Zoey let herself sink a little deeper. Her fingers hooked into the edges of the Honmoon, and she pulled. It responded to her immediately, coming apart in her grip, creating a small opening that grew larger and larger as she tore into it.
The demons must have been waiting for her on the other side. They lumbered through, calm and unhurried. First several of the large, club-wielding type, then more human-sized cyclopes and clawed demons. They regarded her with wicked grins, almost as if they meant to consume her right then.
They could have. So thoroughly entranced, Zoey would have been powerless to stop them. Instead, one of the larger ones reached out and gently patted the top of her head.
"Good dog," he sneered.
A shiver went down Zoey's spine. Not from shame or disgust, but from joy. She relished the sweet, hypnotic sensation of praise; of knowing she had done exactly what she was supposed to do. She wanted to keep being good.
Yes. You're doing well. And I have another job for you.
Zoey turned toward the opening of the alleyway. Faint footsteps, louder voices.
"It's over here!"
Mira?
She supposed it made sense for Rumi and Mira to have been drawn in by the disturbance with the Honmoon, but how had they gotten here so fast? Had Rumi figured out how to teleport more than just herself, or had Zoey been standing here for that long already?
"It didn't feel normal, right?" Rumi asked, getting closer now. "It didn't feel like when demons push through."
"It-" Mira stopped dead as she rounded the corner. Her eyes widened, shoulders going stiff at the sight of Zoey surrounded by demons. Zoey, for her part, was entirely relaxed, and that seemed to set off alarm bells. "Zoey?"
Rumi came next, but by that time, Zoey was moving forward. The demons parted to let her through, snickering to themselves.
"Zoey, what are you doing?" Rumi asked cautiously. Her arm twitched as if to raise her sword to the invading demons, but she couldn't quite do it. Not with Zoey in the way.
"Zo?" Mira whispered, her voice thick with confusion, fear, and something like pain.
Zoey stopped with her foot near a puddle on the ground. She glanced down, momentarily distracted by a ripple across the water, and caught a glimpse of her own reflection.
Eyes wide and glassy, pupils shrunken to pinpoints. Face otherwise relaxed, devoid of emotion. Body strangely limp even standing up, like a puppet on strings. It was clear to see that she wasn't herself. To her partners, she must have looked absolutely tragic.
Don't worry. You're perfect like this.
She let out a slow breath.
"Zoey-"
Without warning, the demons surged forward. Zoey stayed rooted to the spot as her lovers just barely managed to get their weapons up in time. Where her every nerve would normally burn with protective instinct, she found only cool indifference. She hadn't been told to care, so she didn't.
"Zoey!" Mira narrowly avoided a club to the skull and expertly whirled to drive her Gok-Do through the back of her assailant. "Dammit, what's wrong with her?!"
"They did something to her!" Rumi called back as she sliced a demon cleanly in half. "She opened the Honmoon for them."
Mira growled through gritted teeth. "Gwi-Ma. It has to be. It's the only way she would ever-"
She screamed in some wild mixture of exertion and rage, then lopped a cyclops demon's head off its shoulders.
That's not news to you, is it? Deep down, you always knew it was me.
Probably, somewhere in the back of her subconscious. She'd known for a while it had to be something like that, but then again, he'd never let her think too much about it, had he?
You have nothing to fear from me. I can give you peace. You need only fear those who would take that peace from you.
You will never be right for them, but you're perfect for me. I will never leave you guessing. I will tell you exactly how you can please me.
The demons were nearly finished off now, and it would take time for more to arrive through the hole Zoey had torn in the Honmoon. That in itself might not last very long, with the rest of the Honmoon shimmering with strength and already beginning to bleed energy into repairing itself. But it didn't matter anymore. The Hunters had a new problem.
Zoey reached out for the barrier she'd wounded and bent it to her will once more, drawing out two deadly shin-kal. Mira and Rumi would never see it coming. Not from her. Their precious Zoey, who cried over movies and begged for bites of their snacks and gave them big, dramatic kisses when they agreed to watch a nature documentary with her. That girl would have never hurt them.
That girl was lost to them now.
Her blade flew in a straight, lethal path from her hand to Rumi's head. Had Mira not intercepted it with a reflexive swipe of her own weapon, Huntr/x may well have lost their leader.
They turned to her in horror, breathing unsteadily. Zoey didn't give them time to plead with her. She lunged, her other blade ready, and slashed for the throat of the woman who had never wanted anything more than to see her safe and happy.
Mira jerked herself out of the way, but not before Zoey left a deep, angry gash across her cheek. Blood dripped slowly down her face. Tears came faster.
"Zoey, wake up!" she cried. Her arms shook with the effort of lifting her weapon to defend herself against someone who should have never posed a threat. "It's me, baby. It's Mira. Don't do this to me."
"Is he talking to you? Gwi-Ma?" Rumi came up behind her, at a safe distance for now, but ready to pounce if needed. "Whatever he's saying to you, it's not true. You have to fight it."
"I know what you're feeling," Mira said desperately. "I heard him once too, remember? I know how he lies and makes you feel alone. But you're not alone. We're right here, sweetheart. Just put down the weapon and let us help you."
Zoey took in both of their stricken faces and felt something stir in her chest.
You'll never be good enough for them. They can't help you.
And then it was gone. After months of chipping away at her defenses, Gwi-Ma's hold on her was much too firm to be broken so easily. They could not have her back unless he allowed it.
Kill them, and then I will show you where you belong.
An image flashed behind her eyes. That fire she'd been chasing in her dreams, warm and bright and alluring. The flames danced in hypnotic patterns, drawing her closer. She could go there, so long as she did what she was told. She could walk straight into that flame and know peace.
Her senses dimmed. Her body moved automatically, desperate to obey the command in her mind's absence.
Rumi's blade caught hers, and for a moment they stood there, locked together and staring into each other's eyes.
"Zoey, please," Rumi keened. Zoey recalled hearing that once before, the last time she'd raised her weapon to someone she loved. She faltered for an instant.
Now.
Then she dropped to a crouch, intent on playing dirty. She would duck beneath Rumi's guard and drive the knife straight into her gut.
Except Rumi saw it coming. Despite the flash of pain across her features, she brought her elbow down on Zoey's skull hard enough to stun. The shin-kal clattered to the ground and disappeared. Rumi could have ended it there; raised her sword and dispatched the threat. Instead, she let her weapon fall away, crouched with Zoey, grabbed onto her, and refused to let go.
Mira appeared to the side, and together, they fought to pin Zoey down, crying softly and trembling. Neither of them was flatly stronger than her, but their combined weight forced her flat on the pavement even as she thrashed and kicked.
"Zoey..." Mira's whisper came thick and watery. "Please stop, baby, please, I don't want to hurt you."
"God," Rumi sobbed, risking the removal of a hand from Zoey's forearm to gently cup her face. The longer she looked into the smaller woman's eyes, the more distraught she became. "She so far under. It's like she's not there."
"She's there," Mira said firmly. "You got through to both of us before. We just have to reach her."
They think you need them. They think you're weak. Show them how strong you are.
Zoey fought harder until Rumi was forced to straddle her to keep her hips down. Mira gripped her shoulders so hard it was beginning to hurt, nails digging into her skin.
They're hurting you. They say they love you, and yet they would cause you pain.
Mira leaned over her, tears pattering gently against Zoey's forehead.
"I know you're in there," she murmured. "I know you can hear me. Whatever's wrong, however he got to you, just talk to us. We'll help you, Zoey. You know we will."
Zoey headbutted her so hard she was blinking away stars as Mira lurched away.
"Zoey!" Rumi pleaded. She held Zoey's head firmly against the ground, though from the look on her face, one would think it was her being restrained. "Please, please, please..."
Mira returned quickly to Zoey's field of vision, clearly still aching but undeterred nonetheless.
Her voice wavering and full of pain, she began to sing.
"Why did I cover up the colors stuck inside my head?"
Zoey recognized the line. One of hers, from the song that had broken Gwi-Ma's spell before. But it hadn't really, had it? He was still here, even months later. Perhaps it had diminished him, even defeated him for a time, but it couldn't close the door through which he'd entered Zoey's mind. That was her responsibility, and she was far, far too late.
"I should've let the jagged edges meet the light instead."
The song was little more than a hopeful whisper. A low, sad call to return home.
"Show me what's underneath."
Rumi joined in, and their combined voices began to slowly cut through the static in Zoey's mind. Not because of the song itself, but because of them. Crouched on the ground with her, holding her, devastated but still fighting for her.
They're hurting you.
But they weren't. They were just trying to stop her from hurting herself. They were protecting her, like they always did.
"I'll find your harmony."
For the first time tonight, the fuzziness began to feel like something other than a comfort. An oppressive blanket over her thoughts, keeping her sedated and pliant. Turning her into a little more than a passenger in her own body. It struck her very suddenly that she didn't want to be here. That she'd made a terrible mistake.
Her girls were pinning her the ground with tearstained faces, wounded both physically and emotionally, because she'd let herself be used against them.
"The song we couldn't write."
And they didn't seem to blame her for a thing. Even though she'd taken comfort in their enemy's control over her and allowed all of this to happen, they weren't angry. They were singing to her, trying to bring her back.
Zoey still couldn't think very clearly. The terrible murkiness that had settled into her skull muddied her attempts at coherency. She didn't know if she wanted to get up or stay here. If she wanted them off her, or if she wanted them to pick her up and hold her so tight nothing would ever be able to disentangle them.
She wasn't ready to decide. Instead, she latched on to what was in front of her, opened her mouth, and weakly sang.
"This is what it sounds like..."
Her girls' faces lit up. They tried coaxing her through a few more lines, but she had trouble following them. What song they were even singing escaped her for a few moments, came back, then faded again.
"You're doing so good, baby," Mira cooed. "Come back to us. You're almost there."
Still filled with the overwhelming urge to be good for someone, Zoey nuzzled gently into the hands that kept her head pinned. But they weren't giving her orders, and she didn't quite understand what they wanted. Maybe she could do with some rest to clear her head.
She passed out to the sound of her partners calling for her.
------
Zoey woke suddenly to familiar surroundings. The living room. The couch. Rumi and Mira nearby, whispering to each other just on the edge of her hearing.
"There had to have been signs," Rumi was saying. "How did we miss it?"
"All those demons..." Mira added, low and terrified. "They could've done anything to her. He could have taken her anywhere. How close were we to never seeing her again?"
"We wouldn't have even known what happened." Rumi sounded close to tears. "She could've been killed."
Oh God. Oh fuck. Oh no.
She'd hurt them. Broken through the Honmoon and allowed demons into the mortal world. Nearly gotten herself killed chasing some weird demon magic high. And they were blaming themselves.
Gwi-Ma was fucking right about me.
She didn't even know if that thought came from her own mind or if it had been planted there, and that terrified her. While she wasn't necessarily a stranger to not trusting her own head, it had never been like this before. It had never been dangerous.
"What do we do if she's still not herself when she wakes up?" Rumi asked softly. "What if it happens again?"
"We stick with her," Mira decided. "We figure it out. Keep her safe."
Keep her safe from herself. God, she didn't deserve them. They were so loyal and loving and good, and she was just the screwup who had nearly ruined everything. A soft whimper escaped her as tears sprang into her eyes. They were on her in seconds.
"Zoey?" Rumi leaned over her, blocking out the view of the ceiling Zoey had been trying to focus on to avoid this exact sight. A blotchy, red face twisted with concern and apprehension. "Darling? Are you with me?"
"I-I'm okay," Zoey forced out, high and pathetic.
A hand gently grasped hers, fingers long and slender, thumb caressing her palm. Mira.
"Do you... remember anything?" she murmured.
Zoey almost wanted to say no; to shirk the responsibility for the mess she'd made and move on. But she couldn't do that to them, so she made herself say it.
"Yes," she keened, beginning to sob. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Rumi cooed. Together, she and Mira helped Zoey sit up, keeping a hand each on her back even after she was stable. "We know it wasn't you. But we need to know how this happened. How long have you been hearing him?"
Zoey kept her eyes fixed firmly on the ground. "I don't think I ever stopped."
Rumi and Mira exchanged a glance with furrowed brows.
"What do you mean?" Mira asked.
"When we heard him that night, after the Honmoon broke," Zoey went on, her throat tight. Reluctantly, she looked up to meet Mira's eyes. "I don't think he ever really went away. I started having these dreams and hearing things, and... I mean, weren't you struggling with it too?"
"Of course I struggled with it," Mira said, leaning in close. "But I never heard him again after that night."
Zoey had figured so, but hearing it still made her feel... weird. Not that she wanted Mira to have experienced the same thing, but it felt like confirmation that she had been targeted for a reason. That she was the weak one.
"Zoey, why didn't you say anything?" Rumi demanded, not necessarily frustrated but definitely still scared.
"I tried," Zoey said, because she could only handle half the truth right now. "He wouldn't let me."
"I can't believe we never noticed anything." Mira shook her head, and Zoey realized for the first time that her cheek was bandaged. "This has been going on for months. I'm sorry, Zoey. We should've been paying more attention to you."
"No," Zoey pleaded. "Don't apologize to me. It's my fault. I was weak, and- and I hurt you, and-"
"That wasn't you," Rumi insisted.
"I broke the Honmoon," Zoey went on. "I let those demons in and I tried to kill you-"
"Zoey," Rumi cut her off firmly. "Nothing that happened tonight was your fault. You were hypnotized. Gwi-Ma forced you."
"I let him," Zoey whimpered.
"You didn't let him do anything," Mira retorted.
"I liked it!"
The words left Zoey in a sudden rush of unbearable guilt. Her girls' eyes went wide, staring at her in disbelief.
"What... the fuck does that mean?" Mira asked lowly.
Zoey burned with shame. She tried to hide her face, but Mira grabbed her wrist to stop her.
"I-I liked how it felt." Her voice was thick, tears coming hot and fast. "It felt nice not having to think about anything. Letting my brain shut up for a while. All those thoughts about being too much or not enough or whatever else... they didn't hurt when I was like that. I didn't have to feel bad about anything. I could've fought harder, but I was just so tired because I'm too much for myself sometimes and I let him take over and he used me to hurt you and he was right about me not belonging. Neither of you would've let this happen. I'm the weak link."
She tried to keep talking after that, but she had broken down into sobs so dreadful she couldn't even understand herself. Eventually, Rumi cupped her face and gently prompted her to make eye contact, her expression sad and grim.
"I almost hope that's him talking," she said, "because if you think for a second that you're weak or anything other than the perfect amount of yourself, we've failed you as partners."
"We have," Mira growled to herself, full of a familiar self-loathing that made Zoey want to tear her own skin off for causing it. "He's been filling her head with poison this whole time and we had no idea."
"No!" Zoey sobbed. "I failed you!"
"You think this couldn't have happened to either of us?" Mira snapped. "It did, Zoey! It happened to me. I know how hard it is to fight it. I know how he gets in your head and convinces you you're nothing. You didn't do anything wrong. You needed us and we weren't there."
"It wasn't all him..." Zoey murmured. "The insecurities and being scared I don't belong... that was me."
"I know," Mira said, though she didn't look any less devastated. "He uses what's already there. But that's not your fault."
"What I don't understand is how you could possibly think you don't belong." Rumi gave Zoey's hand a gentle squeeze. "Do you think you don't belong in Huntr/x? With us?"
Zoey gently wiped at her eyes. "It's just hard to feel like I belong anywhere, I guess. I was the foreign kid growing up, and when I started living here, I wasn't Korean enough to fit in. And then I met you two, and- and you're so amazing and wonderful and you do make me feel better about stuff but... I'm still me. And I shouldn't be like this, because you're so good to me and I'm so lucky to be where I am, but I can't help it. I've always had that little voice that tells me all my success is just a fluke and I'll never live up to the standard I set for myself. That I'm too needy and you two would be happier if you didn't have to deal with me. That's always been there. He just made it louder."
"You... think we'd be happier without you?" Rumi echoed softly. "How could you think that? We love you, Zoey. We would be destroyed if we ever lost you."
"I get in the way," Zoey murmured. "I'm always in the middle of you two. I ruined your date tonight."
"Please, never say that." Mira put an arm around her, pulled her close, and held her tight. "You're not in the way of a goddamn thing. You're part of this relationship."
"And making sure you're okay will always be more important than a date," Rumi added softly. "There will be other nights. We can't get another you."
Zoey pressed her face into Mira's shoulder, sniffling. "I don't know what to do. I can't just stop feeling the way I feel."
"You can be honest with us," Rumi said. "Believe me, I know how hard that is, but I also know how much worse it can get if you keep everything in. You felt this way before Gwi-Ma came to you. If you had told us..."
"Ru," Mira cut in, short and firm but not unkind. A cue to watch how she said things, lest poor, sensitive Zoey take it the wrong way.
You see what I mean? How they have to walk on eggshells around you?
Zoey stiffened, her fingers curling in the fabric of Mira's shirt.
"Zo?" Mira's attention returned to her instantly. "What is it?"
"Is it him?" Rumi demanded with a protective fury. "What is he saying to you?"
Zoey struggled to speak, preferring instead to hide her face in the crook of Mira's neck and try to block everything out.
"Don't listen to him." Mira's grip on her tightened, her chin coming to rest gently on the top of Zoey's head. "He's a fucking liar."
"You have to block him out," Rumi pleaded. "I know he's not making it easy, but you have to try. Focus on us instead. He doesn't care about you. We do."
Zoey squeezed her eyes shut, her body trembling with the effort of trying not to hear what was spoken directly into her mind.
Try all you like. It will never be enough. You will never be enough.
"Please..." Mira's voice broke as her fingers dug into Zoey's back. "Please, don't let him take you from us."
The way she clung and begged, like she was at risk of losing some vital part of herself, stirred something in Zoey's chest. She wasn't enough, but Mira cried to keep her anyway. Rumi held her from behind, desperate for her to stay. They held her like they wanted her. Like they needed her.
Like she was enough for them, even though she so often wasn't for herself.
"I'm still here," she whispered, and the dimness that had threatened the edges of her mind began to recede. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
"Good." Rumi leaned impossibly closer. "You're already right where you belong."
It sounded so simple when she said it, but...
"I'm scared," Zoey confessed. "He'll come back. Nothing's fixed. As soon as you both walk away-"
"Then we won't," Mira declared. "We're not going anywhere either."
"We know it'll take time to make this better," Rumi said softly. "We'll take to Celine about finding ways to block him, but we need to take care of what he's feeding on, too."
"I can't just stop," Zoey murmured.
"I know." Rumi pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her neck. "It's a process. Believe me, I know. If you're not ready to tell him he's wrong, we'll say it for you."
"You're never too much, and you're always enough," Mira promised.
"We love you exactly how you are," Rumi added. "You're our Zoey."
As if trading lines in a song, Mira continued, "you're inspiring and badass and the cutest damn thing I've ever seen."
"We'll keep saying it until you believe it." Rumi nuzzled in close. "And then we'll keep saying it anyway, because it's all true."
They would, too. Zoey knew they would. Despite everything, she completely trusted that they meant what they said. Even if she was too needy or not focused enough or any of a number of other things, they truly didn't think so. At least, not at the moment.
"But what if it keeps happening?" she asked, because she had to know. "It won't be easy to love me if you can't trust that I'm really me."
"Baby," Mira said, her voice dripping with fondness, "loving you is the easiest thing in the world. Even when everything else is hard."
Zoey's eyes filled with tears.
"We'll figure it out," Rumi promised. "We won't let him use you again."
Zoey nodded, not because she felt better, but because she was out of things to say. If they were determined to stick by her, then that was that. And, really, she didn't want to change their minds. She just... she didn't know.
All she knew was that they weren't going anywhere. They wouldn't give Gwi-Ma another opportunity to take her. Whether she felt she deserved it or not, they would protect her, because she was one of them.
And maybe that was all being enough had to mean. Not perfect, or the best of them, or uncomplicated and useful, but just one of them. Someone they loved.
Maybe that was enough for her.
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ok but like what if the reason why mira and zoey retreated first and ultimately raised their weapons when confronted with demon rumi is that celine taught them patterns meant BadTM because she couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenarios
celine's been fighting demons for a majority of her life at the point she began teaching the girls. she knows what a second of hesitation would mean. how one moment of doubt could be the difference between a blocked attack and bleeding out on the street. in a life or death situation you rely on your instincts and reflexes to get you through it
now she's here and she's faced with teaching the next generation of hunters. she's on her own. the other two parts of her soul are gone and it's solely her responsibility to make sure that they survive and keep the world from literally falling into a pit of despair and flames. it's on her to keep these girls alive. to make sure at the end of the day they can come home (like her own girls did) (until the day they didn't)
should she try teaching them that some patterns are okay? that the flash of patterns in the corner of their eye might be rumi so they shouldn't swing immediately. teach them that they shouldn't reflexively raise their sword because that could be their friend/their love/another part of their soul at the other end.
and what if there was a time it wasn't rumi. they catch a glimpse of an arm with patterns near them and they assume that it's rumi so they don't react. they don't defend themselves. what happens then.
a good hunter kills demons. a good hunter has instincts and reflexes she can rely on. a good hunter is one that survives.
(celine ignores the part of herself that says she teaches them like that because she's scared of her own reflexes. that there were times when younger rumi moved too fast with her patterns uncovered and celine felt her fingers twitch. her weapon had been on the verge of fully forming before she realized what she was doing and let the handle fade silently back into the honmoon)
(celine ignores the voice in the back of her head that says she's teaching them this way because she's scared that the girls will be too much like her. a hunter whose instinct will always be to strike down patterns demons and she can't let that happen to rumi. she didn't want mira and zoey to be like her)
(celine didn't realize she trained them to be exactly like her)
